thanks to @iamthreesixty for the piano (:

lyrics:
does this mean
that I’m not who you thought I’d be
couldn’t be by your side

I’ll leave you alone
I’ll leave you alone
I’ll leave you alone
I’ll leave you alone

evaporate the atmosphere
you rise beyond the weight of air
that holds you in this state

so I’ll sit here
and I’ll just stare
as your body boils away

it’s our planetarium winter
stomach churns and the knots get tighter
no more setbacks break through it
other side of the cosmic harbour

I’ll leave it alone
I’ll leave it alone
I’ll leave it alone
I’ll leave it alone

evaporate the atmosphere
you rise beyond the weight of air
that holds you in this state

so I’ll sit here
and I’ll just stare
as your body boils away

it’s our planetarium winter
stomach churns and the knots get tighter
no more setbacks break through it
other side of the cosmic harbour

Planetarium

headphone recommend
spotify: 
https://ffm.to/3rg4qvn


lyrics:
i'm still here searching for that same thing
definition of insanity has the same ring to it
i hope you don't mind me brushing you off again like that
cause I need more reasons to be feeling this bad

i'm still here searching for that same thing
definition of insanity has the same ring to it
i hope you don't mind me brushing you off again like that
cause I need more reasons to be feeling this bad

got a list of things that I wanna do when I feel just right
i wanna go outside more
cut my hair
i wanna be there

I wanna be there

schema

Back of the car, stacked like coke in the cab.
I wasn’t sure but the window was cracked.
Company car, cross the first then the last.
Brought them along, faked a long final pass 

Bright yellow squares that appeared in the sky,
Radio says I should keep it inside.
conquered the slant covered mountainous hold,
Stuck out my hand - only now it was cold.

Glue on the page, stuck to me like a plague
Find myself stuck like the bird in the cage

You are the landslide that crumbles the house
You have me caught like a cat has a mouse

The grass was surrounded and turned into black.
Missouri was swollen and swallowed the tracks.
Moss gripped the back what was cobbled and red.
I bolted back just to level the tab. 

I was outside when the drops hit the path
Eliciting reasons to stay where i’m at.
Caught in the draft, it had blotted the sun.
I saw the wall, I could tell I was done.

Glue on the page, stuck to me like a plague
Find myself stuck like the bird in the cage

You are the landslide that crumbles the house
You have me caught like a cat has a mouse

I could not move - I could hardly breathe
I cannot beg - taking amphetamines
Know what it meant, I have found the extreme
Somebody said you mean nothing to me

lookout point

https://ffm.to/windwatcher

cover art by me

with her wings to the sea, she voyages onward
_____________________

touching the ground
you fell pretty hard, didn't you?
fjording the sound
kindle my claws and i'll come with you
brushing the bound
whistled in burlap it's sowing through
and no-one's in rounds
thistled in furrows i'm folding through

windwatcher, harvest the breadth from the rines
windwatcher, carving your stead in some time
windwatcher, caught all the arrows and climbed 
windwatcher, don't harken to them you'll be fine
windwatcher, cherish the callows in twine
windwatcher, spread both your wings and you'll fly

haunches and hallocks
had lost all the follage 
in bolstering burgeons 
had hauled out the hallage
surfeited solace
i'll foster the foundage
i know it all too well
staves aching but you're holding still

touching the ground
you fell pretty hard didn't you
fjording the sound
kindle my claws and i'll come with you
mooring the crown 
when you had harbored no solitude 
in laurels lain down
i'm done trying hard not to look at you
i know it all too well
staves aching but you're holding still 
unroven catching silt
caudal curled up, exalt shouldered will 
i know it all too well
staves aching but you're holding still
unroven catching silt
caudal curled up, exalt shouldered will

windwatcher, harvest the breadth from the rines
windwatcher, carving your stead in some time
windwatcher, caught all the arrows and climbed 
windwatcher, don't harken to them you'll be fine
windwatcher, cherish the callows in twine
windwatcher, spread both your wings and you'll fly

windwatcher

lil birthday gift

this will be polished, mixed, extended, and released on platforms eventually (you're welcome tyler :3)

lyrics:

