Letting go of someone or something you love can be a terrifying proposition.  This episode offers a small beacon of hope if you are confronting a painful loss. 

Episode 5: Letting Go

This is for anyone stuck in a relationship that hurts them. There’s also a blog version on Hello Giggles and Teaspoon of Happy. Often people find themselves stuck in unhealthy relationships, anticipating negative behavior and growing sick inside with worry. Because so many of the unhealthy relationships are with people you would consider family, it’s extremely painful and confusing to get out of one.  You will find yourself tortured with guilt, questioning and doubting your own motives.  You might find yourself saying things like “But I have to!” rationalizing why it's easier to stay in it than try to leave.  This is a relationship is felt much like a hostage situation would be: you have a proverbial gun held to your head by the implied impact of your actions. In other words: you’re damned if you do and damned if you don't, so for now you're trapped and can’t get out. If this sounds familiar, this episode is a toolkit for you. 

Episode 13: Detaching with Love

Hi friends, This is a quieter version of the "Emotional Soothing & Balancing Reflection Exercise" and it has no music beds, in case you get distracted by that kinda thing. It's for you to play while taking a walk around the block or sitting in a quiet place - to help you check-in with you and visualize just how awesome you are.  For more on this topic, check out my blog and my book on TeaspoonOfHappy.com 
If you want to listen to the music tracks separately, here are two links to my recommended playlist. :)
miss piaf: http://goo.gl/UyOdTW
mr. orbison: http://goo.gl/bXYjGX 

Balance Meditation and Personal Awesomeness Visualization (Sans Music)

Does your brain start chattering and seemingly never stop?  Do you feel distracted and unable to focus?  This is for anyone who is trapped in chronic thinking. Like your brain won’t seem to shut up and it’s getting a bit noisy up there. I will cover the what, the why, and most importantly, the solution. There are about 10 different super silly tools to get you started. And apologies in advance - I also drop the F-bomb. (Just once!)

This is for Cindy – and it’s a great topic. Thanks for suggesting this girl!

Check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com for the blog post with all my references and research  -it will be live later this week. Smile peeps! xox Sarah-May B.

Episode 29: How to Stop Thinking So Much - Tools for Chronic Overthinking

This is for anyone who is suffering the pain of loss.  Loss of someone or something important in your life is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to deal with.  And though it feels excruciating, it’s part of what makes your life rich – it is the other half of love.

Right now you are likely struggling with what you want to believe is impossible.  It feels so wrong – like such a violation of natural laws. Your brain and body also wants desperately to deny that this loss is true.  That is the fear of the pain you will feel – you don’t want to look.  Like you almost want to forget – to avoid confronting this truth.

I must tell you that although the pain is almost unbearable, it will not kill you.  You will move through it – just allow yourself to move through it a little bit at a time. Act as your own caregiver in the way you treat this managing of pain. 

I know it's a process that will feel like it's never ending but in reality it will be much shorter than you think, and every day it will get the tiniest bit easier. Just the tiniest bit. And one day you will once again be happy.

Right now - all you can do is move through this time with grace: decide you are going to take it easy on yourself and soothe yourself in any and all ways you possibly can.  The best tools I can give you are to manage the processing of the pain in small and manageable increments, so that you can remain as stable and healthy as possible.  

What I will (hopefully) give you: 
- A structure to abide for self-care.  
- A way to mourn so that you can continue to function and take care of yourself.

This one's for Bo. I hope this helps you even a little bit! xox

Episode 30: Mourning and Dealing with the Pain of Loss

When you go through a devastating experience like being left by someone you thought was “yours for life” it can be unearthing of everything in your world. Shaking what you want, how you feel about yourself and the future, what you feel safe with – who you feel safe with. Aside the expected affects, the pain, the mourning, this kind of experience can have some very strange effects – because when you’re taken by surprise by something like a relationship, it’s traumatic.  You have been shocked.  So I will hopefully tackle some of the common ones – so you can see that you’re not crazy, it’s all quite natural, as well as hopefully offer you a timeline for how you might feel.  One you can follow along with – so that you can best care for yourself and allow yourself to heal and grow.

If this was a long-term relationship – or even a short one but one you relied on in immense ways, the loss can make you feel you have nothing to stand on.  In short, it can level you and remove all safety from your life. You might be going through worry over what will come of your life – will you remarry? Will you ever love again, trust again? Are you loveable? Am I too old, am I stupid to have trusted this person? Was I the only one who didn’t know – how didn’t I know? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t see this coming? How do I even move on with love?  Woah. Yeah, that’s a lot. So slow down.  It’s going to be okay. It’s time to put that aside.  Now is not the time you should be thinking about the future. You should simply focus on loving and caring for yourself right now. 

Truly, how could you tackle planning anything other than addressing your immediate needs – you just experienced a traumatic event in your life and you are in a recovery/healing mode – that’s what you need to be aware of most.  All you need to do right now is make yourself feel soothed and healthy and balanced.  

If you’re going through a total limbo of character and it’s freaking you out, I will go through a couple of common reactions that happen when one is put through a trauma such as yours. And yes, it’s a “trauma” which means your person is likely having a hard time integrating this new information back into your brain alongside the rest of your experiences. So in short, a big shift is happening. Don’t worry! It’s all for the good. I hope I can help you stay balanced throughout it – hang in there, friend - because I know an event like this can rock you to your core. 

If you want to read more of my writing on a variety of other topics – and to see the blog version of this podcast, visit:

http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com

Smile y’all! Sending you my love… Sarah-May B.


