This week, the Idiots discuss

00:00 Welcome!
00:44 Eclipse
07:45 Trans Visibility Day
24:10 Oregon Drug Use
31:41 Amazon Grocery Store
35:33 Viewer Comment

The breakdown: 

—Who knew we were still living in the dark ages, where an eclipse would send the dumbest of the dumb into a tizzy? Sure, they’re tracked, which means we know exactly when and where they’re going to happen, but they’re also A SIGN FROM GOD THAT AMERICA IS A SINFUL COUNTRY!

—Who is stupider, Marjorie “Jewish Space Lasers” Greene, or the people who support and vote for her? Serious question, because she is just beyond dumb. Before she threw a fit over the eclipse, conservative commentators wet their pants and cried their eyes out because Trans Visibility Day fell on Easter. Most notably, Caitlyn Jenner joined in the chorus of idiots blaming Joe Biden for “declaring” Easter was Trans Visibility Day.

—Oregon voted to decriminalize all drugs. How did that work out for them? Not well. Who saw it coming? EVERYBODY.

—Amazon was going to revolutionize grocery shopping. You’d walk into a store, grab what you wanted, and walk out. AI and modern technology would keep track of everything and charge your Amazon account, easy-peasy. No clerks, no fuss, no muss. Except it never worked, and now they’re pulling the plug. Turns out, the “technology” was basically a big call center in India, with poorly-paid workers hunched over computer screens, watching footage of shoppers. 

—We respond to a troll who likes Trump more than reality.

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com

Episode 569: Fear the Eclipse

Episode 570: Next Up, WW3

This week, Anthony Eugenio joins the idiots to mock all that’s in the news.

00:00 Welcome!
01:06 Iran Gets Frisky
11:33 Christians vs. The Eclipse
17:13 Justice by Crime and Country
25:15 Catholics Double Down 
30:17 Obesity in America

The breakdown: 

—Hamas attacks Israel. Israel whomps the unholy hell out of the Gaza Strip. Iran thinks that’s no bueno, arms Hezbollah. Israel says, “Oh, F-you,” and bombs the Iranian Embassy in Syria, killing one of Iran’s biggest douchebags, Brigadier General Mohammad Reza Zahedi, and other Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) commanders… and now, Iran has launched a drone attack on Israel. What’s next? I suppose that’s what we’re about to find out…

—I wish, I wish, I wish I could find a legitimate source for this next story. According to Reddit—noted home of QAnon and various other wonderful conspiracies—a Christian woman who believed the eclipse was a sign the rapture was upon us, went to a restaurant and tipped generously. And not “50%” generously, several hundred dollars on a $40 bill generous. Aaaaaand, when the rapture didn’t happen, again, she went returned and demanded her money back. Because of course she did.

—Italy: come for the pasta, stay for the murder. Amanda Knox was in the news again, so nathan did a little digging… Did you know that Rudy Guede, the man who actually murdered Meredith Kercher, only got a 30-year prison sentence? Even better, he was released early, to finish his sentence doing community service. Seems they’re kinda light on crime there.

Meanwhile, over in Vietnam, Truong My Lan was sentenced to death for a white collar crime. Man, God bless Vietnam! Imagine if the U.S.A. had put to death all the douchenozzles behind the economic collapse in 2008?
 (Or, for that matter, any economic collapse.)

—Oh, Catholicism… your numbers are shrinking, and every time people are asked why they’ve left the church, they say, “It’s 2024. People are gay. Get over it.” So, what did the church just do? Double down on their anti-LGBTQ rhetoric. 

But wait, there’s more!

They’ve added surrogacy to the list! Yes, if there’s one thing women love, it’s being told what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

—TikTok: it’s where stupid people go to “learn.” Well, anti-diet influencers started telling people to listen to their gut when it came to diet. Eat right and exercise? That’s for losers. Your body will tell you what you’re supposed to eat, and if it’s telling you candy bars and donuts? More power to ya!  Oh, and by the way, the food industry is backing these influencers, and you’re gonna gain weight and get fat if you listen to them.
 Who could have seen this coming? Anyone with an IQ above that of your average potato(e).

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com

Episode 570: Next Up, WW3

This week, Lisa David Olsen joins the idiots to mock all that’s in the news.

00:00 Welcome!
00:56 Iran vs. Israel
03:33 Trump Owns Republican Party 
13:17 Trump media
18:37 Maxwell Azzarello
25:50 Jesus vs. LGBTQ
29:29 Breakdancing in the Olympics

The breakdown:

—Last week, nathan said it looked like Iran’s “show of force” against Israel was all image, and BOOM! He was right. Iran launched their missiles, then said, “We showed them!” 

Of course, Israel had to respond to that, because apparently you can’t just take a W in the Middle East, so now we’re kinda in a holding pattern.

—This is delicious… The Trump campaign now says that any Republican candidate who runs on Trump’s name… HAS TO PAY ROYALTIES TO THE DONALD.

Honestly, we’re stunned he didn’t think of this sooner. It is genius, though. Donald Trump is the name, the face, the everything of the Republican Party, so if you want to associate with him, you should have to give a little kickback to the Donfather.

Side conversations in this segment include Arizona’s new abortion law, and how Democrats win in Alabama.

—Sure, the stock price of Trump Social (or Truth Social or whatever it is) lost over half its value since being released… but why would Donald care about that? It’s all found money to him. Sure, stupid investors are losing their butts, but that’s just hilarious. Oh, you trusted a Trump business? Trump University, Trump Steaks, Trump Casino, and Trump Airline didn’t give you a heads up as to how all Trump businesses do?

Still, when you’re starting with zero, anything above that is a win. 

So, Trump is technically kicking ass, because it’s all found money.

