Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

This song is part 1 of a five track series I call: "A Soliloquy of the Subliminal Consciousness"

This song is about a child who only gets broken and damaged toys from his father, very rarely getting new things. This is based on a feeling I grew up with as a child.
Now, don't get me wrong, I was not neglected as a child and I did get alot of new things but the feeling was still there. When my friends got something and I would ask for something similar, I would often times get a damaged toy instead because it was cheaper... or that is what I thought for a long time and still do in a way as an adult. I would put on a brave face and swallow my disappointment so I would get to keep the toy. This is about the feeling that lingers in my mind and is about me.

The Broken Toy

Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

This song is part 2 of a five track series I call: "A Soliloquy of the Subliminal Consciousness"

I will not go into details on what this song is about. The lyrics are about a subject that is very hard to talk about.
Yes, this is about an incident in my youth that I was unfortunate to be a victim of. I escaped with my life but my mind has been broken ever since then.
A child's mind is a resilient thing. If something is too traumatic chances are the memories will just get engulfed by the subconscious mind. That is what happened to me. I always had an inkling of something that happened. My temper became volcanic. I have always had the feeling of a memory of a thumb I had bitten off someone, it was weird how I could remember the biting sensation of flesh but there was no resistance... no bone... I will let you fill in the blanks.
You have been warned, this song is not about a light subject matter.

White Van

Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

This song is part 3 of a five track series I call: "A Soliloquy of the Subliminal Consciousness"

This song is about the slow buildup leading to a nervous breakdown I had back in 2018, when all the supressed memories from the track "White Van" were released into my brain. To say that I went berserk is an understatement. I did not harm anyone around me thankfully, but I can't say the same for myself and the multiple attempts I made against my own life. I hid the shame I felt. I lied to those around me. I lost my job and at first I did not tell anyone about it but as these things go my loved ones eventually found out... but that is material for the next song.
Over the years leading up to my breakdown I was always curious about the obituaries ever since I saw one of the demons that haunted my sleep had died. Two more times over the years I saw a monster had died, the last one... the most wicked of the all died a week before the memories flooded my mind.
I'm still here. They are not.

Echoes in the Obituaries

Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

A song about my favorite MMO and the server I play on.
It's an anthem. An ode to all the players from beginning and future, to all the developers and coders and the people who made the game available to the public again.
I salute you all.

The Paragon's Anthem

Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

This is a song about not taking care of your endurance resource in the mmo City of Heroes. It pokes a little fun at all of us that forget to check if our toggled defenses are on and also when we eventually run out of energy and a goon squad drops us.

Thaat's Not a Good Sound!

Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

This song is about a cat trying to get the attention of its human servant in order to get some food earlier than it should.

Feed me human

Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

This song is the fourth in my five part series about my trauma.
This story tells of when I first told people about what happened to me as a child, of the memories flooding my mind and the several attempts I tried to end things permanently.
I told my GP and she wanted me to talk to a doctor at the hospital, but she tricked me. I went to the hospital and she had me committed. My phone was confiscated and my ability to communicate outside of the ward was limited.
...I don't handle being held against my will all too well and had my girlfriend at the time not rescued me I would not be alive here today writing this story. I don't talk to that GP anymore and have since then moved on to better doctors and physicians.
I lost people I considered among my best friends when I told them about what happened to me. I know now that not everyone can handle my story and I know I should not tell it like it is so I use this medium to interpret my feelings to keep my mind and heart from exploding.
Thank you for reading. This means alot to me.

The Weight of Silence

Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

This song is the fifth and final part in the series about my trauma.

This song  is about me taking back control, of shaking the chains of depression, breaking the bonds of self delusion... of being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It is impossible to fight all this stuff alone. Like a phoenix you CAN rise from the ashes but let your loved ones, those who care, those who are trying to help you... just let them be the embers that bring you back.
Rising up and realising that I am not alone, that I will not be alone no matter how alone I feel is probably the greatest thing I have done in my measly 45 years of life. I will not let my trauma rule my being. It has shaped me, yes. It will NOT control me any longer.

We can all achieve great things. 

Taking Back Control

Full disclosure: This track is created using AI. I use SUNO for all my music but I craft all the lyrics myself and curate the tags myself to make the perfect sound for each track.

This is a song about a character I made in the MMO City of Heroes. He's a moody alien infused guy who's not happy about his lot in life and makes it know through his music and powers.

DarkSide Hustle

Full disclosure!
The lyrics are written by myself but performed by SUNO.

