I Can’t Find My Heart
Often I wonder how my life would have been if I’d stayed clean, it seems like no matter how hard I try, I always wind up back there! 

Time it takes to heal, is time it takes to reel me back into your chokehold, and then I fall apart! I can’t find my heart

Often I dwell upon the mistakes that I just can’t stop making, seems like no matter how hard I try I just can’t shake this feeling

Time is running out for me to find something to do that isn’t drinking, sinking, and then I fall apart! 
I can’t find my heart

I can’t seem to find my heart,
I’ve searched everywhere, yeah!
Think I lost it years ago, 
Only now I care 

I can’t seem to draw the line,
On this way of life, yeah,
It’s affecting me inside,
And god knows I’ve tried 

But I can’t seem to find my heart,
Fall apart instead, yeah!

Time it takes to heal, is time it takes to reel me back into your chokehold, and I can’t find my heart, I’m falling apart

and I can’t find my heart, I’m falling apart
and then I fall apart, I can’t find my heart
I didn’t find my heart, I’m falling apart
and then I fall apart, I can’t find my heart!

I Can’t Find My Heart

Rockstars Never Die (Broken Heart)

I’m the fucking greatest cos I sing on a track, with hella autotune and a guy pulling the strings in my back! 
It’s sincerity that we always lack,
I’m a puppet on a string with kitchen 
knives in my back! 

Now I’m alright, I got out, out of sight
On the floor, at the end,
When the score couldn’t mend

My broken heart
My broken heart 
My broken heart! 

I’m the greatest cos I’m slurring on a track
Got Jameson and five grams of cocaine in the back, on the radio ‘Crimson & Clover’ plays over and over and in my mind I think I’ve reached the end of the line! 

Now I’m alright, I caught an early flight
Straight out of L.A
Kissed my friends on the way

It didn’t mend my broken heart,
My broken heart, my broken heart
It didn’t mend my broken heart,
My broken heart, my broken heart

Now I’m alright, I got out, out of sight
On the floor at the end,
When the score couldn’t mend

My broken heart
I’m insane!

I got friends in high places,
All over the world!
I get in for free and I get paid a fee
To be mean in the press, in a little black dress, look a mess cos I’m stressed, yeah I’m damaged and depressed! 

I’m not alright,
I burn out, out of sight 
Put me up on the stage,
Show them all how deranged
I am with my broken heart 
My broken heart
My broken heart

Rockstars Never Die (Broken Heart)

Jaded
Your toxic tendencies are wreaking havoc on my brain, Lou Reed wrote songs about you being my mirror, I’ll be a rockstar until I fall down to rock bottom, I’ll be famous like Phil Spector in the Pyrenees…

castle, castle, castle, 
castle, castle, ca- 

I drink gin til’ I fall down, mother’s ruin on a weekday but I will be the last one standing at the end of time, I am the only one who see’s you for who you are, I do not get hysterical over menial shit 

You are doing it for me
You are doing it for me
You are doing it for me
You are doing it for me

I am a low grade piece of shit in Manchester reside, I will die here in this hole that I created for myself and now I feel all kinds of bliss cos it’s a gangster seeing, heroin-ing, Amy Winehouse sang all of those…

Sad, sad songs
Sad, sad, sad songs

I’m a rehab dweller, 
(save me now, save me now)
In the night time sweller,
(Fight the fight, fight the fight) 

Now monotony has finally gotten you, 
You hate your job and your life and your kids and your wife, you hate your job and your wife and your kids and your life, you hate you job and your wife so you reach for the knife 

Now your jaded at The Chelsea!
Now your jaded at The Belfry!
Now your jaded at The Chateau!
Now it rains in New York City

Now your jaded in your mansion,
Now your jaded on the lawn,
Now your families held for ransom,
Take heed now, you have been warned.

Jaded

The Outcome
Take me over the hill again
Make me take all those pills again
Hate me, I will agree with you
Lately I’ve had an attitude 

I am made of sticks, 
you’re walking over me
Do you think I’m thick? 
you’re talking over me

Champs-Élysées and men who want me to decay, oh, every time I walk out the door I get spat on by some hooligans
Find another way cos every way you’ve tried so far has failed miserably, we all know the outcome: suicide! 

