A cover of Gary Numan's classic. I used heavily-processed vocals in place of the high synthesizer leads in the original.

Cars [Gary Numan cover]

Ideal for the father-bride dance at the wedding. Based upon <A HREF="http://soundcloud.com/the-always-unprofessional/collaborate-this-a-song-for">"Adagio [in C]"</A> by <A HREF="http://soundcloud.com/the-always-unprofessional">The Always Unprofessional</A>.

***

Forget-Me-Nots
Music by The Always Unprofessional and Ignatius Zoo
Lyrics by Ignatius Zoo

Think back when, think back when
You took your first steps
You stumbled, you tumbled
You didn't cry a bit
'cause Daddy picked you up
Readied you, steadied you, and off you go
The look on your face when
You saw there was nowhere you couldn't go

In the garden out back
Trampling the grass with your bare feet
Plucking bunches of forget-me-nots
There could never possibly be a day as sweet

Think back when, think back when
Your first boyfriend came and shook my hand
You came down, you came down
Pretty enough to make time stand still
Home by ten, or midnight
A quick kiss for your mom and me
Wave goodbye, wave goodbye
With a corsage of forget-me-nots

Now today, day of days
Dressed all in white and borrowed blue
Your face veiled, I can tell
You've got a smile that'd light the room

Walk you along
With a bouquet of forget-me-nots
Ready you, steady you, off you go
There could never possibly be a day this sweet

Run fast and run far
Forget me not, forget me not
No matter where you are

TAU/Zoo: Forget-Me-Nots (nee: Adagio)

This is an original song, straddling the area between being openly and lovingly derivative of Bowie (Ziggy Stardust in particular) and saying something new. There are no deliberately "synth" sounds here: piano, guitars, voice, drums, strings all sound like what they're supposed to be, with minimal effects added.

This song is a work of fiction; it's not specifically "about" any one band out there ... although you can guess what artists (or "artists") are represented by each turn of the story. Bonus points to anyone who can guess the 1970's inspiration for the song's/band's name. 

***


The Shattering Sensations
©2011, Ignatius Zoo 


Oh, when The Shattering Sensations took the stage
They were furious and strange
Instantly all the rage
Because the kids went insane
For those curlicued manes
And light bulbs in those platform boots
And tassles like bamboo shoots
And that sound!
Oh, God, that singular sound
That shot the world 'round
In just a day or two
All who heard it were enthralled
Except for those who were appalled
Their pelvic thrusts were threatening
To speed the world's dread deadening
Before the Earth spun off its axis
And hurtled through the sun
They astonished everyone
They astonished everyone by breaking every record
With their records
By showing platinum was not enough
For their stuff
While still in their teens 
They showed them all what success means
Through and through
With nothing left to prove,
They had nothing left to do,
Except to break up, for the pleasure of re-forming,
So they could do it all again.
And The Shattering Sensations were sweet as sugar sprinkled on the brain.

Oh, then The Shattering Sensations met the times
Becoming Shocking Rocker Mimes
And New Romantic in their prime
They made Hair Metal fresh
(Though really, spandex wasn't such a stretch)
Grunge and Indie deftly fused
All genres smartly used
And that sound!
Oh, God, that singular sound
Started to ring proud
Past decade number two
Gold coffers began to drag
With the weight of money bags
They always knew the better words
Made ".mp3" a four-letter word
Their rocket still aimed skyward,
The refused to hit "abort"
And took the kids to court
Possession being nine-tenths of the law
So says the law
And the gavel banged upon the rebels' heads
The verdicts read
They ditched their platform boots
And donned sleek business suits
Finally succumbing to the beauty of the truth:
That only cold, hard cash can mend the broken heart
Of a big, fat star
That's what The Shattering Sensations are.

So now The Shattering Sensations still ride high
Skywriting without a sky
Remembering a world gone dry
They give the finger to The Man
While keep their other hand
Down The Man's Armani pants
Doing that happy dance
And their sound
Is always being pulled down
From server farms the world around
And their treasury of songs
Kept on radio, where they belong
And today, every hall became their hall of fame
All monuments to life without shame
They put a copyright on everything they'll ever have to say.
Now The Shattering Sensations are gone, but they refuse to go away.

