tried to capture a feeling in this one, not too sure if it worked or not.

abandon

this track is an absolute fucking disaster. i have no idea why it turned out this way, it wasn't anything close to the final result. 

guess i wanted to screw around with my shitty voice some more. clean pitch correction on the vocals was nearly impossible to do without it sounding shitter than it does already. if it sounds out of tune, that's why.

more insight into why i made this, i've realized i'm a certain way and trying to modify and change to fit the norm i've been conditioned to believe is correct would be near impossible without losing key parts of what defines me. there are partitions of me which are inherently stuck and screwed. i get stuck in the prison of my own mind and fight this realization all the time and it becomes taxing. the last thing i would ever want to do is take anyone down that road with me.

/iight now that's enough cringe for now.

onus

i can't stop hating myself because if i stop, i'll lose motivation to keep getting better. or atleast that's what i tell myself to feel better about it. edgy right? lmfao, i'll see myself out now...

artifact

after years of therapy, pretty sure there's something wrong with me. maybe a chronic chemical imbalance or some shit. it keeps coming back and it hurts. all the medications i've tried eventually stop working or have bad side-effects. it's just a paid subscription for a temporary coping mechanism. 

i'll stop being a bitch and shut up now lol. happy new year tho!

chronic

this cover image was kinda fun to make. i took series of pictures from CRT televisions that i broadcast an image to. then i overlay them in photoshop and see what i get. 

this track was inspired by losing a signal. like having a wonderful dream, but you wake from it and realize you can never go back. then little bits and pieces slowly fade in and out and you fantasize what it would really be like.

signal lost

please don't sue me. i'm not worth anything lol. if this violates copyright, i'll happily take it down. i just wanted to have some fun. downloads aren't enabled on this (sorry) i don't want to get a strike on my page.

NIN has always been a massive inspiration for me, ever since i started listening to music actually. so when i came across these stems, it was ecstasy.

i love the original track by NIN, so i wanted to give this track a thick, aggressive, in your face texture that wants to rail you sideways, but still cares in the end.

and finally, sorry about the dogshit audio quality, soundcloud is screwing me over right now and i have to reload this project and re-encode the wav. for now this mp3 will fill the void.

Nine Inch Nails - Head Like A Hole [XEFMIX]

the whole system is a fucking joke. big corpo shitfest filled with spineless virtue signalling pawns lining their own pockets. thinking it'll change, thinking it favors in the end, blatant fucking lies.

choice is an illusion. time is a vice. money exemplifies greed. seeing through the lies is all you need.

i dont care how cringy this track sounds. i wanted to vent my frustration.

------------------------

fuck your existence and fuck your commitments
you're nothing but a fake fraud facade of your god
wake up and realize, there's nothing to idolize
step in the bed of lies and see all the genocides

welcome to a world where you're promised equality
welcome to a world where you're fed hypocrisy, 
dead end dreams and silent screams
it's all a waste rotting in this place

cower in fear of the ivory tower
get on your knees and do as they please
threaten to question and you'll end up in rejection
don't pick the locks to get out of the box

you're a pawn on the board, done wrong by the lord
you're a slave to the facades, then a grave below the gods
fading away until the end of the day
that's when i wake up and i gotta say

fuck the system, fuck the system.
embrace the corruption, inhale the infection

ivory tower

this is my third time uploading this track and second time remixing it because it'd get flagged in the copyright system. i'm still totally stoked i even got my claws on these original stems...

whatever tho. if it's really a big deal i guess the label can contact me directly, i'm not making any money off this either. just wanna have fun.

Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds [XEFMIX]

i was going to keep working on this, but every time i open the project and try to work on it my cpu usage spikes to 97% and the only thing i hear is distortion. 

my machine ain't happy with this one, but i think it's iight, idk lol.

wing frost

more incoherent auditory fuckery.

i have no idea what this is. in a state of insomnia while making this, probably made some edits after i routinely wake a 3am for no reason at all.

also, it's live not lift.

void

made this awhile ago to help me get through some shit. 

i've mostly come to terms with it all so sharing it with the rest of the world doesn't seem to hurt as much as i thought it'd would.

fade

came across some more 90's samples and wanted to make a track with a few i found. had no idea how i was going to go about it, but here it is.

reflections

i kept staring at my boxfan while i was making this. the rotation of the blades and the soft breeze went in sync with the LFO on the main saw bass. inspired me to finish this track. especially after all the times i've rebuilt it and it's kept working for years.


wack shit, i swear i'm not high and i quit drinking nearly a year ago.

boxfan

i hate to say this as i feel i have a commitment to upload better tracks and keep creating. i feel like i'm letting those down who enjoy listening to what i do, having nothing new to look forward to.

it's actually been a while since i've made anything new. most of what i've been uploading the last few months are tracks i've made roughly six or more months ago. reason being, i'm on on new medication that helps balance out shit in my head. 

it keeps my crippling anxiety and destructive depression in check, but it compromises my ability to be creative, or hold onto the creative flow i was able to get into. when i find it, it's difficult to hold onto it and keep it around. i'm such a perfectionist, i've started multiple projects and end up resenting them, never finishing them because i can't find the spark to edit and create a reflection i desire. the one thing i loved the most is getting more and more difficult to hold on to.

it's a love hate relationship. the system has its demands for me to meet so i can survive. medication is needed so i remain stable and meet expectations. if i weren't tied and tethered, i feel as if i would be free. i feel like i'm stuck in the wrong paradigm. there's a lot i've lost due to the new stability, but maybe it's due to it being a whole new reality to me and i need to adapt.

i don't ever plan to stop making music, but, it might take me a while to figure out how.

compromise

past fragments of time skipping through my mind. multiple broken records playing all at once; constantly wondering if there is meaning in the static.

reminiscence

i've had this track for too long and i'm too pissed off to finish it. i really wanted to put vocals over it, but i don't have the vocal range for it. and even if i did, it'd fuckin suck because i hate the sound of my voice. 

lyrics are in the artwork. been thinking about sentient machines and shit, so this track was inspired by that.

fracture

whevz bro @Skriblenaut

for better quality playback: https://xefsketch.bandcamp.com/track/honesty-time

VOCALS BY VEELA - I DON'T OWN THEM :)

Free 320Kbps DL for best quality <3.

"Buy"/.Wav

honesty & time

for better playback quality:
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/716819
https://clyp.it/gkip3tvt

really don't know what to do with this one, or call it. the entire track itself is weird. had a fun time making it though.

endeavors

made this with my buddy Sadiq, S.Q

all the vocals in this are original, including the scream stuff which i had no idea that i could do.

Lyrics -

it's like i'm stuck inside a maze
it's like i'm always on a craze 
i can never break it out
i can never figure it out

i know exactly why you're here
nothing else has ever been this clear
there's nothing left for you to take
you only have yourself to break

why are you are so persistant
why you are so resistant
because i'm too resialiant
because i have commitment

so come on give it your best shot
come on give it all you got
i've seen it all before
i know you down to the core

you put me through all this shit
you never know when to quit
you can't last forever
but i know we'll be together

exactly why - ft S.Q

she was quite a unique machine, somewhat sad to see everything fall out like this but shit happens.

guess i need to stop getting overly attached to things like this lol.

regardless i'll always love you, krys, you crazy bitch.

hard feelings

guitars and growls? fuck, why not.

figure'd id step out of my boundaries.

i've been going through some wack shit. i can't express myself any other way. i've been pretty restrained.

restrained

de_classify

http://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/47508933045/rigor-samsa

rigor samsa

been wanting to make something like this for a while. so in about 2hrs.. i did.

only in thought

born to be hated

more sound design n'shit. i love making throaty growling noises.

interpret

backdrop

dissonance

underneath

started this bootleg like, 4 years ago or some shit and came across it - decided to finish it.

