favorite song

DENIAL

i'm sleeping in my bed alone, which is okay. it's fine for now. and i'm hurting when i pull the covers off my body when it's three in the morning and the sun coming up is the only thing on my mind. the way i press my ear against your chest when we're sitting in the back of your parents van, it's all i feel that i have. numb when i step on the balcony late at night to appreciate the stars that remind me of your eyes and the scars on your face. numb when i lay my head down on my pillow. missing you is the only thing i think i'm good at, and feeling the imprints your lips leave on my body is the only thing i feel when i'm sitting in the shower holding my own hand, knowing this is all just practice for when i die. on the inside i am me. small, shy, me. on the inside i am catching your mood before you can steal it from me, i am planting the flowers that will cover up the scars i am too afraid to let disappear. my past is a window in my room. the window i will never close because being freezing cold is better than suffocating from the heat that drips down my skin when i lie on the sticky floors of my present. on the inside i am drowning in alcohol, shrinking, striking a match, and setting myself on fire. on the inside i am cracking my ribs open. i am starting from scratch. we laid in the grass in the middle of the park and when i couldn't find the little dipper in the sky you kissed my neck and showed me all the constellations you had hiding behind your teeth. i am not concerned with my past or the way it haunts me when i look in the mirror before i leave my comfort zone and i am not ashamed of my past when i think of other people i decided to dedicate portions of the sky to. when i think of the friends i lost to the crushing weight of reality on my chest. and i am not frightened by the past when i look into your eyes because you hold my hand and when i hear your heart beat through your chest, i know that this is just practice for when i die. 

thru yr chest//hanna a

i am just a process
no more man than i
feel too much to process
i feel it in my eye

i believe in something
i believe in no
thing i believe in makes
sense to me any more

they all play the game
i wont play the same

biting at my tongue
i want to understand
why this happens to me
the pain is in my head

i dont know his name
he drowned in the rain
asking if he's sane
ripping off his face

he's upstairs / dissolving

i love the loner(s)& i hope u will too
support them !!
https://theloners.bandcamp.com

i wish shit would stop spinning

the loner(s)- racetrack carcass

support @wishing-music
bandcamp: https://wishing.bandcamp.com/album/to-forget

make your way back home
to the other side of town
or anywhere i don't come undone
but you hold my hand and you promise me
that we'll be just fine when we fall asleep
you'll be the one that holds me up

but when you're gone it's all just
black walls black sheets black eyes black clothes
black cars black streets black skies black holes
i'll be the one that's giving up

make my bed and leave
soap and shower clean
tugging on my sleeve
i need to leave
hope you got that job
at the bakery
it keeps escaping me
crazy me

are you coming home?
you've been gone all week
i can feel the gaps like they're missing teeth
you're the one who keeps me up
but when you're gone it's all just
black walls black sheets black eyes black clothes
black cars black streets black skies black holes
i'll be the one that's giving up

https://wishing.bandcamp.com

to forget

wishing - missing teeth

been feeling good lately, so i wrote a song about it.

i tried to come to terms with you last night
but you failed to meet my eyes
and i tried to make you smile
then we crashed into your house

and its been
so far 
the greatest weeks
of my life

i had been
so sad
to see the things that i want to do with my life

thanks to my friends
the friends i have left

a letter to everyone i care about

bones (demo)

i woke up and immediately saw the moon

i know by standing could be the hardest thing 
does he hurt you
more than in your dreams 
provide nothing
replay past things 
now we pity every little thing 
change up your routine 
know you’ve been fighting 
why can’t i just see home 
recognize your loved ones 
spill blood
sidetracked now 
i feel it every day now 
surfaces all scream loud 
feed rain water plant seeds out 
i would fall right out i found love 
probably from above but i can’t believe that stuff 
i hear someone wants to be loved
oh i can’t hear my own song i try to read along

leaf cutter

heartless wilderness

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l i l a i ☽

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