P.U.S.H.

What can I say other than I absolutely adore you.. 
You seem to be on my mind through all hours of the day and night and I can’t seem to get enough. 
I’m always on edge waiting for your next snap or text, 
or I’m always asking to hang out or go to dinner with you. 
I love how when we are together you look at me so honestly, 
with full attention and eye contact 
and I can’t help but get lost in the vastness of your somber glaze within your blue iris’.

VERSE 1:
Hey girl I noticed you want me
But you don’t wanna think about it
I pulled you close and you stopped me
Didn’t think that I would be about it

You said you wont behave
	Maybe I dont want you to
My heart’s become enslaved
	‘Cus baby I want you too
							—I want you toooooo~

[CHORUS?]
Hand hearts and peace signs
I want you to be mine
Baby I know that you need time
Anything you want I hope you take it [take it] take it [take it]

Hand hearts and peace signs
I fell hard; I’ll be fine
‘Cus I gave you all my-
Heart. Do you wanna take it [take it] (or) break it [break it]

hand hearts//peace signs

[CHORUS]

Right here by your side
Doesn’t matter day or night
I would always treat you right
Faced with demons I would fight

For you
		Right here
				For you
						Right here
								For you
										Right here
												For you 
														Right here for you; for you.

VERSE 1:

How am I supposed to dream, if I am wide awake?
‘Cus I get caught up in all the words that you have to say
I know you hold your blame, It can’t be all your fault
You keep your secrets guarded in your heart like its a vault

I’m right here by your side for you
I’ll be the light for you
Wear a suit and tie would you give me some of your time
I would love to explore your mind
Maybe relax and unwind with you
I would never lie to you
In me you could confide cus I’m—

[CHORUS]

Right here by your side
Doesn’t matter day or night
I would always treat you right
Faced with demons I would fight

For you
		Right here
				For you
						Right here
								For you
										Right here
												For you 
														Right here for you; for you.


VERSE 2:
I want to kiss you but you use your arms to separate
Keep us apart, But you’ll hold me close with your embrace
	—You start to rub me down, I know you feel me now—
You want to love me yet you force yourself to hesitate

It makes me want to cry, when I see what’s in your eyes
True emotions try to hide, and the fear you try to fight
Darkened pasts that we despise, open wounds we’ll cauterize
From the ashes we’ll arise, as our hearts are intertwined cus I’m


[CHORUS]

Right here by your side
Doesn’t matter day or night
I would always treat you right
Faced with demons I would fight

For you
		Right here
				For you
						Right here
								For you
										Right here
												For you 
														Right here for you; for you.

right here//for you

[CHORUS]
It really only ever took an instance 
And now it feels like you’ve grown distant
Maybe I should be a little less persistent
‘Cus it seems to be I only build resistance

And now there’s friction
All because I wanted to be kissin’-
-you, I even tried to ask you for permission
But I just made you question your decisions


VERSE 1:
You say there’s nothing wrong with me but you won’t take my hand
You start to fall apart with me but I don’t understand
How it seems to me you want me more than I could comprehend
Yet you try to stay away from me like I should be condemned  

I asked you for the truth you said you “want to be alone”
That hurt me like a bruise into the fibers of my bones
Still- I don’t think it’s true, there wasn’t earnest in your tone
Yet, here I am alone..

[CHORUS]
It really only ever took an instance 
And now it feels like you’ve grown distant
Maybe I should be a little less persistent
‘Cus it seems to be I only build resistance

And now there’s friction
All because I wanted to be kissin’-
-you, I even tried to ask you for permission
But I just made you question your decisions

[CHORUS]
It really only ever took an instance 
And now it feels like you’ve grown distant
Maybe I should be a little less persistent
‘Cus it seems to be I only build resistance

And now there’s friction
All because I wanted to be kissin’-
-you, I even tried to ask you for permission
But I just made you question your decisions

VERSE 2:
What I got to give to you to make you take a chance?
You’re scared to pull me back and forth but I can hold my stance
I would wait a while to develop a romance
Yet the way you make it seem is like I never had a chance

Fuck me up, I’m fucking up, I’m feeling like an idiot
All because the messages I send to this recipient
Are stuffed into a box and locked away and not return ’til-
A winter’s eve with gasoline so we can let them burn

I could walk the galaxy on the ashes in the sky
And I’d be feeling better if you were here with me tonight
So, tell me you don’t like me when you look into my eyes
‘Cus I don’t think you can, I don’t believe you like to lie

I asked you for the truth you said you “want to be alone”
That hurt me like a bruise into the fibers of my bones
Still- I don’t think it’s true, there wasn’t earnest in your tone
Yet, here I am alone..