Take me back in your arms again
Make me come with your charms again
I’ll be forever in debt to you
I’ll be forever a threat to you

I am made of bricks
You take a mallet to me
Do you think I’m thick?
Well I’d agree with you

Fester and decay in this palace that’s holding me eternally in shackles and chains but I got strong and now I’m breaking out 
Find another way cos every way you’ve tried so far has failed miserably, we all know the outcome: you decide! 

I’m not feeling very well now,
I think I had too much poison
When I look into your eyes and I see a love disguised in the fear to be yourself. 

Champs-Élysées and men who want me to decay, oh, every time I walk out the door I get spat on by some hooligans
Find another way cos every way you’ve tried so far has failed miserably, we all know the outcome: suicide!

The Outcome

Lyrics:

I Don’t Want To
Drank away my inspiration!
Got myself in this situation!
Sanctified by the holy light!
But it doesn’t shine quite as
Bright on me! (Anymore) 

Love, love is a blaze!
Love is insane!
I don’t really wanna give it up! 

Never, never, never
Will I be sober! Slip away!
Never ever, ever
Will I achieve anything, I just drink! 
At the end of the day,
Gonna be, gonna do, gonna say whatever the hell I don’t want to!

Everybody’s looking at me,
I see disgust in their eyes!
I can’t feel emotion but tonight I really cried, I’m fine, I swear, leave it there! 

Love, love is a craze!
It makes people insane! 
Sick of hiding, I’m coming out!

Never, never, never
Will I be sober! Slide away!
Never ever, ever
Will I achieve anything, I just drink! 
At the end of the day,
Gonna be, gonna do, gonna say whatever the hell I don’t want to!

I’m like a lion in the jungle creeping,
I’m like a burden, everyone hates me!
I am a liar, I’m a pariah, throw me and all my things, 
all my things in the fire! 

Never, ever, ever
Will I be who I wanna be, I stopped trying 
Never ever, ever
Will I be anyone, I’m not wrong! 
At the end of the day,
Gonna be, gonna do, gonna say whatever the hell I don’t want to!

I Don’t Want To

Lyrics:

Into the Rain
I can feel you here,
Pouring over me,
I still crave your touch,
Felt like a chemical rush
Hush, hush, now my darling

And tonight we move meticulously with a sleight of hand and so it goes
And tonight I’m walking with a cane into the rain, into the rain I go!

I still dream of you, every night, 
such a light that you seem to illuminate what I hate about myself, 
my life on a conveyor belt

And tonight I’m burning the candle at both ends, again, not the first time
Tonight I’m walking my pain into the rain, into the rain I go 

Hallelujah, I beseech you, you’re the only one can help me, all this conversation is meaningless in the scheme of things, it’s you that I’m needing, for you I’m bleeding out into the gutter and in all the bars and 
I’m hungry, come feed me, I need your protection and all your charms

And tonight I move meticulously with a sleight of hand then down I go,
And tonight I’m gonna reap just what I sow, I know it’s over 

And tonight I’m burning the candle at both ends, again, not the first time
And tonight I’m walking my pain into the rain, into the rain I go

Into the Rain

Lakeside
Boy, your love is killing me and I’m going down without a fight, the thought of killing me, I am sure has crossed your mind, why can’t you keep thrilling me the way you used to by the…

Lakeside with bright red baked eyes, on a hay pile, with the stars reflecting on the water! Lakeside, crossing state lines, with you by my side, making shit hot love out on the lakeside, lakeside!

Boy, you’re eyes are killing me, yeah
You know the secrets of my soul,
The thought of your touch makes my heart race, I think I’m in love, why did you stop loving me the way you used to by the…

Lakeside with bright red baked eyes, on a hay pile, with the stars reflecting on the water! Lakeside, crossing state lines, with you by my side, making shit hot love out on the lakeside, lakeside!

I’ve got a little bit of a problem everybody’s got em’, so it’s alright
I’ve got a little bit of a feeling, staring at the ceiling and it’s profound, I hope tomorrow never comes, I could die happy in your arms, right here, in your arms, make me forget all of my fears 

Lakeside with bright red baked eyes, on a hay pile, with the stars reflecting on the water! Lakeside, crossing state lines, with you by my side, making shit hot love out on the lakeside, lakeside!

