Kiss me quick like im yr first cigarette
The one you'll always regret
When yr old and aching in yr bones
I'll be the one you'll never forget
‘Cause im yr first cigarette

I think love is like the feeling of
Remembering my headphones on the bus
Im patting my pockets seven times over
To make sure i remembered
Before i walk out the front door

I love with the vigour and flare
Of a hypochondriac in the urgent care
Honey don't be alarmed
I wrote you a letter in the back of your car
On state street in the glow of a bar

I am the pit stop you make
In between your last big heartbreak, and finding the love of your life.
I will always be the cool little diner
With the odd assortment of knick-knacks and quirky charm 
That you took a few pictures of on your disposable camera
And keep in the bottom of a drawer to remember three times a year
When you are looking for batteries and stumble upon me instead.

It’s a peculiar feeling, to be wanted
Not forever, and not a little,
Just a lot, for when it happens.

Kiss me quick like im yr first cigarette
The one you'll always regret
When yr old and aching in yr bones
I'll be the one you'll never forget
‘Cause im yr first cigarette

first cigarette

(these might be the lyrics, idk what i do when i play)

if you lied to me
Would it be in the quiet stuff?
You caught me sipping penny coffee
Im a dead flower shrine
i found that you drool on stale beauty
All of the time

I can see you lying to me
In the quietest things
With your mouth on my neck
Sending out messages
Over my rancid shoulder
Did you know im
A rusted cigarette holder?
I hope you cut your tongue
On my name
An infection
my hysterical pain

keep lying to me
In the quiet things, darling
While youre making your mixed drink
Will you sing me to sleep
I know I won’t see you in the morning
go ahead, lie to me
once more with feeling.

I could lie to you
In the quiet things too
My fingers trace your back
Am I drawing up blood?
I could do for an honest hug
i dont know why i mess things up most of the time
but we can both agree thats what makes you and me
my favorite rhyme

keep lying to me
In the quiet things, darling
While youre making your mixed drink
Will you sing me to sleep
I know I won’t see you in the morning
go ahead, lie to me
once more with feeling.

did you catch my lie?
i said dont be a stranger
the other night
flatsound always gets it right
i cant wait for you to be a stranger
in my mind

quit lying to me
In the quiet things, darling
just make your mixed drink
let me go the fuck to sleep
(lover)
i know i wont see you in the morning
I’ve come to terms with missing you
so just lie to me
youve stolen all my feelings.



("penny coffee/deadflower shrine" credit to haven johansen)
(song title inspiration from "dont call me peanut" by bayside)
(flatsound refrence "you wrote 'dont forget' on your arm")

you're not honest (you never could be) ((acoustic))

Listen well and please be high
I wanna be there in your morning, because im still falling
Your dandelion is in my books
Your life still beguiles me
Darling, I'm lost 

"My love," I said, "We're tripping"
There's nothing here to catch our fall
Outside your house, your fathers screaming
And he laughs, tells me he’s a wolf
He does this all the time

The landlord, strikes a pose
As internet whores decorate your mailbox
With your singing and your meds
Your world still enthralls me
Darling, I'm lost

My love, I'll drink you up
I’ll wear your clothes when we’re apart
"My love," I said, "We’re breaking"
 So you lie, and tell me you’re alright
You do this all the time


((I wrote this song for the band slowdive. they had a song that reminded me of someone so this song is about explaining that person to them in the same format their song was.))

wolf

((a moody nocturne about solitary walks through the city streets at night, with gritty realism infused with a vision of the street -as the street hardly understands.))

what i finally remember is feeling free
that's how i'd end -walking off into 
an epilogue of the present,
where allegiance is pledged to a dream
rather than tarnished memories

streets in their own ink
ignored in tangled sheets

whats lovely about you is elusive
nondescriptive
whats lovely about you is elusive
non descrptive

my brother road the blue spark of a street car
in the dark mornings
the cracks of carbonized windows
flowed with the blood of stained glass

streets in their own ink
ignored in tangled sheets

whats lovely about you is elusive
nondescriptive
whats lovely about you is elusive
non descrptive

streets in their own ink
ignored in tangled sheets
they think its tremors are their own suppressed emotions, 
molten eruptions the lust night drew from their bodies
they never noticed.
they never notice.

whats lovely about you is elusive
nondescriptive
whats lovely about you is elusive
non descrptive.

