par neko

Visualizer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NukS3EKvCAQ

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/doulaindustrial/
Bandcamp: https://doula.bandcamp.com/

The Cabin

Part one of three, a song about emotional needs.  

I got a friend 
And he told me
You need a girl
To feel less lonely

That's none of your business if laid
You need to get paid so go start a business
Watch it fail after 3 years
Most of them do, and relationships do too
After only 3 months, and I'll be over you
And then eventually I'll find somebody new 

I don't need the rehab
I don't need another drug
No hospitalization 
No more fucking medication 

Doctor could you prescribe me a warm little hug?

No more therapy 
How about some emotional intimacy 

If you're gonna drug me up
Give me some wicked DMT, or some heavenly Ecstasy, or some magic mushroom tea
I don't necessarily want you to put me in a k-hole, but I want you to try to save my fucking soul

Try to save me from myself 
Trying to save every body else
Kill the voice inside my head that says that I'll take care of you

I know it's not seductive, but the alternative's destructive
making my own conscience a martyr
You want me to be your saviour, i know,

but, I can't save you
Because you need a doctor
And I'm not a doctor
I've got a doctor who carefully watches over me constantly
But my own doctor needs a doctor
Because the man is crazier than me
The only difference is that he gets paid and i pay a fee

No more of absurd bureaucracy
Or sedation from alienation
To escape reality 

We need less drugs and more hugs
Less therapy more intimacy 
We need less talking,
and we need more walking 

These stimulants and SSRI's can't fix the dead look in my eyes
Your therapeutical so called advice are just toxically positive lies
Just give it to me straight, what seems to be my fate, having heartbreaks at this rate

Is it a temporary state, or an innate personality trait, 
Is there hope,  can i have some faith, 
or is the treatment simply too late

I want to start over, i want the eternal sunshine of someone else's spotless mind
I beg for a clean slate
To start over

Needs Pt. 1 (Acoustic)

Lyrics:
I've got a friend, the devil on my shoulder
He said babe you're getting older
So take your chance, have a little bit of irresponsible sinful romance
I know she's cold he said but she is probably good in bed, he said

He said he said
And then I said

Yeah well I'm not looking for another sad erection,
My life is grey as it is
Not looking for another meaningless kiss
so no, I just want something more than this unhappiness
I want my peace, my love, understanding and my bliss

Not another hollywood La La Land 
I want my very own Shangri La
Where I can silence all of the automatic negative thoughts 
and temporarily tune out the tinnitus 
by singing myself delirious
I'm putting fingers into my ears
And I'm Singing La la la la la la...

and I don't just want to dream
because it feels like am dreaming all the time
It is why I want to scream,
and it's not just a cheap rhyme
I feel this awful feeling all the time

So send me to my dream world
And make it real
Because i don't want to live in this greyness anymore
Give me the power to fight a good fight and let me feel 
I am ready to fight
I am ready to fight for something real 

Send me to my dream world
Send me to my Shangri La la la

You can call me a bore, and then walk out the door
I am not sorry that I am not a whore

Neither a sperm bank to rely on, or a good shoulder to cry on, but baby I can be your crywank at night
Ask the devil and he will tell you, that the shoulder is colder 
on the other side

and I don't belong in your fertility clinic
This awful brothel, maximum security prison cell 
All combined into a special kind of hell 
or as I like to call it, the place to be! 

A lovely place for a sick fuck like me
Life has got a dark sense of humor babe,
But you wouldn't get it, just like you didn't get me 
but humor me a bit, and act like you give a shit
Tell me something dear, would you please?

Tell me, where do I belong?
Maybe in the forests
Among the trees
Among all the animals 
The violent and free 

Where there is no  guilt or shame
There is no such thing as blame
There is just a hiearchy of life 
A game of perish or prevail 

You either win or lose 
Succeed or fail 
To survive, and thrive 
You either live or die 
That's the logic I live by
And it's the logic I'll die by
Zero or One
It's all zeroes and ones
I am a zero
And baby you are the one for me
I am a zero and you're the one I need

Needs Pt. 2 (Shangri La)

SJM - Guitars, Drum Programming
Justin Tiemeyer - Lyrics
Phoebe Carter - Vocals (intro)
Jimbob Riley - Synths/Keyboards
Brad Dunbar - Sax
Jan London - Vocals (outro)
WarmGravy - Bass

LYRICS:
Open a wound
Caught on a fence
Impossible, horrible, wasted my innocence
'Cause the world, don't owe a fuckin thing
To a girl
Make it easy on yourself
Don't expect someone
It's too much

The World

Lyrics:
I had a doctor, he told me go eat a steak and smoke some weed but just do it once, only once 
You should be thinking about girls, because son that is what you need
Too smart for your own good, but you've clearly misunderstood
What the point of life is, focusing on what the probable cause of what your future death is and how to prevent it
But you're forgetting the fact that this is time that you will never get back
So try and fix all of you of problems instead of running away from them, and you would probably be less stressed and conseqently less depressed. With small simple steps, one stumbling step at a time, take it slowly, so you can grow more easily, steadily and consistently, by planning out exactly the way you want your life to be

I wish that is what he told me
But instead he just put his hand on my shoulder and he said those cursed words
Instead of eating a steak you stopped eating all together 
Instead of smoking a blunt you just got high every day
Instead of dating a few girls you immediately married the woman who gave birth to your son
Perhaps that was mistake, but every step that you take, is a step toward enlightenment
Just in the wrong kind of way

