Gaslight

Sun (Summer Version)

1991 is for the moments we can never get back but will always hold close. A reminder of what it was like to love without fear and live without hesitation. A love letter to the past. 

1991

Stars burn out, the seasons turn
Worlds collide, the edges burn
Mountains fall, the oceans fade
But my love will never change


Time rewrites the sky each day
Colors shift, the light decays
Every shape the universe rearranged
But my heart… my heart remains


Even if the sun forgets to rise
Even if the moon leaves the skies
Nothing moves the way I feel for you
Nothing fades the fire burning through
Even when the galaxies unwind
Even past the end of space and time
Not me, not us, not what we’ve made
Our love will never change


Cities fall, the rivers dry
Yet I still see forever in your eyes
Every breath, every spark we’ve shared
Lives beyond the worlds repaired


Even if the sun forgets to rise
Even if the moon leaves the skies
Nothing moves the way I feel for you
Nothing fades the fire burning through
Even when the galaxies unwind
Even past the end of space and time
Not me, not us, not what we’ve made
Our love will never change


Through the endless shift, I stay
Through the chaos, through decay
In the silence past the end of days
My love remains… my love remains


Our love will never change

Changes


Yidan, my dear, my love, 
this one is for you,
Yidan, my girl, my sweet love,
once more once more
in the eternity, I love you, I  love you so


I used to wake with an empty hand,
Chasing dreams across the land.
Thought you were hidden behind the stars,
But you were waiting, not that far.
Not in the sky, not on the moon,
I found your smile, it came so soon.
Now every night, I hold you close,
The search is over, I’ve found my home.


Across the street, I found your face,
Your gentle love, my resting place.
Those lips I dreamed, I’ve kissed at last,
The lonely miles are in the past.
No more journeys on my own,
I’ve found my heart, I’ve found my home.


Yidan, your name’s my sweetest song,
It’s been your voice I’ve craved so long.
Every “goodnight” now feels so real,
Every sunrise shows me what I feel.
I drive for hours just to be near,
But every mile’s worth it, my dear.
The road was long, but now it’s clear,
I walk with you, no more fear.


Across the street, I found your face,
Your gentle love, my resting place.
Those lips I dreamed, I’ve kissed at last,
The lonely miles are in the past.
No more journeys on my own,
I’ve found my heart, I’ve found my home.


All of the nights I wished on stars,
Led me to where your arms now are.
The waiting taught me how to see,
The greatest gift was meant for me.
And now I know, through all I’ve done,
My journey ends — you are the one.


Across the street, I found your face,
Your gentle love, my resting place.
Those lips I dreamed, I’ve kissed at last,
The lonely miles are in the past.
No more journeys on my own,
I’ve found my heart, I’ve found my home.


Yidan, my girl, my sweet love,
once more once more... 
in the eternity, I love you, I  love you so...
So here we lie, the night is kind,
Your hand in mine, your breath on mine.
And when the morning sun will rise,
I’ll see forever in your eyes.
No more searching, no more roam,
With you, my love, I’m finally home

Our Journey

We wake up laughing at the smallest things,
The way your hair falls, the songs your voice sings.
We like the same colors, the same silly shows,
Even pick the same snacks when nobody knows.
Sometimes we speak and it’s the same exact line,
A little déjà vu, and your hand finds mine.
It’s magic or luck, maybe fate in disguise,
Every glance, every smile, a new surprise.


No masks, no fronts, just who we are,
Best friends, lovers, shining like stars.


You and me, it’s the little things we do,
The quiet smiles, the jokes only we knew.
Youthful hearts, playful souls intertwined,
All our love, all our laughter, perfectly aligned.
You and me, a forever kind of story,
A million tiny moments that shine in their glory.


We trust like we’ve known each other for years,
Sharing secrets, hopes, and even tiny fears.
Sometimes we sit, just doing nothing at all,
But in that silence, we hear love’s call.
We run through the rain, giggle like kids,
Steal each other’s fries, trade little lids.
Romantic and silly, serious and free,
Every day reminds me you were made for me.