Streets In Their Own Ink

ive never been in love but i imagine its like this.

bless the telephone

(i wrote this in 10 minutes, recorded it in 5.)
(its still messy but i wanted it gone.)
(it's better messy anyways.)

Have I always been a chore?
Was it like this before?
Frantic hands on my skin,
You'd exude my name like its a sin.
You were panting my name.

Dissolve in shades of green
Memories knelt at
The guillotine.

I felt small and weak,
Kissing your cheek.
When I said goodbye,
You rolled your eyes-
And i cried
On the drive home.

Dissolve in shades of green
Memories knelt at
The guillotine.

Have I always been a chore?
Was it like this before?
Frantic hands on my skin,
You'd exude my name like a sin.
You whisper my name
Now it's not that same.

shades of green

epilogue // the antlers

this is how i feel in my head when i listen to death cab for cutie:

some days give way
more than others, lover
a dead taxi and a pretty face
seem to know their place
for us it's not the case

listening to "a lack of color"
on the porch
do you know better
than Benjamin Gibbard
and the spectrum's he absorbed?

in a cloak and dagger town
do you see me upside down?
surreptitiously turned around.
or do you know better?
ashing in the gutter
you know i am a beggar

listening to "a lack of color"
on the porch
do you know better
than Benjamin Gibbard
and the spectrum's he absorbed?

can you see me now?
its a hole and corner town,
im stumbling around.
pieces of people fall over the edge
like rocks into a hedge.
im trying to find a wedge
to secure the door down
will you slam it anyhow?

give me a reason to stay.
i want to be here anyway.
give me a reason to stay?

a reason to stay

((bees: a song for ben))

odor of a shadow 
in your bitterness
ya tell me 14 was the 
junkyard of your youth
you and your guitar 
devor stunted wilderness
just you and your guitar 

dropping all your bees
in my passenger seat
go as you please
dont skip a beat
youre dropping all your bees

8th grade you kept 
the universe 
alone
every voice youd hear 
on the telephone
is simply
the mocking echo of your own
(you and your guitar)

dropping all your bees
in my passenger seat
go as you please
dont skip a beat
youre dropping all your bees

will you tell me where
you're kind of here and there?
will you tell me where
you're kind of here and-

((Mix by 801sessions, 2nd guitar by JoshicaCatscratch))

Horrible Penny

bees

My mistakes aren’t hard to see.
Your eyes look like jelly beans,
Sweeter than a bunch of love sick teens
Getting high off of amphetamines.
My corpse in a blanket fort
Hiding from your exclusive court.
Last call before you lock the door-
Take me back to before.

Strawberry
What are ya doing to me?
Strawberry
I should've said something, I know
I know.

Arms are weak and I’m feeling cheap.
Forgotten love, is a strange thing.
Nostalgia is the owner’s king,
If I had known I’d’ve said something.
Muted veins and a weary heart
Vomiting in a shopping cart.
How are you now that we’re apart?
Take me back to the start.

Strawberry
What are ya doing to me?
Strawberry
I should've said something, I know
I know.

A swimming pool in an ivy tomb;
I know you like to watch the roses bloom.
Thorns lift you up like a balloon,
Set ya back into your bedroom.

You’ve been thinking about suicide
And everything that’d get left behind.
Sacrifices for the Antichrist,
Giving up and getting high.

strawberry

((how i feel when i see you in public, but i run away before you see me too.))

