i need to stop listening to this I went to sleep crying while listening to this

all these yes n i still cant get over how this song makes me fesl 

BRO THIS IS ABSOLUTY THE BEST THING IVER EVER HEARD INN MY LIFE  BRO OMG UR AMAZING!!!

yk i can now say i dont think of u much anymore and it doesnt hurt when i do 

Six years later and i still come back to this song

i wrote this at four in the morning when the tears were still fresh

our house was blue

i heard you were looking like the moon

Cigarette

(big thanks 2 taylor ochoa for background hummies n harmonys)

I won’t forget
 how your hands fit 
even if you regret it
 I guess we all change with the seasons there don’t have to be a reason 
for the leaves to fall 
or me to call you back 
this time 
i’ll try 
not to cry again but i’m tired 
and i’m worn 
and ive been right here before
(i’ll try, to not cry, but i lied, i felt like shit this whole time)
try to call you up 
but I guess One year was too soon 
and I know you still think about how you fucked me on your front porch 
I’m sorry you never loved me 
I’m sorry this lyrics are so ugly
 I’m sorry I had to leave 
all the times you left me calls 
begging me please 
and how I ruined your life 
and now your mother hates me 
sorry for calling you up 
every time that I can’t breathe 
and for doing all these drugs 
when I promised I’d stay clean,
I really wish I could just go back
 and never go inside that stupid gas station 
I wish I never came over 
I wish we never watched Palo Alto 
and I wish I never loved you
because

it’s January 4 
and you make my heart thump and my hands shake, but how can I be content when You’re in love with someone else? seeing you type makes me feel sick, and it’s been four days and i miss the buzz of my phone shaking my hand like how my lips were the first time we kissed,  and now i only taste you from three shots of vodka.  and you say that drunk words are sober thoughts, but what if you never respond to me? Because anything can kill you especially a girl with a freckled smile and short curly hair, and i may seem fine but if someone asked I’d still studder your name. 
does my absence bother you? or did my presence never impact you the way I thought it did? cause you asked me to wait five minutes, but I stayed up all fucking night, and I hope his bed warmer than mine, but when he breaks your heart I’ll be here fixing my sheets for you. 

and you tore me apart in an attempt to fix yourself, And I really do hope you’re doing okay, and I hope you sleep full nights without the thought of me constantly poisoning your brain, because here’s the thing:
we were so young
 and falling in love always seem like a dumb dream 
but I learned a lot 
and I hope you did too 
because it’s January 4 
and you make my heart thump and my handshake 
but how can I be content when you never were?
 i hope you find better in someone you can find comfort in,
like how i found in you,
it’s january forth and we are fighting,
it’s march forth and im writing this poem,
it’s may forth and i miss you but you seem happy so i’ll leave you alone,
it’s august forth and i dont think about you everyday anymore,
it’s november and i’m okay without you. 

the whispered words at the last couple seconds is this:

(i hope one day you let yourself out of the tomb you call your chest and you learn how to unlock all the locks he built up over time and you learn to love yourself too)

Poem (on spotify/tidal/apple music)

calm when we kiss

hello i wrote n recorded this in like 30 min a few nights ago i hope u enjoy. sorry my voice sounds like SHITe ive been pretty sick but i wanted to put something on my soundcloud. sorry for all the noises my microphone worked too hard when i recorded this

4 am Insecurities (crash test) - demo

season

ive been counting sheep
trying to fall asleep
without you by my side

no matter how hard i try
i always seem to lie awake 
feeling nothing..
wasting my time

you say you love me
but you don’t know who i used to be
and i feel like you should know
 
i’m starting to feel tired all the time
how do i escape my mind

 i feel my bones compress 
i’m ready to let go
of this weight in my chest
i’m tired of being a mess 
i’m not i’m not 
i just a little off track
i’m paranoid
im a hypochondriac

doing my best to avoid my feelings 
seeing eyes watch me in the ceiling 
and i know it’s not what it seems
but i still feel lonely in my dreams

{bridge}
why am i ..
drifting away

why do i ..
feel like this when i know i shouldn’t
i know i shouldnt 
i know

i feel my bones compress 
i’m ready to let go
of this weight in my chest
i’m tired of being a mess 
i’m not i’m not 
i just a little off track
i’m paranoid
im a hypochondriac

hypochondriac

Who am I to judge you? To judge you x2

Most days, I don't know what to say
And most days, I just ramble on and on 
And I don't like, no I don't like what they're doing to me 
But that's alright, yeah that's alright it's probably because of me

Who am I to judge you? To judge you x2

Poem (on spotify/tidal/apple music)

goonnights

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