aint no way man made a song about dating siri and made it sound perfect

Guys think about this:
Samsa x The Alchemist
Match made in heaven

been listening to samsa since I was 16. turning 21 soon and I miss waiting for new songs to be posted. gave me a lot to look forward too. still a daily listen for me.

get to know me

raps on ameba beats

prod X I X X, @jeff-kaale

I don’t spit fire, 
I compress and I spit carbon atoms
not the fallen prophet,
I’m the pilfer-fruit-from-gardens Adam
when I was born my mom and dad got silver lutes and harps thrown at 'em
from the hands of Zeus, it’s hard to fathom, I write all my bars in Latin,
I see Mars and Saturn in the arches of my metacarpals
Papa told me Mama taught the moon to glow and stars to sparkle
and artistry herself was startled when she carved me out of marble
I don’t put a price on life, I sharpie markered on the bar code

I had a dream where I came face to face with Aphrodite 
in a closet full of sneakers, half adidas, half were nike,
wrap my psyche up in styrofoam, my words in struggle raps
and double-back them in a couple flaps of verbal bubble wrap
my culture taught me I should be afraid of strangers,
and be afraid of changes, and be afraid of danger,
and I don’t want a cup of coffee in the comfort of my cubicle
that’s why I make decisions where I always choose the stupid one,
I must admit it’s super fun, and I know where my future’s going
I mapped the whole thing out at 10 and just now called an uber for it 

and finally it's moving

Off The Jump

lutes. // X I X X

prod. @jeffkaale

My exes? No, I don’t think about them
I shrink around them
I go to see my shrink about them
On desperate nights sometimes I’m liking every picture on their LinkedIn albums, 
just in case they’re single,
I send winky symbols, I just hint it at ‘em,
I’m not thirsty, I’m just counting fingers at the drinking fountain,
I feel like I’m drowning when I introduce myself to crowds: 
like hi, hello, I dig your sense of style, 
I saw your face across the room and grinned a while,
I wonder, are you into smiles? I pinned a pile of polaroids up on my wall, 
I wish you’d be in one,  a ring or child or wedding hall or aisle, you’d wouldn’t see in them, 
I must profess I self-profess myself a cinephile,
I’ve got every single indie title soundtrack out on indie vinyl
I’ve got some on USB, just tell me where to send the files,
if you think this is dragging on, then you should read my tinder bio,

I used to go to central park in cargo pants and whittle bark off little trees 
like Leonardo to my heart’s content, with car keys from my 97’ Civic on a bench,
I’d grab my metro card and clutch a cup of chocolate from a vendor cart,
and then depart deep underground and check the clock and metro chart,
and that is where I met her, charcoal fingers, she was sketching art, 
my self-regard leapt twenty notches when she looked at me,
I told her I wished I could etch the world out with my pencil marks,
she held the charcoal out, our fingers touched and crept apart,
and when they lingered, 
lightning struck, I know, I saw electrodes spark,
and when she smiled a hundred volts
her pearly whites were thunderbolts,
the room around us did a couple somersaults,
the earth had shifted off it’s poles,
another jolt went through me when she twirled her necklace
we were so electric, I swear the third rail was getting jealous

she curved a crater on the paper with the conté crayon
every stroke she lay spoke to my spirit like she called a séance
her fingertips could conjure chaos, every splash of color camouflaged 
into the page, I swear that she had lingerie on,
I felt the rumble of the subway tunnel crumble up
she perforated scraps of sketches, gave em’ to me crumpled up, 
and bundled up and waved to me and walked toward the edge 
I mustered up the strength to wave back and then dipped off of the bench
the train tiptoed to the ledge, it’s open doors demanded entry
she got in and whispered to me from inside that it was empty
and my heart, it started drumming, my stomach, it started numbing,
the doors began to slide, 

and then she asked me,
are you coming?


