Wishes I Kept Quiet

I spent years chasing the noise
Woke up in lives that weren’t mine
Smiling in photographs
For people I didn't recognize


I worked ‘til I disappeared
Built a name and lost my voice
Felt the seconds like splinters
In a world that praised the choice


Maybe I was never brave
Maybe silence was my armor
But I still dream of the life I never lived
Like a glitch in the mirror


I wish I'd said what I was scared to feel
Let my hands shake and my heart spill
I wish I’d stayed when the room went quiet
Instead of folding into autopilot


I blurred out all the lines
Just to fit inside their frame
Wish I let myself be happy
Without feeling ashamed


All those friendships I let starve
Unread messages and ghosts
Kept saying I’d reach back
But distance became my home


I thought joy was heavy
Like it asked too much of me
So I hid it in the corners
Where no one else could see


Now the nights feel like confessions
I hear them when I sleep
All the truths I buried
Still screaming underneath


I wish I held the moments
That broke me just to heal
Wish I slowed down when it mattered
Instead of speeding past what’s real

I wish I loved without conditions
And let the silence breathe
I wish I lived a little louder
Before it was just a dream


Now I'm just a voice
In a song you might forget
But I meant every word
Every wish I kept, quiet

Wishes I Kept Quiet

I gave my time to things that drained me dry
Kept my head down, didn’t stop to ask why
Thought I was doing right trying to stay on track
But every second missed, I can’t get back

I blinked, and you were standing on your own
I turned around, the childhood days were gone
I gave too much to work, not enough to you
And looking back… I missed more than I knew

If you ever wonder what you mean to me
I look at your life, you are my legacy
I might not have said it enough, that’s true
But I hope you know, how much I love you

If you’re ever lost, if the world feels cold
And you need someone steady to hold
Even if I’m broke or broken in two
I’ll always have room, always, for you

I tried to raise you different than I was raised
Didn’t want your love to come with pain
Didn’t want your dreams to rust away
Didn’t want you afraid to face each day

Maybe I was quiet when I should’ve spoken
Maybe I was tired, maybe I was broken
But I watched you grow, and I swear it’s real
You’re everything I got right, the way I feel

And if I didn’t say “I love you” enough
If I made it hard, when life was tough
Just know I carry that guilt, on the inside
You were always my fire, always my pride

So if you ever wonder where you belong
Or who’s still with you when things go wrong
Even if I’m down, or the world’s come unglued
You’ll never be alone, I’m always here for you

If You Ever Wonder

You don’t know me yet, but I know you well
That small, scared heart you never let tell
You think this storm is all you’ll ever see
But I’m here now, ‘cause you lived for me

There were nights you couldn’t breathe,
Bruised and breaking quietly
But listen close, you need to know
We make it through — and more than so

What feels like forever is just a tick in time
You’ll rise from the ashes they buried you behind
There’ll be love, there’ll be truth, and yeah, there’ll be pain
But we survive everything — again and again
So don’t you dare fade, don’t you dare fall
We’ll grow to be someone who feels it all

There were pills, there were nights, there were silent goodbyes
But somehow, some way, you will survive
And I’m begging you now — forget the despair
Please just hold on, I swear I’ll be there

I’ll hold the weight you couldn’t name
I’ll be the father you became
I’ll turn your silence into song
You were never weak — just holding on

What feels like forever was just the fire inside
You made it through hell and you’re still alive
There’ll be love, there’ll be light, and tears you won’t hide
We survive everything — not just once, but time after time
So don’t you forget, you may not see
I'll be there waiting, because you are me

Message To The Younger Me

They smile while plotting.
They ask while taking.
I stepped outside the crowd —
Now I see everything.

Told the truth — they banked it.
Cashed it in once the storm hit.
Asked for help, made it sound sweet —
But every gift came with a leash.

Said “team,” but it spelled “trap.”
Took my hand — stabbed my back.
Smiles wide, hearts cold.
Favors cost more than gold.

Kept my distance.
Watched the lies.
Smiles curve best when they’re knives in disguise.

I SEE IT ALL — YOU THOUGHT I FELL!
TRUTH BURNS — AND YOU WEAR IT WELL!
SMILES = BLADES — YOU SET ME UP!
I STAY QUIET — BUT I’M WAKING UP!

They said, “Only if you want to.”
But silence meant “it’s all on you.”
Offered grace — offered control —
Packaged nice in a burning bowl.

Gave them time, they drained it dry.
Dug my grave, waved goodbye.
Now I speak in broken codes —
Watch who leeches when you’re bold.

I move in silence.
Call it focus.
You call it cold?
I call it survival.

From the outside, I see it all.
Wires exposed behind the wall.
Truth like fire, soft voices crawl.
You’re only safe when you trust no call.

It’s not paranoia…
If the blade’s already in your back.
I’m not cold.
I’m just done playing.

Observations From The Outside 2.0b

Infectious 03

Infectious 02

Infectious 01

That's Gotta Hurt

They're Here

They're Coming

They're Watching

They're Listening

Awakening

Surrender

These are some tunes I have mixed together. Mainly for my own amusement and enjoyment. If you decide to listen, use headphones or you will miss all the bass.

Gringochulo

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