No shame, no fear, just our hearts open wide,
All the worlds we’ve traveled, all the times we’ve tried.


You and me, it’s the little things we do,
The quiet smiles, the jokes only we knew.
Youthful hearts, playful souls intertwined,
All our love, all our laughter, perfectly aligned.
You and me, a forever kind of story,
A million tiny moments that shine in their glory.


Best friends, sweethearts, lovers, all at once,
In every laugh, in every hug, in every glance.
We can be nothing or everything, it’s true,
Because the best world I know is just me and you.


You and me, it’s the little things we do,
Every song, every bite, every “I love you.”
Youthful hearts, playful souls intertwined,
All our love, all our laughter, perfectly aligned.
You and me, a forever kind of story,
A million tiny moments that shine in their glory.


So here we are, just as we should be,
Two hearts, one story, endlessly.
You and me, my love, my friend, my light,
Together in every day, and every night.

You And Me

I see you there, the sunlight hits your hair,
A little laugh escapes, and I just stare.
Every blink, a frame in a perfect scene,
You’re the highlight reel of my every dream.
You tilt your head, a shy little grin,
I say it soft, again and again:
“You’re beautiful,” like it’s the only line I know,
And you blush, but I love that gentle glow.


You roll your eyes, you say, “That’s not true,”
But I swear, my heart only beats for you.


Oh, you are beautiful, don’t you see?
Every time I look, you amaze me endlessly.
Smile a little shy, hide behind your hair,
I’ll say it a thousand times if you let me stare.
You make the world brighter just by being near,
And when I tell you, I hope you hear:
You are beautiful, my Yidan, it’s true,
Every word, every glance, every “I love you.”


In the café line, or walking down the street,
Every little thing about you makes my heart skip a beat.
Your laugh, your frown, your silly little ways,
I could watch you for hours and still be amazed.
You hide your face, but I catch your smile,
And it turns every moment worthwhile.
“You make me happy,” you softly admit,
And I know my words are your favorite bit.


You shake your head, but your eyes reveal,
Even the tiniest doubt can’t hide what you feel.


Oh, you are beautiful, don’t you see?
Every time I look, you amaze me endlessly.
Smile a little shy, hide behind your hair,
I’ll say it a thousand times if you let me stare.
You make the world brighter just by being near,
And when I tell you, I hope you hear:
You are beautiful, my Yidan, it’s true,
Every word, every glance, every “I love you.”


Mirror, mirror, could you ever know,
The magic you reflect just makes my heart grow?
Every “beautiful” I whisper, every “cute” I say,
Is my little spell to keep you smiling every day.


Oh, you are beautiful, don’t you see?
Every glance, every laugh, you enchant me endlessly.
I’ll tell you now, and I’ll tell you again,
Every single day, until the world ends.
You are beautiful, my E-dan, my star,
Every word, every kiss, you’re my heart’s radar.


So smile shyly, roll your eyes, hide if you must,
I’ll keep saying it, in every breath, in every trust.
You are beautiful, don’t ever doubt,
It’s my favorite thing in the world to shout.

You Are Beautiful

Once I thought I was nothing at all,
Shadows too heavy, too broken to crawl.
Every mirror showed a hollow man,
But your hand reached through, said I can.

You built me up with patience and time,
Each gentle word turned the weakness to mine.
Day by day, conviction grew,
Every dawn was a gift from you.

Now I’m stronger, stronger than I’ve ever been,
With your love burning under my skin.
Stronger, no fear in my bones,
With you I have found a place called home.

I used to stumble, afraid to fight,
You taught me courage in the darkest night.
I want to be the man you deserve,
To carry your heart with a steady nerve.

I’ll be the shield, I’ll be the flame,
I’ll take the weight, I’ll take the pain.
Every promise, I’ll make it true,
I’ll spend my strength just to honor you.

