(i was 25 years old when I wrote this song)

unwhen,
unwhere,
unthen,
unthere,
the rebirth cauler is tearing in two,

now no one must know,
but one has to go,
and one has to carry it through,

you know that I've been here before,
it's not the first time,
I've been here ever since I was 13 years old,

Oh no...
here we go,
and I'm right back where I started,

in me,
 I see,
something that calls for ending always,

life is a dream jealous of waking,
and i'm water transmuted to steam,

I've never dreamed that I could fly...

I only dream I fall...

once absence of pain,
in chemical stain,
was the only refrain,
I could spin,

emotive entropy,
I couldn't face me,
without burning or blading my skin,

shame is my keeper,
and my reaper,
and my bell toll,

innocence questions,
 and me?

...I can't explain,

I was 25 years old when I wrote this song,
another year was far too long,
life lent in lease,
to a strangling of surcease,
as an echo dying to be deaf,

now I'm 36 years young,
and I ain't dead yet,
a lot of dead friends and ripe regrets,

but I've learned to fly,
and the freedom of self control,
let tomorrow be itself then,

Devadatta don't,
the binary bind manacles your mind,

Devadatta

sometimes I can't put it together,
because I'm burning up inside,
sometimes the voices in my head tear me up,
and make me decide,

I bet you think that it is easy,
to live your life upon a song,
and though your misconceptions please me,
...they're wrong,

someday i'll abscond,
into the pure air,
and I know that i'll,
be waiting for me there,

I saw my reflection in the ice,
...and it was breaking,

the heaviest secrets,
 are all spoken aloud,
but hidden behind,
 an invisible shroud,

I'm just a picture passing,
through the clouds,

and now it's fading,

...

my eyes are mirrors,
look with light,
and find it there,
within my sight,

when I view into you,

the kindle green of your fire,
be not one more vamping pyre,

when you see into me,

a knee lesson,
a knee lesson,

for Alice...for Alice,


a knee lesson for Alice,
 
...

I'm changing,
and strangel,
and all my straight lines,
are set at odd angles,

Sillow and spelling,
but I haven't been seeming,
I haven't been telling,

winter me heat,
as I'm righting my dial,
song me so sweet,
I'm alone for a while,
stay me in still,
gratitudinous grasp,
someday we will,
unlocking the clasp,

...

sometimes I wonder if the Earth's flat,
or if tap water turns you gay,
all though I know that it's not worth that,
to say,

I guess you think that it is easy,
to live upon a spinning globe,
and swallow science while you tease me,
cause someone told you so,
and I really do not know,
the truth from any lie,
that I can't myself verify,

...

someday i'll abscond,
into the pure air,
and I know that i'll,
be waiting for me there,

I saw my reflection in the ice,
...and it was breaking,

the heaviest secrets,
 are all spoken aloud,
but hidden behind,
 an invisible shroud,

I'm just a picture passing,
through the clouds,

and now it's fading...

A Knee Lesson For Alice

"You're SO awkward...it's true"

I've got bad timing,
and words that aren't rhyming.
my insides are outsy,
so everything doubts me,

"You're so awkward"

a yanking of think-me,
each though is a "drink me",
spills into my music,
until I can't use it,

"You're so awkward"

Well...there's some things you can't measure,
and at least there is no pressure,
because my business is my pleasure,

and no one listens to a single song I do...

the lyrics embarrass,
in Eros and Eris,
dead Burmese repeaters,
the melody teeters,

"You're so awkward"

insignificant other,
my dial set to smother,
these days I'm a trifle
to stunt and to stifle,

"You're SO awkward...it's true"

well...there's some things you can't ever,
hide behind a false endeavor,
truth is everything that is,
and everything that isn't,
every little lie...

I've got nothing to say,
do you know what I mean?

waking dream,
a game of wars,
and playing cards,
with human swords,

spy-glass,
shatter-stain the page,
an assassin's caress,

the Heart's will overthrow the Swords,
strumming their umbilical cords,
and every song's,
a heart beat long,

I heard a baby's roar,

tomorrow's a foregone conclusion,
with or without your collusion,
but try to live up to yourself,
you're walking on history,

every little step,

...

