Letting go of someone or something you love can be a terrifying proposition.  This episode offers a small beacon of hope if you are confronting a painful loss. 

Episode 5: Letting Go

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you have in the world.  This episode features a recipe for creating more self-love and confidence so that you can live a happier and more fulfilling life.  There are ten different tools, a few of which are from the "Help Me Be Me" book.  Invest in your relationship with yourself and you will better the lives of everyone you touch. 

Episode 7: Self-Love from Scratch

It’s pretty easy to “never deal” with anything heavy, or anything that makes you feel vulnerable in life.  You can always find a way to distract yourself, or hide from the tough stuff.  Maybe you’ve been coasting through your emotional adult life and perhaps medicating any and all issues and scary feelings that might come up – or numbing them with drinks, tv, or constant distractions.  Maybe you’ve never allowed yourself to become vulnerable to another person – you’ve kept it very superficial, and you just kind of “pass the time” in your life – but never venture past the top layer. It all feels fine until one day you suddenly “wake-up” and realize you don’t know who you are, what you want, or even whether or not you like yourself.  
Maybe something in your life comes to a head, like you finally meet someone you want to be in love with and that makes you totally clingy because you feel so reliant on their liking you, or maybe you’ve been through a break-up and you suddenly realize you feel shattered – like you have nothing, to you, solo.  This window of clarity might force you to realize you’ve got some work to do on yourself so that you can actually figure out who you are and what you want.  And with that work, grow to like that person, and be happy with who that is.  

If you’re staring at the vast ravine of what you don’t know quite yet – and realizing you’ve been asleep at the wheel of your life for years, I know looking at the amount of work you have to do can feel totally overwhelming.  So if this sounds like where you are right now– this is a podcast for you. 

Firstly, know that you have been gifted with an amazing opportunity. Right now you get to choose who you want to be. Which is really awesome and shows that you have what it takes – already – to become who you want to become.  That you even have this awareness about yourself is the key to the change itself. So what I am going to give you are some steps/tools to help you move through this time efficiently. There are 10 of them and if you want to read them, I will also post the blog version on TeaspoonOfHappy.com so keep an eye out in the next couple days.

Ready? Here we go! This is a blessing in disguise and you're about to enter the best time of your life!!!
This is for you, Justin. Thanks dude for suggesting this to help others!! I hope this helps you, as well. 
xo! Sarah May B.


Episode 23: Where to start the process of personal growth

This is a guided visualization exercise for anyone who's suffering from a recent trauma or in mourning - or maybe you're just going through some tough stuff with your therapist.  It's a guided visualization to help you put the painful feelings away when you need to go on with your day and function. Trust me - it works! I hope you likee and if you want more there's a bunch of tools on the links below:
xox Sarah May b

https://teaspoonofhappy.com
https://teaspoonofhappy.squarespace.com/bookstore/

A Visualization Exercise for Putting Painful Feelings Away

Warning - I say a couple bad words in this one! And it's cause the topic demands it. This is a little "confrontational" power-up for anyone who's hating on themselves and feeling like a loser.  It's to help you stop the negative thoughts and focus on more positive and relevant thoughts - like what you want to do that makes you happy! I hope you likee and if you want more there's a bunch of tools on the links below:
xox Sarah May b

http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com
teaspoonofhappy.squarespace.com/bookstore/

When You're Hating On Yourself and Feel Like a Loser *Contains Sparse Profanity

Does your brain start chattering and seemingly never stop?  Do you feel distracted and unable to focus?  This is for anyone who is trapped in chronic thinking. Like your brain won’t seem to shut up and it’s getting a bit noisy up there. I will cover the what, the why, and most importantly, the solution. There are about 10 different super silly tools to get you started. And apologies in advance - I also drop the F-bomb. (Just once!)

This is for Cindy – and it’s a great topic. Thanks for suggesting this girl!

Check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com for the blog post with all my references and research  -it will be live later this week. Smile peeps! xox Sarah-May B.

Episode 29: How to Stop Thinking So Much - Tools for Chronic Overthinking

This is for anyone who is suffering the pain of loss.  Loss of someone or something important in your life is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to deal with.  And though it feels excruciating, it’s part of what makes your life rich – it is the other half of love.

Right now you are likely struggling with what you want to believe is impossible.  It feels so wrong – like such a violation of natural laws. Your brain and body also wants desperately to deny that this loss is true.  That is the fear of the pain you will feel – you don’t want to look.  Like you almost want to forget – to avoid confronting this truth.

I must tell you that although the pain is almost unbearable, it will not kill you.  You will move through it – just allow yourself to move through it a little bit at a time. Act as your own caregiver in the way you treat this managing of pain. 

I know it's a process that will feel like it's never ending but in reality it will be much shorter than you think, and every day it will get the tiniest bit easier. Just the tiniest bit. And one day you will once again be happy.

Right now - all you can do is move through this time with grace: decide you are going to take it easy on yourself and soothe yourself in any and all ways you possibly can.  The best tools I can give you are to manage the processing of the pain in small and manageable increments, so that you can remain as stable and healthy as possible.  

What I will (hopefully) give you: 
- A structure to abide for self-care.  
- A way to mourn so that you can continue to function and take care of yourself.

