[quick reupload for mastering] Written to cope with the trauma of my last suicide attempt in 2022. Noises at the end recorded from where it took place

[lyrics]
you don't make me scared
I see through your eyes
you are my own dare
you are my demise

like a deer in lights
plant my shoes in place
I can see the tires
I could kiss the plate

and I've run out of time
to write you a letter goodbye
I just want to be held like
your secret forever

and as the headlights come
a glimpse of heaven tonight
i will feel red hug me like
a blanket forever
kiss me goodnight

November

sorry for the reupload some stuff was Annoying me so bad

[lyrics]
I've been trying not to bite the hand that feeds me
You throw sticks and bones to keep me working
And all I know is killing the noise
Where you go I follow your voice

And you live
but you haunt me
And your love
is a warning

I've been trying not to fight the hand that beats me
And I can try to run but I wanna be needed
All I know is killing the noise
I can run but I follow your voice

And you live
but you haunt me
And your love
is a warning
All my life
been at your heel
With a palm
I come back here

Attack Dog

you know the drill. me want kill myself me make music instead. also doing some strange mixing this time

[lyrics]
Born with you beside me
First I touch the surface
I am now alive
And I now know your purpose

And I See you in my clothes
I can touch your hair
You will watch me grow
And I Always know you're there

You are not without me
I can't stand to see you
You are not without me
I can't stand to be you

Try to hold a smile
Before it just crumbles
I try to find your eyes
But all I see are tunnels

And all I see are tunnels
And all I see are tunnels
I just want a light
But all I see are tunnels

You are not without me
I can't stand to see you
You are rotting with me
I can't stand to be you 

Mirror

something short and simple

[lyrics]
I don't mean to ruin your fun
don't want to be a stick in the mud
I watch you through a lens far away
Wonder if you enjoyed me today

You are my friend, a saviour too
I know I'm still a stranger to you
I wish I could walk in to the light
I wish I could just quietly die

I need you happy, I need your peace
It's okay if it's never with me
I watch you like a life on a screen
And I never see me

Spectator



no venting this time this ones fo shits and giggles

[LYRICS]
It's a simple thing I ask
I can bless your land
Give flesh for fuel
Fill me with your sins
Heaven will let you in
To the carpool

consuming
the fumes and sparks
From your city
All the shrieking to god

You all
Will
Go down with me

Not before I'm gone
This suffering won't be long
Come and lie in me
Thrown you were in here
For you are thought a smear
To the living
(but heaven will let you in)


Wickerman

alright this ones a little different . this ones just a little fun in between .

Waiting

[LYRICS]

I think It's time to fix my life now
I got Brand new fantasies
I shake your hands with someone elses
Cut from magazines
I want you to lift my chin up
I want everything I dream
Building it with missing outlines
I am what you grieve
Would I be your big bad nightmare?
A terror to the umpth degree
Pieces of the things you used to know
Pieces that you grieve

Coming of the ages
Picking up pages
You mourn before it dies

I just need to fix my life now
I need all my fantasies
I shake your hands with someone elses
Cut from magazines
You told me that it hurts to see this
Heaven doesn't comfort me
You know you never thought I'd make it in
I am what you grieve

Coming of the ages
Picking up pages
You mourn before it dies

Metamourning

I swim over the river
I fly across the land
I Feel just like a stranger
Everywhere I am

He looks at me like dirt
To her I'm but a joke
I Feel just like a stranger
Everywhere I go

A dead end for the culture
A whisper of the past
Stripped me of a colour
Snuff the questions that I ask

Your blood (blood)
Your skin (skin)
Your tongue (tongue)
Your kin (kin)

The people I can't meet
The people who've been taken
I see walls in front of walls
And reflections of a faker

I think I'm out of touch
It feels so out of reach
I don't have their tongue
But they look like me

Your blood (blood)
Your skin (skin)
Your tongue (tongue)
Your kin (kin)
itu ada dalam darah saya

Dead End

I watched you walk in here
Trailed in parallel
I follow you everywhere

I smell the sweat of fear
See your muscles tense
Come to me if you dare

Can you hear the thump of fists on wood
While you pray on the hinges
Do you dream of punches you'd throw if you could
In between all the flinches