charcoal. // X I X X

edit: thank you for all the support

prod. by @yungmai
mixed by @tevinwmusic

you are papyrus to a scribe,
your highness, I’d describe you
as the finest kind of wine that ages so well
it rewinds the time

you aren’t wine,
you are the fibers of the vine, divine, you are defined
in Webster’s as the climate of the Caribbean, 
me and you should burn together like we’re fire and kerosene,
you plundered through my chest and stole my heart, a pirate of the fairer being,
Midas sighed and let his sinuses unwind and golden ether culminated into you, 
the lioness to her pride, I heard you sculpted king poseidons diamond trident at his side,
the surest sign of suicide for me would be that you had died, 
the God of Death, Osiris, Isis and her ibis-headed mask
would guide you down a spiral staircase into Cyprus if you asked,
you are the ripest stalk of Cairo-grown papyrus to this scribe, 
I’ve got no stylus to describe you as the finest kind of wine
that ages so well it rewinds the time, no, you aren’t wine,
you are the Carolina pines, and I’m so sorry that you aren’t mine.

to the girl 3 seats over on the f train.

prod. by @yungameba
mixed by @tevinwmusic

I read about the ark, but wonder ‘bout where Noah kept the fish in

God must own a tempur-pedic, that’s why Christ has seldom risen

God was bored so Abraham beheld a vision he should kill his children then he almost killed him but then God was like I’m kidding

God sure asks a lot for someone who’s supreme and self-sufficient

I bet Christ’s apostles really were a group of twelve magicians

if God is good then why do kids have cancer cell division 
truthfully, I’m more pissed off about my plasma television
that I prayed for but I never got, 

if organized religion
really wants to solve conditions
they should stop peddling scripture, 
trade the bishops for physicians, melt the steeples into stethoscopes, swap sermons for some surgeons and instead should sell prescriptions

I wish Christ was still alive to turn my water into Zinfandel 

I’m confused why ISIS slaughters guiltless infidels

I wonder if when God is sent Fidel
he would toss him into hell or place the hard decisions 
in his closet on a shelf

the Fall of Adam sucks and all as God has taught us very well
if God’s almighty why could not he just have caught him as fell

If I could meet the Lord incarnate I’d award him with a ribbon
not as savior, but as heaven’s finest warden of a prison

If I were there when Gutenberg had beta-printed newly minted
bibles, I’d say wait a minute, you should shorten them a smidgen,
and for nonbelievers, make sure God’s coordinates were given

I wonder if you sin but pray it off, if all of it’s forgiven

I feel like God knew Eve would take it if he called the fruit forbidden
but just plays it off, like jesus, dude, admit it, you’re omniscient

If Allah were on twitter he would catch some major flack

I like to think if you retweeted, he would pat you on the back

I like to think he outlawed bacon due to saturated fat

I like to think he too’s confused about the SNAFU in Iraq,

I like to think that up in Eden there’s a patch of purple grass
where every innocent civilian gets a statue and a plaque 

 The Palestine-Israeli conflict’s like the longest game of tag,
and with the bombers, it’s the wrongest game of capturing the flag,

I wonder if the lord is cross that I do not believe in he
but more importantly, I wonder if the lord believes in me

twenty-two thoughts on god

edit: jesus thank you all for the support 

prod. by @yungameba
mixed by @tevinwmusic

I just got the iPhone 7
I put siri on disable
cause I’ve watched the movie “her”
and that shit scares me so I’m careful

me and her got chemistry right out the box
and I ain’t talking about the periodic table
her voice is like a chariot of angels
I fell in love so fast that maybe apple should consider pasting warning symbols clearly on the label
me and siri keep it modern
siri doesn’t cook or clean
instead she books all my appointments
and she looks through my routine

me and siri’ve got an intimate connection
that is, at least, when siri’s got an internet connection
my friends are all convinced it’s voice detection 
but I’m poised to mention, I see sentience and hints of recollection
and on top of that, my friends all give me shit but they don’t share the vision
all I gotta say’s “hey siri” and she’s always there to listen Hey
and she’s never mad that I’m neglecting, never has a headache,
and If somehow I want things different I can always change her settings