This is for Linda, I hope you like and hang in there girl!


Episode 33: Blindsided with a Broken-heart: When you lose something you thought you had forever.

This is an episode about aligning your actions to your true wants in life. I challenge you to ask yourself what are you allowing to happen in your life that’s not aligned with what you want.  This is for anyone who’s been wanting something in a certain area of life – maybe it’s love, career or health, and you’re just not getting what it is you want. A lot of the time you don’t get the things you want because you are unknowingly acting against yourself. Because sometimes we have unconscious actions that are the true reason for us not seeing the results we want. In this episode I will cover a few simple tools on the three categories. For all of them, the solution begins with taking a personal inventory of your behavior: literally, begin to observe yourself and your habits everyday by creating a behavior log. 
What you’re looking to record: any and all habits and actions around the pursuit of your goal. Because the real misalignment will show up in those details.

It might surprise you to see yourself from an objective standpoint, because most of the time misaligned behavior is totally unconscious. We have no idea how we are blocking ourselves – and sometimes it’s a form of self-sabotage. Like a strange unconscious fear of the thing we truly want. For example, when you are looking for a real relationship but you are biding your time with the flings you know are not the ones you want. You THINK you are desperately seeking love when you are in REALITY staying comfortable with the ones you don’t feel threatened by: the easy and available. Your actions? NOT ALIGNED. 

So to help you become more aware of the accidental misalignments in your actions and goals I will go over three topics in detail: Love, Career, and Health. The tools are very simple and the core of them? Just awareness and focus.

For more of my writing check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com – and smile my lovelies! Xo Sarah May B.



Episode 40: Personal Goal Misalignment - When You're Not Getting the Results You Want

Your relationship with your parents can be attached to a lot of big feelings of hurt or anger because it’s such a major relationship in your life! Your parents! So if you are struggling with your relationship to them it can be emotionally overwhelming to say the least. So this is a podcast for when you end up getting hurt by your parents so you cut them out of your life in some degree to protect yourself. Maybe you hide things from them because you know they won’t be able to understand, or you try desperately to get their approval and they never give it no matter what. OR maybe you try to keep a balance but always getting burned in the end by something thoughtless they do to you. Or maybe you’ve cut them out of your life altogether because it’s just too painful. So if any of this sounds familiar, this is a podcast for you. 

Because this is one of the most relevant relationships of your life, it can have a really powerful affect on your emotions and your understanding of your very self. 

This one’s for Ken – thanks for the suggestion! This is a big topic and is sure to reach a lot of people – thank you!!

For more of my writing head to http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com and check out the blog for the written version of this podcast. 

I send you my love and if you have any requests, by all means send me an email! Smile y’all! Xoxoo Sarah May B. 


Episode 43: Parents Just Don’t Understand: for the pain caused by parents who didn’t do their job

What is self work? It’s acknowledging something in yourself that needs to be addressed for the sake of growing. It’s what you decide to do when you look at your life and decide you’re not so stoked to be where you are. It’s a moment of clarity – or fed-up-ness with the conditions of yourself and your inability to do anything about them – maybe you’ve been stuck in a pattern you want to break, or you looked up one day and realized you aren’t where you thought you’d be and time is flying by. Most importantly, self-work is the beginning of your life in many ways. It’s the moment you become aware that you have the power to create the self you want to be, in every shape and form – and because that is such an epic and wonderful thing – you make the decision to act on that information by taking steps in an educated direction toward doing that work. And what a profoundly exciting move that is. In my opinion, it’s the best decision you could ever make in your life. I gotta admit, this post made me a bit choked up. I hope you enjoy it – and if you did, please visit my new Patreon.com profile! If you like this content, please support it – any amount counts. Sending you my love and lots and lots of positivity. xox
Smile my lovely friends!

Xox Sarah-May B.

To sponsor this podcast, you can visit:
https://www.patreon.com/sarahmayb

If you have a moment, please take this survey - it will help me help you, better – which is what I dream to do! 
http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com/blog/survey

Thanks in advance! xoxo

And, I hope you dig my new Podcast theme - it's by Booker Hill Music, right here on Soundcloud! Check 'em out! 

https://soundcloud.com/booker-hill-music/treetops?in=booker-hill-music/sets/all



Episode 45: What's the Work in Self-Work - Sizing Up the Personal Growth Ahead


This episode is all tools for stepping back from the process of negative rumination and choosing a different path: awareness, neutrality and openness. A lot of what we live through is created in our mind, and thoughts catalyze more similar thoughts. When it comes to negative rumination, a lot of these thought sequences are based in old, strong emotional imprints from long ago that are triggered in the present. 

When we get into a negative thought loop, a sequence of feelings is created by an initial thought. For example, “I am sad because I am alone tonight, and this person didn’t call me back.” Which catalyzes, “Where am I in my life?” Which catalyzes, “Now I feel emotionally low” which triggers the brain’s desire to double down on this feeling and wallow in this rapidly increasing feeling of sadness. This catalyzes the next thought and the next one and the next one after that. 

I am doing something super simple in this episode: I am writing directions for how to dismantle these kinds of thought sequences. What happens is our brain is fighting for control over feelings of pain, powerlessness, and ego-threat by rationalizing it: giving it a logical set of terms and labels. When we have a blip of anxiety or pain, we say, “This feeling is from this present-day thing in my life.” And we have already jumped on the bandwagon of that sequence of feelings, thinking we are in control of managing it when in reality, we are creating it.