I know you're in there (come out)
I know you're in there (come out)
I know you're in there (come out)
I know you're in there (come out)

You know it's not enough
Sometimes they call it love
Maybe you'll listen to me

There's only so much air
I'll Drag you from your hole
It's only by my hand that you're free

Can you hear the thump of fists on wood
While you pray on the hinges
Do you dream of punches you'd throw if you could
Ten cold fingers when you touch the walls
You hope to god they swallow you whole

I hope you're in there (come out)
I know you're in there (come out)

Knock

Get up off me
It's suffocating me so softly
Hoping nobody stares
No feeling (in my) in fingers
(And no) Controlling the hands
Twisting the hairs
And yanking the strands

Stop talking
I wish someone would come and just lock me
And you in a cell
It's taking, and feeding
From underneath the mind
Repeating the pictures
With line by line

Sit up, bite down on your skin
Previse from the thoughts you let in
Again
Wake up, it's time for your leave
But I know that's not what you believe
You know me better than me

Cuz I'm feeling all the weight of a spiritual debt
Subliminally drowning in the messages I get, like
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
Hey, you're fucking with my head!
Sitting on a past that you want to forget
Hit you with the things
You swear you never said, like
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
Hey, stop fucking with my head!

Get out of me
You know I hate to treat you so roughly
But you're meaner than that
It lingers (lingers), and travels (travels)
and leaves a hot scar
An exit, a break out
Don't know where to start

Sit up, bite down on your skin
Previse from the thoughts you let in
Again
Wake up, it's time for your leave
But I know that's not what you believe
You know me better than me

Cuz I'm feeling all the weight of a spiritual debt
Subliminally drowning in the messages I get, like
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
Hey, you're fucking with my head!
Sitting on a past that you want to forget
Hit you with the things
You swear you never said, like
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
Hey, stop fucking with my head!

No feeling in fingers
Controlling the hands
Twisting the hairs
And yanking the strands
It's taking, and feeding
From underneath the mind
Repeating the pictures
With line by line

Cuz I'm feeling all the weight of a spiritual debt
Subliminally drowning in the messages I get, like
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
Hey, you're fucking with my head!
Sitting on a past that you want to forget
Hit you with the things
You swear you never said, like
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
I'm feeling all the weight of a spiritual debt
Tearing up scripts and ripping me to shreds, like
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
Hey, you're fucking with my head!
Sitting on a past that you cannot forget
Faces of a person you swear you've never met, like
Hey, stop fucking with my head!
Hey, stop fucking with my head! 

Disorder

[lyrics]

daydream
there's no other place where i would rather be
just close my eyes and live my fantasy

daydream
where i can be people other than me
i can pretend i'm living happily

daydream
gelatin walls and the floor is ice cream
and far away there's cotton candy sheep

daydream
and in the mountains are little machines
they smile at me so absentmindedly

daydream
where friends don't exist and nobody is mean
how long can i stay living half asleep?

daydream
my head falls off and it feels like i can't breathe
how long can i stay in insanity?

daydream
there's no other place where i would rather be
just close my eyes and leave reality

daydream

this one is older than daydream and I half hate it but thatis fine ppl like it anyway
for my songs I will have a certain character assigned to them..! currently there's 3 characters
[lyrics]

hold me close
hold me far away
i keep the thought of you alive
just to burn through the day
is that wrong?
is that weird to say?
you know what, nevermind i don't care
would've said it anyway

oh hold me close
hold me far from this
you know how everything looks better
when its further in the distance
and it's wrong
but i do it anyway
you know, i dream of you quite often
but it's never when i'm awake

don't go
don't get close
you're the poison in my system
and i might just overdose
don't go
please don't go
i will watch your every move
i'll be the one who loves you most

i love the idea of you

idk either bruh have it

do you want to start?
ill find something else to do
how bout we play a game
have fun wasting the afternoon

do you speak from the heart?
do you like the way your words taste?
little innuendos
i see on your pretty face