This one's for Bo. I hope this helps you even a little bit! xox

Episode 30: Mourning and Dealing with the Pain of Loss

Self-Control: Why a lack of it isn’t your fault, plus 6 tools to improve it.
If you find you have a lack of willpower to do what you know is best for you when it matters the most, this is a podcast for you. I will go into the reasons why as well as a few tools to help you make progress. The episode is divided into three parts:
1.	The science behind low-willpower and its effects on your life.
2.	General Causes of Low-Willpower. 
3.	Tools to Improve Your Lack of it, starting today.
Willpower is a particular kind of energy to exert control. With low-willpower comes a whole lot of badness. It compromises your ability to follow rules, reduces your emotional control, increases anger, anxiety, how well you do at school, the amount of traffic accidents you have, how popular you are, how successful you are. Most relevant: it’s a finite reservoir – so if you’re using it throughout the day, you tap it out. And unfortunately you can’t tell when your willpower is depleted but it’s worn down throughout the day.  So universally, you have the most of it in the morning.

The energy for willpower is linked to your body’s natural energy supply. That’s why dieting is a catch-22. You need energy to have willpower.  Not to mention: The more you diet, the more your body learns to resist dieting. That’s why the amount of self-control you have has a large effect on work and school, but a small effect on dieting. So if you suffer most from a lack of willpower when it comes to food, fill yourself up with healthy food so your body has fuel to supply willpower. And most importantly: use the strength you have to accomplish one task at a time. When you split your energy to two different habit changes, you are likely to fail. For example, dieters are less able to quit smoking. Can’t do two things at once. 

It’s a finite increment of energy inside of you at all times so if you are dealing with managing a lot of pain – let’s say you are stressed or in pain, emotionally, you will likely have a huge problem stopping yourself from snacking in front of the tv at night. Picture yourself swatting away flies all day long. At the end of the day you’re going to be exhausted and likely slow down, even giving up and allowing lots of them to land.

When you’re depleted, you also become more aggressive. When you have more of this energy / glucose you become less aggressive. Hence road rage! 

Most importantly, if you suffer from low-willpower, don’t be mad at yourself – help yourself and support your own ability to do what you know is best for yourself! Xox Sarah May B.

For more of my writing and the blog version of this posting, visit http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com

Episode 31: Self-Control: Why a lack of it isn’t your fault, plus a couple ways to improve it.

It’s that period of time when you’re not sure what to do – but nothing’s changing and you’re trying your hardest, and something better happen soon or else you just might give up.  Whether you’re on a new health kick and not seeing dramatic results, or attempting to pursue a new career – often the most difficult to surmount is the master of disguise – the plateau. 

Oh, the old plateau will make life look pretty much the same for long enough that you start to get antsy.  That you start to feel you might have already failed – or that change of course is needed – “I haven’t seen progress for quite a while - something must not be working – it must be me, why did I even think to try in the first place? This must not be right-“ or my favorite, “Silly me, I never had a chance of success in the first place…” 

It is this window of time – the plateau – I would argue, that is the most difficult challenge you will ever face. It’s not the last leg of the race that tricks you into stopping.  It’s the time when literally the only piece of advice you need is “Keep going.”  It’s this advice that’s the hardest to follow – especially when it comes to pursuits that are new – that require you go out on a limb and jump. 

If this is you, I am writing this to give you a much-needed push in the same direction.  You must have a large gulp of Gatorade and listen to the sound of my voice – keep running.  I know it’s not fun anymore, you don’t feel successful, but there was a very good reason you started this run – and now’s the time you’ve got to trust that and just keep running.  Trust your own original instincts and power through. You’re on a plateau and the plateau ends – your path will eventually round a turn, and once it does, you will be able to see the finish line in the distance. 

Check out http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com for the blog post version of this podcast in the next few days and if you like this, please follow me on Soundcloud or review me on iTunes. 

Happy new year lovely friends!!! xox Sarah-May B.

Episode 32: Sticktoitivness: When You Want to Give Up is When it's Most Important to Keep Going

When you go through a devastating experience like being left by someone you thought was “yours for life” it can be unearthing of everything in your world. Shaking what you want, how you feel about yourself and the future, what you feel safe with – who you feel safe with. Aside the expected affects, the pain, the mourning, this kind of experience can have some very strange effects – because when you’re taken by surprise by something like a relationship, it’s traumatic.  You have been shocked.  So I will hopefully tackle some of the common ones – so you can see that you’re not crazy, it’s all quite natural, as well as hopefully offer you a timeline for how you might feel.  One you can follow along with – so that you can best care for yourself and allow yourself to heal and grow.

If this was a long-term relationship – or even a short one but one you relied on in immense ways, the loss can make you feel you have nothing to stand on.  In short, it can level you and remove all safety from your life. You might be going through worry over what will come of your life – will you remarry? Will you ever love again, trust again? Are you loveable? Am I too old, am I stupid to have trusted this person? Was I the only one who didn’t know – how didn’t I know? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t see this coming? How do I even move on with love?  Woah. Yeah, that’s a lot. So slow down.  It’s going to be okay. It’s time to put that aside.  Now is not the time you should be thinking about the future. You should simply focus on loving and caring for yourself right now. 

Truly, how could you tackle planning anything other than addressing your immediate needs – you just experienced a traumatic event in your life and you are in a recovery/healing mode – that’s what you need to be aware of most.  All you need to do right now is make yourself feel soothed and healthy and balanced.  