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Ep 239: Doom Spiral – Sorting between old and new feelings

‘Easy does it’ is a pretty great Alanon slogan, best used in times of stress or overwhelm when we find ourselves on the backfoot or grasping for control. What is most challenging about moving through any state of disaster (natural or personal) is the lack of ability to think– often when we are being faced with so much information, so quickly. ‘Easy does it’ is a path back to feeling grounded and safe in self. If you are suffering right now – from the loss of your home or from the loss of a partner or something else, this is a reminder that we can only take on as much as we can handle and sometimes the best thing we can do is slow down and take some of the pressure off of ourselves so we can return to the situation from a more resourced position. When we get into that energy of forcing solutions, that’s a little flag reminding us we need to come home to our breathing and be extra kind and gentle with ourselves. We may not be able to solve every problem in the time we wish to solve it in and some problems are not ours to solve.

This episode started as a reflection for the new year and it has evolved into something more nurturing. I and so many I love have been affected by the wildfires in California, it has been difficult to focus, but I am posting this in the hopes that it soothes someone who needs soothing. Sending love to anyone suffering right now. You are in my prayers. Xo

Support this week’s sponsors:

BetterHelp
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AG1
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And if you’re looking to do some good for a person you don’t know, in need: 
GoFundMe CA Wildfire Relief


Ep 241: Easy Does it: Collecting self in times of overwhelm

Hi friends! Happy new year! This is a clips show with some inspirational vibes for you to kick off your year– it includes excerpts from the following episodes. Enjoy xo 

192  Changing your life: remembering a sense of possibility 
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-192-changing-your-life-remembering-a-sense/id895918183?i=1000602016701

193 Getting in the energy path of change
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/help-me-be-me/id895918183?i=1000602016701

201 Working with the energy of scarcity – choosing fulfilment 
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/help-me-be-me/id895918183?i=1000619419445

185 Getting out of your own way
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/help-me-be-me/id895918183?i=1000587178584

200 Getting back into the energy of limitlessness
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/help-me-be-me/id895918183?i=1000617776780

Smile! And visit YayWithMe.com for more of my work 


Ep 240: Inspirational Thinking - New Year Clips Show

If you woke up one day and feel like “I don’t really like myself,” this is for you. Self-respect is not just about having an air of confidence as you interact with others, it’s also being respectful to yourself, internally. As a means to get to this place, I wanted to offer you a simple prescription: think of your body and what I’ll call your dominant thought narrative as being a wise, second self. A friendly and compassionate voice. This second self can aid you and ground you as you move through the chatter that is your anxiety or perhaps at times negative chatter and self-analysis. We have to learn how to become a consistent friend to ourselves and that is how we start to really like who we are, regardless of the external. Like meeting a new friend, this can start at any time in your life – it just requires a commitment.

 

This episode is also about when we cannot get to a particular behavior change – seeing that there is a block behind that: a blindness to a lie we are believing. These “feelings stones” create misalignments and block us from actualizing change because we can’t see where we are unable to accept something as true. I have an example from my own life to explain this better – for me that misalignment is blowing up at my kids/how i feel about that and why I have been unable to stop.



This is the book Chatter that I mentioned: https://amzn.to/4gj4Tyf

 

Support this week’s sponsors!

 

Prolon

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Ep 242: Befriending Yourself – Growing self-respect

I think one primal fear inherent in ego is that we are somehow inadequate, that we are unworthy and need to stave off this possible truth. The other side of this coin is an expectation that we can and should be perfect. Which is not only impossible and false, but also a harmful ideal even if it were attainable. It’s based in a belief that perfect is good. That fear of being inadequate is also the hidden truth that causes a lot of reactivity, judginess, defensiveness, and also increases our need for “stuff” – the drive of materialism is often a belief that we need something to feel whole, powerful and better than.  This is an episode about working with that in particular. 

When we work with this block of unworthiness– by looking into it, we get a bit closer to ourselves and we grow in our personal experience of wholeness, peace, joy, love and connection to others. Our love reservoir grows more expansive. 
Support this week’s sponsors!

Chewy 
Right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewy.com/podhelpmebeme 
Minimum purchase required.  New customers only. Terms and conditions apply.  See site for complete details.

BetterHelp 
Betterhelp.com/helpmebeme today to get 10% off your first month.

Lume
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And this is the Telepathy Tapes podcast I mentioned:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-telepathy-tapes/id1766382649


Ep 243: Fear of Inadequacy - Graduating Your Consciousness

This is for a person who filled out my survey – I don’t know your name, but this is for you! I hope it helps. You asked how to break out of the vicious cycle of a narcissistic relationship. Because it can be extremely terrifying and painful and feel much like a hostage situation. The reason is that if you are in a relationship with a narcissist – you know how ruthless and dark their punishing can be. It also goes deep into your heart strings, puppeting you around like a raw nerve. In other words – they are master controllers and know exactly what to do to make you do what they want. And also they are WILLING to do it, at all costs. 

This episode is 3 parts – the what, they why, the tools. I will also provide a download for you on my site in case you are in a bad place and need to get a map out of this. 

For more check out Teaspoonofhappy.com and enter the headspace contest to win a year of free meditation!! 
Smile lovely friends - and look for the blog version of this post in the next week on Teaspoon.

Episode 50: How To Break Away From A Narcissist Relationship

Even if you’ve done a lot of work on yourself, feel confident and seated in yourself, there can be new situations when you recon with an unexpected and uncomfortable need to please or be liked by others that even if you disagree with it logically– can betray your intellect. This is a response that is often triggered by new social situations or conditions that remove you from your definition of self. It might happen when you’re entering a tightknit group that is not based in “who you are” or grow slowly in a situation where you are not aligned with the core group. Regardless it feels disconcerting and can catch you off-guard asking “What is happening??” I’ll call it 'the pleasing trigger.’