"I've been wearing this mask,
 that you always called your mother,
and your real father,
is your half-a-step Brother,
and I sold you to the sermon,
of the slither and the slather,
and the chewing of the chains,
where the gorgons gonna gather,"
  
"Love me like the virgin Mary,
drowning weight of which you carry"

alone,
I love you,
alone,
I love you,

only because,
forgiveness,
 is as it does,
I give this,

so lose all that weight,
but you'll always be fat to me,

carbonated clay,
has to have it's way,
carbonated clay,
has to have it's number,

DANGER,DANGER,
RAISE THE ALARM!

you,
you're breaking apart now,
number 23,
(please don't say it)
(please don't say it)

raising the alarm,

(please don't say it PLEASE...)

silence the scarring,
slashes and cinder sores,
middled me marring,
trash is the hinder-whore,

I'm saint-sinister,
so sorry,
something's wrong I don't belong,

(a musical chair made out of air)

Good gracious!
Good gracious!

sight of clear light fills you,
down into the chasm,
sight of clear light thrills you,
sneeze, faint and orgasm,

I'm the drain
the brooming brain,
the melting to the floor,

the echo-wall,
 the scabby doll,
the please not anymore,

and every thought's,
an untied knot,
before the drawbridge dream,

ice, suffice,
must melt, enticed,
before it turns to steam,

Every every,
eyes an I,
100% of zero

nevery neighbor,
kneading need,
 a peering that appears so,

You,
you're breaking apart,
(please don't say it)

thistle thorn,
the never born,
the notice-not,
 erase,

fimble fees,
he has no knees,
he kneels upon his face,

I'm the wilting wage of words,
not whence,nor thence,nor hence,

I'm the stilting mannequin,
imbalanced on the fence,

I'm the fury fangled four,
the thimble gambled three,
I'm the couplet Mollycoddle,
except there's none but me,

Frim, Frim,
the gables grabbing grim,
there is no her for him,
just sometimes cthonic Chai-light,,

Fray, Fray,
the will not go away,
every pittance must pay,
for the trial of the trilobite,

Fro, Fro,
as if you didn't know,
the heights all sinking low
just to give your gale a whisper,

Free, Free,
of shackles you call "me",
to club the seal with glee,
for the laudanum of a lisper,

the anti-stethoscope,
appears,
my heart as it nears,
listening  to her ears,

Carry That Wait

noisome chapel/poison apple
poison apple/noisome chapel

uh-oh,
 artificial dreams,
cold and lonely
I sleep in the bed,
 with the posthumous dead,
 and scream,
(NO... if only)

I, 
I'm not painting it black,
eye,
eye'm not a never look back,
aye,
I've got a reap and a sow and I know:
 a pain called would-you-ever?

Uh-oh
the Slaviour's in the sill,
it's a bopping boneyard,
all will assert,
of his hand-me-down hurt,
until...
(lopping lone lard)

I,
I'm not making no sense,
eye,
I'm all torpid and tense,
aye,
I'm all saddled in addled duress,
a cage called every angle,

I,
I'm all groping for words,
eye,
eye'm all hoping you heard,
aye,
I'm all hinder-land label-and-lie,
a fib called honest engine,

GET IT OFF!
get it off my back,
I won't be the Slaviour's autonomy,

GET IT OFF!
get it off my back,
I won't be the Slaviour's autonomy,

The Slaviour

we're always inside-outrage,
so you've come to me to deny,
 what you know

but I've added up the zeros,
and I welcome you as part of myself,

we are the same,
we are the same,
we are the...