If you’re going through a total limbo of character and it’s freaking you out, I will go through a couple of common reactions that happen when one is put through a trauma such as yours. And yes, it’s a “trauma” which means your person is likely having a hard time integrating this new information back into your brain alongside the rest of your experiences. So in short, a big shift is happening. Don’t worry! It’s all for the good. I hope I can help you stay balanced throughout it – hang in there, friend - because I know an event like this can rock you to your core. 

If you want to read more of my writing on a variety of other topics – and to see the blog version of this podcast, visit:

http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com

Smile y’all! Sending you my love… Sarah-May B.


This is for Linda, I hope you like and hang in there girl!


Episode 33: Blindsided with a Broken-heart: When you lose something you thought you had forever.

Today’s podcast is about what makes an awesome bestie so I’m interviewing my best friend of around 30 years – singer/songwriter/actress and all around wonderful girl – Zooey Deschanel.  We discuss favorite childhood memories, fave dance moves, a few bestie hypotheticals, plus what qualities to look for in your own best friends! It’s basically a love fest about all our childhood memories so I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did! Xox Sarah May B.

For more of my writing and the blog version of this interview, check out http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com later this week!


Episode 34: Besties: Zooey Deschanel on Childhood Memories and What Makes a Friendship Last Forever

This is for a person who filled out my survey – I don’t know your name, but this is for you! I hope it helps. You asked how to break out of the vicious cycle of a narcissistic relationship. Because it can be extremely terrifying and painful and feel much like a hostage situation. The reason is that if you are in a relationship with a narcissist – you know how ruthless and dark their punishing can be. It also goes deep into your heart strings, puppeting you around like a raw nerve. In other words – they are master controllers and know exactly what to do to make you do what they want. And also they are WILLING to do it, at all costs. 

This episode is 3 parts – the what, they why, the tools. I will also provide a download for you on my site in case you are in a bad place and need to get a map out of this. 

For more check out Teaspoonofhappy.com and enter the headspace contest to win a year of free meditation!! 
Smile lovely friends - and look for the blog version of this post in the next week on Teaspoon.

Episode 50: How To Break Away From A Narcissist Relationship

This is for anyone who has conflicts with someone they care about who wants to figure out ways to get out of those conflicts fast and productively. 
It’s about our emotional baggage – specifically the unmet needs from our childhood, and how those block us from being able to see and receive the love from people in our life currently.  I will focus on how to get out of conflicts and pain and move into happiness and get more of what you want. How to better love others and better encourage love back. 

It’s a set of tools to stay out of blaming and resenting and let go of what you think they should do. So that you can empower yourself to get to more of what you DO want – which is shared affection and happiness. 


Hi friends! I’ve been away for a bit because I got hitched! It was awesome and wonderful. And now I’m back!

I will do the usual 3 parts: The What, The Why, The How – the tools. And to be clear – this is about all relationships that involve conflicts between the needs of others and your own. About relationships that involve needs of others and your own – and when those don’t match up. 

For more check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com
Smile peeps! xo

This one’s for Lara from Spain – thanks for writing me girl! :) 


Episode 53: Love Languages: Overcoming Emotional Baggage So You Can Better Receive and Give Love

Are you feeling anxious, overwhelmed and insecure? This is full of tools for creating an inner sense of sanctuary: a clarity and calm. This is designed for artists and sensitive types who are more open and therefore porous to the world. We take in a lot, feel a lot, and can become
inundated with “feedback” which can be heavy to say the least. It’s important to cleanse your energy periodically: to tune your focus and reaffirm a helpful, positive reality versus a negative one. I offer tools and reflections for how to recalibrate your energy toward positivity. So zhuzhing up the inside through manual practices. Sending love! Here are the spiritual books I referenced and if they trigger you in any way, skip them and forget I brought them up! There’s a lot of “new” thinking in these…
⁠E Squared⁠
⁠Inner Work⁠
⁠You Are Psychic⁠
⁠The Seat of the Soul⁠
⁠Many Lives, Many Masters⁠
⁠Notes to George: The Whisper⁠
 
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Ep 249: Emotional Reinforcement - Building Confidence with Love

This is for complicated relationships with complicated boundaries, for example when you are stuck in a relationship you dislike, or you are dating but have gone through a life shift, so you fear choosing the wrong person. The reason I chose this topic is often when we are not fully activating our boundaries around the concepts of what we want and what rewards us, we allow a situation or another person to decide our future, for us. So something external will push us into a long-term situation that we never actively wanted or designed. When we are not fully solved as individuals, we may not know why we are not happy, what is not sitting right, and whether or not that’s “valid” for us to feel what we feel. In other words – there is a vagueness to our own feelings and we question ourselves, which keeps us more stuck in a situation. 
We may be emotionally ambivalent or have opposite feelings in a relationship, like dating when you are a single parent: any new relationship might bring up opposing priorities that need to be defined for a first time.  Although the situations I discuss are very different, walking into them with awareness of how you feel and simply giving yourself an opportunity to process feelings can be incredibly helpful and enlightening. Heads up there are TONS of journaling prompts in this one! 
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Ep 250: Boundarying Conflicting Relationships

There comes a time when we take stock of our lives and ask whether or not it’s still working for us. That might be our self-definition, our career, our relationship, or all of the above. You might arrive at this by accident, as in a health issue that forces the wake up, or you might simply recognize the feeling and ask, “Why am I so numb and unfulfilled?” This is an episode to help you look at whatever value system you have gotten lost within so you can set better boundaries around it. Often times we get seduced by external definitions of a path and we pour ourselves into it, never stopping to question whether or not it’s really rewarding for us. Other times we just grow out of it and we need to stop and reassess if a change is needed. Sending love!
 
