Judith, Meet Me At Applebee's

They're listening in right now
But I gotta get a message to you somehow
So I'm'a say it in code:
The bread is in the toaster

I can't reveal our plans
In a way that they could understand
So I'm'a say it in code:
I'm varnishing the pterodactyl

Yeah, the enemy is tapping my phone
So what I say I'm'a say in code
Judith, Judith, Judith
Meet me at Applebee's
I made a cipher, a cryptic sequence
And only you can unlock the secret
So Judith, Judith, Judith
Meet me at Applebee's

That's right, "Judith" is your name as a spy
To keep you hidden from the FBI
And we will speak in code
The pandas are eating the bundt cakes

I think you know what to do
So I ain't gonna spell it out for you
But let me say it in code
Put the bacon grease into the mailbox

I lied
There is no code
I just really wanted you to go
With me to Applebee's

Judith, Meet Me At Applebee's

Hey hey Kitty! 
I'm petting a dog!
I'm petting a dog!
Whatcha think about that?
Hey hey Kitty! 
I'm petting a dog!
But when I'm done
Then I'll pet the cat
That's you!

So don't you get jealous
Or bent outta shape
You'll get your turn soon enough
Hey hey Kitty! 
I'm petting a dog!
But I'm about to give you some love
That's right!
You're next on the list for my love!

Hey Hey Kitty (I'm Petting A Dog)

This song is about what life is really like.

Ulcer False Alarm Ulcer

The Eternal Persistence of Dread (Live, at my birthday party)

Music For Cats (lead-in to my radio show on WRFI)

How To Be A Success

Music by BJ Leiderman
Arrangement and lyrics by Alex Reed

Mourning Edition

The Internet Is Falling Into Soviet Hands

Stromkern + Lil' Nas X.

This literally came to me in a dream.

#sorrynotsorry

Night Riders on the Old Town Road

A facemelting remix of They Might Be Giant's classic, by Alex Reed.

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KIBBLE touches your heart. 
We think it feels slimy.

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