Girls Aloud

Call The Shots - Girls Aloud cover

The Loving Kind

The Loving Kind (Utah Saints Club Mix)

Girls Aloud are literally my favourite band ever. Apart from maybe Pulp. Yeah, Pulp are better. But Girls Aloud are second. They seem to have stopped now, not split up, just stopped, a bit like what Pulp did. They should get back together in 2019 for some triumphant reunion gigs and play Glastonbury and it be the best thing ever. Like what Pulp did.

Here is a list of ten songs by Girls Aloud that are amazing.

1. Something Kinda Ooooh
Ooooh has four o’s, it’s very important to remember that.

2. Biology
Their Paranoid Android. But better, obv.

3. Whole Lotta History
Two things here: Nicola’s “Hello, did you call me?” at the start of the second verse, and the way Sarah sings “funky” in the outro so that it rhymes with “Monday”. “Funkay”. Amazing.

4. Je Ne Parle Pas Francais
Can’t Speak French, IN FRENCH. You can literally see what they’ve done there. This was the b-side of Can’t Speak French. Rewritten lyrics, impeccable accents, it’s all going on. B-sides are dead now, aren’t they? I think Girls Aloud could have been the last great b-sides band. 
I bought this single at Woolworths in Skipton. Still can’t believe Woolworths went under. It had gone rubbish though.

5. Deadlines and Diets
“I hate to say but I’m feeling nauseous, I put that down to too much gin”

6. No Good Advice
Classic second single, it’s all about Nicola’s bit at the end: “No need to count those dirty sheep”.

7. The Loving Kind
A Girls Aloud song written by the Pet Shop Boys, how could this not be amazing? Okay, so it’s basically Call The Shots mkII, but I don’t like Call The Shots and I LOVE The Loving Kind. Go, and indeed, figure.

8. Graffiti My Soul
Xenomania wrote this for Britney, it got rejected, probably because it’s vaguely threatening and has no discernible chorus, so Girls Aloud stuck it on their album. Britney released Toxic by Cathy Dennis instead. Two incredible songs, music was the winner here. “Spiked heels and skintight jeans I’ve got a fistful of love that’s coming your way” is a brilliant pop lyric.

9. Live In The Country
A drum’n’bass banger about wanting to, well, live in the country. With farmyard sound effects, strawberry shortcake and an eccentric pronunciation of “eccentric” from Nicola. The last song on what could well turn out to be their last album, it’s a bit emotional.

10. The Promise 
Instant stone cold classic. The best bit is when Sarah shouts “HERE I AM! WALKING PRIMROSE!”, which I liked so much I stole it and wrote a song with the same name. I think I’m quite safe in saying the Primrose in question is Primrose Hill in London, not the pub in Leeds that is now shut.
Incidentally, The Promise is Girls Aloud’s best video by an absolute country mile.

Having stolen the title from The Promise, I made a whole bunch of other lyrical “swipes” from the GA back catalogue. I think there are 17 in total, but I probably couldn’t pick them all out any more, you’ll have to do that yourself.

Musically, this doesn’t sound anything like Girls Aloud, mainly because it was written in a completely different way to how Girls Aloud songs get written.

As far as I know, Xenomania come up with a musical idea, loop it for 10 minutes and everyone gets round and throws melodies and lyrics at it until something sticks and a song emerges from the sprawling mass. I just stole some lyrics and stuck it on top of a chord sequence inspired by Hot N Cold by Katy Perry and threw in a bit of Human by The Killers for good measure. You might not be able to hear those two, but they’re there, trust me.

Lyrics

I love you more than you love me
We always seem to disagree
But if that’s the way that it’s got to be
Then that’s the way that it is
There’s always someone in the frame
I buy you flowers and curse your name
Get caught up in our stupid game
Where a hit feels like a kiss

Tangled up in circumstances
Out of our control
Take me back to where we once belonged
When we were walking primrose

Your funkay smile it says so much
I need to see that tender touch
But you go and leave me in the lurch
And now I don’t know how to feel
Tears in toilets, minds on fire
The night explodes our last desires
Falling freeform through the wire
This all feels far too real

Promises we made will fade
As Thursday thunder rolls
Take me back to where we once belonged
When we were walking primrose

Bossa nova nights slow dancing by the sea
Anaesthetise me when I’m counting dirty sheep
Twenty minutes then I slip into your jeans
I’m feeling nauseous and I don’t know what this means
I saw your letter and I heard your secret code
I tried to call you, there’s no answer on your phone
Dreams that glittered hae been slowly turning cold
Now there’s no meaning and we’re only skin and bone
Dead on our feet where once upon a time we flew
We’ve been to places where the sky is always blue
But life got cold and now we don’t know what to do
But you can still make all my stupid dreams come true
I need a doctor when I feel my demons fall
You can bring me back to life with just one call
Don’t you know that I’d go anywhere at all
But I’m never getting anywhere at all
Walking primrose