Lakeside

Christmas Will Be Magical Again
I can hear sleigh bells ringing outside my door, brace yourself and prepare for Santa
Me and my mincer’s leg, hit me on the head, I’m going down, down, down, I’m going down again and I lost my only friend, not Mrs Claus she’s on heroin now

Christmas will be magical again

He’s coming down my chimney I look a mess, oh no, no, this can’t be happening, look in your eyes and look into the golden flames, can’t wash out this stain now 

Christmas will be magical again 

Here he comes, dressed up to the nines, he’s a big fat man with a drinking problem 
There he goes, see him in the sky in a big red sleigh with an engine on it 

Christmas will be magical again

Christmas Will Be Magical Again.wav

Jack Kerouac on Crack 
Looking like early morning Jack Kerouac on crack, spend my life waiting for a text back, I need to hit the sack before I fall back down, I’m liable to sink when the sun goes down and you’re not around! 

I hope you’re gonna wanna see me when 
I come back around here, when I am in the clear, when I’ve got myself well, it’s my personal hell, that is making me dwell on the negativity and that’s the reason why I can look you dead in the eye and lie… and I lie and I lie again!

Now I’m stumbling around looking like Jack Kerouac and I’m on crack
stumble, stumble, stumble, I’m falling down, stumble, stumble, stumble and I’m falling down

Now I’m stumbling around looking like Jack Kerouac and I’m on crack
stumble, stumble, stumble, I’m falling down, stumble, stumble, stumble and I’m falling down (let me be)

Too many issues going on in my life 
Nothing seems to change no matter how hard I try, so I might as well just give up and die! (Mr Blue Sky, please step aside and show me what’s under your covers)

Stumble around this city, where all these streets were once so pretty
Hey Mr. Blue, I will remember you when I’m so inclined! When I’ve been on the wine! You attack me!

Now I’m stumbling around looking like Jack Kerouac and I’m on crack
stumble, stumble, stumble, I’m falling down, stumble, stumble, stumble and I’m falling down

Now I’m stumbling around looking like Jack Kerouac and I’m on crack
stumble, stumble, stumble, I’m falling down, stumble, stumble, stumble and I’m falling down (hey, let me be)

Jack Kerouac on Crack

A Euphoric Kind of Sad
(An ambulance sits idly by as patrons plunge further into eternal darkness, eternal darkness)

I will never have another friend like you
Scoot over baby and get to know my body!
There’s no point in searching for a substitute, it’s a waste of time you know they’ll never be you 
Staying in the house has left me so restless, going out tonight, I’ll see you in the morning
Hell it hath no fury like a woman scorned and heaven knows no bliss like a man on the piss

Demons breathing down my neck
can you help me?

I operate in a world of darkness and hate but every once in a while I step into the light 
Now I’m feeling good in the afternoon, I’ll just take myself away, baby, to make some room 
It’s a euphoric kind of sad and you don’t make me mad anymore.

I will never have another friend like you, no one who could nullify my inhibitions 
You reached out to me and I was right back there, I’m back in your arms again 
I’m going nowhere

Demons screaming in my ear, I’m going through a crisis 

I operate in a paranoid state but every once in a while I step into the night 
Now I’m feeling rough in the morning glare and I’m feeling it burn cos there’s nobody there
It’s a euphoric kind of sad and you don’t make me mad anymore.

That’s what you get for being such a fuck up, got no regrets about letting your love go, I’m on my own and now I’m in a crisis, get off my throne, stop being so divisive 

I operate in a world of darkness and hate but every once in a while I step into the light 
Now I’m feeling good in the afternoon, I’ll just take myself away, baby, to make some room 
It’s a euphoric kind of sad and you don’t make me mad anymore. (No!)

A Euphoric Kind of Sad

Darkness in My World
Can you love me even though I’m the fucking non-factor?
Can you heal me even if I fuck it up after?

Tie me to the electric chair,
EST is messing up my hair 
Tie me down so I don’t drink
I have way too much time to think and

Now there’s a lot of darkness in my world, 
Now there’s a lot of people out to get me
Now there’s a lot of darkness in my world, Now there’s a lot of people that affect me 

Can you love me even though I’m way past my sell by date?
Can you heal me even if I run on rum and hate?

