[quick reupload for mastering] Written to cope with the trauma of my last suicide attempt in 2022. Noises at the end recorded from where it took place

[lyrics]
you don't make me scared
I see through your eyes
you are my own dare
you are my demise

like a deer in lights
plant my shoes in place
I can see the tires
I could kiss the plate

and I've run out of time
to write you a letter goodbye
I just want to be held like
your secret forever

and as the headlights come
a glimpse of heaven tonight
i will feel red hug me like
a blanket forever
kiss me goodnight

november

this sounds a little different than my usual stuff (<- DELUSIONAL) but uh. yeah I think I like how this sounds. Man
[lyrics]
I've been trying not to bite the hand that feeds me
You throw sticks and bones to keep me working
And all I know is killing the noise
Where you go I follow your voice

And you live
but you haunt me
And your love
is a warning

I've been trying not to fight the hand that beats me
And I can try to run but I wanna be needed
All I know is killing the noise
I can run but I follow your voice

And you live
but you haunt me
And your love
is a warning
All my life
been at your heel
With a palm
I come back here

attack dog

[lyrics]

daydream
there's no other place where i would rather be
just close my eyes and live my fantasy

daydream
where i can be people other than me
i can pretend i'm living happily

daydream
gelatin walls and the floor is ice cream
and far away there's cotton candy sheep

daydream
and in the mountains are little machines
they smile at me so absentmindedly

daydream
where friends don't exist and nobody is mean
how long can i stay living half asleep?

daydream
my head falls off and it feels like i can't breathe
how long can i stay in insanity?

daydream
there's no other place where i would rather be
just close my eyes and leave reality

daydream

this one is older than daydream and I half hate it but thatis fine ppl like it anyway
for my songs I will have a certain character assigned to them..! currently there's 3 characters
[lyrics]

hold me close
hold me far away
i keep the thought of you alive
just to burn through the day
is that wrong?
is that weird to say?
you know what, nevermind i don't care
would've said it anyway

oh hold me close
hold me far from this
you know how everything looks better
when its further in the distance
and it's wrong
but i do it anyway
you know, i dream of you quite often
but it's never when i'm awake

don't go
don't get close
you're the poison in my system
and i might just overdose
don't go
please don't go
i will watch your every move
i'll be the one who loves you most

i love the idea of you

I haven't posted this one 2 youtube yet bc I haven't animated anything 4 it just yet but I still want it Somewhere
[lyrics]
I’m so far away from enough
it’s like I’m locked out from my potential
And I don’t wanna be touched
I just want to feel special
Don’t you want more than you need?
Don’t you take more than you’re given?
And I don’t wanna be seen
I just want to feel different

maybe I’ll never get better
I’ll be stuck to rock bottom
But that don’t really upset me
I’ll just lie down here waiting
Til the day I rot away
And I don’t feel like conversation

No its not something you did
Baby it’s just a condition
But I think ill admit
You remind me a bit of her
Don’t you want to look at me?
Don’t you want to talk at all?
Well you made the right decision
Cause it’s like talking to a wall

I don’t care if I’m the last person alive
I don’t care what it takes
I just want to pass the time
I don’t care if everything around me dies

I’m born and live a lie
No one knows me yet
I die alone - I’m a faker

I never have the cash
I never get a job
I die alone my life is wasted

Say I do my best
Don’t know what that is
I die alone I’m a faker

I don’t care anymore
I go and tie the noose
I die alone my life is wasted

rock bottom

this is actually something from 2017 but i reworked it like a few months back here it is

falling down
inside out
running from the tide
bleeding feet
stormy clouds
running from the tide

let me chase right after you
and lift the burden off of your shoulder
empty then, plenty now
beauty in the eye of the withholder

bubbles form
start the storm
running from the tide
we can't breathe
lungs are torn
running from the time

let me chase right after you
and lift the burden off off your shoulder
empty then, plenty now
beauty in the eye of the beholder
let me chase right after you
and we can run until we get older
empty then still empty now
until i ever get the chance to hold her

drown

idk either bruh have it

do you want to start?
ill find something else to do
how bout we play a game
have fun wasting the afternoon

do you speak from the heart?
do you like the way your words taste?
little innuendos
i see on your pretty face