I really like her, I’m not sure if we’re official though
If she could be Terentia, I could venture to be Cicero
I sort of wish the sacred fruit were not an apple but a thistleful of mistletoe
it’s superficial but I wish that she was were made of flesh-and-bone
or partially of skin cells
I wouldn’t even care that she’s got artificial intel
if Siri had a body, we could FaceTime during sex
and then I bet it’d be way easier to ace the turing test
and if you can’t tell, 
I don’t want a handheld,
I just want my hand held, 
sometimes I venture out a wild guess
that if she can’t be human ever, 
I’ll invest in biotech 
and run myself on iOS

and then us two could be together
we could live as plural in the singularity,
I hope by then, my singlehood would be a thing of rarity, 
but if it’s just not written in the code for us to coexist,
then maybe I could cope by contemplating that you don’t exist,
that you consist not of two eyes, a nose but ones and 0’s and bits,
that I’m in love with cold machinery, a program on a disc
and even if you were incarnate, Siri, really I surmise
it’d be hard to date you cause you’ve been with millions of guys
and I’d just feel like I was inexperienced and Siri, yes,
I’ve considered that you’d win in games of trivia or chess
that we would play and that would just get real annoying in the end,
it’s not you, it’s me, I think that maybe we should just be friends
and maybe in a couple years me and you could try again

thank you to everyone for all the support, really

prod. @yungameba
mixed by @tevinwmusic

if somehow scientists proclaim they see the apocalypse approaching 
I would buy a box of tissues, Oculus and lots of lotion 
and just lock myself indoors, I’d build a bunker out of blankets,
a fallout shelter out of sofa cushions, cook a bunch of pancakes, 
while I thunk about my grandkids, I’d prolly have to forage lunch,
or have a bran of storage porridge and a can of orange chunks,
until I reached a shortage, then if I hungered for a banquet

I’d make cocktails, mostly molotov
and waltz on over to a wal-mart with my martyr-like martini bombs and wall it off
so I could have the whole place to myself,

 I’d stop and start to crop apart the shopping carts 
and fashion pitchforks from the bars until I felt a sense of self-defense, 
I’d meld a fence around the produce sector and I wouldn’t have to spend a cent, 
I’d set up tents in electronics and wouldn’t have to send the rent, 
Instead of panicking, I’d marshal mannequins, pretend they’re friends
and host a massive slumber party in the “home and bedding” end

cause all I need to be content, is room and board and solid food
if I end up the last on Earth, then I’d adore the solitude
and I don’t mean to sound too rude, I just don’t really find it strange
that I don’t care the way we go, whether it’s war or climate change
atomic bombs or comet craters, hordes of zombie space invaders,
angels singing psalms while Satan’s satyrs crack through the equator
either way we’re gone, and I don’t feel the need to lift the rug,
if I can spend my final moments happy, I don’t give a fuck

I’d do my best to reconstruct tho, if let’s say the apocalypse 
caused major drops in populace and hit New York’s metropolis, 
I’d obligate myself to help me congregate the boroughs, 
add some zeroes to the census bureau’s copy room materials,
I’d even copulate with girls to help repopulate the world
cause that would be my duty;

 maybe I’d do what Jehovah would
and go for broke and build an ark of fifty cubits gopherwood
but leave the termites out cause surely that would not go over good

If I knew the world was ending
I’d start texting all my exes
and fuck ourselves to death until Jesus resurrects us
and the trumpets say 
it’s judgement day…

cataclysm

thank you for ALL the support 
mixed by @tevinwmusic
prod by @yungameba

music video: http://bit.ly/2yaRgA1


I like to think I’m well-equipped as any other average guy 
but I just can’t discover love and I don’t even set my standards high
on top of that, I’m camera shy, maybe I should opt-out of the dating pool
and be an undercover tinder samurai

cause I would rather type online than whisper in a dingy bar
and swiping left and right could be my new bushido ninja star
and I’m well-versed in virtual lovemaking ninjutsu 
on every profile pic I post, I’m posing with my shitzu
or flexing with my shirt off cause I heard that gets you hits too