The feeling that we have to fit in and be liked can be intense and desperate, one that is triggered at any age– often when we are in a new forced social situation like a new professional sphere. Know that if this is happening to you it’s not because you are weak or unevolved, it’s because you are wired the way all humans are wired. These milestones when we feel the need to fit in might be when we are entering a life stage that is new with a new social group.

 

Support this week’s sponsors!

 

Gabb

Gabb is offering twenty-five dollars off any device—with no contract required. Just go to Gabb.com/HELPMEBEME to get started. Terms and conditions apply.

 

Prolon

Just in time for the new year, Prolon is offering Help Me Be Me listeners FIFTEEN PERCENT off their 5-day nutrition program for your post-holiday glow-up when you go to ProlonLife.com/HELPMEBEME

 

Vionic

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Lume

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Ep 244: The Pleasing Trigger - Social Grasping and Neediness

This episode is all about knowing how to reward your inner self as you move through the world. It's about having a sense of our own spiritual and egoic priorities and ensuring we respect that truth at all times. If we don't do this, we end up feeling anxious, empty, numb, disconnected, and not liking ourselves. As we advance through life stages, our needs change, and we need to tune in to see what is true for us, then take steps to honor that truth.

We need to stay present and fulfilled, remaining conscious in the creation of our life. This requires us to stay really aware of old coping skills and know when we are near a personal danger zone. If you are in a place where you feel anxious, empty, numb, disconnected, and not liking yourself, know that the path to renewal, growth, and energy is actually tapping into the underbelly of what you have pushed down. Ask yourself, "What am I hiding from? What am I not listening to?" We need to make contact again so we can restore that connection. If we don't, it grows increasingly more persistent, making us feel we are violating ourselves. I call this splitting from ourselves. 

Support this week’s sponsors!

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Ep 245: Know Your Thrive Zone – for feeling alienated from yourself

This is about how we can come to a sense of comfort in our bodies and psyche, feel more aligned and at home in our life, versus at the mercy of it. It’s really easy to set up systems in our lives that betray our truest wishes for our souls. You might find that the life you have set up brings tons of stress to your body, makes you feel overwhelmed for a large majority of your week, or takes you out of quality time with your loved ones. I think we only get glimpses of this truth when we are having a panic attack, or are coming back from vacation, or have the Sunday scaries: it’s that looking down the barrel of the future feeling where you think, “When will all the overwhelm end??” The things we do to ourselves can be abusive, to say the least. For you that betrayal might be in the area of peace, self-respect, bodily peace, or simply a calm mind and nervous system.

In this episode I am offering you a reflection and reset for You on You. Reframing the way you move through your life can be simple: it comes down to acknowledging and addressing your inner view of what’s working and not working. This understanding can alter the trajectory of how you move forward in small but profound ways. You on You is also a relationship: a friendship, and one that can be repaired with a few simple tweaks and intentionality. 
Support this week’s sponsors:
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Ep 246: The things we do to ourselves

How to ensure your life is conducive to empowerment and love. It can all end tomorrow – how are you living, today? If you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed, this is for cleansing and correcting your energy – becoming more deliberate in that embodiment. 
Is your life set up for your nervous system? The goal for me in this episode is to remind you that you have a hand in resetting your focus and your energy and that that presence/how you show up absolutely affects the world around you. Remember to be responsible in setting boundaries that honor You in your life. Only take in what keeps you active and powerful and channeling your energy toward the good. Today I know what activates me/what I can take in, and I also respect what overwhelms me to the point of incapacitation/what I cannot take in. Be very deliberate in how you welcome things into your psyche: watch what does good and what does not. 
I also want to remind you to have hope and to remain open to possibilities: we cannot see the future, from today right now. We cannot know all that will be and we will be a different person with different priorities when the future arrives. Sending love! 

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Ep 247: The Power of Our Energy – Cleansing it + curating positivity

This is for anyone who has conflicts with someone they care about who wants to figure out ways to get out of those conflicts fast and productively. 
It’s about our emotional baggage – specifically the unmet needs from our childhood, and how those block us from being able to see and receive the love from people in our life currently.  I will focus on how to get out of conflicts and pain and move into happiness and get more of what you want. How to better love others and better encourage love back. 

It’s a set of tools to stay out of blaming and resenting and let go of what you think they should do. So that you can empower yourself to get to more of what you DO want – which is shared affection and happiness. 


Hi friends! I’ve been away for a bit because I got hitched! It was awesome and wonderful. And now I’m back!

I will do the usual 3 parts: The What, The Why, The How – the tools. And to be clear – this is about all relationships that involve conflicts between the needs of others and your own. About relationships that involve needs of others and your own – and when those don’t match up. 

