now it feels so cold and damp a week away at summer camp to trust an only child with a righteous man
oh can you hear that door fly open? you brought the bullet to him on the stand

righteous man

stay, everyone's leaving and your icy glare makes me nothing but scared, and it always goes this way, and we always need to be someplace
so wait until I get home
hey, I know your smiling like you hung up the moon but it never reached your eyes. it's a folie à deux, darling, you should hotwire a car and get going
so wait until I get home
don't make me sad, I don't know what to say
we just try
wait until we know
I know you're sleeping but if I don't confess I am worried I'll forget
and we both know how guilty I get

folie à deux

!!!! I have released a pop song from the vault !!!!

Honestly I am overjoyed and completely blown away that there are people out there interested in the things I've made. I appreciate it more than I can express. 
This one is a little poppy but I have lots of sad, acoustic jams waiting to be finished and y'all have really given me the push I needed to get motivated. Much love <3

when I feel peace, Polly puts the kettle on
but Polly weeps for the end when they're all gone
I think it's something special, I think a chord was struck
I guess it's not enough
me, gnawing on the terra firma
a sweet cerise falling for its vicious charms
buried in the potter's field and making sure my fate is sealed
look now, the veil is lifting, I think I'm waking up
I guess it's just good luck
I learned the hard way and I bet that Sukey never meant those things she did
me, gnawing on the terra

terra firma

part of a compilation tape with Opheliatapes.bandcamp in 2017

I stay vulnerable
You will go
I knew you made me so
Shy I was hiding,
a fear of what you would find
I wasn't moving for anyone

I know you will go
How can you make me so
Shy? I was hiding,
a fear of what you would find
Shy, I was hiding
a fear of what you'd decide
I wasn't moving
I wasn't moving

Shy (2017)

i see the dark is advancing
upon the palace gate
trying to grow a shrinking violet
the blooming makes it afraid

point out the peeling border 
it’s unkind

smell of vanilla and the must,
crack a window for the green and rot
underneath the power lines
it's such a sprawling sight

pick a pretty flower, push it down into your pocket
eating sweet clementines, felt the tingle in your spine
it's the lightest thing

I licked the edge of the icing
every voice was a hush
i'm skimming over details
i used a broader brush

point out the dreary eyes
read my mind

smell of vanilla and the must,
crack a window for the green and rot
underneath the power lines
it's such a sprawling sight

pick a pretty flower, crush it deep inside my pocket
peeling sweet clementines
feeling tingles in your spine
it’s alive it’s alive it’s alive

the blooming

a different, spicier version of Pioneer from the vault!

I am an island
sitting in silence
I am the pioneer of my own
I have a souvenir of my growth
I name the weather
face it forever
I am the pioneer of my own
I have a souvenir of my growth

Pioneer (v. 2018)

the medic - foxing
BIG ROOM BIG PIANO SMALL VOICE sounds like im hyperventilating


the medic (foxing)

starring my cats half empty water fountain

lyrics:

wait, is it not
I felt it was close
and now I am older
giving it all
I carry it for hours
I’m exactly where I was

taking it back
I wish I didn’t say
tearing it apart
I wish I didn’t say
when I’m tearing it apart
and I wanted it to stay
I'm frozen in the pond
I watch it float away

hey are you there
I waited for an hour
never comes and now I’m older
wait, when I go
If I never try it then
I guess I’ll never know

taking it back
I wish I had more time
I’m carrying it all
I wish I didn’t mind
you’re making up the words
I’m falling far behind
connecting all the dots
I’m wishing I would die

then I finally can know
I wish I had more time
I wish I didn’t ask
I wish you wouldn’t go
I wish I had more time
I wish I had more time
I wish I had more time
I wish I had more time

wish

Little blue spark
Feeling faint I just might
Take favour to your mind, to your mind

When the world is right
Feeling like a petal
Blush in the tide
Fills the colour from the eye

I could draw the arrow
I could catch the sparrow
I could dream it all
I could pull the marrow
Eyeing down the barrel
I would see it all

Little intertwined
Pull the thread from the thigh
Little light little shy
Little life

With a softened mark
Feel the fire
Realize you were right
You were right you were right

I could draw the arrow
I could hold the sparrow
I could dream it all
I would pull the marrow
Palm against the barrel
I could taste it all

Warm as spit, surmise
Pull your lip into mine with a sigh
Colours fly, in the wry

Little child like
Little wondering mind
Feels the moment in time
Bleeding edge but all aligned

Keep a sharp wit
Hear the voice hanging right on the like
Little pause for the strike

I could draw the arrow
I could hold the shadow
I can feel it all
I could face the sorrow
Palm against the peril
I don’t need to try

I could draw the arrow
I have caught the sparrow
I can see it all
I have pulled the marrow
Eyeing down the barrel
I can see it all

arrow

There from my room
Watched you hold the heirloom
There in a car
Passed between, light bands wash over

Time makes it fine
Time clears the mind
Time makes it fine

There, the perfume
Deja vu changes you
There where it waits
An umpire in my brain

Time makes it fine
Takes a long, long time
Time makes it fine

Here and there
I can hear you whispering 
Still, in my ear
I become a human marionette doll
Enslaved to my mind