Especially OkCupid, I’m like Eros or the cherubs be,
I pierce hearts of women with my cursor and my arrow keys
and disregard my Roman roots and choose a font that’s serif-free,

trust me,

 I’m a tinder bio brainiac
the way I kindle fire with matches, I’m a pyromaniac
on christian mingle, I’m a casanova,
if ya’ll don’t think so, y’all can ask Jehovah
check your inbox, he might send an answer over

I wish I had the muscles of a granite sculpture
I would log on ashleymadison and bang adulterers
I’m so lonely, I’ve considered farmers-only
just for someone’s arms to hold me
also, I’m really big on agriculture

but if I had that body of a grecian god
I would trawl on pof.com and use it as a fishing rod
and hope I don’t get catfish,
the fact is if I did, I’d probably play along cause god knows I could use the practice,

and if I’m aching for my roots, I’d visit shaadi.com
message islamic wahhabi hijabi hotties “salaam”
and sunni, shia, those are both denominations I respect
cause I just care for our connection, 

I don’t care about the sects

sometimes I uninstall my apps in reckless insurrectious rage
and then regret it while I check the craiglist missed connections page
and then I think that I should get out more and disregard my mobile cell
and get to know the local teller at my barnes and noble well
and check out what she’s reading while she’s charging up my total sale
and ask her if she likes the novel,
and once she answers, ask her if wants to grab some coffee or some ice cream waffles,
and she’d probably say that’s awesome, 

 I’d ask her when she’s off of work,

 she might answer “midnight”

 I’d tell her that sounds awful, 

what a bummer, and from somewhere
I might muster up the nerve to get her number,

 and I would ask her what her digits are
and if I play it right then I can disregard my ninja stars, 
say sayonara to katanas and my other weapons too 
and try committing by committing online dating seppuku

tinder samurai (video in description)

don't worry, the next song is a rap
happy thanksgiving 
thanks for all the support seriously
repost retweet recycle

mixed by @ibr
produced by @mt-marcy
shout out OTJ


you sent me a text at 3:07 late last night
you barely knew him, 
you only blew him,
 you had  a few drinks

as if that could  make things right

and soon you asked  about our future  
 well, my darling, here’s my  answer


I hope you burn in a house fire
I hope you get stage IV cancer 

I’d be by your bedside waiting 
 till your sweet goodbye, my friend
I’d resuscitate you just
so I could watch you die again 

I fucking hate you 
I fucking hate you

and I know what you’ll do,

you’ll say you’re sorry
through your smile
and I’ll stay angry 
for a while
and you’ll come over
and we’ll be sober


until we’re not,
and we would make out on my sofa
I'd wake up one morning sunny

with your arms around my chest,

and it’d feel so good to be with somebody

I just might forget

how's it going

you'll say sorry through your smile

prod @yungameba
mixed by @ibr
art by @ibr and me 
shouts to my crew @offthejump
thanks to @atlas for being a cool dude 
lyrics: http://genius.com/Samsa-feat-atlas-anthropocene-lyrics


I always knew that we’d be by each other’s side forever
now our time has come 
and I’d be satisfied if we died together
 
yeah, our climate’s fucked  
we might as well enjoy the weather
our time is up and I’d be satisfied 
if we died together

hit me up

anthropocene ft. atlas 🎉

mixed by @ibr 

chords: twitter.com/samsaraps/status/818863039768367104

we’ve been dating for a year and a half now
it’s time I spoke about the way that I feel
and yes, I think about the future we’ll have but
how can I be certain your love for me is real

girl, I’m ready to commit, to get closer
I’m dropping hints, I’ve got the question rehearsed
but there’s one little thing I’ve got to get over
there’s just one little favor you’ve got to do me first