For more check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com
Smile peeps! xo

This one’s for Lara from Spain – thanks for writing me girl! :) 


Episode 53: Love Languages: Overcoming Emotional Baggage So You Can Better Receive and Give Love

We often get decision paralysis or feel intense anxiety around actions that need to be taken, especially when we perceive the stakes to be high. Even if you feel like the answer is obvious it can be really hard to trust yourself, which leads many to ask others to make the decisions for them. What we often feel is a dominant fear of hurting someone else or letting go of something familiar. This intense resistance is another shape of codependency or the group of traits associated with being parentified at a young age. 
This is an episode to help you move through difficult, anxiety provoking decisions even when you feel intensely ambivalent and fear mis stepping. The trick is to make decisions despite the feeling in your body – to make moves strategically based on what you conceptually KNOW is the next best thing to do.  Feeling afraid if often just our body saying “this is going to cost me a lot of energy and I don’t want to go through it.” It’s an energy-saving resistance and not reflective of the actual pain that this thing will cause. This is an episode to help you walk through something that your body is currently resisting. What we think will happen if we move through hard stuff is that it will take a long time or we will lose control and or stop functioning. While triggering moves can stir the muck of our pond, they also lighten us and free us up: they grow our muscles and strengths as we evolve in our lives. This has a lot of tools and ways to come back home to self: come from love, use your own best thinking, let the rest go. 
Support this week’s sponsors!
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248: Learning to Act While Anxious – Growing Trust in Self

Jealousy, or a perception of your insecurities come to life. How does it sneak into your mind? Your darkest thoughts in your most fearful voice begin scratching at your feelings, dragging you down and causing you to act as your lowest self. You assume you are less than and life is against you somehow.  You're either not enough, or something else outside of you is not enough.  What is this emotional state? Your lowest form of self, the self that is motivated by fear and hate, put in a threatened defensive position. Think of it as You minus your awareness of what is good and loving in this world. This low emotional self is also called your irrational self. 

Most of jealousy acts as a hallucination. It does not show you reality it shows you insecure self-loathing reality: in that world, no one likes you and all the fears you have about yourself are true. For many of us it is clear that we are in an emotionally charged, irrational state – however, we cannot stop ourselves from wanting to “solve” for the perceived insult. “Is it true?! If so, how true? I need to know!” Nothing will quench the irrational need to compute “why” we have been betrayed: we go into loops of solving, calculating, tallying, replaying.  And jealousy has a very potent ability to madden us for that reason: it’s all consuming, it belittles us, and we are aware it’s inside of us and us alone.  A self-inflicted pain with the power to torture and haunt our every moment.  

You will never arrive at your truth through jealousy - you can only do that from a calm, objective vantage point - so this is all about stepping back from the emotion so you can regain your sound thinking. The power behind jealousy is also the key to undoing it: it does not live in reality – it lives in our reaction to reality.  So we can indeed help ourselves when we struggle in the triggered moments.  

Hopefully, I will offer you a few tools to help you navigate out of it and back to your true and highest self: grounded, making decisions from a balanced and sane mindset.  There are three parts: The what. They why. The how: the tools. 

This one is for Fran - thanks for writing me and I hope you likee! xox Sarah May B.

Episode 55: Jealousy – How to Rise Above Your Weakest Self

This is for people who are aware of when old issues are entering their present and they know they don’t want that to be happening. Our old memories operate like a trigger/pattern system. Think of it as a pinball machine called “My Pain Game” and it makes the shape of your brain with all sorts of memories that you allow to define who you are, what is allowed to affect you and what you focus on and feel.  You have that little pinball that lies latent but when it’s triggered – it shoots around your brain and activates different zones of pre-set actions. Those zones are things like, “

There are two little paddles you get to control at the base of this game.  Your emotionally driven reaction depends on where you choose to hit this ball.  If you hit it hard, it shoots into “pain and drama.”  When you don’t hit it at all, it drops off the board.  The point being – you are the one who keeps the ball in play.  So when it goes into a certain area, it activates new triggers that are not controlled by you. Those little “hot spots” that shoot it even harder – these emotional hotspots take over the game and the ball will shoot around the table at top speed. 

The ball makes its way around and back to our hands – and what we tend to do is shoot it back up again, causing it to replay the series of triggers we have all over our “memory of self.” 

Just like a pinball machine – often it feels in our mind like we have no control and we are not to blame for this patterned response. However – ultimately we have control, and we can choose to keep the ball in play or not.  Our power comes into play when we actually choose to USE that control in the moment it counts.  When we have the brief moment of awareness – that we are about to play out our game again. 

Aren’t you sick of the game? I bet you are – because what you’re losing right now is quality of life. If your old pain is old enough, it’s likely voiced by the rationale of a child – so the childhood logic, which is petty and small – is still operating you.  Even if the situation is recent and totally unrelated to your childhood dynamics –the same baggage will pilot you when a trigger comes up. Don’t let it. You’re a grown up now. And grownups can look at things and put them down already. Old pain is totally unnecessary and the only person it robs is YOU. You hurt you by wasting your valuable moments in an old automatic loop of behaviors and thoughts and reactions.  Who wants to play this now? It’s old, dusty and not fun. 

For more visit Teaspoonofhappy.com and please review me if you like this! xo

Episode 56: How to get over it: How to stop old conflicts from stunting your present life

We all want to be nice and caring people – because it feels good. It rewards us. However we are human and sometimes it can be a challenge to stay in that mindset, especially if people are deliberately cruel and hateful.  Anger and hate become a natural reaction – or to simply shutdown and ignore.  For the same is true of fearing those who hate: when you don’t understand someone and their beliefs betray everything you hold sacred, it’s a feeling that can touch every nerve inside you and incite the same thing – inside you. A hate and intolerance for their beliefs.  