What the song is about.
When I was a teenager at the ripe old age of 16, I was playing soccer with some random people. Everything was going great until the ball went out of bounds and rolled into a field of unmowed grass. I went after the ball and when I got back I had an itch in the crotch area so I scratched at it and then things went kinda crazy. A hornet had flown up my shorts and that was the itch I had felt and when I scratched it the fly went insane and started stinging everything it could put the sharp thing into. I stung my balls so many times until it found its way out of my shorts and chased after me for quite a distance. I felt alot of shame and refused to tell anyone, pretending to be sick... even my parents didn't know. Finally after a couple of days I took the bus down to the emergency room at the hospital because my balls were the size of well ripened oranges. That ordeal made it so that I will never be able to father a child.

Buzzkill Below the Belt

Full disclosure!
I wrote the lyrics but they are performed by SUNO the ai music generator.

This is the first song of an album I call "Soul of the Sidewalk."
It is based on a character I play in a game called City of Heroes.

Soul of the Sidewalk

Full disclosure.
I wrote the lyrics and had the ai SUNO perform them.

This is about my mental health journey. From childhood to this present day. I still struggle with everything but some things are easier than others.

Track 1, is about a feeling instilled in me from an early age of me not deserving nice new things and caused me to break some of the new things I was given in order for me to accept them as my own. I still struggle with this core feeling and it has ruined many of my relationships because I feel like I don't deserve to be loved, so I subconsciously distance myself from people I love and those that love me causing relationships to crumble into nothing.

Track 2, is about the single most traumatic event of my life. I think the lyrics speak for themselves and I don't want to write a description of that horrid event here.
I have included two different musical styles of this track as well as bonus tracks with cleaner vocals.

Track 3, is my journey through life secretly obsessing over the obituaries in the paper after I saw a picture of one of my attackers and is also what eventually leads to me having a mental breakdown. 

Track 4, is about my attempts at my own life and my cries for help. There are some complicated feelings with this lyric that I have trouble putting into words. 

Track 5, is my decision to not let this mental affliction control me. I am not going to allow what those monsters did to me dictate who I am. It is my declaration of me taking control of my life.

4. The Weight of Silence

6. White Van - Bonus Track #1

2. White Van

5. Taking Back Control

3. Echoes in the Obituaries

Full disclosure!
I write all my lyrics myself and use the SUNO ai generator as the performer.

I wrote this song yesterday. Actually it was completed yesterday.
I've begun to channel my emotional setbacks into writing lyrics about how I feel and this one is pretty dark.
I have stood at the precipice of this darkness before but unlike the early days I did not try to step into the darkness.
I am in emotional turmoil. I don't want these thoughts but they come at me anyway. I have to live with them every single day, that is my burden, like so many other people in this world.
Finances are always a trigger for me and just yesterday I had a setback in the form of my disability benefits are under threat of being cut.
So I was able to finish this song.

I Don't Want to Wake

Full disclosure!
I write my lyrics myself and use the SUNO ai as the performer.

This is the culmination of a two year pondering. It explores how music is everywhere and how we as creatures of this world make sounds that we draw from our enviroment, experiences and the noise that is around us day by day.
I'm not going to let loose here with all my ponderings on this subject.
What I ask of you as a listener, is listen to my words and give a comment or two about your thoughts.
Thank you for reading and listening.

The Akashic Musical Memory

Full disclosure!
I write my own lyrics and have the SUNO ai perform them for me.

This song is based on lyrical input from my brother as an idea to encourage his work buddies to remember certain things before heading out to a job site.

Tool Check - indie pop rock

Tool Check - ska

Tool Check - reggae

Tool Check - funk

Tool Check - dark folk fantasy disco

Tool Check - country grunge blues 2

Tool Check - country grunge blues 1

Tool Check - dark folk fantasy 8 bar blues 2

Tool Check - dark folk fantasy 8 bar blues 1

Full disclosure!
I write my own lyrics and use the SUNO ai as the performer.

This song is about my feelings towards my financial situation and how the government agencies treat those of us that are on disability benefits. 

I’m So Tired.mp3

Pixelated Groove Machine One

Pixelated Groove Machine

My second track made in Renoise. I have discovered I like mixing different genres.

A Little Bit Of Jungle & Ska

Full disclosure!!!
I wrote the music and the lyrics but I use artificial intelligence to sing along my track using the lyrics provided.

This track is part of a collection of adventures turned into songs that one of my Dungeons and Dragons characters got into in the background of the main storyline. Zendir Silvertongue has become an inspiration for me to write music not only based in the world of D&D.
Zendir started his career as a main character for me in a Dragonlance campaign but now lives as a backup character in case the character that took his place should perish.

Virtual Viking Studios

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