And I can't stand to reason with 
The things that you've been speaking about me
About me
And I can't stand to listen to 
Whatever you were telling me to change
Its all the same

Cause' I heard it
As you called me
And I told you
I was lonely
And it sounded
So insulting
But I swear that it was nothing
Now I'm not there
When you need me
And its hard when you can't see me
Its all my fault

Its all my fault

Emotions on a string
Tied in a gordian knot 
For the thoughts that I will cull
It made me dull
And I can't shake the feeling 
that I won't be missed at all

And my blood pressure keeps rising
Through every step I take
Its not enough to kill me
But I think I might just faint
And I'm sorry that you're watching
With nothing you can do
How can I be there for myself
When I can't be there for you

When I can't be there for you
You
When I can't be there for you

for u (demo)

this might disappear someday so don't be mad at me

made in 24 hours
all sounds recorded with an sm57
effects and arrangement done on ableton live 12
cover art made in adobe illustrator
---
your time ran out

i couldn't build noah's ark and
feel like i'm falling in quicksand
i don't know what to do anymore
cause these demons bring me down
i cant control it no more

but they say
"angel why would you do that
angel you need to stop the fumble
angel you need to create fast
why did your other projects crumble"

can't stick with anything for long
i always move on
i always move on

sticks and stones just build my bones
foundation to the heart and soul
i've tried sharing with other people
but i cant no more
cant no more

i always knew about you
i always knew about you
and you knew me to

not afraid of letting go of my past and all my wrongs
silken tapestries i wove up all into a song
were cut to shreds by other versions of me
got to undo undo undo the versions of me

i always felt like i'm never perfect
weeping on my statue of my own self
i did it all like it's a service
except it's for me and nobody else
nobody else

shapeshifter

searching for it like a lighthouse with the lights on
tell me if it’s too late to be waiting for my escape

lighthouse

05/01/2024 - 08/23/2024

hypnotized
if you come down to the garden we could verbalize
for the hollow of your mother
you could chase the time
and turn it into something else
all the things you did to me are poisoned
with immaculate intelligence that i feel
whoever told you that You can turn it down at godspeed

its ok now
but all i wanted was a feeling

one free fall
Shutdown
rising me from the above
smacking me into the ground
if i could
i would let you know the truth
but all i see is staring at and waiting for me
cant let it decieve

all the morning routes
and the nightsky
we just falling out
in a new time
line the feeling
open my eyes
break the ceiling
as the wall cries
about meanings
no regarding
only live it
in the timelapse
and believe it
like do magic
like the kids we used to be

one free fall
Shutdown
rising me from the above
smacking me into the ground
all i see is burning colors
i dont wanna see the light

Break the pen
I dont wanna play nor pretend
That we could be something that would work
Only if we break all the amendments
I dont wanna have you as a friend and i dont wanna hear from you again
Everything thats been on your mouth
You can let it have some air
I fall through the pieces of a glass
Always on my phone but left on read
I dont wanna feel like im a mess
But i really think that im a mess
I dont wanna have you as a friend and i dont wanna hear from you again
Everything thats been on your mouth

https://www.instagram.com/p/C-99kt1MsWI/

sweep.als

soft

credit to julian for taking the photo and helping me with revising lyrics

find me online
and i’ll drop on the act
why would i lie
just to leave you behind
oh i’m in your walls
like a voice in your mind
i’m asking you if you’re doing alright

you hear me calling all of the time
how can’t you hear me after all of this time?
and never in the places i try
if you wanna speak then, why would you hide?

so caught up in some bad news
and i don’t know what to do
don’t know how to be near, get closer to you
caught up in some bad news
and i don’t know what to do

how do i reach back to you?
back to you
oh why you?
back to you, you

back to you

i want to go underwater
i want to see all the fish
i want to go meet a mermaid
just to see if they exist

but i don’t know how to swim
maybe i should just go home
eh, i’m happy with just watching
but i’m sad that you have to swim alone

i want to see the big whales
all the sharp teethed eels
swimming along the crust
among plastic bottles and cigarette butts

but i don’t know how to swim
maybe i should just go home
though i’d be happy to be watching
but i’m sad that you have to swim alone

lighthouse

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