It’s tough to be willing to understand others, especially when they express hate, brutality or intolerance. Like looking into the face of someone filled to the brim with fire and toxic sludge, spitting at you – it can offend every sense you have to witness such a thing. And worse, it can infect you and bring you down. There are lots of toxic people out there, and the natural reaction is to stay as far away from them as possible. But when it comes to people you love, you work with, or you can’t shut out of your life – this is a set of tools to help you understand them and better relate to them.  In the face of intolerance, the self-protective instinct is to run away – to shut down to them and soothe the hurt, lest this hurt you anymore. But this is only a temporary fix to manage the situation. There is a state you can graduate to – PAST this point of managing and shutting off – one comparable to enlightenment: compassion. It’s challenging but also freeing, and it can be a powerful solution when it comes to someone you care about or must deal with in your life – for example a loved one or family member. I hope you enjoy! xo 
For more of my writing head to TeaspoonOfHappy.com 


Ep 66: How to Use Compassion to Rise Above the Hate & Intolerance of Others

Hi peeps! It is moi, Sarah May. This is Part 1 of a two part episode. Part 2 will be solely focused on how to ask for a raise and how to tell someone your value when you apply for a new job. This is for anyone who is insecure or has a hard time with confidence at work or socially. Maybe you are introverted or sensitive, so this prevents you from speaking up or saying what you think. Or maybe when you do assert yourself it hurts to hear what people say back to you that’s critical. Maybe you feel intimidated by those around you and they use tactics to make you feel worse. 

Because in an unseen but felt way, your life overall is guided by this theme of fear, low self-confidence, low self-worth: instead of an upward climb, it’s a torturous plateau full of mental battles and fearful anticipations. And you want to do the things that everyone else does – like speak up with confidence, demand a raise, let go of what other people think, have faith in the value of your own opinions, and be a boss. It’s just that pesky inner voice that seems to get in the way.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds hours of create. If you get any value out of the work I do or it helps your life, please consider a monthly donation. Even something as small as a cup of coffee helps this show exist. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/sarahmayb

Thanks! xo


Ep 70: Weak and Insecure: How to Grow Your Strength and Confidence at Work and in Life

Love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t feel like it’s your lifeline – that you will fall into a million pieces if someone else chooses to break up. This kind of chemical bond is similar to that we universally associate with High School romance: hormones are high and we reach sometimes addiction-level chemical intoxication. But that’s not how it should feel when you pass the hormonal bump. Like such an intensely devastating and all-consuming obsession. Past the initial courtship stage, love shouldn’t be tied to NEED and it shouldn’t be able to command your mood and focus. So if you experience it this way, and it causes you to do things that betray yourself and put your needs aside those of another.  If you find yourself all-consumed by the actions or thoughts of another to the degree that it controls your happiness – this is an episode for you. It’s about the particular reasons that this kind of attachment happens to you, that you might not be able to see are operating – or know are optional.  To you it probably just feels like “you” and who you are, not some other powerful unseen force. Because most people who operate like this think of it as a measure of how MUCH they love, or their ability as a person to bend and adapt. Not so. This is an unhealthy form of attachment that can be tweaked once understood. 

This is an episode to educate more than anything because awareness is the first step to change. So listen to this with the goal of simply taking it in. I WANT TO HELP YOU begin the process of the kind of loving that can be done from a safe and balanced distance. From a comfortable place inside yourself, that protects you always. It’s a way of being that allows you to create healthy boundaries, and choose mates who are capable of loving you, and more importantly – makes you capable of receiving it. Because truly we teach others how they should love us, by how we love ourselves. If you are not protecting your needs and giving yourself care and gentle loving attention, then you’re also telling others not to.

With that, here are the three parts! Part 1 is the what, Part 2 is the why, Part 3 are some steps to take now.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com  Thanks!

Ep 72: Toxic Love: I Need Her, Don’t Leave Me, I Can’t Live Without Him

Hi friends, in honor of Valentine’s Day I wanted to share the introduction to “The Break-Up Album” my podcast album coming out later this year. Why? Because it can be a difficult holiday for many of us – the pressure is on! And if you’ve recently been through a break-up, Valentine’s Day can be like a party to celebrate your pain – it salts the wound and makes you feel like you’re not good enough because you don’t have a person to call your own. But in reality, you’ve been given a gift – if you choose to see it that way. That’s what the Break-Up Album is all about! Making this break-up into the best thing that ever happened to you. Which I believe it can be. So with that – take a listen to the introductory chapter of, “The Break-Up Album” available later this year. 

If you’d like to be added to the pre-order mailing list, head to HelpMeBeMe.com and click on the album. 

Sending you much love this week and every week!! xox Sarah May B.


An Introduction to "The Break-Up Album" (in honor of Valentine's Day)

For those who can’t stop trying to convince themselves they’re bad with self-destructive actions. This one is for Nikki. 

Why do we destroy relationships with those who love us? Why do break our own trust, betray our own dreams, and rob ourselves of happiness and safety as soon as we get close to it. It’s a mystifying loop of behavior that has powerful effects on everything about our life: a chain reaction that keeps us hiding or running from the ugly truth of what we’ve done. 

Just like an addict, you live with a subconscious awareness that you will inevitably destroy whatever good you might have – and that anxiety is overwhelming and scary. Like a lurking future of pain awaits you just around the corner. Happiness is immediately blocked by the overwhelming sense of dread that it will soon be lost. And so you self-medicate the fear and cling more tightly to what you want so badly. 

When you do inevitably self-sabotage and act out in ways that betray your values and the values of your partner, the experience is laden with fear and the resulting shame is soul-crushing. Like you just woke up inside a nightmare. You have an almost separate self who is doing these things despite you. 

I want you to know there’s a simple reason behind your cycle of behavior that you must CHOOSE to learn. It’s not who you are, it’s a tactic that you learned to cope with unrelated pain and anxiety. There are three parts: the what, the why, the how.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/SarahMayB  Thanks!