Lit up more like an arson and less like a bon fire
I don't need a reason because I am driven by desire
I am driven by desire

And the only god I follow is the sun
Like a moth to a flame
A psychopathic psychonaut without a psychedelic
I don't need it
Because i am already up there with the stars
High on my own supply, and I don't need a why
Because the only god I follow is the sun

See I asked him for a brain scan because I thought I was insane
But they didn't find a tumor, and they did not find a sense of humor, and they barely found a brain 
Oh oh oh...
There's just paranoia in my ear and the obsessive brain worms in the dirt that is my fear
Compulsively crawling in this acidic soil, making me aggressively agricultural 

In my heart I am a rural man , in my heart of hearts a hard working man, 
Toiling for my unhealthy soil
My soil is growing weeds
Not the good kind, but just noxious weeds
Where I am Sowing my most valuable seeds

I'm just a real bad seed
Might not be photogenic, but I am photosynthetic
Growing my own aesthetic, in a way that is pleasing
With all this sugar I am growing and oxygen I am releasing
You cannot help but eat me up or breath me in 

The sun is the only god I need
Bitter and black like an apple seed
I am just a little toxic, and now you are turning hypoxic
Because you are holding your breath dear
But I'll catch you if fall and hold if you pass out

I promise there is no pesticide on the outside
Baby I'm all natural 
Just got a little bit of cyanide at my core 
Take a bite and have some more
Show me what those canines are good for

Bite me
C´mon I want you to do it
Bite me

A fusion of love a fission of hate
We are all approaching eternity together at this rate 
Surfing on the ebb and flow of life
In a state of divinity

But the struggle is not over yet…

Looking up symptoms, that must be a symptom, addicted to the validation a biased data processing heartless machine while sipping on a mountain of caffeine, I am anxious about my health anxiety 

So help me reach sobriety by removing me forcefully from this undeniably dysfunctional society 
where everything is has become a supposedly treatable malady and everyone provided personalized treatment plan 

Now the only voice of sanity is telling me truthfully
The way that i need to hear it, hard and cold
And it said…

Just stop giving a fuck
You're shit out of luck
Get out of this circle of concern
Another a day another buck it doesn't matter what you earn
All that matters is that what kind of lesson you will learn

From living on your own
And what I've learned is, while sitting on my lonesome sedentary throne
Is…

(Sorry I ran out of characters ;^))

Needs Pt. 3 High On Life (Acoustic)

Big thanks to Ysiel for the artwork. 

Lyrics:
 
You want a stranger to take you away
And I can't be a stranger for long, but I am strange enough to play your game, and deranged enough to like it
You can even change your name, to keep the game exciting 
Just don't ask too many questions, and i won't give you the answers
Answers you won't like, in all likelihood

The more you say, the less i care to hear it
So don't say another word
And I might start to revere it 

Sure I'll play your game
Just make sure you keep your word 
And keep it yourself 

Because If you say that you love me, 
I'll just think that you'll hate me
When you find out who I really am

So keep it strange
And I'll keep things real 
Don't you dare to change
Because then I won't dare to feel
Anything all but fear, I'll just dissappear 
Into my void

Fuck around and find out the american say
So that's what i did, I found that there are very few who care about anything at all 
Deeper than the trends, and deeper than the meaningless passsage of time that seemingly never ends

With the presence of a technological malevolence 
Enslaving a whole lost generation, to instant gratification, we have conceded to a mindset so conceited 
Where any serious effort is no longer needed to do anything, killing our autonomy, in favor of the unregulated automated so called economy

But the only real scarcity is the resource of love, in an abundance of hate

The whole world could fit in your hand and you'd throw it all away
Out of boredom one day
And that is the american way 
I can feel it in the indifference of your hand

Squeezing it I feel all but the absence of this mindlessly indulgent trend generating, mind degenerating,
dream killing machine
You threw it all way
The baby, the bath water, the bath tub, and the house, the dog and the husband that came with it all, just to get high 

You treat my heart like it's a machine
Turn it off and turn it on again
My face is just as blank as your screen
And i won't crack a smile
At least not for a while
But you crack me up
When you hit me in my face 
Tapping it away
Metaphorically speaking
It gets more cracked up every day 
I'm just a heart shaped button to you 

You Like, like, like
But I cannot love with this machine 

Void of any meaning
Any higher goal

With fear of missing out and falling behind
But I embrace the fall 

I embrace the void, after it nearly had me destroyed,
I embrace the entropy, I let the universe break me down
There is no need for self destruction, I'm giving into its seduction
I let the universe have its way with me

Burning off the dead wood
I turn it into coal
Producing all the steam I need to take me toward my goal

The tree of life inside my heart
Has been growing slowly from the start
This tree is getting lonely 
Tired of being the only one left to stand

You gave me what I needed
And I took what I wanted
I grabbed a piece of you
And stored it in the strangeness of my hollow heart

You gave me black, you gave me white, you gave me every shade of grey. A blissful emptiness side that gently took the pain away. 

Now I embrace the void, after it nearly had me destroyed,
I embrace the entropy, I let the universe break me down
There is no need for self destruction, I'm giving into its seduction
I let the universe have its way with me

Riding on this alchemical machine 
You heard the sound of the whistle
But no the desperation of my scream
Still I would rather burn than throw away my dream

I am washing away the impurities
Turning my entire being into gold

Hartrax - The Great Sleep (Burzum cover)

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