Now I’m stronger, stronger than the storms I’ve known,
With your love, I will never be alone.
Stronger, the man you saw inside,
With you forever, I’ll walk with pride.

Now I’m stronger… because you stayed,
I’ll love you fiercely, till the end of days.
Now I’m stronger… because I need to be the one.
Now I’m stronger… for you, for us, the stronger one...

Stronger

Home ain’t always home.
Sometimes it’s a smile painted over bars.
Sometimes it’s four walls whispering,
“You owe us who you are.”

“Family first,” that’s what they preach, right?
Funny how the “first” in line is always the fight.
Every hug came with a warning,
Every kiss came with a rule,
Every “We love you,”
Came with a version of me I had to prove.

They say I speak in storms,
But they’re the ones who taught me rain.
They said I’m dramatic
But who gave me all this pain?
Who taught me fear in the name of love?
Who taught me silence to keep them above?
Who wrapped me tight
Just to call it a hug?
Who clipped my wings
And called it “making sure you don’t get hurt”?

Nah
They feared the sky more than I did.
So they buried my flight
Before I ever learned to lift.

Why does “We’re just trying to help”
Feel like someone pressing thumbs into my chest?
Why does “We care”
Sounds like “Don’t you dare take one step”?

These walls got names.
Every brick’s a command I never agreed to take.
Every crack’s a truth I wasn’t allowed to say.
They said they’re keeping me safe
But all I feel is afraid.
Caught in a cage
Made of guilt, and love, and things I can’t explain.
They call it “family.”
I call it “chains.”
They call it “care.”
But it feels like they want me restrained.

I don’t blame them, that’s the worst part.
It’s hard to fight a prison
When the guards think they’re protecting your heart.
Hard to scream “LET ME OUT!”
When the ones holding the door
Are crying at the thought
Of you ever wanting more.

“Stay close.”
“Stay small.”
“Stay safe.”
Translation?
“Stay exactly where we can watch you fall.”
They built the box,
Then told me it was home.
Told me space was disrespect,
Told me wanting life was wrong.

And the guilt
God, the guilt is a masterpiece.
They play it soft on the strings in me.
Every time I try to move,
They break just enough
To pull me back with the line:
“Don’t you care about us?”

Love shouldn’t feel like panic.
Love shouldn’t feel like tiptoeing.
Love shouldn’t feel like drowning in someone else’s hoping.
Love shouldn’t feel like being the villain
For choosing your own story.
Love shouldn’t feel like apologizing
For wanting to exist fully.

These walls got names.
Every brick’s a demand that keeps me in place.
Every shadow is guilt painted over my face.
They say they’re keeping me safe—
But safety shouldn’t suffocate.
I’m stuck in a cage
Built by love, redesigned into pain.
They call it devotion.
I call it shame.
They call it “stay home.”
But home feels like
A lock with my name.

Maybe they don’t see the harm.
Maybe they’re blind to the scars.
Maybe they think the world is cruel
So they never saw the cruelty in how they held my arms.

But protection without trust
Is a prettier word for fear.
And fear disguised as love
Is the softest kind of spear.

One day I’ll walk out.
Not to leave them behind
But to stop leaving myself behind for them.
One day I’ll breathe air
Not filtered through their doubt.
One day I’ll speak
Without worrying who I’ll let down.
One day I’ll love them
Without losing myself in the amount.

One day I’ll stand outside
And look back without shame
And I’ll see the truth:
The door was always open…
But guilt kept writing my name
On every wall
So I’d think leaving
Was a sin I couldn’t reclaim.

These walls got names…
But none of them
Are mine.

Walls with names [UNCHAINED]

Don’t Matter sheds light on mental health. Many of us suffer from depression and anxiety but we don’t have a platform to talk about it. I wrote this song to share my story in hopes to inspire you to share yours too. Join me in spreading awareness.

Walls with names [UNCHAINED]

J. Ash Dusk

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