Ep 74: Self-Sabotage: Why We Betray Ourselves and Destroy Our Relationships

I did this myself and it worked for my so I wanted to offer it to you! This is a little refocusing exercise to help you let go of anger and resent - especially if you're fixating on something that bugs you. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a boss - you can train yourself to remember your kind and loving state. It comes down to a simple  re-focusing practice when you need it most. 

xox Sarah May B.

Anger Fixation Relief: A gratitude reflection exercise

Oh shit. This is bad. I’m not wrong, they’re wrong. Ouch this hurts. I wish this wasn’t this way. Why does everyone hate me? I hate everyone. I am dreading going to this place. I wish I never dated that person. They’re probably talking shit about me.  I should be doing better by my age. I haven’t done anything with my life. No one loves me. I look like shit.

These are the voices of worry, shame, fear, regret, pain of various forms – the loops that play out and push us to solve for x or act according to x.  This is when you can’t find your way out of a situation and instead your life just gets smogged over by the situation: when you know that something is wrong and because of it, you feel terrible inside. Life suddenly loses its highlights.  You ask for advice, you work on plans to overcome it, you wish on it, pray on it, lament it, replay it, try to aggressively work on alleviating it, or you hide from it and numb it. And it thickens. It’s the one thing that really catalyzes a whole lot of other beliefs – and you can’t seem to figure out a workaround.  When an emotion sticks inside us it CONTROLS US and often pushes us to act on its behalf – like a little demon with a joystick inside your brain. 

So if this sounds vaguely familiar, this is an episode for you. There are three parts – the what, the why, and the how  - the tools! Before I go on I wanted to let everyone know about my second podcast called “Love is Like a Plant” with Ellen Huerta of Mend. She’s building an app to get you through a breakup. Check us out – it’s all about relationships and dating. Anyhoo. The what!

If you like what you hear and you want to support this show visit me on Patreon or head to HelpMeBeMe.com and click donate! xox

Ep 77: Something's Wrong: When Worry, Hurt, Stress and Sadness Make You Stuck

It’s really hard to stop yourself from helping someone out, doing it for them, giving your time and energy, saying what you said you wouldn’t do again, or diving in head first to a partner – especially when chemicals take over. Because that’s who you are! A giving and loving person! It can feel almost like a commitment to being true to yourself, because when you have all the understanding of someone’s voids – you feel compassion. And even if you didn’t want to try to make them happy or fix something, you feel obligated – mostly by yourself you’re your own inner voice. It’s also because you like them so much and you want to make them happy. 

To fight against this habit will feel wrong, unnatural. And super uncomfortable – and it makes others so happy. It’s a confusing dilemma – to NOT follow your instincts will make you might feel like you’re not being yourself. You want to be loving and give your best for someone you love. It’s a catch-22. And so the flip side of this is you end up doing it all: you’re the saver who comes to the rescue and others will continue to disappoint you on a loop. Like you’re surrounded by children. You end up feeling resentful toward others for not giving you the love and care and THANKS you deserve, but you can’t stop yourself from being there for them and helping them live better lives. It feels good to be helpful.

This end result leaves you and whoever else you are stuck to in life, fighting or empty – battling for love and care and attention. And you’re not asking so much at all – just for a tiny bit of love and support at SOME time in life. Or just for them to not be so destructive. 

This one’s for Ty – great topic! Thank you!

If this helps you in any way, consider making a monthly donation at HelpMeBeMe.com thanks! 


Ep 78: Codependency: I Need to Find Someone Who Will Make Me Whole

A power-up episode for anyone dealing with the pain of sorrow of grief and they don’t know where to put the painful feelings. This is a new meditation exercise I learned and I think it’s pretty amazing. I hope it works for you, too. xoxo


Grief & Deep Sadness - a meditation exercise for releasing and passing pain

This is all about how to get the most out of your capacity and your life experiences as well as how to navigate the painful stuff. I want to talk about the growing of self, as it relates to culture and society – and how it has changed. Plus ways that you can begin to maximize your growth as a human. So this is all about you – and the way you grow yourself in this lifetime. Like a self-reflective path-tuning educational episode. 

This one’s dedicated to Rich and Aldana. Hope you like!! xo


Help Me Be Me

A Life Worth Living

Ep 79: In Living Color: Self-Examination Exercises to Get More Out of Experiences

Hi peeps, this is a cheat of an episode in that it’s about how to get closest to getting your ex back via supporting yourself. There are no cheats that will make your ex spontaneously love you if things fell apart, so think of this as a best-practices-for-best-conditions kind of thing.  

That feeling of pain and longing and even obsession over the loss of your relationship. Maybe it wasn’t something you were expecting, or you both kind of “decided” it was right but now you’re realizing it’s not at all what you wanted and you can’t stop thinking about getting back together. Maybe you’re internet stalking your ex, maybe you’re just super depressed and texting them when you get drunk. Or maybe you’re actively trying to convince them you should get back together – as respectfully as you possibly can, and you can’t for the life of you, figure out how to do this right. So this is for anyone who is trying to get their ex back or is holding their head up high and not admitting they want that, but still wishing they were magically back together– either because you broke their heart and you know now you screwed up, or because you were dumped and you were not ready or willing to have this outcome. If this is where you are – you’re likely in a split personality state that can be sometimes a belligerent puking of tears, sometimes a banal but painful loneliness, sometimes annoyingly obsessed, sometimes scary-obsessed, or sometimes feeling like complete and utter worthless shit – and ONLY your ex can make you feel stable and “yourself” again. 

