“Stay away from my friends

/Tonight Alive 

.What you’re feeling is not normal in this world we were raised in.
It’s called the truth 
Regardless of their disgust they portray in public 
When they’re alone they think about what you’ve been to life 
How this world around you wants to know how it feels to love like you have 
as your suffering endures for what seems like endlessly
They even notice and admire your suffering for how long you’ve gone through the flames and winters 
Before they acted like nothing was wrong and called you crazy
Now they see you’re not crazy
They gather hopelessly empty watching the world burn from a balcony 
yet no flame can quench their cold 
Because death has a whole agenda of its own. 
How I know is I watch it seeping around me and now I understand no human being is able to do the things death can. 
I’ve come to understand that doesn’t just call randomly he texts, asks for help and swears he’ll be the best friend ever and sucks you dry. When you’re dry it tries to make you feel bad for being dry and comes to the rescue with poison wrapped in pretty kinda shitty gifts. I remember when I used to shun the poison, but now I gladly take it. I love to fall into traps I set for myself, that’s the only way to reveal the truth. That you never were able to let anyone believe in a lie when all this world has done is make you feel that’s all you are. 
Now They look at me with disgust disbelief and wonder with a bit of pity but no remorse. This is the animal I was groomed to be by the world outside of myself. All I ever dreamed was to meet the world and live in connection. Some taught me their idea of connection is Lovely and some Sinister to unbelief. I’ve come to a point I’ve bit off more than I can chew. Some are forgiveless. I’m aware that True Love isn’t. 
God knows my intentions.

I’m Sorry 

I can’t imagine what it’s like to wake up alone after a night like that
 Under the stars and moon 
Ive never seen eyes like that 
Heard a laugh like yours 
I miss the way we would snooze 
Wake up and hear the birds chirping 
I don’t need a balcony with a 5 star review 
You’re my masterpiece 
Definition of gorgeous, 
peace, 
forged in fire. 
I swore Our love cured disease 
achieved everything we said we could be
Do and dream about 

The drugs were only good enough to save us from our emptiness 
Look at the hole we’re in now.
Well, vase. At least it’s better than 6 feet under the cold hard ground. 

Fuck! sometimes I hate the things that I say. most the time it’s all the things that I think. 

Went from broken into pieces to burned into ashes. 

I wonder what the other phoenixes will say. 
When they see our love live far beyond our days. 
To light up a world that went blue in the face. 

I’m Sorry 

I’ve-never said that phrase and meant it,
Anyone could tell, 
shit, you could see it in my face 
I couldn’t feel a damn thing even if you payed me 

I gotta thank you, 
You showed me your brave 
And that saves me every moment of every day 
I’m so gracious 
All I’ve ever known was basic
Till you came in and gave me a life 
even in the face of all the mistakes
It was never a maybe 
it’s been crazy from the moment 
I told you I know it. 
What love is. 
It’s nothing common 
It’s focus 
Love forgets what broke it 
not abundant but potent 
A little goes a long way 

Hey, 
I’m still typing when they said that’s all she wrote, even if I didn’t have another notebook there’s still space on the bottom of my foot and between my toes it’s like a new gift when they get to see me suffer savourily in it. 

I’m lit 
So throw me to the fire 
With the gasoline in it 
I’ll show you how I burn 
From the spark she started and lit it 
An eternal flame is closer than my bones 
and soul, it will never go out nevermind if this body just becomes pure mold. 

This story is was and has to of been the truest one I’ve ever heard, seen or told and the world will know it because it’s so priceless it couldn’t be sold.

Khalina Rae Montoya 1/1/2024