Time makes it fine
Takes a long, long time
Time makes it fine

(2021)

there

i cut my hair to see if i would change

and i’m trying

to forget

that my best friends are out of luck cause ill

never love them

well does that spice things up?

it’s like praying and hearing nothing back,

at your house, and you ask

if i want something but i already ate

but all you wanted was

to take care of me

you say that youre still angry

about before

if youre bored why dont we just sleep

my only soft spots are cause theres not enough to fill me

i dont know how to stop touching love with gloves on

and its terrible

and its lonely

i say, that i’m empty

you say “me, too”

me too

come back home
I wanna waste another, this night
I wanna go over all the lines
I really wish I'd said I was running on fumes

widow speak
I really think I wanna kill it
I really hate the way you framed it
I'm gonna lay in bed about it
I'm gonna test my voice around it
really wish you’d said you were running on doom

takes so much time
heavy on you
let it undo
waste on comparison
something I do
is weighing on you

widow speak
is there a way to end it in rhyme
I've really fucked the thing up this time
I really hate my way but its something I do

takes so much time
heavy on you
let it undo
waste on comparison
something I do
weighing on you

come down, I’m on a come down
I hate the way we are running on doom
It weighs on me so it’s heavy on you
I hate the way we are running on doom
I hate the way we are running on

widow speak wip

don’t you know i love you like the sun?
every taste bud on your tongue
woman who treats you like a friend
i won’t make that mistake again

but you did, but you did, yea you did, but you did

do you know i love you like a son?
a list of things that come undone
she is a myth, the card you drew
try not to blame it all on you

but i do, but i do, but i do yeah i do


Do (day 8)

heart murmur

i know how you used to be and when i try not to think about it
i cant help but think about it
i dont mind waiting for you

i don't mind

hello :) Please check out my band's single Angel if you get the chance! It would mean a lot <3 https://goodwife.bandcamp.com/track/angel

pull the pin with your empty palm
take it back once the feelings gone
when you go and you’re peregrine
clean it up, you were feeling sick

peregrine

no bridge yet but here
--------------------------------



I’m so happy what can i say i really don’t think i like this game
it’s not living just passing through it hurts every time i think of you and her

not enough to fill my skin, poorly built house collapses in
i do nothing what can i do i cry every time i think of you like that

my mouth makes an awful sound, something you don’t want around
ugly heart, seeing red, weak girl always eats in bed

do you know its in my head its in my head and it never has left and it doesn’t seem to want to leave my body
do you know i am dead and i died long ago in my bed something wants to eat away my body

eating in bed

song that falls apart when it starts

picture this: it's 2012 and alana's covering a joyce minor song

pull apart like softer candy waste a little for me
tame questions you pull away from youll turn salty youll see
wash your face you scrub the paint off part your hair differently
hate yourself and puff your chest out no one hurts me but me

pull

faker i'm not pretending 
i don't feel nothing at all
we get sad in certain seasons
they dont want us here
later i'm going away
I don't need to be alone
we pull apart in different seasons
you dont want us here
if we werent here who would notice?

you dont want me

I am good and I won’t displease the demons in their beds where i sleep
her birth stone says she’s aquamarine, she likes dumb girls but doesn’t like me

its a feeling i got when i would talk to the wrong parents in the supermarket 
they hate girls here cause they won’t stop talking
they might think that, they do

the summer trees all begin to rot, all the boys meet up in the parking lot
the gentleness that i wasn’t taught, its teaching me that you’re my soft spot

drinking with your friends in the basement, hitting on some girls, getting naked
cutting your feet up on the pavement, you must hate that
you do

but it all comes back to you

this is an absolute mess

THERE'S NOTHING HOLIER THAN SPORTS

this was christian's school project that he let me whine on! great fun




@halfsad
@amrcnstndrd

The Saddest Sound (someone else's school project i whined on)

when i get myself to sleep and i lay down in the bed
i can hear a voice still singing all the thoughts inside my head
when i finally get to rest and my head begins to dream
you drift in through the window but i know you are asleep
i listened to your voice ring on the bus on my way home
i can barely stop the bleeding youre the first one that i know
when everything is fleeting i will not know where to go

i go into a dream and i see you float away
i watched you on the tv and you hadnt aged a day
i tried to hear your voice ring on the roads we used to live
i tried to get us talking about it isnt cohesive
im waiting for you for nothing so i guess that i must live
im waiting here for nothing so i guess that i must live

we used to live

breathing into my desktop mic

Pull

felt like i should just post something since I haven't done anything in months!!

Oh my quaking heart
cracked it on the way back down
sleeping while I'm crying in the shower, oh no

Little ritual,
shiver in the bright blue light
while I'm sleeping on the couch at night alone

Rest my ticking clock
feels less than a year went by
missed it when I went to rub my eyes, oh, gone

Oh my aching mark
feels more than a thin white line
see it like a movie in my mind, oh no

Ritual

another rough-y

I'm on an island sitting in silence 
I am the pioneer of my own
I have a souvenir of my growth
I name the weather, face it forever
I am the pioneer of my own
I have a souvenir of my growth

Pioneer

All alone, silently watching me over on the table by the heat register
Artemis, drinking your water, you're watching over, falling over, eyes never closed
Shuffling noise, made me rise out of bed, eyes so wide and stripes so bright, the crest on your head
Must be your little feet, cold as snow

goodwife

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