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your first order and get free shipping. 
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Ep 251: A Midlife Reckoning - Reassessing Happiness

Jealousy, or a perception of your insecurities come to life. How does it sneak into your mind? Your darkest thoughts in your most fearful voice begin scratching at your feelings, dragging you down and causing you to act as your lowest self. You assume you are less than and life is against you somehow.  You're either not enough, or something else outside of you is not enough.  What is this emotional state? Your lowest form of self, the self that is motivated by fear and hate, put in a threatened defensive position. Think of it as You minus your awareness of what is good and loving in this world. This low emotional self is also called your irrational self. 

Most of jealousy acts as a hallucination. It does not show you reality it shows you insecure self-loathing reality: in that world, no one likes you and all the fears you have about yourself are true. For many of us it is clear that we are in an emotionally charged, irrational state – however, we cannot stop ourselves from wanting to “solve” for the perceived insult. “Is it true?! If so, how true? I need to know!” Nothing will quench the irrational need to compute “why” we have been betrayed: we go into loops of solving, calculating, tallying, replaying.  And jealousy has a very potent ability to madden us for that reason: it’s all consuming, it belittles us, and we are aware it’s inside of us and us alone.  A self-inflicted pain with the power to torture and haunt our every moment.  

You will never arrive at your truth through jealousy - you can only do that from a calm, objective vantage point - so this is all about stepping back from the emotion so you can regain your sound thinking. The power behind jealousy is also the key to undoing it: it does not live in reality – it lives in our reaction to reality.  So we can indeed help ourselves when we struggle in the triggered moments.  

Hopefully, I will offer you a few tools to help you navigate out of it and back to your true and highest self: grounded, making decisions from a balanced and sane mindset.  There are three parts: The what. They why. The how: the tools. 

This one is for Fran - thanks for writing me and I hope you likee! xox Sarah May B.

Episode 55: Jealousy – How to Rise Above Your Weakest Self

If you’ve been unable to let go of a relationship or a part of you feels tethered to it, it could be in part the longing for the feeling of completeness. Breakups are also losses of routine and a feeling that we are not alone in the world. A lot of the loss is that concept of our life, not the person we are partnered with and who they are in reality. One thing we can move through as we process a breakup is the loss of that ideal: what we wanted the relationship to be, wished it would become, visualized it would be in the future. Separate from that we can respect the real reasons the relationship ended: who the other person was and why it was not sustainable. That’s what this episode is about: negotiating the two sides to a loss of a partner: the loss of the idea – the mirror we saw of ourselves. And then the loss of the other person. I think in the mourning/healing process we get confused about which feelings are coming from where, which can make closure difficult. You might have had a really bad relationship but some part of you felt reliant on it – this can be confusing in the wake of moving on. Regardless if you’re suffering I recommend therapy for this stage of healing. Sending love!!

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Ep 252: Breakup Loss: The Mirror of Completeness

This is about expanding your consciousness using moments of emptiness and dissatisfaction as a starting point. I will invite you to widen your capacity and open your energy to a higher level by “using the material” that is the dissatisfaction.  Lots of tools in this one. If you feel like you’ve been living loops of stagnation and have been unable to see what is blocking your happiness – like “I am doing all the right things, why do I feel empty?” Feeling that something is missing, that we need something to fix us or fill the void…Or being spiritually starved by your environment…Or the intimate relationships never pan out or become what we had hoped. A lot of this comes into play when we are following a bunk map – we set a goal that is a 2D snapshot and think “I just need this and then I am done!” But happiness is about growing in three dimensions, inwardly. So where to go from here?  Lean into your humanity and set the goal to go deeper. We need our humanity and connection to others on an authentic level. We need to utilize our truth and creativity and feel a worthiness in our experiences. It comes from our sense of spirituality: a sense of trust and faith in the universe. We need our own version of “God” whatever that might be, and if you don’t have that, you can grow it by taking small steps.

The books I mentioned (True and False Magic) https://amzn.to/4luF8Ot
And Notes to George: https://amzn.to/4kgc3Fo

Support this week’s sponsors:
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Ep 253: Happiness Growth: Stopping the Loop of Dissatisfaction

