I wrote this a few months before I actually thought about ever recording it and all I remember is that the lyrics kind of just happened - so it's not really about anything or anyone specific. You could think of it as a song about people that help me stay on track, both in my past and present and hopefully also in my future.

your light

There is not really a lot to say about this song - I wrote it a few months ago and finally got around to recording it tonight. Like my last one, it’s not really about any specific person, more about the overall feeling that is (hopefully) more or less conveyed in the lyrics. Pretty mixed feelings about this one, but I guess that I am trying to actually finish and publish my songs now, so this is what you guys get.

hold me hostage

Played this one at an open mic night (so I suppose this counts as a live recording) and I kinda like the way it turned out, especially with the comically loud bonfire sounds. Tried to express this weird feeling where you can't move on from something, even though you know that it is only hurting you. Insanely grateful for all those people listening to my stuff, you are amazing!

almost (live - i guess)

This one is (obviously) based on Slaughterhouse V by Kurt Vonnegut - or better - on a specific interpretation of the phrase "everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt" that a very smart friend of mine once told me about. Basically, it is the idea that our past is as real as our present, so all the joy and happiness we have felt can make up for the pain that we might go through right now. There is a sense of comfort in knowing that your past self has been really happy at one point in your life and that this happiness cannot be affected by the present. Reminding myself of that has helped me through a few rough patches in the past months. You get to keep those memories, no matter what.

everything was beautiful and nothing hurt

This one is about me going back home to Germany after spending the last year in Alaska. The whole thing is pretty last minute: wrote it a few days ago, but only managed to record this super rough version on my phone while I waited for my ride to the airport. Right now, I am sitting at the gate – my flight leaves in less than 2 hours – mixing the track (aka using the presets that have the coolest names, because I have absolutely no idea what I am doing) and trying to figure out how I am feeling. Love all of you people (you know who you are) and can’t wait to hopefully see you again in the future!

zurück nach hause

Quite the depressing subject (again), but this one is actually somewhat hopeful or at least a place to start. I kind of realized that I define most of my self worth through my relationships with other people, which is not super healthy and not fair to anyone involved. Relatable content, I guess. So yeah, I should probably start posting some self-love stuff on Instagram - bet that will solve the problem. Also, I'm not sure why, but to me this track sounds like it needs to be played during a long car drive at night.

little nightmares

Not a lot of backstory here. I just fell in love with this monologue when I watched 'Good Will Hunting' for the first time - like probably everyone else did too. So, a few years later, I now finally got around to recording my own little soundtrack for the scene. Really tried to get a guitar solo that sounded both tortured and cathartic and I actually like how rough and imperfect it all sounds. Also, please don’t sue me @miramaxfilms because this might be somewhat of a legal grey area.

through anything

A song about yearning for the better (or maybe just simpler) days of your past and the question of how to deal with this longing - especially when you are still young and feel like you should spend your time thinking about the future instead. I chose to illustrate this feeling with the story of someone reflecting on a past romantic relationship (mostly because I am a sucker for bittersweet heartbreak stuff), but I hope that the song is still relatable for other situations. Also, if any of you read this: thanks for listening, means a lot!

halfway happy (live)

i figured that i should upload some stuff to force myself to practice more, so now we're here, i guess

instagram: @infuriatingly.inexpressible

infuriatingly.inexpressible

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