[CHORUS]
It really only ever took an instance 
And now it feels like you’ve grown distant
Maybe I should be a little less persistent
‘Cus it seems to be I only build resistance

And now there’s friction
All because I wanted to be kissin’-
-you, I even tried to ask you for permission
But I just made you question your decisions

kissin//distance

lyrics:

I went to order venti’s but I vented bout myself
To the girl I want to love me, cus I thought that it would help
Well it hurt but that’s okay, I’m here to boost my mental health
But its hard to disregard all those feelings that I felt

I’m just trying to see the bigger picture with the hand I’m dealt
And you began to shuffle when our hearts began to melt
So with these spades I dig my grave and pull a clover out the veldt
Just so you can put me in a box and place me on the shelf

I lack a .45 so I don’t go and paint the walls with misery
All those suicides were brutal, you don’t know what they did to me
How can I thank god If I don’t think that he believes in me
I curse the word “alive” because I don’t think that I’m supposed to be

I thank my brother Bout, he’s the reason I’m still breathing
Gotta thank my sister Jenna, cus she gives my life its meaning
And I’m searching for some clarity, but all these thoughts are screaming
Cus I never figured out if I’m an angel or a demon

In any given season I can swear that I’ve been both
Or I walk the in//between like its a plank beside a boat
I’d rather build our castle than be digging out a moat
Please don’t sink what hasn’t started ‘fore it has the chance to float



Crumbled over coffee, yet I yearn for conversation	
Even though you plainly told me you’re not ready for relations
As I sit there trying to figure out: what’s our situation?
I can’t help but start to notice that my mind becomes elated

With everything that we are saying, I’m just glad to be involved
We talk about our problems that we hope we can resolve
And every time I’m talking with you, I can feel myself evolve
Into a better person, I just hope “we” don’t dissolve

Like the salt into the water or the vapor in the air
Every time you step into the room I have to stop and stare
Not just glare, you can see it in my eyes I truly care
I just wish you’d take my hand like we were living on a prayer

Bon Jovi, Mama told me, that I gotta old soul
You can hear me pour it out in all the messages I wrote
Or when I bang that Rock & Roll, my chest contains a hole
Arrancar, I’m torn apart, I guess I’m reaping what I sew.

venti//iced latte

lyrics:

I’ve been dragging my body through this hell
And my brain couldn’t tell (that) you had it under a spell…
… That it’s okay to just give up and die. No I don’t feel alright
Filled my thoughts with suicide, (I) couldn’t even try and write

How I really feel inside (be)cause you like how I feel inside…
YOU like how I feel beside you every single fucking night 
Lost my love and tried to fight.. only to believe the lie
That you’d do better, you’d be fine.. Now it’s all just wasted time.


[CHORUS]
You said that I broke your heart.. Well I’M Broken, and it’s all because of you


You pulled my heart apart inside apartments at the flowing wells
A HEART that’s made of GOLD, You painted BLACK so you could show and tell
All your friends about us like it’s something from a Fairytale
But you followed the witch and now I’m gone, so here is my farewell

BYE, I don’t wanna do this; I don’t wanna lie
I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life
I’m NOT gonna sit here and just watch you die
(You) Wanna turn into your mother then girl that’s fine

Mold and Decay, Ima start growing now that there is space
Don’t waste emotions or motives on things that are spoken
YOU are the reason that your heart is broken.

[CHORUS]
You said that I broke your heart.. Well I’M Broken, and it’s all because of you

bro//ken

lyrics:

If time will heal my wounds then why the fuck do I hurt everyday?
YOU tore me into pieces.. begged and pleaded that you'd stay away
Fucked my Heart, fucked up my faith, I feel like I have lost my place
I held it in for too damn long the tears are rolling down my face

I DON'T WANNA CRY NO MORE
LOOKING UP PRAYING TO THE SKY NO MORE
ASKING IF IMA BE ALRIGHT, NO MORE
DEALING WITH ALL YOUR FUCKING LIES NO MORE

I'm DONE, I've faded away
I can't stand to see you - get out of my way
(you) Wrote me a note said, “you’re dying today”
When honestly? You’d already Decayed. (Now)

[CHORUS]
I've been awake for far too long..
..it's time for me to sleep at night.
I cant.. Go on.. Go on.. its been far too long....