all the rowdy play
is that what you think i like?
spitting out my teeth
ill tell you that youre half right

you like your boys tough?
put on a show for you
lovely little scratches
throwing punches nothing new

me and my metal bat
bruises on my troubles got a
white knuckle
power craze
feelings arent enough and im a
first class loverboy
always wouldve known im a
red hot
passion project
hittin up the phone sweets

you see that body count?
do you feel the rush it holds
maybe i can earn your love
Once i can gun for gold

do you speak from the heart?
do you like the way your teeth taste?
i hope you dont mind if
i tear apart that pretty face

all the bloody play
is that who you think i am?
spitting out my guts
ill squeeze the life from both your hands

you like your boys tough?
put on a fight for you
lovely little scratches
throwing punches nothing new

me and my metal bat
bruises on my troubles got a
white knuckle
power craze
feelings arent enough and im a
first class loverboy
always wouldve known im a
red hot
passion project
hittin up the phone sweets

me and my metal bat
bruises on my troubles got a
white knuckle
power craze
feeling aint enough im a
first class psychopath
never wouldve shown it im
swinging on
beatin at
kickin up the rocks sweets

loverboy

take a step outside of yourself and look


lonely boy
run your mind
tread along dangerously
run away far from me

shards of glass
run around
bandaid limbs, bandaged knees
dont need them, dont need me

take your time
take too long
know youre weak
with nowhere to belong
i want to hear
i want to see
just how quiet
you think that you can be

hermit

this one was awkward to sing w my dad in the other room LOL

I take a sip of water
I take a sip of tea
I treat myself
Just like a king

I take a lot of walks
I take a lot of time
I spend a lot of money
On my heavenly smile

And I’m bored too much
And I feel all the time
It’s a beautiful day
What a beautiful sky

Maybe I-I-I, I-I-I should kill myself
In the way I’ve always dreamed of
Maybe I-I-I, I-I-I should kill myself
In the way I’ve always dreamed of

I have a lot of friends
And I have a family
They tell me I’m a darling
They tell me I’m a treat

And I’m bored too much
And I feel all the time
It’s a beautiful day
What a beautiful sky

Maybe I-I-I, I-I-I should kill myself
In the way I’ve always dreamed of
Maybe I-I-I, I-I-I should kill myself
In the way I’ve always dreamed of

If it’s on the road
I’ll make it seem an accident
If it’s on a plane
They’ll think I died a happy man

They'll think I died a happy man
A happy man!

a happy man

happy man (i should kill myself)

a letter to myself

give me some nice words
like 'you are loved
and you are wanted'

like how bees would like some flowers
how a child would want a mother
i just wish to be part of your puzzle
i dont mean to be trouble

tell me some good things
like 'life will be better
you will end up okay'

like how bruises fade back into skin
and frosted leaves will melt again
i just want to be happy
to feel like theres another chance

~

say that thing you said before
that i am loved
i am wanted
life will be better
and i will end up okay

good things

SORRY FOR THE REUPLOAD I FUCKT UP

lyrics:
I wanna break some bottles
over my head
And fall asleep with the pieces still
in my bed
I’m gonna take my keys
and throw em in a lake
I’m gonna burn off the body parts
i still hate

Want you to grab my neck
and shake it well
Want you to make me feel the things
you’ve always felt
I wanna scream
I wanna cry
Until there’s no one left to care
I‘m gonna rip off all my skin
I’m gonna cut off all my hair

You’re good at lending me your ears
I’m good at shutting up my trap
You like to follow where i go
I love to vanish from the map
And when I run all out of food
I’ll eat my vodka bottle caps
And drink the blood painted water
that's been spewing from my tap

I wanna smash some plates
right on my brain
I wanna treat my life
like its just a game
I’m gonna kiss the front wheels
of a subway train
just wish i had the chance
do it over and over again

Want you to grab my neck
and shake it well
Want you to make me feel the things
I wish I could've felt
I wanna scream
I wanna cry
Until there’s someone here to care
I‘m gonna rip off all my skin
I’m gonna cut off all my hair

ajiman

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