I was offering directions,
for the surest route one could travel,
...to get lost,

you were gouging pennies,
from the sympathy wounds,
caught in your grace,

no one ever,
finds forever,
in the chrysalis of self,

what the mirror knows:
add the zeros,

 we are the same,
we are the same,

crisis is what suffices,
for my life,
so I cling to a clamour of climb,
while you stomp my broken fingers,
I keep telling myself the refrain,

we are the same,
we are the same,

add the zeros,

0+0=0

(oh baby)
I`m crying...
I`m crying...

no way I`m going now,
I`m crying...
(weeee)

portrait of the weather vane,
i hunger for hunger,
that i`ll never sleep again,

so famish fast,
and take it slow
I hunger for hunger,
denial be the seed i sow,

a limping gate,
o`er loving floor,
(limp,limp,limp)
a hobbling hate,
opens adore,

who-not-a-me,

I`m crying,

a maiden bed,
 of stain glass shards,
stabs me to sleep as i weep,
 over reversed cards,

the road through wrath,
and faulty math,
to cringe for the hinge,
i impinge on a psycho path,

so kind and blind,
copious crawl,
(crawling,crawling)
I`ll pay no mind,
no mind at all,

(who-not-a-me)

I`m crying,

my heart is the hinge,
between the earth and the sky,
my tears are the fountain,
that never runs dry,

limpid of lopside,
propped up on my pain,
it weaves the links of,
my lacksidaisy chain,

oh my waitingful heart,
in the still of deceit,
how the earth loves the sky,
though they never shall meet,

lest it topple in tumult,
and wither right down,
as it sighs out it stars,
to the grieve of ground,

a broken man
(i`m not ready to breathe)
does what he can
(i`m not ready to breathe)

a broken man,
if god may grant,
will do what he can,
will do what he can`t,

("how do you know?")

well..i think that I'm ready to breathe
("how do you know?")
i think that I'm ready to breathe,
("how do you know?")

(breathing in/breathing out)

I KNOW that I'm ready to,
KNOW that I'm ready to,
("how do you know?")

know that I'm ready to breathe,

so i hunger for hunger,
and warm to the cold,

it's so telling and truly ,
and shivers right through me,

I long...

Hinge

Escapegoat,
put my hands to my throat,
I'm SO sick of being sick,

there's no way out,
so I pine and i pout,
and i wax my weary wick,

can't keep it lit,
with this bridle and bit,
always yanking me through the stain,

what will appear,
when i look in the mirror,
while i'm trapped in the loather's lane?

I have good qualities!
...that no one else can see,
least of all this man named me,

he has nobody else,
his life is on the shelf,
until he falls back in love with himself,

wearing the hand-me-down curse,
i was given,
I'm stranded everywhere that i go,

watching my weather get worse,
as I'm driven,
into this quickening i must slow,

breathe in,
breathe out,
no fear,
no doubt,

HEART THROB,
DOOR KNOB,
WHEN YOU GONNA OPEN TO ME?

I have good qualities!
...that no one else can see,
least of all this man named me,

he has nobody else,
his life is on the shelf,

Until I Fall In Love With Myself..

you can lock the world inside,
a carry-cage for a dark age,
but GODSPEED,
never will you hold it,
you don't bleed,
the warm blood that ensouled it,
so concede,
the lie which you'd enfold it,

there's no need,
just greed,

no need at all...

"wake up!"
(could it be that i'm waking up? am i gonna?)
where are you?...
"wake up!"
(could it be that i'm waking up? am i gonna?)
where are you?...


you can fork your tongue along,
and feed upon the morning dawn,
but GODSPEED,
never will you taste it,
you don't heed,
the beauty that has graced it,
this decreed,
that you could only waste it,

there's no need,
just greed,

no need at all...

GODSPEED

Somedays, 
I was born to suffer,
and suffer I do,

amazed,
my skins not tougher,

for surely I've been blessed,
to know the pain that opens up the door,
leading to creations wake,
as gentle as a knife,

somedays I'll find peace in the pieces,
that used to be my personality,
it's broken and brittle breath,
every exhales a death,
and every inhales that door,
leads me back before
myself,
am I sweet confusion?
lost in illusion?
Tomorrow keeps bleeding back on me,
and Yesterdaze is a knotty child,
in love with irresolution,

I was born to suffer....