I'm Sick, I'm Torn, Too Tired, So Scorned, Scorched Earth;
I crossed, it hurts.. but No one's here to talk about it
Alone in my room -- I feel like I'm Doomed
To always feel blue, If it involves YOU

I gutted you out like a zit
Played all of your games, I'm calling it quits
Life starts to change when you can't reminisce
My love started fading because you couldn't pick

It's been far too long since I've been cheesin'
Maybe I don't have a reason
Blow my thoughts all on the ceilin'
Tell me whats the fucking meanin' (when)

[CHORUS]
I've been awake for far too long..
..it's time for me to sleep at night.
I cant.. Go on.. Go on.. its been far too long....

42//long (the lost draft)

[CHORUS]
And I will wait for you
Like I’m ‘spossed to do
Do you want me too?
I will wait for you

VERSE 1:
You’re hesitant and I can’t stand it
Because I feel like a hopeless romantic
I’ll give you truth, I ain’t about them antics
Talk about our youth  like its an old bandage

An open wound, baby it will start to heal
The more you talk about it and express the ways it made you feel
                   Baby, tell me whats the deal
Am I pathetic if I want to know that this is real?

A penny for my thoughts of you, that’s why this makes so much sense
I feel like I’m too far for you, you’re out the park I’m in the fence
When I can get close to you, I’m bathing in accomplishment
My heart picks up a beat for you I wish you knew how much this meant

To me, but bae this is all for you
My heart is in your hand but I swear I’d give my all for you
I know you want me so just tell me what I need to do
Because you know that I will wait for you


[CHORUS]
And I will wait for you
Like I’m ‘spossed to do
Do you want me too?
I will wait for you

VERSE 2:
Life doesn’t always go the way you planned it
Don’t slave your life away like its demanded
Your life has purpose. It don’t matter what’s been handed
Your life has left its mark on me like I’ve been branded

With some heated iron of unearthly love
I was always looking down I couldn’t see the sun
You came down to me from the heavens that were far above
Anything I ever knew, I feel like you could be the one

To bring my heart together from the pieces that it used to be
To heal my heart forever from the people who abused it, be-
The reason I move forward from the past that I refused to be
The things that hold me back from he man that I have proved to be

Yes, I have proved to be
The man who takes a stand and will express his feelings openly
A man who understands how relationships are supposed to be
A man who takes your hand and asks, “do you want to go with me?”

will wait//for you

There she was with a rose in her hands
And I couldn’t stand 
So from my knees I reached for demands
But she took my soul

I give it up despite what I’m told
One look in her eyes and I’m no longer cold-
I just fold, Down a path I’ve seen once before—
Walk alone? I’m guided by someone I know..

Feel like a stone but my body bleeding, screaming “why won’t you run?!”
I don’t really understand it either, don’t that make it a little more fun, yeah-
I don’t really wanna be the being that’s gon’ bring down the sun
I’m too merciful, but baby that’s too personal

Switch it up I’m versatile, she wants me even though I’m terminal
Tried to tell her “it still hurts you know” She know its not only the physical
Beautiful being, She giving me meaning, I’m begging and pleading for all the wrong reasons though..
— She walks with the Wendigo, and I don’t have nowhere to go…

— I have nowhere to go —

There she was with a blade in her hands
And I couldn’t stand
Bleeding out, don’t know who I am
But now I feel cold..

I sing the songs that she has engraved
The same songs that slaughtered me have brought down the brave
Just behave, and maybe I can be the one to keep my name
But tonight I still rot alone 6 feet below in this grave…

wendigo//walker

The Runner - Up

Team Mates Feat. (D'stitcheD)

A cover of a cover of one of my favorite songs to sing my sister to sleep.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF4KiHAuxig

RIP Bon Amity Affliction/D at Sea Cover

Lil Peep Cover

Suck My Blood (Lil Peep Cover)

This collection of work is dedicated to my sister Jenna and my close friends and family. It takes you on a journey through my experiences as a twenty two year old male juggling family, the army, his friends, and his past. I hope you enjoy "22" in its entirety and hit my line if you would like to download the tape for free. Thank you, Mazoku.