The Shattering Sensations [Download]

A very slow, quiet and sad song. It will mean different things to different people. See what it means to you.


***


Justly Wondering
©2011, Ignatius Zoo 


Hey there partner, where you been?
Why you smellin' like gasoline?
Stains in your clothes never gonna come clean
This late hour, where ya been?

I been by the river, I went to jump in
Backed off when I saw that chemical sheen
The car was drowned there with nobody in
Gonna be there 'til 2018
No one to save, no one to save
I've been justly wondering

Get downstairs, there's traps to spring
The mice in the basement need poisoning
All teeth and tail, all crap and fleas
Wrapped in soft fur, full of disease

I picked two up at two fifteen
Early early morning, tell you what I seen
Dead mouse lying on the cold concrete
Baby mouse by her side with no heartbeat
The eyes never opened, the eyes never opened
I've been justly wondering

Been swimming in the Genesee
Water always soft and brownish green
Flowing northward seems so wrong to me
So far from the sea

Hey there partner, where you been?
Lookin' like something that the cat dragged in
Surely that Molotov ain't meant for me
That's why you're smellin' like gasoline

Up at the airport there's a line to get in
They ain't gonna fly you if you've got gangrene
They might fly you out as far as Augustine
You just might afford it if you sell your spleen
No way to know, no way to know
I've been justly wondering

Been swimming in the Genesee
Dive down it's all rocks and rusty springs
One foot down, and you can't see
See the cuts all bleeding

Time says the water's never gonna wash clean
Never gonna crown another riverboat queen
Her mouth is collagen, her chest saline
Lying on the carcass of a rusting machine

I loved every cog in that old machine
Polished 'em all to a mirrorlike gleam
But they sagged and chipped and split their seams
Sold off to China now that times are lean

I loved every cog in that old machine
I loved every cog in that old machine
I loved every cog in that old machine
They don't love you back, they don't love you back
Leaves you justly wondering


Justly Wondering [Download]

Jof made a song he didn't like. I liked it. I commandeered it. It's Jof's fault for making a song he didn't like downloadable. But, admittedly, I share some of the blame.

The track is cross-posted here, including an identical downloadable .mp3:

http://soundcloud.com/the-always-unprofessional/the-jesus-deal

Everything by The Always Unprofessional is worth checking out. If nothing else, his Top 10 podcast is worth your time.

The Jesus Deal [Hijacked from The Always Unprofessional]

Cover of "Tomorrow Is Another Day" by The Always Unprofessional. I started this one a few hours after hearing the original. It turns out that imitation is not the most sincere form of flattery: covering a song in the searing style of Joe Cocker is. So my advice to you all: rock out with your Cocker out. And catch the original song here:

http://soundcloud.com/the-always-unprofessional/tomorrow-is-another-day

Tomorrow Always Comes [TAU Cover Contest]

A fun song, not meant to be taken too seriously. Another straightforward rocker. As usual, I am displeased with the mix, but the point comes across.


***


Glamour Bomb
©2012, Ignatius Zoo 


We're the ones we've been waiting for ...

It's all in the genes, beauty begins at conception
And glamor begins when you're six feet tall
An all-water diet? 
Keep it
Sugar is for the weak
And if you ain't a zero, you're nothing at all

Light up that glamour bomb
Blow them out of the water
Light up that glamour bomb
You're Mommy's slutty daughter
Ditch your panties and straddle the velvet rope
That separates the A-List from us
And make a big ol' fuss once everyone is watching you

We're the ones we've been waiting for ...

Your painted lips tell a story without speaking
A tale that's tall, vainglorious and proud
A cutting remark trumps a kind word any day of the weak
And anything worth saying is worth saying loud

Light up that glamour bomb
Blow them out of the water
Light up that glamour bomb
You're Mommy's slutty daughter
Smash your tits against the plate glass window
That separates the men from the boys
And make a joyful noise once everyone is listening

We're the ones we've been waiting for
Light up that glamour bomb

Glamour Bomb

Do not love anything that will not love you back. That goes especially for celebrities.