Window pain is see through,
except no one's looking,
I've got a gift called no-one-wants-it,
not from my hands,
 my hinder-head,
my gently stabbing hurry heart,
my chains,
you'll take my temper,
and steal me where I stand,

someday I'll let go of the let go,
and hold on to nothing at all,

my dreams are a viral veil,
covers me head to tail,
Kundabuffer Organic produce,
wags me down,
and I'm just a jitter bug on renunciation,
nervous twitch,
can't shake the itch,
of a bleeding scratch,
in the cabbage patch,
and the putrescent prying,
of a lying ovation,

I was born to suffer...

Kundabuffer Organic Produce

This was written 16 years ago. The lyrics are quite cliche,(there's even a "baby" in there) but were very heart felt, so i kept them.

I suppose it's an honor to have been able to speak in cliches so earnestly.

man..she broke my cliched heart.

…

the lies that you spoke to me,
were Eden on earth,
and I waited for your sweet touch,
from birth,
I wanted to believe you,
so bad,
wanted to believe you,
cause i love you like mad,

the sun sets slow,
now you're no longer mine,
the colors just don't shine,
just please don't go,
I'll give you everything,
listen to what i sing,
my sweetest MInx,
back on the dope and drink,
I don't know what to think,
My Honey Hole
I gave you everything...
I guess it just wasn't enough,

and I'm waiting for you,
at my window,
and I'm waiting for you, 
even though I know that you won't show,
and I can't believe,
that you're no longer mine,
if you still need me baby,
give me a sign,

the sun sets slow,
now you're no longer mine,
the colors just don't shine,
just please don't go,
I'll give you everything,
listen to what i sing,
my sweetest MInx,
back on the dope and drink,
I don't know what to think,
My Honey Hole
I gave you everything...
I guess it just wasn't enough,
my Honey Hole...

Honey Hole

infection projection,
and don't pig sty eyes see muck as mercy?

silent I went,
what to say about hearless ears and lips that curse me?

question the mark,
see in the dark,
this little pig,
started to dig...

but Mopey, she doesn't want to know,
and if I, if I tell her so,

she will pull out my hair,
with a backwards stare,
and a "Glory be the Ignorranswer!"
in the blink of an eye,
I will try to get by,

and leave it alone,
email and phone,
and pluck my peace,
from a bounding beast,

(His cell phone's in R'lyeh)

I'm not the father figure-eight,
so endless, friendless, burden bearings
whelp to wed and sharing bed,
go milk your mill stones for red herrings,

no what you know,
reap what you sow,
the wind is a thief,
to a blowing be-leaf,

Mopey, she doesn't to hear,
and if I try to hold her near,

she will gouge out the gage,
and deny her age,
then blame it all on her vagina,

all the things that I've said,
to an emptying head,

but I won't anymore,
open a door,
that's only going to close,
so she can pick her knows,

bitter is the blessing that bestowed,
turns to debt and Summer-Set is owed,

it's a fraud,
it's a see-me-as-I-want-to-be-seen,
it's the beady eyes that think meaning's mean,
it's a dead end door,
and what for? what for?
there's no one there,
just an unasked quest-shun,
answered by error,

put the brakes on...

(His cell phone's in R'yleh)

I'm celibate, 
that means I don't give a fuck...

