‘23

Listen to hear me slowly regress into a high schooler

My personal eras tour

Writing a song a week again and dumping some/most of them here!

Fuck it, SAW 2024

I can’t look away from you 
I don’t know what it is 
Thought that after 6 years 
I would care less than I did 

But I still think I know you
And I know that you can read 
Every thought just tele-prompted
When I don’t speak



I’m aware of every little 
Brush of our sleeves 
I didn’t forget anything 
Somewhere I still believe 
You’re still the one 
I think about 
Every single day 
Learning to be honest 
With myself, anyway 



I forgot your voice before 
Earlier this week 
Now I remember why 
You were so hard to leave
Am I just the one, 
Or is the grass always more green? 
I’ll always wonder
What you would do if I came clean 

When I know you’re watching
I do things I shouldn’t do 
and look, you’re watching all the time
I look out just for you

God I feel so stupid 
You’re exactly who you were 
Wonder who you called 
And I wasn’t her 


I forgot your voice before 
Earlier this week 
Now I remember why 
You were so hard to leave
Am I just the one, 
Or is the grass always more green? 
I’ll always wonder
What you would do if I came clean

Siri play Shania’s “still the one”

The Lovers on the subway 
We’re so brave to take it slow 
At the bar, looking like 
We forgot we aren’t at home 

But there’s that Devil in the details 
He’s in everything I do 
I’ll see him Monday, 
Tell me if you think about me too 

Cause I do 
When I paint my fence 
And when I’m trying to be 
A better version of myself 

I am no magician 
I create but in reverse 
Manifesting what I want 
I make, and make things worse 

Cause I do 
Anything I want 
But I am trying to change my ways
And let myself be soft 

If I do 
Everything the same 
I don’t know what to tell you
But I do know who to blame

Saturday Tarot

Wait for Sarah’s cake to cool 
Fresh out the oven 
I learned my lesson 
In high school 
Always getting hasty 
With the frosting 
Making a mess but it tastes good
Muscling my way through the small things 
I want you in all my impatience 
I want you in all my impatience 

Do you call me 
Just Cause I’ll answer 
No don’t tell me
Doesn’t matter 

Waiting for the smoke to clear 
God I’m embarrassing
What did I say 
Say you didn’t hear 
I can make excuses for you 
You don’t have to try 
I love it when you give me space 
I love it when you’re mine 
I want you with all my impatience 

Do you call me 
Just Cause I’ll answer 
No don’t tell me
Doesn’t matter 


Sweat dripping 
Try to whisper 
Am I good at this  
Do you Miss her 
Breathing heavy 
Playing slow burn 
You’re distracting 
Do you miss her 


Do you call me 
Just Cause I’ll answer 
No don’t tell me
Doesn’t matter 
Its a new year 
Being smarter 
I can’t blame you 
I set the standard 

Doesn’t matter 
Doesn’t matter

Baking Club President (not a voice memo)

Organized by complimentary colors 
In the sink 
Letting Alan’s
ghostly presence push through me 

Like let me be an artist
Or whatever I said I’d be 
Mod podge on the counter 
And paint on my sleeve 


Writing letters like my grandpa 
Would write to me 
Tell me what you’re thinking 
what you’re watching on tv 


Talking in the vaguest kind of language 
I can use 
Hiding in my covers from the Anniversary blues 

What do I want to make of myself? 
 I found all the pieces on the bargain shelf
Wading through all the shit I talk in my head 
I think I’ll move to Portland 
I think I’ll move to Portland 

Praying like I know who I’m praying to 
Praying for my mind to last as long as I do
Make me in your image 
I’ll try to follow through 
Let me be a poet 
Let me be like you 


What do I want to make of myself?
 I I found all the pieces on the bargain shelf
Wading through all the shit I talk in my head 
I think I’ll move to Portland 
I think I’ll move to Portland

Collage (mom's request)

Frogs outside like a car alarm 
Learned new words but i used them wrong 
Pink argyle with the window seat 
Practice for the football team

But someone said your soul was bound 
Do your worst or give up now 

Spending money on a psychic 
Damn that’s cold hard cash 
Debbie and her lawyer 
with a legal stack 
Reaching out regarding your soul contract 


Found her way to the cottage door 
Poster of a man o’ war 
Sucker punched at 5 years old 
Feel it when the air is cold 


But someone said your soul was bound 
Do your worst or give up now 


Spending money on a psychic 
Damn that’s cold hard cash 
Debbie and her lawyer 
with a legal stack 
Reaching out regarding your soul contract 


Tearing up the flowers tasting honey on the stems
Playing the piano, nursing home in Bethlehem 
She’s aposematic, gentle landing in your hands 
Raising something fragile, sticking pins into its back 


Spending money on a psychic 
Damn that’s cold hard cash 
Debbie and her lawyer with a legal stack 
Reaching out regarding your soul contract

Viceroy

Of course you don’t remember saying  I was crying too much 
Don’t know why I started 
I just know why I stopped 
Watching out the window, 
Tell me what I’m doing wrong
On the elevator, 
So proud to be alone 

I learn the wrong lesson 
You take another swing 
Ask me to be smarter 
Grow another ring 
What if the axe remembered 
Wouldn’t that be mean 

I don’t feel sorry for myself 

Of course it’s getting better 
Spending 150 a week 
To let somebody tell me 
To name three things and breathe 

But I learn the wrong lesson 
You take another swing 
Tell me that I’m tougher 
Tough to Feel Anything 
What if the axe remembered 
Would that be mean? 