Just tie me to the electric chair,
Yeah, I know this life is never fair
Tie me down so I don’t sink
I have way too much time to drink and

Now there’s a lot of darkness in my world, 
Now there’s a lot of people out to get me
There’s a lot of darkness in my world
Now there’s a lot of people that affect me 

There’s a lot of darkness in my world, 
Now there’s a lot of people out to get me
Now There’s a lot of darkness in my world, Now there’s a lot of people that affect me

Darkness in My World

Like Clockwork
I wake up at 6am,
I go out and smoke a ben,
They can all hear the door
Don’t know what they’re listening for 
I know what they think of me
That I’ll never amount to be
Anything to write home about 
They’re all sick of my junkie pout 

Tick, tock, tick, demons are coming for me
I’m so thick and now they’re running from me, lit the wick, all my black candles burning, I am sick and I do it like clockwork

I wake up against the door
For substances I am a whore
They turned me into such a bore
Don’t know what I’m living for
I know what you think of me
That I am destined to be
Just another tramp on the street
You can piss on me as I sleep

Tick, tock, tick, the horses ran me over, 
I am sick of searching for four leaf clovers 
Hit the stick, Beachy Head, throw me over
I am thick so I do it like clockwork

I don’t think I’ll find love in this lifetime
I don’t need you impeding on my serenity
They know every-time I go out that I ain’t coming home til the birds are singing, ain’t coming home til my ears are ringing, ain’t coming home til my eyes are stinging, I’ll wake up tomorrow too pinging for singing 

Tick, tock, tick, demons are coming for me
I’m so thick and now they’re running from me, lit the wick, all my black candles burning, I am sick and I do it like clockwork

Like Clockwork

The OtherSide
Biding my time, I wanna leave you all behind, life didn’t turn out quite the way I wanted it! Sliding on like a python in the grass, something bad has happened but nobody cares to ask! So I’ll let it pass on...

I’ll wear a halo on my battered head, 
don’t know how you ended up in my bed,
Is this what I want or is this what they told me? Darkness I’ve seen always seems to enfold me (rave on, oh, oh, oh)

Now you have to go, I pray to god that in the end it isn’t painful and slow, wish I let you know and I wish that I was there but I was too fucked up to care! Life’s not fair! I hope you were aware of just how much I truly loved you! (That’s a lie)  

I’ll wear a halo on my battered head, 
don’t know how you ended up in my bed,
Is this what I want or is this what they told me? Darkness it seems always seems to enfold me (rave on, oh, oh, oh)

I’m waiting on a call, and it’s the call that will lead to my downfall, I don’t wanna believe it, that’s no way to leave it, I hate the thought of you lying there on the floor, I’ll miss your stories and your sense of humour and the way you always lit up the room! (Ahhh, oh)

I’m not ready to let you go! 
I’m not ready to let you go!
We’re not ready to let you go!
But it’s your time to go! 
You weren’t happy, I hope you’re happy on the other side! (On the other side)

You’ll wear a halo of gold on your head, 
I don’t know quite how you ended up dead, is this what I want or is this what they told me? Darkness it seems always seems to enfold me (rave on, oh, oh, oh)

The OtherSide

DeadBeat Poetry
Could you not have stayed off the bevs and raves before you broke my heart?
You deteriorate at a rapid rate and I fucking hate my past

You robbed me off those experiences 
and now my brain is full of holes like a sieve and I’ll be glad to see the damn back of you and you’ll all be mad when you read my deadbeat poetry (ooh ooh ooh ooh)

For whom the bell does toll and the well overflows and it leaves a death black stain 
You exuberate, I was born too late and I fucking hate my past

I robbed myself off a long and healthy life and now my brain is serrated like a knife 
and I’ll be glad to leave this fucking place and you’ll all be mad when you read my deadbeat poetry (ooh ooh ooh ooh)

Every time I fall into a beautiful deep, R.E.M sleep, I wake up
I got all the curiosity of a house cat, hit me with a baseball bat, on the floor, gimme more, give em all what for, they can’t break you down, you still wear the crown of Croydon 

They robbed me off those experiences and now I struggle to find a fuck to give and I’ll be glad to see the back of you all and you’ll all be mad when you hear my dead beat poetry (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

I hate my past
I fucking hate my past
I hate my past
I fucking hate my past

DeadBeat Poetry

Please use headphones and loud. 
My music. Music, lyrics, production, editing, mixing and mastering (regrettably) by me.

Musical influences:
-The Velvet Underground
-John Lennon
-Pete Doherty
-Leonard Cohen
-Phil Spector
-Bob Dylan
-David Bowie
-Courtney Love/Hole
-Captain Beefheart
-Throbbing Gristle
-T. Rex
-Patti Smith
-Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
-Sly Stone
-George Harrison 
-The Shangri-Las
-Animal Collective
-The Strokes
-The Jam
-Ramones
-Yoko Ono 👑
-Smokey Robinson
-The Temptations

Silence is Easy

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