If you’re struggling with trying to keep a handle on your own beliefs in the face of a person with a strong ego, as in a romantic relationship or parental relationship where they talk you out of your feelings or tell you that you’re wrong, this is for you! A lot of people struggle to self-validate. You might defer to another person’s opinion or have a person in your life who talks you out of your beliefs, even if you feel strongly about them the moment you have them. When we are feeling insecure and second guessing ourselves, we are looking for grounding. In the spin – as I call it. We cannot discern the truth – it is illusive to us. We keep thinking “I feel this way! Am I wrong?” What we need to recognize in that moment of that feeling is that we need to back up from the issue and get a wider perspective. The issue is co-created by us and another person and the solution is a longer but accessible one.  This episode is about creating a dose of perspective with context and tools. Often what this comes down to is we are struggling to believe our feelings and trust ourselves and often the other person is controlling us. That might be sinister or it might be totally innocent and invisible to that person. For example, it could be a person who doesn’t want you to leave them. Or it could be a parent who can’t see you any other way than a child. The reason this becomes toxic and unhealthy is when it prevents you from growth. If you have a light inside you that wants to grow, to stand on your own two feet and be the boss of yourself – then this is for you. 
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BOOK recos for this episode:
Intimate Partners
⁠https://amzn.to/4kCyBQU⁠
Dance of Anger
⁠https://amzn.to/3Iqob9T⁠
Courage to Change
⁠https://amzn.to/44La6en⁠


Ep 254: Being Seated in Self: Setting Boundaries Confidently

A lot of success in life happens in tiny micro changes. This episode is to help you curate the mindset of “I got this” as you move through your day. The alt name for this episode was “Ask More of Yourself” but that felt kind of agro. This is about building agency and momentum via seeing success as something small. Keeping a perspective of our own ability, sense of agency, and curating a feeling of “I got this” as we move through challenging times or new, fear-inducing territory. 

Stick around for the tools in this one! This has tips for staying in the channel of focus on what you’re doing right. Appreciating life in the exertion periods and giving yourself an awareness snap of, “Oh, wow, it’s actually not so hard, and I can do this” We can get that snap of clarity when we can look at a loved one from a generation past or the long hours demanded of an Olympic athlete. That concept of empowered endurance and self-motivation is a reset for our day to day toils. Sending love… you are so much stronger than you think, right now.

Support this week’s sponsors!
Sponsors:
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Ep 255: Seeing Success as Small: a path to growth

Are you being loving or are you enabling someone to remain dysfunctional? How do you tell? If you are a person who finds you are enraged and triggered by a relationship in your life and you feel powerless, this episode is about imbalanced relationships where one person is overactive and another person is underactive and how that “sick system” self-perpetuates despite everyone having good intentions. If you are unsure whether or not you are codependent, ask yourself – do you obsess about the way another person lives their life and does it make you miserable? Are you finding yourself being put in compromising situations because of that person? This episode might be a helpful starting point. Also here are a few must-reads!
Codependent No More
⁠https://amzn.to/4ooLFfW⁠
Courage to Change
⁠https://amzn.to/3HgpAzC⁠
The Dance of Anger
⁠https://amzn.to/45kZlQj⁠
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Ep 256: Caregiver Relationships: Setting Healthy Boundaries

What is love bombing? It’s a term used to describe the initial phase of a relationship when someone is trying to “seal the deal” with intoxicating affection. The person connects quick and hard, often validating you in ways you have craved your whole life; saying all the things you want to hear, treating you like you have dreamed of being treated. They make you feel seen and adored, which is why it’s so confusing and painful when it ends. 
 
A lot of people ask me, what happened to that person? Was it not real? It was real for you in your personal experience – however the person who enacted it was not portraying their true self. A person like this usually collects fans. They collect adorers, and they get off on the feeling of control. So I describe it often as a person with a different kind of brain. More on this plus some tools in this episode. This is for one person in particular but also meant for anyone who has fallen for a person who immediately disposed of you after you thought they were the one. And if you’ve been love-bombed and then deeply wounded, I send you much love. Hang in there. xox
 
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Ep 257: Love Bombing – What it is, why it happens

This episode is really about living a life of meaning and being intentional in that approach to today. Tools for focusing your energy on on vibrating toward good – whatever that looks like for YOU, right now. What do you live for? Is your life designed around this thing? I don’t mean living for a job or a mission, necessarily. I also mean things like “hiking with my dog” or “mountain biking.” 
This episode is about returning to yourself, coming back to who you are through deliberate efforts. We are constantly recalibrating. 
I read a quote recently by E.L. Doctoro about writing a novel. “Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.' Self-work and healing is also like driving a car at night. You can make the whole trip that way, you don’t need to see it all at once. Just focus on being deliberate and intentional in how you approach today – only today, right now. We return to ourselves when we create conditions that remind us of our origins. 
 
The book I mention is here:
https://amzn.to/4mcnBKM
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⁠Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60⁠ to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days
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insp

Ep 257: Hello Soul: Designing your life around meaning and purpose

We all want to be nice and caring people – because it feels good. It rewards us. However we are human and sometimes it can be a challenge to stay in that mindset, especially if people are deliberately cruel and hateful.  Anger and hate become a natural reaction – or to simply shutdown and ignore.  For the same is true of fearing those who hate: when you don’t understand someone and their beliefs betray everything you hold sacred, it’s a feeling that can touch every nerve inside you and incite the same thing – inside you. A hate and intolerance for their beliefs.  