Overseer - Velocity Shift [XEFMIX]

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 

i'm sorry i haven't uploaded in so long. been too mindfucked from work and all my creative energy evaporates. it took me a month to finish this track, and yes i know - i re-used vocals i've used before. because i fucking love them. i don't own the vocals, only the sound design and mixing. 

i'll never be happy with this track and i probably won't find the motivation to completely perfect it to synthesize how i feel, so i'll share it with the people who will hopefully enjoy it more than i will.

my upload schedule may be screwed, but i still find slots in time to play around with sound. 

thank you for listening. good vibes to everyone. :>

lost hope

OOOH BOYYY MORE EDGY SHIT. WEEEEEEE

artwork is drawn by the very talented Nero "Drayke" Eternity: https://www.furaffinity.net/user/neroeternity/

atypical

i thought i was making progress. i really was. i genuinely thought i had overcome and risen above it all. progress was at the forefront and i had ambitions of aspiration and success. but after waking up after a dream, i haven't been more wrong about anything in my fucking life. my mind decided to remind me. it decided to give me a glimpse of the only thing i have ever wanted but can never have. it decided to remind me that i am a hostage in its prison that i can not escape. 

the life i had lived before, i had created to survive the fucked up twisted shit that happened. the life i had created had meaning and filled the void of all that was stripped from me. i had created relationships, feelings, characters, landscapes, an entire world. for years i had lived in this derealized state. i had written a world into novel that i would dissapear into for hours to survive. this world kept me alive in my darkest of times, i had used it to survive what i couldn't adapt to. it was my coping mechanism. it got to the point where it was impacting my life and i had to make a decision. i killed it. everything, gone. all the love, emotion, characters, relationships, the whole thing i had to watch die infront of me as it was ripped away from my eyes. the relegion i had built, i realized never existed despite it feeling so fucking real because i used it to survive. i beleived it to be reality. my mind had manifested what i needed to survive. that reality is gone and starting over i'm left with nothing but the pain from the death of a significant other i had imagined to help me survive. not a second goes by with how pathetic i feel for doing what i did. at times i wish i would have just fucking ended it all.

not a day goes by where i don't think of it. not a day goes by where i'm not beaten down and mentally shafted with feelings i created that i wish to rid my mind of but they hold me hostage. i've fought it for so long. i've kept going for so long. i don't know if i'll have the strength to keep fighting when my mind decides to remind me again. my only outlet for emotion is embedded in the stupid shitty sound i've pieced together for years and uploaded for it to be compressed to the point where it sounds like water leaking out of a gas station toilet. 

i'm not afraid of what will happen the next time i fall, but i am afraid of how far i will fall. the more i continue my existence i don't think i have control over my own mind. i think i'm losing my mind and i don't know what to do about it. i've never said anything about this to anyone but a therapist, and one close friend who i've never met in person. i'm going to hate myself for sharing this, but i hate myself already so what the fuck do i have to care.

the only thing i want anymore is to be at peace and maybe a little happy. i don't want to be like this. it takes so much fucking energy to deal with. im sorry.

losing my mind

scales, scars, feathers and fur.

 I enjoy making music, and screwing around with different sounds. It's how I express myself. If I don't make much money, I don't mind. I just wanna spread the love and make the world a better place <3.  I know it sounds cringe as absolute fuck, but I mean it.

If there's a track on my page that's not downloadable, let me know and I'll fix it.

If you would like to use my work, please give me credit and list the track name. Credit is all I ask for.

For commercial/commission/contract purposes, message me and we can work something out!

Thanks for stopping buy and I hope you enjoy my world of audio!

For better playback quality, check out these accounts:
YOUTUBE PAGE BY A FAN: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChVqwqLyT14adFAoJDhWcjA
NEWGROUNDS: 
http://xefsketch.newgrounds.com/
discord: xiephren#5700
Catch me on twitch for random shit: twitch.tv/xefsketch
Alt acc for more aggressive shit: soundcloud.com/abusementparkofficial
discord server: https://discord.gg/V6y9fHMbhS
If you'd like to donate and hear/see unfinished stuff, patreon is here. it's 1000% OPTIONAL. Please don't feel stressed to donate: https://www.patreon.com/xefsketch

Banner artwork drawn by the very talented, Nero "Drayke" Eternity: https://www.furaffinity.net/user/neroeternity/

XEFSketch

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