Roots

Chaos (In My Head) - (an original song)

I’m all or I’m nothing, I’m in or I’m out
I wanted a little bit, but I don’t know how
I’m cool, I’m confident, or I’m freaking out
I’m controlled and together, or I’m breaking down

I can’t hold it together when you’re not around
But that just sounds stupid, so I won’t make a sound
I’ll tell you too much, I’ll tell you nothing at all
I’ll scare you away, then ignore your call

I am dark, I am light
Take me for who I am
The sparks we ignite are worth this fight
I am wrong, and I am right
Take me for who I am

Can we just pretend we’ll feel this every night?
Can we just instead, let this feel so right?
I know I get defensive, but I’ll hide my fears away
And maybe just for tonight, I’ll let that be okay

Let me taste your lips
Leave out shoes by the bed
Hold me close for the kiss
 
(Calm the Chaos in my head)

My emotions are raw
My emotions run high
But the love that I give will be worth your time

I am far from perfect, but no one is
Hold me close, all I need is this

I am fragile, I am tough
Take me for who I am
I am brave, I come undone
Take me for who I am

Chaos (In My Head)

Empty Voice

Klear

It's klear to see that you don't love me anymore
But I'm the one who walked out and slammed the door
It's klear to see that this is messing with my head
So why is is you I see when I put my head to bed?

I understand that this isn't making any sense
I don't know if I'm asking for love or a second chance
It's hard to be with you, but more so, when you're away
I bite my tongue because I can't find the words to say

And in my heartbeat, it keeps echoing your name
Can't tell if this is love, can't tell if I'm insane

Your eyes they look upon me with such empty words
Your heart is done with me, so why is mine still yours?

It's klear to see that you don't love me anymore
So why am I knocking at a deadbolt-locked door?

Is it the chase I crave, is this just cat-and-mouse?
Our favorite game to play, I think I'm ready to pounce

And I used to sing to you about all of my love
But now I'm 'Wrapped Around Your Finger' like a child's glove

But sometimes I just stop-- Stop the internal voice
Sometimes I look at you and know I don't have a choice
(You are just so beautiful, this secret I will keep, I cherish every laugh with you even if mine sounds cheap)

It's just so klear that you don't love me anymore but each day I fight this like a hopeless chore

My fingers in your hair,
I'll leave you there
Your fingers pull my hair,
It's a different kind of 'care'

But I'll settle for this
(I can't settle for this)
You'll settle for this
(Don't you just wish...?)
That we could settle for this

I'm settling for this.

It's klear to see.

I'm settling for this.

So settle for me.

Klear

My makeup is a wreck
My head, it is throbbing
I tried calling you
But you're just gone...

And you've been gone for far too long now
Your eyes, they've changed
And your voice, it's getting weaker

I've stayed so strong for you,
All these seven years
But the few times that I need you,
Well, you disappear 

I just wish that you'd stay near

(Chorus)
I'm stuck here alone again
And you've made it that much worse
I'm trapped here inside of my head
And I'm embarrassed because this hurts 
You just don't understand where you'd be without me
I am your rock, but you're just the sea...
How I wish that you could see...

Just go get drunk
I dare you to call me
You'll shout an you'll scream,
You'll cry and you'll weep
But I just won't speak

What more can I say? 
Or should I try to make it worse? 
Because every time I come to you, 
Well, I just feel like a curse
Please don't make this any worse

I consider you blood,
But your veins run with poison 
I give you my love,
But I just get excuses

You use me up,
You toss me aside
And then you feed me all the lies
And you guilt me every time
I guess I'm drowning in your tide...

Actions speak louder than words
But your actions never get heard
You love me 'til I'm lost
Guess our bond isn't worth the cost

I keep trying,
But, to no avail
I want to believe you, 
But you're off of the rails

Go and run away,
Behind your wall
You're just too afraid,
Because I see through it all

Go and run away,
Into your shell 
Are you afraid? 
I know you'll never tell

The Rock and The Sea

Lyrics written circa 2005; full song circa 2010; recorded 2014

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