Side conversations here include My Pillow Guy Michael J. Lindell, and his ability to draw more crowds as a speaker than many celebrities.

—The best headline I saw regarding conspiracy theorist nutbag Maxwell Azzarello was, “Florida Man Lights Self on Fire.” They had to throw in the Florida part, and God bless them for it. His manifesto showed such a unique brand of crazy, it’s not to be believed.

—Churches everywhere are losing members, and more and more often, it’s because they hold antiquated, idiotic views regarding gay people. What does that cost them? Money. A new article showed a breakdown of spending by a Methodist gathering, and funds are dipping. 

—The Olympics have their finger on the pulse! They are in touch with the zeitgeist. They are allowing breakdancing, which was big in the 1980s, to be a part of the modern games.

Well done, Olympics!

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com

Episode 571: Trump Cashes In

00:00 Welcome!
00:26 George Santos
08:39 Maxwell Azzarello
10:32 Isra Hirsi
22:33 Red State, Blue State
26:12 Elon Musk
33:15 Endangered Species

The breakdown:

—The man with no shame does it again… George Santos recorded a Cameo for NAMBLA. Well, not NAMBLA proper, they didn’t hire him. Someone hired him as a joke, giving him a script for NAMBLA to see if he’d say he supports the group, and because he’s dumb and greedy, Santos went for it.

—Maxwell Azzarello has a fanbase. We should’ve seen it coming… Whenever you discuss someone on the fringes of society, their fellow fringe-thinkers come out in droves. Insult dummies who believe the earth is flat? Flat-earthers arrive with pitchforks. Point out someone who set themselves on fire is insane? Insane people will call his cause just. Which means next week, we’ll have George Santos lovers yelling at us.

—Ill-educated students are protesting the Israeli/Hamas conflict. Naturally, Ilhan Omar’s daughter got into the mix, and found herself banned from campus. Ah… to be young and dumb again, taking a multi-layered, complex issue, and breaking it down to black and white, and right and wrong.

—Speaking of complex issues turned simple: Greenville, South Carolina, real estate agent Jen Hubbell wants to help your conservative family leave that awful liberal state you live in. By pitching South Carolina as an alternative to the woke agenda, she’s helping overly-partisan people move to a state that’s 42nd in education, and 8th in crime. Division is fun, isn’t it? We need to separate ourselves from one another more.

—Headline: TESLA IS TANKING BECAUSE DEMOCRATS HATE ELON MUSK!! Reality: sales are down because now there’s affordable competition. That said, Elon isn’t doing himself any favors by aligning with the dumbest of the dumb on Twitter. 

—Nancy Teresa Gonzalez de Barberi, founder of the luxury handbag company Gzuniga, is going to jail for 18 months. Why? She was using endangered pythons to make purses. Gross. 

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com

Episode 572: George Santos Sends His Love

This week, comedian Dobie Maxwell joins the idiots for fun and merriment.

00:00 Welcome!
00:32 A Really Smart Comment
04:07 Outrage over the movie The Fall Guy
12:50 Legal Failures
22:32 Influencers
28:49 Rob Marciano, Fired
32:15 New York Times Investigation

The breakdown:

—People are amusing. You can say something plainly, in their native language, it can be a simple concept, and yet they will find a way to be so dumb they miss the point (and the truth) entirely. Basically, Jake and nathan made very clear statements about the idiot college kids protesting the Israel/Palestine conflict, and someone who was either (a) not paying attention, or (b) is too partisan to see reality, took umbrage. Let’s clear things up, shall we?

—It’s one of our favorite topics: the outrage machine! Something (anything) happens, and dumb people react on Twitter. Should they be listened to, or ignored? Ignored, right? And yet, a reporter with no real morals or values knows that clickbait is the most important thing out there, so they round up several tweets by idiots and write the article, “People are Angry!”

Well, no one is really angry, and no one should care about the four people who are.

As nathan states (too many times) in the video: The Fall Guy is a fun movie. Go see it.

(Side note: a quick discussion is also had regarding Elon Musk buying Twitter and then giving it the worst rebrand since New Coke.)

—This one is baffling. Prosecutors had slam dunk cases with both Bill Cosby & Harvey Weinstein… 
 AND THEY BOTCHED BOTH OF THEM!!

(All caps = serious business.)

Come on… how do you screw up so badly that Cosby gets set free, and Harvey gets a conviction overturned. It’s absurd. 

(Side note: discussions of Russell Simmons taking his money and fleeing the country a la Roman Polanski are had.)

—Kim Kardashian promoted a “vampire facial,” where you get your face poked by a needle until you’re covered in your own blood… And that’s supposed to be good for you.

Well, two practitioners contracted HIV, so… Good luck with that.

(Side note: who knew Logan Paul was behind the energy drink, Prime? I mean, it was a horrible drink to begin with, but seriously: if you’re taking advice from Kim Kardashian or Logan Paul, ya kinda deserve anything bad that happens to you.)

—I didn’t know who Rob Marciano was until the story hit that he’d been fired by ABC. Apparently he was a weatherman on Good Morning America, and he had a temper.   A weatherman with a temper.

There is just something so amusing about that.

—Oh, the clickbait headline… Everyone loves it, right? Well, The NY Times had a doozy of one. The clickbait was, “Study shows side effects of COVID vaccine!!!!”

Very scary, right?

The outcome?

.0001% of people have an adverse reaction to the vaccination.

So… Yeah.   “Ooooh, scary.”

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com

Angry Man Photo by Photo by Andrea Piacquadio, via Pexels.

Episode 573: The Angry Weatherman

Idiot Comedians Nathan Timmel and Jake Vevera crack wise for 30 minutes every week.  Religion, politics, and complete nonsense are covered in depth.  Or marginally. Whichever. 

Idiots On Parade