Mopey

Here it is:
a throw away song written in an open G,
I got it wrong,
 started again,

What to say?
the 7th year of Nonsensuality,
I'm a Sun-shower,
laughing in pain,
shining in rain

fall down out of the sky,
into the lie,
that's drinking me dry,

a river roars 'round the bend,
a middle with no,
beginning or end,

as far as i can see,
with eyes that don't agree,

let me be the shore that shapes you,
into the take of time, where'ing worry,
lead me to what you escape through,

your below is their high above,
the less i am the more there's of,

i'm bound in bounding boundaries,
and nothing-as-they-seem-to-be's,
the last the last the lasting past,
where a swollen shadow bloats,

Halo heal my breaking,
silent lips are laking,
speak to me the Mystery,
in every waking breeze,
lead me there where as you should,
is always as you please,
how i get down on my knees...
and pray,

the sun shines down on the flowers,
we thought that they were standing still,
how could we've been so wrong?
tying the not,

roots to shoots, they were all moving,
faster than the eyes can see,
in a direction that we've forgot,
but now it's:

greatful, the bloom of every me,
coming to be,
Nonsensuality,
breathe me into the tree,
stranded at see,
Nonsensuality,

Halo heal my breaking,
silent lips are laking,

I'm just a mollified murmuring,
quieting into the storm i love,
set the Sun:
 a division of ONE,

your below is  their high above,
the less i am the more there's of,

wayful wings fly on the right,
the third eye and the second sight,
the first the first the absent thirst,
that i lay down in the sky,

Halo heal my breaking,
silent lips are laking,

when have any of my lyrics,
improved a blank page?
when have I ever heard silence,
locked here inside my cage,
acting upon it's stage,

Halo heal my breaking...

Nonsensuality

this artwork (as always) isn't mine. I got it here...

 https://www.deviantart.com/nickybeats/art/my-mind-parasite-27017310

anyways...

leer-icks:

Bleeding meaning,
into the Unpretender,
me and my,
 little corner of surrender,
Betty Allwynn,
Betty Allwynn,

Someone said the truth would set me free,
but I don't live in that world,
don't get me wrong,
I still know they're speaking
 metaphorically,

but it's a darken me down,
you put my thoughts on a pet parade,
and you've been stealing my sound,
No fair, no fair,
with these chains that I'm bound,
No fair, no fair,
it's a darken me,
it's a darken me,
it's a darken me down,

it's a darkening...

speak honestly,
and no one will believe you,
they're all too busy,
trying to deceive you,

Betty Allwynn,
Betty Allwynn,

Enfeebler

Tauralyne,
dressed in May, 
but it will all fall away...it will all fall away,

and how she sings,
and how she'll say,
of a promise's keep,
to a kingdom asleep,

and how we dream, 
that we're awake,
all together apart,
and it's been tripping my heart,

and funny thing,
i broke a string,
when the chorus did thrust 
through the mantic and must,

I'm so well versed,
in the curse,
have i the strength to evolve,
a chorus' resolve?

writing songs i'm never me,
i just process the pain,
so i can't help the way it sounds,
it just turns out that way,

so i'm not me,
and i'm not you,
or the obsenic view ,
from a palpitant pew,

and everything,
that i won't say,
it will all fall way...it will all fall away,

so the sing the stars,
 out from the sky,
there's a burning of blush,
in the halo'd and hush,

and what we are,
i don't know why,
but when the hue-man turns grey,
it will all fall away,

when winter weeps to keep me warm,
and i pluck out my I,
i guess that i'm afraid to live,
am i afraid to die?

writing songs i'm never me,
i just process the pain,
so i can't help the way it sounds,
it just turns out that way,
it just turns out that way,

and funny thing,
i broke a string,
when the chorus did thrust,
through the mantic and must,

Of Chorus

don't you ever even,
won't you ever even?

breathe awning eyes,
a-where-ness lies,
Clavicle of Glortrickle,
scars sigils renting,
out your scent,
Clavicle of Glortrickle,

awk-words will drip,
from the sip of my lip,
you could give me something else to sing,

you're a game of chance,
with stains on your pants,
and I'm married to the Everything,

worried,
I'm worried i'm worried,
I'm a precedent pressed,
to your receding dress,
all lift up,
lift up and put down,
but that's all in the past,
and i'm chipper and chaste,
don't miss me,
don't kiss me,
(kiss me)

pages will turn,
in the never will learn,
don't you ever sing,
don't you ever say,
a seconding glance,
doesn't know how to dance,
eyes twitching,
all turn away,

tawdry and torn,
between the feelings you've worn,
my mind is a raggedy answer and ask,
so give me a break,
don't break me to pieces,
feeding them raw,
to the mince of your mask,

don't you ever even,
won't you ever even?
sincerity: meat for the beast,
Clavicle of Glortrickle,
allergic ears,
 running from mirrors,
Clavicle of Glortrickle,

my hammersome heart,
doesn't know where to start,
you could kick me with your sharpened shoes,
so footsy to me, my irreality,
I can still string it up,
and sing the bruise,