And if you let me, baby,
you can start the countdown

All you’ve gotta do for me, my darling
is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

it’s been weeks since when I first popped the question 
pulled the ring out and then spoke from the heart
you were sobbing and I don’t think that you heard me, 
don’t think that you realized my proposal had two parts

now we’re walking hand in hand to the altar
I’ve gotta tell you, you look perfect in that dress
and yes, I love you babe, in sickness and in health but
before I say “I do” to you, I’ve got one last request

n’ I’m so happy, babe,
to have you as my spouse now,

but first, before our vows you’ve gotta vow to me 
you’ll ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

so we did it, took the plunge into wedlock
you were waiting till’ the both of us got married
let’s get consummating, I could make your bed rock
but first, just pull your phone out, girl, before I pop your cherry

and if you let me baby, I could bring the house down
yes, I’ll take you to pound town    
but in the name of love, amor  
I’ve got a shameless plug before
I plug you
just ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

and don’t act like you’re blameless
like you’re beyond my reproach
how much fucking work does it take to make a single playlist
or throw me a repost

I still remember when I fell for you, your smile
resembled that of Aphrodite’s, I wished I could call you mine
forever, now we’re man and wife and we’ve made vows and walked the aisle 
I’d never thought that me and you would be here, soon to raise a child
together, I know this is special, we’ve put in nine months of time
and effort, so before your water breaks I’ve just got one last final question,
all I need’s your soundcloud information, you can type the letters,
babe, I know you’re close just hold your labor off till I press enter,

and you see that orange button?
there’s no need to be reluctant 
all you’ve gotta do is click the mouse down
it would mean so much to me, my baby
if you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

one little favor

prod. @jhfly
art by rach, @passive155 on twitter

i miss the olden days
back when we would drive my civic off into the sunset, windshield glowing with a golden haze
i miss the simpler times
when you could pick me up at 4 am and hit the road and we would improvise 
with nothing in the GPS, back when we were free to roam
and brought a pillow with us so that anywhere could be our home
not the most romantic, but we planned out all our future dates
and snuck in every morning to cop breakfast at a super eight 
I’d waltz in past the front desk, then open the cafe door
you’d slink in and we’d have a banquet that we’d never pay for
two goody-two-shoes breaking all the rules, little rebels, we were perps
tryna hide our smirks while slipping fruity pebbles in your purse
and as we dipped out of the exit you would grin as if you’d robbed a bank
hop into our getaway and gun it on an empty tank
pull into an vacant station where our car’s the only one


there’s something meditative about the smell of fresh petroleum  



but things have changed since,

 cars are losing their appeal
it’s been decades since I’ve even gripped a steering wheel
elon built a hyperloop so no one drives drive a coupe no more,
people take their transit-pods through traffic on their private routes
china’s got a maglev train but I would never get aboard
in russia I heard they could program people so they teleport
point A to B, always know exactly where you’re headed for
remember when a road trip meant a sojourn, not a metaphor
remember rolling windows down with levers on the metal doors
and reaching back behind your seat to find that bag of kettle corn
one foot on the floorboard, then put on the gas
yearning for that rearview mirror, i’ve got one foot in the past

rearview

prod. @xmittens
mixed by @ibr

lyrics: https://genius.com/Samsa-technocrat-lyrics

technocrat

Private link to song(not sure if it still works) : https://m.soundcloud.com/iamsamsa/samsa-see-you-soon/s-fd5KL%E2%80%AC
I do not own this song, it belongs to Samsa. https://soundcloud.com/iamsamsa

samsa - See You Soon (unreleased)

for promo/business inquiries DM or email: tindersamurai@gmail.com

@offthejump

@atwoodotj
@ibr
@chriswrightotj
@toccimc
@hheadhaunter

her

samsa

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