new/first song in new side project.


who are you
in the darkest hours of the night
when I’m not looking
and do I really wanna know?

do the city lights
bleed through the blinds
and bounce from your eyes
into the night
from your window 

where does your sorrow go
when you find yourself completely alone?

and it’s cyclical
you say of the way your day is spent
bed, train, work, and back again

but you talk of these streets
like the veins of your urban memories, manifest
and I’m thrown

where does your sorrow go
when you find yourself completely alone?

blocks and blocks
and swathes of roads
non-descript
and standard homes
dim streetlights
and endless freeway
beers outside convenience stores

incidental bodies
wrap our souls at points in time
your lips shut tight to guard
the depth of a kind and tortured mind

lacing digits, touching toes
tell me things that no one knows
where does all your sorrow go
where does all your sorrow go

early/late

empty
such a pity for a pretty heart
aching
for the kind of love that leaves you lost
i’m not
the cure or what you’re looking for
all i
want is to be taken as i am, i’m not a book to be read

be bold and tell me 
what you really want from me, 
if you really do want me, 
say so

wake me
from my circumstantial lack of dreams
write me
all your pretty words and leave me be
i could have
learned to love the way you look at me
but i won’t let you
be so close enough to hear me breathe

be bold and tell me 
what you really want from me, 
if you really do want me, 
say so

i’m my own lighthouse
i glow my own way
if you can’t take that
then keep on sailing

be bold and tell me 
what you really want from me, 
if you really do want me, 
say so

say so

my backspace button’s worn
from the things i never said
i never can afford
to be casual instead
but if you could be so kind
don’t remind me that i’m blindly hung up over you

do i seem to care too much
with how i pretend not to care
you’re too cool for me
but i guess you’re not aware
that i exist but it’s okay
i’ll be over it someday
you’ll look me in the eye
and i won’t melt right in my place
but i really hate your face
and how it it makes me wanna cry
there’s an ache in my dumb heart
that only passes when you smile
and it shines for miles
it reminds me that i’m blindly hung up over you

would you still be just as kind
if you knew what’s on my mind
i’m stifling a sigh
and i hope she treats you right
and the things i’ll never say
will cease to tear me up inside
the feelings bottled up within
will someday crystallize
into memories so nice
that remind me i was once so hung up over you

backspace me

i feel i could hide in your hair for days
locked room, shacking up from a summer haze
‘cause all i wanna do is lose myself in you,
little spoon

turn in all your doubts and your secrecy
roll up like a wave and whisper into me
every single thing you've wanted me to hear
little spoon

i feel so lost
when you are gone
slave through the day
so you can make it to my arms
pull down the blinds,
we’ll be alright
little spoon

between your ears and shoulders
inching closer
holding you ’til morning
when the light peeks through
to frame this room
and layers of what cover you

i. i. i.

i play coy though i know i have the world to lose
short breaths lifting through an afternoon
nightfall, dreams of being more to you
little spoon

you’re so warm it breaks my heart
melting me to mold into your shape
and i am waiting on the day you’ll look into my eyes
wondering if you know
that i feel so lost
when you are gone
slave through the day
so you can make it to my arms
pull down the blinds,
we’ll be alright

should i feel lost
when you are gone?
you're in my arms but
am i ever in your heart?
i could be blind
i’ll be alright
little spoon


little spoon

i woke to find your ghost
folded amongst my drawers
on notes tucked in my books
are we still keeping score?

upon the brown brick walls
under the mango tree
we wrote our names in chalk
forgetting rain would bleed

you'd burrow into bed
you’d bury me in sheets
you’d dig my secrets up
and then uproot my grief

i drowned my love in waves
of honey chardonnay
i set my throat aflame
to never say your name

now I know I'm gliding down a tight rope
this train of thought is never gonna lead me home
when your breath blew over like a credo
it still echoes in my head when i'm alone

who would i be if i didn't know you
where would you be if i didn't leave you there
how did i pretend i didn't need you
how could you pretend you didn't see it

all the mile long walks
over blocks and blocks
what you're dreaming of
is what keeps me up

and when i close my eyes
i feel the void inside
i feel the great divide
wishing you were beside me

the great divide

walking home
from the block
where you dropped me off
i feel my palms lose blood

simple suckers
for the rush i know
our common ground
is fucking up

so constantly
why do you talk to me?

i can't be as good for
anybody else
so I'll keep it to myself 

what’s your endgame
what’s your purpose?
you casually ask tough ass questions
‘cause i don't know
does it ever make you nervous?
‘cause i can’t even get up in the morning
does getting old mean making good decisions?
forever wishing i shouldn’t have stayed up

constantly
why do you talk to me?

i can't be as good for
anybody else
so I'll keep it to myself 

walking home
from the block
where you dropped me off
i feel my palms lose blood



constantly

recorded in 1 take in a closet
when i was 13 i was in a guitar center trying out thinlines all day bc they were my fave guitar and the ja-90 came out and i really wanted it. i got something similar (and nicer) 8 years later and i named him benjamin. 

benjamin
dont let me forget that summer
benjamin
remind me that i can do better
benjamin
i have never been so glad to be afraid

benjamin
impulse just becomes decision way to quick for me to even know my limit
i've been staring at the signs but i could never read them
you're a language i could never comprehend
did you even think that i could ever have it in me
just to pack 2 bags and fly out to a monster city
every passing minute makes me feel more tiny and more glad to be alive
or just glad to be alive

there's a high from being miserable and jaded
finding sounding boards for all of your frustrations
you confirm your biggest fears to the most pragmatic ears
and them pretend that it could somehow make you safe
but when i am around you i am nervous screaming silently while scanning every detail of your face
all this fear that i will never really feel this way again
lights the fire that burns me into being brave

you're my fleeting summer fuck up
i'm your tropical mistake
i have never been more glad to be afraid

benjamin

you can cleave my heart in two
and i won't wince, i wont blink
there’s just way too much to do
with dwindling time to stop and think

in my head, i’m burying my feet into the sand
a corner of the world i think you’d understand
weathered by the wind and war between the summer and the rain
all good things just seem to crumble in my hands

all my life i’ve wanted to punch holes into the night
city skies deprive you of the stars i know you like
a sea of taillights glow against the smog that breathes to life
if i spend a second idle i might lose my mind

in my head the path is clear and carved into the ground
nothing else to fear or talk or dance around
i am always on my toes, where it never snows
on the road
and helpless when it’s you i think about

draft 22

side-project

half-lit was made in an attempt to channel my post-midnight loneliness into something else ––– and it is something else altogether: a way to reach other people. a way to revel in collective sadness. suddenly i'm not as lonely. - b

http://soundcloud.com/bpvalenzuela


half-lit

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