(sing the bruise)
it goes a bit like  this:

(i know your lonesome...play it for me then)

what is in an itch,
to man who pretends,
that he has no hands,
just to hide his claws,
a question mark stalks,
every road that he walks,
weak in the knees,
till his words won't rhyme,

keep it together,
pull it apart,
bringing your scars to the show and tell,
someone's to blame,
someone's a hand out,
feeding your friends to the wishing well,

Clavicle Of Glortrickle

drug free,
i'm higher than the sky,
lower than the lowest pittance,
in admittance,

reach for me,
reach for me,
reach for me,

so i wrote a song,
under a minuite long,
now i let go,
of it's echo,

Just A Minuite

can i take me back?
(i don't wanna go)
but to trace my tracks,
it would help me so,
it all seems so fun,
until i get there,
and i see the world through a dying stare,

all i want is the freedom to act like a slave,
all i want is the freedom to dig my own grave,
tied to a jenny and sleepless sloping of fever,
i'm an arch deceiver and a true believer,

mind off...

Revenge Of The Whanger

It's a shelf's hysteria...

woke at five thirty,
the sky was dirty,
I took my crutches,
and went to drain my curse,

blood in my urine,
keeps reoccuring,
I piss so quiet,
the Ogre is sleeping in her sloth,

tip-toe to please her,
down to my freezer,
I'll meditate,
while the voices squeeze my heart,

get high on mana,
and eat two bananas,

it's a special day,

I'll take the bus into the city,
buy a present for my pretty,
crutching down the dirt hill sounds like this,

It's a shelf's hysteria,

7:38,
the bus arrives late,
old folks were cursing, 
a technological age,

the streets are laid low,
beneath the staid snow,
Winter's a virgin,
except for when she's not,

my heart is tipping,
my crutches slipping,
it feels so good,
just to get out of the house,
I'll buy a gift and catch a lift,

it's a special day,

racing the clock
ankle deep in the snow
three pawn shops on a single block,
it's 30 below,
will I make the return bus back home?
(HURRY!)-(HURRY!)

It's A Shelf's Hysteria

This is me pretending to pretend,
but that's no way make a friend,
could you fault, my black pillar of salt,
when it wished, you would get the gist,
that I'm not a scientist,

Floor-rinse,

I'm stuck withing these,
these parenthesis,
sometimes I just cannot,
fit in the final dot,
and finally come to grips,
with my broken ellipse,

you could say ruck-sack like a dirty word,
the prettiest sound I ever heard,
This is me pretending to pretend,
and I thought, that I could find my missing dot, 
if I could only make a friend,

5 year fathom watches watches,
stillborn every second second,
every biding breath it botches,
every burden bares it's beckon,

"time's the cup that drinks from you,
the carvened starvened quaffing challice,
press it to your lips anew,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom weighs the way,
in 1/16th of ever after,
kindle-clocks counting decay,
in oft regurgitated laughter,

"every thought's a treason plot,
a handle hewn in cares grown callous,
picks you up to smash you down,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom rode the road,
it's pressures poured into impostures,
each angle set to explode,
in seamy seams of dream imposters,

"drown your druthers cupid-careful,
find no fears and make no malice,
still you simper for a stareful,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom rolls the roles,
the marrow-masks that try to wear him,
tumblings take of tithing  tolls,
their irredeemers
set to scare him,

"dampen drove the bridal bridle,
purity's your pleasure pallace,
phallacy's your idle idol,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

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