It’s tough to be willing to understand others, especially when they express hate, brutality or intolerance. Like looking into the face of someone filled to the brim with fire and toxic sludge, spitting at you – it can offend every sense you have to witness such a thing. And worse, it can infect you and bring you down. There are lots of toxic people out there, and the natural reaction is to stay as far away from them as possible. But when it comes to people you love, you work with, or you can’t shut out of your life – this is a set of tools to help you understand them and better relate to them.  In the face of intolerance, the self-protective instinct is to run away – to shut down to them and soothe the hurt, lest this hurt you anymore. But this is only a temporary fix to manage the situation. There is a state you can graduate to – PAST this point of managing and shutting off – one comparable to enlightenment: compassion. It’s challenging but also freeing, and it can be a powerful solution when it comes to someone you care about or must deal with in your life – for example a loved one or family member. I hope you enjoy! xo 
For more of my writing head to TeaspoonOfHappy.com 


Ep 66: How to Use Compassion to Rise Above the Hate & Intolerance of Others

Hi peeps! It is moi, Sarah May. This is Part 1 of a two part episode. Part 2 will be solely focused on how to ask for a raise and how to tell someone your value when you apply for a new job. This is for anyone who is insecure or has a hard time with confidence at work or socially. Maybe you are introverted or sensitive, so this prevents you from speaking up or saying what you think. Or maybe when you do assert yourself it hurts to hear what people say back to you that’s critical. Maybe you feel intimidated by those around you and they use tactics to make you feel worse. 

Because in an unseen but felt way, your life overall is guided by this theme of fear, low self-confidence, low self-worth: instead of an upward climb, it’s a torturous plateau full of mental battles and fearful anticipations. And you want to do the things that everyone else does – like speak up with confidence, demand a raise, let go of what other people think, have faith in the value of your own opinions, and be a boss. It’s just that pesky inner voice that seems to get in the way.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds hours of create. If you get any value out of the work I do or it helps your life, please consider a monthly donation. Even something as small as a cup of coffee helps this show exist. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/sarahmayb

Thanks! xo


Ep 70: Weak and Insecure: How to Grow Your Strength and Confidence at Work and in Life

Love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t feel like it’s your lifeline – that you will fall into a million pieces if someone else chooses to break up. This kind of chemical bond is similar to that we universally associate with High School romance: hormones are high and we reach sometimes addiction-level chemical intoxication. But that’s not how it should feel when you pass the hormonal bump. Like such an intensely devastating and all-consuming obsession. Past the initial courtship stage, love shouldn’t be tied to NEED and it shouldn’t be able to command your mood and focus. So if you experience it this way, and it causes you to do things that betray yourself and put your needs aside those of another.  If you find yourself all-consumed by the actions or thoughts of another to the degree that it controls your happiness – this is an episode for you. It’s about the particular reasons that this kind of attachment happens to you, that you might not be able to see are operating – or know are optional.  To you it probably just feels like “you” and who you are, not some other powerful unseen force. Because most people who operate like this think of it as a measure of how MUCH they love, or their ability as a person to bend and adapt. Not so. This is an unhealthy form of attachment that can be tweaked once understood. 

This is an episode to educate more than anything because awareness is the first step to change. So listen to this with the goal of simply taking it in. I WANT TO HELP YOU begin the process of the kind of loving that can be done from a safe and balanced distance. From a comfortable place inside yourself, that protects you always. It’s a way of being that allows you to create healthy boundaries, and choose mates who are capable of loving you, and more importantly – makes you capable of receiving it. Because truly we teach others how they should love us, by how we love ourselves. If you are not protecting your needs and giving yourself care and gentle loving attention, then you’re also telling others not to.

With that, here are the three parts! Part 1 is the what, Part 2 is the why, Part 3 are some steps to take now.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com  Thanks!

Ep 72: Toxic Love: I Need Her, Don’t Leave Me, I Can’t Live Without Him

Hi friends, in honor of Valentine’s Day I wanted to share the introduction to “The Break-Up Album” my podcast album coming out later this year. Why? Because it can be a difficult holiday for many of us – the pressure is on! And if you’ve recently been through a break-up, Valentine’s Day can be like a party to celebrate your pain – it salts the wound and makes you feel like you’re not good enough because you don’t have a person to call your own. But in reality, you’ve been given a gift – if you choose to see it that way. That’s what the Break-Up Album is all about! Making this break-up into the best thing that ever happened to you. Which I believe it can be. So with that – take a listen to the introductory chapter of, “The Break-Up Album” available later this year. 

If you’d like to be added to the pre-order mailing list, head to HelpMeBeMe.com and click on the album. 

Sending you much love this week and every week!! xox Sarah May B.


An Introduction to "The Break-Up Album" (in honor of Valentine's Day)

For those who can’t stop trying to convince themselves they’re bad with self-destructive actions. This one is for Nikki. 

Why do we destroy relationships with those who love us? Why do break our own trust, betray our own dreams, and rob ourselves of happiness and safety as soon as we get close to it. It’s a mystifying loop of behavior that has powerful effects on everything about our life: a chain reaction that keeps us hiding or running from the ugly truth of what we’ve done. 

Just like an addict, you live with a subconscious awareness that you will inevitably destroy whatever good you might have – and that anxiety is overwhelming and scary. Like a lurking future of pain awaits you just around the corner. Happiness is immediately blocked by the overwhelming sense of dread that it will soon be lost. And so you self-medicate the fear and cling more tightly to what you want so badly. 

When you do inevitably self-sabotage and act out in ways that betray your values and the values of your partner, the experience is laden with fear and the resulting shame is soul-crushing. Like you just woke up inside a nightmare. You have an almost separate self who is doing these things despite you. 

