when we were young girls
we dreamed endlessly
of who we might be 

back then the whole world
was a starter served
before so-called reality

was shoved down our throats
and rattled our bones
and made us stay home
cos we can’t walk at night safely

you started to smoke;
I can’t answer the phone
without “breathing deeply”
call it ritual anxiety

summer, street corner
I had nothing left to say 
summer, drunken mourners 
as our young hearts died that day

then we were young birds
on the evening breeze 
the seasons change; last chance to flee

I know you’re somewhere safer
but I’ve run out of stories
now I’m bleeding poetry

summer, street corner
I had nothing left to say 
summer, drunken mourners 
as our young hearts died that day

I hope you know
you’re worth more than him
and me, and anything.

I never had a chance to mourn my girlhood
never realised it would end
and looking back I never really understood
just how blessed I was to have you as a friend

the things that we’ve lost
don’t return to us
as constellations of the things we might have been

you drink yourself to sleep
and I’m in therapy
sometimes life really is as shit as it seems

yet there is still joy
somewhere within me
though it may be buried deep

I hope you feel it 
sweet memory
and I hope you remember to dream
I hope you remember to dream. 

summer, street corner

I don’t need someone to make me feel safe 
you made me feel brave 
I am afraid of being alone but I know I already contain 
all the things that I call a home 

and I’m ready for you to forget me 

there are no mountains in South London 
yet I have known you as one 
I’ve known you as a homemade fence, a playground swing 
the night I lost my blue ribbon 

and I’m ready for you to forget me 

I have known you as my friend’s laughter 
frustration and disaster 
I have known you walking home after 
another shit night out with my arm around her 

and I’m ready for you to forget me 

because actually life is long 
and actually I am young 
and I don’t think I quite know yet 
what it means to love anyone 

but I try to keep my heart soft 
look up as I walk 
notice where I am 
think less and feel more 

I have known you as I left you 
clutching a seed in the palm of my hand 
I once lived in you 
now you live in me 
and I live where I am

Somewhere I Am

this is the song I can’t write for you 
this is a year that I’ve known the truth 
this is the story I told myself 
but couldn’t believe though I wanted to 

this is whatever you mean to me 
this is your name in my diary 
that sits behind maps of the stars on my shelf 
and watches my past lives sleep quietly 

so I’ll blame it on fate 
wrong time wrong place 
or was it my mistake? 
thinking I could escape 

thought I could run away from my fears 
convinced myself they would disappear 
if I just hummed loudly and closed my eyes 
but of course they all followed me here 

this is the laugh I am listening for 
waving to you outside my front door 
I say I’ll miss you and realise 
maybe I don’t really know you at all 

so I’ll blame it on fate 
wrong time wrong place 
or I’ll blame it on pride 
feelings we tried to hide 
or I’ll blame it on you 
took too long with the truth 
or I’ll blame it on me 
I’m sentimental and naive 

and when there’s nothing left to blame 
my heart still hurts the same 
but I’m trying to move on 
I’m not waiting for that song any more 

this is the 23rd of July 
I say see you later instead of goodbye 
this is the relentless passage of time 
and everything is fine

See You Later

and I am watching as you kiss him in the middle of the road 
as if this is television and as the credits roll 

we'll fall back into our own lives where nothing ever happens 
candy floss pink sky and all our tears were only acting 
in truth we walk home drunk all holding hands and our imperfect lives 
seem perfect for a second and I don't dare question why 

now I am crying as you tell me about your summer 
I am not helping, don't know how to, I've never felt younger 

as if I fell back a decade when I realised the truth 
the slogans I may shout in pubs are of no fucking use 
life just keeps on happening year after year after year 
and for whatever reason we found ourselves here 

and I am laughing, you are laughing, we drank too much 
you are laughing, I am laughing, as we queue up 

oh so cinematic can't believe that this is real 
I can't believe my heart has such capacity to feel 
we don't know where we're going, what tomorrow will reveal 
but for now we're laughing spinning on a ferris wheel 

we are laughing

Ferris Wheel

she cuts my hair and we both scream 
I couldn’t bear it any longer 
I joke that it’s a piece of me 
does she know I’m talking to her? 

she reads the future on my palm 
and tells me I’ll live long and happy 
but when I reach out for her palm 
she moves to button up her sleeve 

isn’t it just a game? isn’t it just a game? we don’t know how to play 
isn’t it just a game? isn’t it just a game? I prefer fortune cookies anyway 

I miss the days we used to 
stand on our step and discuss how 
we promise we’ll quit smoking soon 
but soon is far away from now 

and spent our nights picking dead flowers 
cos we hate parties we hate crowds 
swing and laugh away 
the things we can’t say out loud 

isn’t it just a game? isn’t it just a game? we don’t know how to play 
isn’t it just a game? and we can start again 

I know it isn’t a joke 
but what can we do with our pain? 
this is the way that we cope 
isn’t it just a game?

Dead Bouquet

the place I used to live has not disappeared 
but I have only dreamed of it 
and woken up in reach of someone I cannot kiss 
then I practise saying your name 
in the darkness to keep myself awake 
as if I could stave off the day I will forget this 

I keep clinging on to something I've already lost 
and in fact never owned 
now I'll walk into the ocean with my pockets full of stones 
but I get home somehow 
to find there's only sand falling from the creases in my hands 
where do I go now? 
I didn't think I'd get here so I didn't bother making any plans 

the place I used to live has not disappeared 
but I have only dreamed of it 
and woken up asking if I still exist 
there or anywhere outside my own flawed perception of myself 
I just can't help spending days at a time 
avoiding my own gaze dressed in disguise 
why am I so afraid of simply being? 

I keep clinging on to something I've already lost 
and in fact never owned 
now I'll walk into the ocean with my pockets full of stones 
but I get home somehow 
to find there's only sand falling from the creases in my hands 
where do I go now? 
I didn't think I'd get here so I didn't bother making any plans 

the place I used to live has not disappeared 
but I have

Somewhere I'm Not

Recorded in Takasaki, Ikaho, Kanazawa, and Toyama

I want to be alone

I hear a voice, it's not my own
begging for love, asking for hope
what do you need?
who should I be today?

tell me who I am 
and I will serve you as I can

I want to be alone

lost in the laughter that you heard
Finn, where did you go?

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