I don’t feel sorry for myself

mantra

You didn’t do it because you wanted me 
You did it because you hated me 
Passed me off like property 
Got permission from Georgie  

Choke me out by the CDO
Could’ve passed us, you wouldn’t know 
Act like a martyr when you walk me home 
I really want to walk alone  

Can’t name it 
The word’s too strong 
Fight and flight and the stupid fawn 
Diluting it, water it down 
I swear this is not how it sounds 
So I didn’t do anything 

Give me something to bite on 
I feel so bad for fighting 
We don’t kiss when we’re frightened 
Hating you is so exciting 

Let him sit here and we’ll pretend 
Taking pity on the rightfully condemned 
I’m your history I’m not your friend 
I said the wrong thing again 

Can’t name it 
The word’s too strong 
Fight and flight and the stupid fawn 
Diluting it, water it down 
I swear this is not how it sounds 
So I didn’t do anything 

Harry said you’d never show 
It’s not his fault, he didn’t know 
My birthday, my freshman dorm 
You said you wish that you hadn’t come 

Can’t name it 
The word’s too strong 
Fight and flight and the stupid fawn 
Diluting it, water it down 
I swear this is not how it sounds 
So I didn’t do anything

uncensoring myself lol!! 🚨 fawn

Everyone has a Summer 
Green green green 
I try to lie 
But you know what I mean 

Breaking up with conscience 
Conscious, rosy-cheeked 
Talk it out tomorrow 
You know what I mean 

You know what I mean 

Lighting just the corner 
Blowing out the flame 
Tangled in your mythos 
You know what I’m saying 

My voice is getting weary 
You say life is strange 
I won’t say that I love you
But you know what I’m saying 

You know what I’m saying 

I could never 
Be cool enough to love you 
I would never 
Be dumb enough to trust you 
I could never 
Be cool enough to love you (again)
I would never 

everyone has a summer 
and I hope yours is me 
But I hope yours is her 
So I can finally let this be 

You look me in the eye 
And as you turn to leave 
Surprisingly earnest 
You ask me what I mean

Chloe

Watch the decline, 
be in a grave before at the altar 
It's not his fault, he's just mirroring his father 

In different states, 
trialing a separation 
pay a nanny and a maid for liberation 

teach your child 
how to fight 
how to take it 
at the table 
when it's just us two 
you're a person too 

fielding insights 
into modern situations 
quit your job without consideration 
you like to teach me 
now we have real conversations 
ask me why 
i accept the degradation  

teach your child 
how to fight 
how to take it 
at the table 
when it's just us two 
you're a person too 

can't get through a paragraph 
now you're crying too 
I get that from you 
youngest of the five of them 
mom is smiling 
in her wiring 

teach your child 
how to fight 
how to take it 
at the table 
when it's just us two 
you're a person too

assignment 1

Kaelyn has me buying pheromones 
What’s that you said? naw that’s a homophone 
The lines where I wear my makeup off 
Sorry I’m just smiling too much 

And I wait like it’s fine if you forget me 
Wading and spinning the wheel 
Cover my eyes and hope that you’re lying 
Taking it easy down hill 

So slow 

Looking to rent in my neighborhood 
Is it the wine that feels good 
You think I’m so smart 

But I wait like it’s fine if you forget me 
Wading and spinning the wheel 
Cover my eyes and hope that you’re lying 
Taking it easy down hill 

So slow 

I don’t reach out you don’t wanna talk 
The lines where I wear my makeup off

Wheel

I can’t look away from you
I don’t know what it is
Thought that after 6 years
I would care less than I did

But I still think I know you
And I know that you can read
Every thought just tele-prompted
When I don’t speak

I’m aware of every little
Brush of our sleeves
I didn’t forget anything
Somewhere I still believe
You’re still the one
I think about
Every single day
Learning to be honest
With myself, anyway

I forgot your voice before
Earlier this week
Now I remember why
You were so hard to leave
Am I just the one,
Or is the grass always more green?
I’ll always wonder
What you would do if I came clean

When I know you’re watching
I do things I shouldn’t do
and look, you’re watching all the time
I look out just for you

God I feel so stupid
You’re exactly who you were
Wonder who you called
And I wasn’t her

I forgot your voice before
Earlier this week
Now I remember why
You were so hard to leave
Am I just the one,
Or is the grass always more green?
I’ll always wonder
What you would do if I came clean

I still think you'd look pretty with gray hair :) 
When I picture porch swings, 
you're the one I picture there 
If I get to see you,
I guess I don't really care 
But I wish I was still the one you loved. 
I wish I was still the one you loved
I wish I was still the one you loved. 