I want you to know there’s a simple reason behind your cycle of behavior that you must CHOOSE to learn. It’s not who you are, it’s a tactic that you learned to cope with unrelated pain and anxiety. There are three parts: the what, the why, the how.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/SarahMayB  Thanks!


Ep 74: Self-Sabotage: Why We Betray Ourselves and Destroy Our Relationships

I did this myself and it worked for my so I wanted to offer it to you! This is a little refocusing exercise to help you let go of anger and resent - especially if you're fixating on something that bugs you. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a boss - you can train yourself to remember your kind and loving state. It comes down to a simple  re-focusing practice when you need it most. 

xox Sarah May B.

Anger Fixation Relief: A gratitude reflection exercise

Oh shit. This is bad. I’m not wrong, they’re wrong. Ouch this hurts. I wish this wasn’t this way. Why does everyone hate me? I hate everyone. I am dreading going to this place. I wish I never dated that person. They’re probably talking shit about me.  I should be doing better by my age. I haven’t done anything with my life. No one loves me. I look like shit.

These are the voices of worry, shame, fear, regret, pain of various forms – the loops that play out and push us to solve for x or act according to x.  This is when you can’t find your way out of a situation and instead your life just gets smogged over by the situation: when you know that something is wrong and because of it, you feel terrible inside. Life suddenly loses its highlights.  You ask for advice, you work on plans to overcome it, you wish on it, pray on it, lament it, replay it, try to aggressively work on alleviating it, or you hide from it and numb it. And it thickens. It’s the one thing that really catalyzes a whole lot of other beliefs – and you can’t seem to figure out a workaround.  When an emotion sticks inside us it CONTROLS US and often pushes us to act on its behalf – like a little demon with a joystick inside your brain. 

So if this sounds vaguely familiar, this is an episode for you. There are three parts – the what, the why, and the how  - the tools! Before I go on I wanted to let everyone know about my second podcast called “Love is Like a Plant” with Ellen Huerta of Mend. She’s building an app to get you through a breakup. Check us out – it’s all about relationships and dating. Anyhoo. The what!

If you like what you hear and you want to support this show visit me on Patreon or head to HelpMeBeMe.com and click donate! xox

Ep 77: Something's Wrong: When Worry, Hurt, Stress and Sadness Make You Stuck

It’s really hard to stop yourself from helping someone out, doing it for them, giving your time and energy, saying what you said you wouldn’t do again, or diving in head first to a partner – especially when chemicals take over. Because that’s who you are! A giving and loving person! It can feel almost like a commitment to being true to yourself, because when you have all the understanding of someone’s voids – you feel compassion. And even if you didn’t want to try to make them happy or fix something, you feel obligated – mostly by yourself you’re your own inner voice. It’s also because you like them so much and you want to make them happy. 

To fight against this habit will feel wrong, unnatural. And super uncomfortable – and it makes others so happy. It’s a confusing dilemma – to NOT follow your instincts will make you might feel like you’re not being yourself. You want to be loving and give your best for someone you love. It’s a catch-22. And so the flip side of this is you end up doing it all: you’re the saver who comes to the rescue and others will continue to disappoint you on a loop. Like you’re surrounded by children. You end up feeling resentful toward others for not giving you the love and care and THANKS you deserve, but you can’t stop yourself from being there for them and helping them live better lives. It feels good to be helpful.

This end result leaves you and whoever else you are stuck to in life, fighting or empty – battling for love and care and attention. And you’re not asking so much at all – just for a tiny bit of love and support at SOME time in life. Or just for them to not be so destructive. 

This one’s for Ty – great topic! Thank you!

If this helps you in any way, consider making a monthly donation at HelpMeBeMe.com thanks! 


Ep 78: Codependency: I Need to Find Someone Who Will Make Me Whole

A power-up episode for anyone dealing with the pain of sorrow of grief and they don’t know where to put the painful feelings. This is a new meditation exercise I learned and I think it’s pretty amazing. I hope it works for you, too. xoxo


Grief & Deep Sadness - a meditation exercise for releasing and passing pain

This is all about how to get the most out of your capacity and your life experiences as well as how to navigate the painful stuff. I want to talk about the growing of self, as it relates to culture and society – and how it has changed. Plus ways that you can begin to maximize your growth as a human. So this is all about you – and the way you grow yourself in this lifetime. Like a self-reflective path-tuning educational episode. 

This one’s dedicated to Rich and Aldana. Hope you like!! xo


Help Me Be Me

A Life Worth Living

Ep 79: In Living Color: Self-Examination Exercises to Get More Out of Experiences

Hi peeps, this is a cheat of an episode in that it’s about how to get closest to getting your ex back via supporting yourself. There are no cheats that will make your ex spontaneously love you if things fell apart, so think of this as a best-practices-for-best-conditions kind of thing.  

That feeling of pain and longing and even obsession over the loss of your relationship. Maybe it wasn’t something you were expecting, or you both kind of “decided” it was right but now you’re realizing it’s not at all what you wanted and you can’t stop thinking about getting back together. Maybe you’re internet stalking your ex, maybe you’re just super depressed and texting them when you get drunk. Or maybe you’re actively trying to convince them you should get back together – as respectfully as you possibly can, and you can’t for the life of you, figure out how to do this right. So this is for anyone who is trying to get their ex back or is holding their head up high and not admitting they want that, but still wishing they were magically back together– either because you broke their heart and you know now you screwed up, or because you were dumped and you were not ready or willing to have this outcome. If this is where you are – you’re likely in a split personality state that can be sometimes a belligerent puking of tears, sometimes a banal but painful loneliness, sometimes annoyingly obsessed, sometimes scary-obsessed, or sometimes feeling like complete and utter worthless shit – and ONLY your ex can make you feel stable and “yourself” again. 