Travelin'

I recorded this shit in my car because that's all I can do right now. If you know this feeling then fuck with me

p.s. we miss u miles

Apple Music

troubled mind

A special thanks to @svgarbeats for supplying all the instrumentals for these tracks and showing interest in an unknown artist, as well as @justvictor for Featuring and helping with the mix as a whole. I hope you enjoy this short EP we made on my short vacation.
Let's BREAK THRU!

WINDOW (prod. SVGAR BEATS)

no features. all me. just an ep that I've been sitting on for a little too long and this happens to be the perfect day to drop it.

special thanks to these producers for doing what they do best:
@sauceonnit
@yasuu
@samaxshi
@hxrxkiller
@kouzin

thru da nite [prod. yasuu]

demon w/ angel wings [prod. sauceonnit x naii]

prod. @remghost
artwork by Jordan Claire Wagner | insta: @jordanclaireee

This song is the part two of "I Will Be Okay": https://soundcloud.com/itsmazoku/i-will-be-okay
No matter how alone I feel or how wronged I become I will find a way to prosper, even if you want to drag me down because of your own self-loathing. It sucks now, but thanks for the inspiration for this track.

~Mazoku

okay.

okay. (prod. remghost)

Produced by @decayonthebeat

moving on without me

move on w/o me (prod. decay)

a track I originally wrote on January 13th, 2019. Never felt like I had the ability to vocally perform, mix, and master this song but finally decided to say fuck it and just do it. Photo Cover Credits to Justin Blalock taken outside on his porch while chiefing on two different cigars. It be like that sometimes..

Lyrics:

Mind is tormented by demons that they cannot see
They start moving so silent to try to pass me
But I keep them on leashes to keep them at bay
You do not want to see if they are not behaved
I can say that they are [there] but you will not believe
Unless you see who they are so consequently
I just feel like a freak and continue to be
Maybe I should just let them roam free through these streets

I’m the Jesus of Devils, Blue Diamond embezzled
The color of BLOOD can be seen from my EYES
If you’re given the chance to get lost in my trance
You WILL see what’s to LIVE is also just to DIE
I don’t mind what you are but WE ARE NOT THE SAME
So don’t tell me you FEEL me or know ‘bout my pain
Now I tend to not care so they think that I’m mean
I am slightly INSANE ‘cus of all that I’ve seen
Had a BROTHER give up and PUT ONE IN HIS BRAIN
Had a mother give NONE now she’s losing her brain
Guess the PILLS and the DRINK can stop how you think
If GOD gave her the TIME do you think she’d RE-think
Well I DID and she DIDN’T so she is to blame
Why her son will not visit ’til she’s in the GRAVE
But she’s been DECEASED ever since I can remember 
LIFELESS PILL ADDICT yet FUELED BY HER TEMPER

   I am, I am, I am: Mentally Ill
   I am, I am, I am: Mentally Ill

I’m a GOD and a DEMON just searching for MEANING
But through all these people I can’t find a SOUL
To be up with me Dreaming, make smiles bright gleaming
Guess everyone’s stagnant, NO ONE wants to GROW
Rather MOLD, silently wasting away
Looking back at the PAST, thinking up better days
Cannot face, the MIRROR or WHO is now in it
Instead its TOO EASY to watch television
I’m DONE, I’m LEAVING this all BEHIND
I’m TIRED of watching my LIFE pass me by
And if YOU WON’T LOVE ME I’LL GO IT ALONE
Been doing it since the first time I LEFT HOME
Whoa, whoa, shit just got REAL
Can’t even remember when I had a meal
STILL don’t give a FUCK how these MOTHERFUCKERS FEEL
All that I’ve learned is I’m M3NT4LLY 1LL

   I am, I am, I am: Mentally Ill
   I am, I am, I am: Mentally Ill

M3NT4LLY 1LL

M3NT4LLY 1LL (prod. Hempen Widow)

Each song has its own message all while having acoustic instrumentals to make the feel a little more stripped down and personal.
Rest easy to PQH, J. Kuhn, A. Foster, Dana, Eileen, and countless others that are now missing from this life due to their own hand or other factors. You all helped influence me and continue to do so, as well as that of my family and friends. Much love to all of you, and I hope to see you soon. 

Special thanks to the instrumental creators:
@prodiof
@ryini
@fantommuzik
@tennis-player-348430837

i have never been good at goodbyes, how about see you later?

fire (prod. xmichaelwarren)

it's the first chapter in a whole new book 
in//between

Business Email: itsMazoku@gmail.com

Mazoku

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