I'm wearing your jeans to sleep
Are they still mine to keep
Sometimes at night I think you're coming home
I remember we're both alone
I know the truth is mine to own
It's like a needle in my bones
I'm wearing your jeans to sleep
Are they still mine to keep?

I'll hold your hands I'll hold your hands I'll hold your hands I'll hold your hands

Was that my fault on the phone?
Am I the reason we're both alone
You said the romance is dead
That why you insist on haunting me, then?
Was it my fault on the phone?
Oh, I'm so alone.

I'm wearing your jeans to sleep
Are they still mine to keep
Sometimes at night I think you're coming home
I remember we're both alone
I'm wearing your jeans to sleep

tommy hilfiger

In the living room there was not enough of you
I thought i felt your ghost
Keep me company your love is like a symphony
I thought i felt your ghost

When can we meet again?
I only want to hold your hand
When can we meet again?
I only want to hold your hand

The earthquake alluded my bones to ache
I thought i felt your ghost
My eyes were wild, the hazel of a child
I thought i felt your ghost

When can we meet again?
I only want to hold your hand
When can we meet again?
I only want to hold your hand

I was lonely, losing all the parts to me when
I thought i felt your ghost
Just a minute dear there's mescaline in the atmosphere
I thought i felt your ghost

When can we meet again?
I only want to hold your hand
When can we meet again?
I only want to hold your hand

hold yr hand

city's waitin' - (only a demo)

Maybe in the spring we’ll know
Maybe when the seasons grow old
Maybe in a year or so
We’ll be home

Im watching it again and again
Memories we never had planned
Smiles on our faces in so many places
Taking in all i can again and again

Told you I loved you last night
You didn’t really put up a fight
Trying as hard as i might
We aren’t quite right

Maybe in the spring we’ll know
Maybe when the seasons grow old
Maybe in a year or so
We’ll be home

arrivederci mio amore

We took the blue line when we were sixteen
Sang in a girl band, feminist machines
Do you still think of me like you used to?
Or am I just someone who fails to impress you?

Bellingham prove me wrong
Show me youve cared all along

The avenues, your white prius
Acoustic guitars, Spiderman blanket
Ive got a feeling now that we’re twenty
And youve moved up north, you care less for me

Bellingham prove me wrong
Show me youve cared all along

Hildreth died jumped off of the roof
You and I are the only living proof
We drove a heist in her fathers car
Midnight paper said we didnt get far
Come on get down
Debbie get down now

Bellingham prove me wrong
Show me youve cared all along
Bellingham prove me wrong
Show me youve cared all along

((youll probably never listen to this, but if you do, yeah its about you. cant say it to your face, but i feel it every day.))

bellingham (demo)

"the first kiss... is very special." (betty draper)
"but i already did it, it's over." (sally draper)
"you are going to have a lot of first kisses." (betty draper)

hand on my heart -where do I start?
i called in a hoax
little blue bars its all going dark
i remember it in strokes

and in the morning i wrap my cold sheets to my chest
the radio host cautions not to get obsessed
give it yr best follow along with the rest
the radio host sends her regrets

sleep with a friend, call it the end
i cant shake yr taste
i hate what i said i am lying in bed
i keep popping waste

and in the morning i wrap my cold sheets to my chest
the radio host cautions not to get obsessed
give it yr best follow along with the rest
the radio host sends her regrets

"you are going to have a lot of first kisses. you are going to want it to be special, so you remember. it's where you go from being a stranger, to knowing someone. and every kiss with them after that is... a shadow of that kiss. where you go from being a stranger, to knowing someone." (betty draper)

and in the morning i wrap my cold sheets to my chest
the radio host cautions not to get obsessed
give it yr best follow along with the rest
the radio host sends her regrets

radio host (demo #1)

sensitive lo-fi, emotional indie.
(i wanna shiver the cities, down to the last radio.)
just katana demos, f.k.a. horrible penny

ethereal hotel

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