If you are helped by this podcast, consider a small donation. Visit https://www.yaywithme.com/support-help-me-be-me or visit www.Patreon.com/sarahmayb

Ep 80: I Want My Ex Back - Best Practices Toward Loving Outcomes

This one’s all about the anxiety and stress that you might feel as soon as you end up in a good relationship. The clinginess might be painful, almost excruciating, and the anxiety of not knowing the future and if it's gonna last – might not only take you OUT of the joy state, but ruin your ability to be yourself during the courtship phase. So if this sounds like you, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, I was just like you, and you are among many. This is not forever – so take heart. As usual there are there parts: the what, why and how – the tools! 

For more of my writing or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com

Ep 86: Love Anxiety - How to Deal with Fear Forecasting in New Relationships

Hi peeps! In this “experiment” I answer several questions you’ve asked – quick-fire style! Like it? Let me know! What to do when the universe is shitting on you, How to deal if you don’t get along with your parents. Dating: What to do when you can’t help but feel needy or anxious. What to do if you have the same problem in relationships: why it happens, why you should take notice. How to deal with social media when you’ve been through a breakup, and How to forgive yourself when you fuck up a relationship or you feel like you made a bad decision in a relationship.

Audience Q+A's: Guilt, ish w/ family, unfollowing ex's, dating anxiety & universal stuckness

Forgiveness is a monumental practice because it really guides a lot of what you believe in your life -about the world, love, relationships and also yourself. I’ve said this before but truly the reason to forgive is for you: because it’s kind of like being stabbed and then keeping that knife in your body. Forgiveness is something only you can decide you are ready to do, but it’s also something only appropriate in certain situations. It comes from a pure and genuine goal created for the right reasons, with all the practical information at hand. For example, you might want to forgive your ex for breaking your heart, but you can’t force that until you are ready to accept and move on. Another example of a situation that might be best left for processing but not forgiveness – is chronic abuse. This is a situation when we are likely to blame ourselves – so it’s really vital to lean into anger and claim that blame.  When it comes to other deep wounds, when we prematurely choose to forgive it’s often because some part of us wants to skip over the pain of confrontation – looking at how bad we really hurt. When we want to forgive because the emotions associated with a certain event bring us BELOW the level of who we know we are, that is a mature and profound decision – one made from your highest self. This is something we all get to choose: basically, to align ourselves with who we know we are. 

What I want to do with this episode is really pose that invitation in a way that might get you closer to the reality of processing or forgiving – or knowing where you need to place a hurt from your past. 

References:

Triumph of Heart
http://amzn.to/2pt308G

The science of forgiveness
http://www.salon.com/2015/08/24/the_science_of_forgiveness_when_you_dont_forgive_you_release_all_the_chemicals_of_the_stress_response/

Haven’t read this myself but this is by the guy who heads up the Stanford Forgiveness Project which does a lot of good research. 
http://amzn.to/2qZy5Tt

Ep 95: Forgiveness: How to let go of hurt and anger, and why to do it at all

In this episode I answer 3 audience questions: What do you do if you can’t stop focusing on your ex and whether or not they’re with someone new? Do we have multiple soul-mates and how do I know if I should fight for my ex? When can I start dating again if I went through a breakup 4 months ago? Got a question? LMK! contact@yaywithme.com

If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness based therapies check out this book:
http://amzn.to/2t4UHq6

And if you want more research about how to be happier, check out this book:
http://amzn.to/2s1bjPy

And here’s a link to some helpful ways to stop obsessive thoughts:
https://www.get.gg/step6.htm

And for more of my work including the blog version of my podcast, check out YayWithMe.com

Help Me Be Me • Power-Ups

Audience Q&A’s: Obsessed About Ex Moving On Soul-Mates + When to Start Dating Again

It’s hard to be yourself – it takes work. There’s a lot of emotional and thought clutter that gets in the way – especially when you are so wholeheartedly pursuing your best self! This is for anyone who’s been working on themselves and feeling like they’re not happy, not where they want to be, and stuck. Simple shifts in perspective and brain vs body balance can be the difference between lightness and darkness: like changing the channel in your brain when viewing your life. 

For more of my podcasts and blogs check out YayWithMe.com xo!

The Self-Work Vortex: Why Am I Still Unhappy?

This is for the person who got ghosted, not the person who ghosts. Contrary to how it feels, a lot of thought can go into ghosting. It could be something that someone debates and replays in their mind for weeks on end. The decision to ghost comes from a very specific place. It’s not “I don’t care at all” it’s more, “I don’t know what to say…” 

As in all my episodes, there are three parts – the what, why and how – the tools. This one’s for Bryan! 

For more of my work including the blog versions of my podcasts, head to YayWithMe.com 

To make a donation you can visit YayWithMe.com/donate or find me on Patreon.com/SarahMayB

Ep 108: Ghosting – Why’d it happen & what to do if it happens to you

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com

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