If you are helped by this podcast, consider a small donation. Visit https://www.yaywithme.com/support-help-me-be-me or visit www.Patreon.com/sarahmayb

Ep 80: I Want My Ex Back - Best Practices Toward Loving Outcomes

This one’s all about the anxiety and stress that you might feel as soon as you end up in a good relationship. The clinginess might be painful, almost excruciating, and the anxiety of not knowing the future and if it's gonna last – might not only take you OUT of the joy state, but ruin your ability to be yourself during the courtship phase. So if this sounds like you, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, I was just like you, and you are among many. This is not forever – so take heart. As usual there are there parts: the what, why and how – the tools! 

For more of my writing or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com

Ep 86: Love Anxiety - How to Deal with Fear Forecasting in New Relationships

Hi peeps! In this “experiment” I answer several questions you’ve asked – quick-fire style! Like it? Let me know! What to do when the universe is shitting on you, How to deal if you don’t get along with your parents. Dating: What to do when you can’t help but feel needy or anxious. What to do if you have the same problem in relationships: why it happens, why you should take notice. How to deal with social media when you’ve been through a breakup, and How to forgive yourself when you fuck up a relationship or you feel like you made a bad decision in a relationship.

Audience Q+A's: Guilt, ish w/ family, unfollowing ex's, dating anxiety & universal stuckness

If you got dumped or you didn’t get your dream job, here are some tools and insights to get you back on the wagon of awesomeness. 

Getting rejected is a confidence assault on so many levels because it reduces you to below the level you were before you mustered the courage to try. Especially if you don’t see it coming, it can make you feel like you can’t trust your gut and therefore, you should never try again. Well I assume you’re waiting for the typical catch-phrases like, “You can’t win if you don’t try.” But that would make me annoyed if I just got rejected so I’ll skip that part. 

Here are some tips to give you some grounding if this just happened to you. 

Looking for more? Head to YayWithMe.com xox
My theme song was created by BookerHillMusic.com

How to deal with rejection

Hi friends, this is a quickie Q&A episode answering three questions: What do you do when an ex keeps trying to come back into your life?! How do you deal with a depressed partner/friend who pushes you away? How to deal with being ghosted and positive ways to overcome it? If you're looking for more please reach out! xo Sarah May B. Here’s the Reco’d Reading I mentioned: 
The Gift of Fear: http://amzn.to/2nMhwcL
The Depression Cure: http://amzn.to/2nPCEQX
Codependent No More: http://amzn.to/2oqPw16
Courage to Change: http://amzn.to/2orhFVw

Help Me Be Me • Power-Ups

Audience Q&A's: Obsessed Exs, Depressed Partners and Getting Ghosted

Forgiveness is a monumental practice because it really guides a lot of what you believe in your life -about the world, love, relationships and also yourself. I’ve said this before but truly the reason to forgive is for you: because it’s kind of like being stabbed and then keeping that knife in your body. Forgiveness is something only you can decide you are ready to do, but it’s also something only appropriate in certain situations. It comes from a pure and genuine goal created for the right reasons, with all the practical information at hand. For example, you might want to forgive your ex for breaking your heart, but you can’t force that until you are ready to accept and move on. Another example of a situation that might be best left for processing but not forgiveness – is chronic abuse. This is a situation when we are likely to blame ourselves – so it’s really vital to lean into anger and claim that blame.  When it comes to other deep wounds, when we prematurely choose to forgive it’s often because some part of us wants to skip over the pain of confrontation – looking at how bad we really hurt. When we want to forgive because the emotions associated with a certain event bring us BELOW the level of who we know we are, that is a mature and profound decision – one made from your highest self. This is something we all get to choose: basically, to align ourselves with who we know we are. 

What I want to do with this episode is really pose that invitation in a way that might get you closer to the reality of processing or forgiving – or knowing where you need to place a hurt from your past. 

References:

Triumph of Heart
http://amzn.to/2pt308G

The science of forgiveness
http://www.salon.com/2015/08/24/the_science_of_forgiveness_when_you_dont_forgive_you_release_all_the_chemicals_of_the_stress_response/

Haven’t read this myself but this is by the guy who heads up the Stanford Forgiveness Project which does a lot of good research. 
http://amzn.to/2qZy5Tt

Ep 95: Forgiveness: How to let go of hurt and anger, and why to do it at all

In this episode I answer 3 audience questions: What do you do if you can’t stop focusing on your ex and whether or not they’re with someone new? Do we have multiple soul-mates and how do I know if I should fight for my ex? When can I start dating again if I went through a breakup 4 months ago? Got a question? LMK! contact@yaywithme.com

If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness based therapies check out this book:
http://amzn.to/2t4UHq6

And if you want more research about how to be happier, check out this book:
http://amzn.to/2s1bjPy

And here’s a link to some helpful ways to stop obsessive thoughts:
https://www.get.gg/step6.htm

And for more of my work including the blog version of my podcast, check out YayWithMe.com

Audience Q&A’s: Obsessed About Ex Moving On Soul-Mates + When to Start Dating Again

It’s hard to be yourself – it takes work. There’s a lot of emotional and thought clutter that gets in the way – especially when you are so wholeheartedly pursuing your best self! This is for anyone who’s been working on themselves and feeling like they’re not happy, not where they want to be, and stuck. Simple shifts in perspective and brain vs body balance can be the difference between lightness and darkness: like changing the channel in your brain when viewing your life. 

For more of my podcasts and blogs check out YayWithMe.com xo!

The Self-Work Vortex: Why Am I Still Unhappy?

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com

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