Straightforward rocker. Power chords matched with cynical lyrics.

 

***

 

I Am Your Enemy
music and lyrics by Ignatius Zoo, ©2011

I am your primal scream
I am your teenage dream
I am your tooth that's loose
I am your golden goose
I am your Waterloo
I am your Dien Bien Phu
I am your fleur de lys
I am your enemy

I am your poster boy for glamor
Getting hammered in the slammer
Won't you listen to me yammer?
Maybe sing along?
I am your ever-moving goalpost
With a bon mot and a riposte
Do my utmost just to cut you
And swear I did no wrong
I know where you're not strong
I am your enemy

I'm your St. Andrew's Cross
I am your boss's boss
I am your Sunday best
I'm compound interest
I am the path that's true
I am the other shoe
It's gonna drop. Guess where?
That's right. It's gonna drop on you

I could make you and un-make you
Cut you loose and then re-take you
Fake you out and then forsake you
More like you to find
I'm the blood moon on your horizon
Try as you might, you keep your eyes on me
Despise on me while you cry on
Cry your red eyes blind
I am not your kind
I am your enemy

I will love you in the crossfire
Where you can feel the bullets sting
I will cash in on your passion
I will make your black heart sing
I am the nothing you believe in
If you'll believe in anything

I Am Your Enemy (Final / Downloadable)

Alternative rock with an experimental character. Lyrics (all six of them) and music by Ignatius Zoo. Please comment, so that I may improve the next remix.

Boring Journey to the Sex Planet

Slow, dreamy ballad, with acoustic guitar, synthetic piano &amp; strings, and four-part harmony. 

I'm not even going to begin to explain what the lyrics mean. 


*** 


You Can't Just Wish It Away 
©2011, Ignatius Zoo 

She just had too much beauty for her body to contain 
So her dainty, silver fingers pulled the blade across her veins 
Now her beauty's spilling through the forests and the plains 
Paints everything slick scarlet 'til not a scrap of green remains. 
You can't just wish it away. 

Her children lifted up her body, carried it along 
Their eyes were wide and wonderful, their throats were full of song 
Other children joined with them, now they are a throng 
Now no one takes away their rights, no one tells them they are wrong. 
You can't just wish them away. 

Their processional was met by heads of state 
Clutching brittle, thousand-dollar dinner plates 
Wearing shiny, plastic crowns upon their heads 
Come to animate the living, and worship the dead 
They brought carbon lights to shine 
Down into the sugar mine 
Where they're working overtime 
Mining sugar, all the time 
Just to dump it in the sea 
To make it sweet for all the fishes 
For all the vicious things that live there 
Sweetly swimming in the sea 
With hindsight, they might admit it wasn't such a great idea after all 
But now there's sugar in the sea 
And there will always be 
Sugar in the sea 
It's there to stay 
You can't just wish it away. 

They built her monument so high, it blotted out the sun 
The stately marble casts its shadow over everyone 
They lost her body somewhere once construction had begun 
So now her tomb's a cenotaph, it weighs in at a million tons. 
You can't just wish it away.


You Can't Just Wish It Away (Final/Download)

I'm formerly of Polyatomic, based in Toronto. You can find the new Polyatomic album, "Solarium" on iTunes and Amazon. And here's the Polyatomic page for SoundCloud: Polyatomic 
  
Unless a song is tagged "Polyatomic," I did everything, including the lead and backing vocals. (This is not bragging; my voice is the one part of me I'd change if I could.) Most of my songs are made using Propellerheads Reason/Record. I have also used Cakewalk's Kinetic (it's cute) and a bunch of hardware from the late '80's. 
  
Give me a comment if you like what you hear ... and if you don't, give me a comment, please. I'm up for constructive criticism, whether the thumb goes up or down. (Well, ESPECIALLY if it's thumbs-down. Knowing what people DON'T like is really useful.) 
  
I love my Horrible Fan Base [TM]. Please join us.


Ignatius Zoo

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