i wrote this in 2017, this audio is ripped from a video i posted on facebook

don't show me what you've been building
scavenging all of the stupid pieces
saying things that you don't mean
to bring me down onto my knees
you seem like you're sure
but i've been here before

so say you're in love
but you don't really know me enough
wanna walk through the garden
without stepping on weeds
so confess your crush
just know it don't matter that much
that you're lifting up rocks
to see what's underneath
you don't care about me

so don't act disappointed
how have even you not gotten bored yet?
of saying things that you don't mean
to force me down onto my knees?
it hasn't mattered much
since i learned what it was

so say you're in love
but you don't really know me enough
wanna walk through the garden
without stepping on weeds
so confess your crush
just know it don't matter that much
that you're lifting up rocks
to see what's underneath
you don't care about me

album dot zip

weeds

c. 2014

--

so, someone said your sooth
water in your boots
stained you with the blues
screw em
they don't have a say
in making you afraid
in rain on your parade
they play a simpler game
see you on the stage
pretend they haven't heard the news
but baby, they ain't seen the last of you

the joke is on them all
guess they never saw
the stardust in your palm
call 'em
on leaving you to dry
the things that they deride
kiss them all goodbye
the second you decide
to stare into the lie
and realize what you should have knew (????!)
baby, they ain't seen the last of you

baby, they ain't seen the last of you

not the shitty band, just a song i wrote in 2014. audio absolutely YOINKED from a facebook video which my prof at the time commented on and told me my voice was "sultry." i'm fine

--

silly me, thought we were in this together
silly me thought we were fine for now
silly me thought i could make it better
i didn't notice your escape planned out

all you needed was a train to leave on (x3)
you saw her at the station and then pulled away before long

silly me thought you would never have her
silly me thought you were solely mine
i saw you staring but it didn't matter
because i always assumed that we would have more time

but you, you had the pamphlet underneath your pillow
you had the ticket in your bedside drawer
and you heard the locomotion through the open window
and you decided you were gone for sure

all you needed was a train to leave on (x3)
you saw her at the station and then pulled away before long (x2)

all you needed was a train to leave on (x3)
you saw her at the station and then pulled away before long (x2)
you saw her at the station and then looked at me like 'what's wrong?'

train

this one is ripped from a facebook video i posted on my bf's wall because i'm a lil sap. a sapling if you will.

--

you've known it for a while now
i rarely feel at home
unhappy when i'm with him
with you when i'm alone
and you've always been so cautious with me
non-confrontational and small
too afraid to say you're in love
or anything at all

and i struggle to be honest
voice breaking on the phone
don't make me say i love you
don't you already know

[then basically the same thing with mistakes lol]

you already know

c. 2014 he he ha ha alcohol metaphors. i was a real tough lady

--

it was a beautiful night
we went out to a bar
and i figured that you liked me
or we wouldn't get that far
but baby, i was wrong
didn't realize 'til the end
when you hugged me with one arm
and told me you're such a good friend

if you're whiskey i'm drunk
if i'm wine then you're sober
and i'd better wash you down
for fear of waking up hungover
there's no use in waiting by the phone
no thank you baby
i think i'll take this walk alone

if you're whiskey

this is from last year unfortunately.

hungover voice, me talking in said hungover voice, welcome to doo-wop hell baby!!

i yoinked this from facebook as well.

nation of two

c. 2014, yoinked from an old video, woo hoo.

this is a ripoff of "somewhere over the rainbow" but if it was the DSM-V entry for borderline personality disorder.

--

somewhere, things will go wrong for all of us
all we can count on is the quiet
when our bodies turn to dust
if i still could fall asleep
maybe i would believe in something
but there's a knot inside my stomach
and a dead weight on my dreams

i will admit the air up here
is clearer than it's ever been but still --
not like it always has been
not like it always will
someday i'll wish upon a cloud
and wake up where my dreams have drowned inside me
so there's no need to remind me
when we crest over the hill

somewhere, mountains are scaled and people smile
but there's a valley at the end
so i don't know why
if i still had a heart
i would stop at the sunny parts
but there's a knot inside my stomach
dripping bile into my art

i will admit the air up here
is clearer than it's ever been but still --
not like it always has been
not like it always will
someday i'll wish upon a cloud
and wake up where my dreams have drowned inside me
so there's no need to remind me
when we crest over the hill

someday, i'll see my glimpse of hell
and when i do, i'll kill myself 'cause waiting
tends to be much more frustrating
than accepting what's to come
some people used to disagree
write ballads about better things still coming
but what's the point now of humming
when i'd be the only one?

somewhere over the rainbow, heaven stands
reeks of a sickening sweet
and the fear of the devil's hands
still i'd struggle 'til that day
if i still had a little faith
but there's a poison in my soul
that no lord could have ever made

rainbow

dancing on the wing

cw: drugs lol.

i was trawling through my old iphone voice memos and i found this weird reading i did of a poem called "cocaine" that i wrote in 2018 and still don't understand, really. but here it is. enjoy.

"cocaine" (weird ass poem c. 2018)

if you don't like toaster-quality audio files ripped straight from my phone i got some bad news

2017 vending machine