all the rowdy play
is that what you think i like?
spitting out my teeth
ill tell you that youre half right

you like your boys tough?
put on a show for you
lovely little scratches
throwing punches nothing new

me and my metal bat
bruises on my troubles got a
white knuckle
power craze
feelings arent enough and im a
first class loverboy
always wouldve known im a
red hot
passion project
hittin up the phone sweets

you see that body count?
do you feel the rush it holds
maybe i can earn your love
Once i can gun for gold

do you speak from the heart?
do you like the way your teeth taste?
i hope you dont mind if
i tear apart that pretty face

all the bloody play
is that who you think i am?
spitting out my guts
ill squeeze the life from both your hands

you like your boys tough?
put on a fight for you
lovely little scratches
throwing punches nothing new

me and my metal bat
bruises on my troubles got a
white knuckle
power craze
feelings arent enough and im a
first class loverboy
always wouldve known im a
red hot
passion project
hittin up the phone sweets

me and my metal bat
bruises on my troubles got a
white knuckle
power craze
feeling aint enough im a
first class psychopath
never wouldve shown it im
swinging on
beatin at
kickin up the rocks sweets

loverboy

take a step outside of yourself and look


lonely boy
run your mind
tread along dangerously
run away far from me

shards of glass
run around
bandaid limbs, bandaged knees
dont need them, dont need me

take your time
take too long
know youre weak
with nowhere to belong
i want to hear
i want to see
just how quiet
you think that you can be

hermit

this one was awkward to sing w my dad in the other room LOL

I take a sip of water
I take a sip of tea
I treat myself
Just like a king

I take a lot of walks
I take a lot of time
I spend a lot of money
On my heavenly smile

And I’m bored too much
And I feel all the time
It’s a beautiful day
What a beautiful sky

Maybe I-I-I, I-I-I should kill myself
In the way I’ve always dreamed of
Maybe I-I-I, I-I-I should kill myself
In the way I’ve always dreamed of

I have a lot of friends
And I have a family
They tell me I’m a darling
They tell me I’m a treat

And I’m bored too much
And I feel all the time
It’s a beautiful day
What a beautiful sky

Maybe I-I-I, I-I-I should kill myself
In the way I’ve always dreamed of
Maybe I-I-I, I-I-I should kill myself
In the way I’ve always dreamed of

If it’s on the road
I’ll make it seem an accident
If it’s on a plane
They’ll think I died a happy man

They'll think I died a happy man
A happy man!

a happy man

happy man (i should kill myself)

a letter to myself

give me some nice words
like 'you are loved
and you are wanted'

like how bees would like some flowers
how a child would want a mother
i just wish to be part of your puzzle
i dont mean to be trouble

tell me some good things
like 'life will be better
you will end up okay'

like how bruises fade back into skin
and frosted leaves will melt again
i just want to be happy
to feel like theres another chance

~

say that thing you said before
that i am loved
i am wanted
life will be better
and i will end up okay

good things

SORRY FOR THE REUPLOAD I FUCKT UP

lyrics:
I wanna break some bottles
over my head
And fall asleep with the pieces still
in my bed
I’m gonna take my keys
and throw em in a lake
I’m gonna burn off the body parts
i still hate

Want you to grab my neck
and shake it well
Want you to make me feel the things
you’ve always felt
I wanna scream
I wanna cry
Until there’s no one left to care
I‘m gonna rip off all my skin
I’m gonna cut off all my hair

You’re good at lending me your ears
I’m good at shutting up my trap
You like to follow where i go
I love to vanish from the map
And when I run all out of food
I’ll eat my vodka bottle caps
And drink the blood painted water
that's been spewing from my tap

I wanna smash some plates
right on my brain
I wanna treat my life
like its just a game
I’m gonna kiss the front wheels
of a subway train
just wish i had the chance
do it over and over again

Want you to grab my neck
and shake it well
Want you to make me feel the things
I wish I could've felt
I wanna scream
I wanna cry
Until there’s someone here to care
I‘m gonna rip off all my skin
I’m gonna cut off all my hair

i wanna

I LIKE NOISE AND I WILL MAKE IT UNTIL I CHOOSE TO DIE

ajiman

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