I forgot your voice before
Earlier this week
Now I remember why
You were so hard to leave
Am I just the one,
Or is the grass always more green?
I’ll always wonder
What you would do if I came clean
I'll always wonder 
what you would do if I came clean

Siri Don't Play A Voice Memo

You just want to be loved 
I want to stop feeling 
Please baby 
Please let me breathe in 
I’m stressing out my dog 
Ripping my stitches 
Please baby 
Please let me breathe in 

Bury me alive 
It’s worship 
If it’s worth it 

You forgot what you did 
But that shit would stay with me 
Please baby 
Please say I’m worthy 
It’s nothing you haven’t said 
I’ve heard it already 
But please baby 
Please just be kind to me 

Bury me alive 
It’s worship 
It’s worth it 

Are you my punishment 
What did I do 
Cause all I did is wait and wait and wait and wait and 
Want you 

But you just want to be loved

great now I'm up past my bedtime

fine lines :)

Falling from a tree branch 
There’s mercy in your grieving 
Misery in living 
It’s fragile, it’s deceiving

Whatever I should’ve done 
I didn’t do 
How’d I wind up begging?
God I beg for you 

You hold me in one hand 
All of me odd angles 
Put me in a shoebox 
Buried in the garden 

Whatever I should’ve done 
I didn’t do 
How’d I wind up begging?
God I beg for you 

Tell me that you’re gentle 
Waiting for an answer 
You don’t know the feeling 
You could break me with a finger 
Trying to get better 
Perching on your shoulder 
Regurgitating Staci 
Regurgitating dinner :) 

Whatever I should’ve done 
I didn’t do 
How’d I wind up begging?
God I beg for you

Shoebox

If It Rains One More Time!

The sun doesn’t fall 
on this side of the hedge 
It’s all dry heat 
The grass is dead 

When it burns to a crisp 
and it turns into straw 
It’s yellow-green    
And its flight and fawn

I didn’t make it all up 
I didn’t make it all up I just told ya 
I didn’t make it all up

Well the spearmint is evergreen, 
patching the shade 
And the garden dies 
As it invades 
Cause I can’t watch the vegetables fall off the vine 
So they whither up 
And I stay inside 

I didn’t make it all up 

Now we know what you’ll do 
Just to prove that you can 
know I won’t kill myself 
Holding you back 
My seventh trip filling the watering can 
Threw in clover to cover 
The stains of a man 

I wouldn’t give it all up

and the grass is dead

Fuck it I believe 
The angel on my shoulder 
And it’s faith 
But it’s name-brand toilet paper 

I picture you at tea 
Making faces at our daughter :) 
And it’s faith, 
Well, in the well together

What do you want? 
What do you want? 
What’ll you do? 

What do you want? 
What do you want? 
What’ll you do? 

What do you want? 
What do you want? 
What’ll you do? 

We’re standing in a line 
In the lobby of life after 
And we stay 
We tie the thread together 

What do you want? 
What do you want? 
What’ll you do? 

What do you want? 
What do you want? 
What’ll you do? 

What do you want? 
What do you want? 
What’ll you do?

toilet paper

I can draw you from memory 
I love the blonde in your beard 
the evidence you’ve smiled at me
the mark from when you pierced your ears 

when I sleep I make you up 
I don’t want to dream without you there 
bring you along to witness me 
Facing off the nightmare 

How do you not know 
How much I love you still 

I can love you so easily 
But I hear you how I want   
I’ll think you’re talking down to me 
But you never really are 

Putting on a movie 
we had on DVD
I wanna watch something 
I’ve already seen 

How do you not know 
How much I love you still

IYKYK

I hoped it wasn’t 
the last time you’d see me naked 
I was so high on it 
I didn’t want your praise for patience 
You can’t recall a day 
I matched your effort in complacence 
Would’ve been my preference to forgive 
If you’d allowed forgiveness 

Coulda crashed 
Trying to see 
if you were driving  
What if I was cool 
With what you’re hiding 

We’ll never know 
We’ll never know 

I hoped it wasn’t
The last chance for Steve Wonder 
I wish you’d raised your hand 
Repeating til it didn’t matter 
God I tried to stand 
Washing my hair in the shower 
It sounds Arthurian 
When you wrote it down on paper 

Coulda crashed 
Trying to see 
if you were driving  
What if I was cool 
With what you’re hiding 

We’ll never know 
We’ll never know (blah blah)

Gwen and also Staci

A holiday song

Gooey

this song has nothing to do with spiders! I think it's week #3? maybe #4? Recorded on a noisy old k saturday evening!! 

Grace Fuisz

Pinned to spotlight

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