Ahead of a new album called 'At This Point' dropping here is the recent single 'March to March' with a beat from Konchis and mix, master and additional production from  . Pre-order the L.P now at https://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com/album/at-this-point to get exclusive access to the secret listening party . New single 'Strange Times' dropping on Spotify tomorrow over here:  https://bit.ly/3yMVQBe

'March To March' by Jackal Trades(Beat by Konchis, Produced by Morphamish)

Featuring Jo D'arc, Becci Wallace, Lily Lou & Doctur Normul on the chorus. Taken from the new album 'At This Point' OUT NOW on Bandcamp here: http://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com and Spotify here: https://spoti.fi/3gPgo1y
Mixed, Mastered and Additional production by Morphamish.

At This Point by Jackal Trades

'That Soundtrack Stays'- Jackal Trades x Kid Robotik


The Afterlife with Fred Phelps (Part 1)

Hello Fred Phelps! I am God! it`s yourself! 
I`m confused and concerned by the life that you lead,
the advice that you gave and the scriptures you `learned` 
you must`ve `misheard` in life so listen up now you`re dead, 
Pay attention Phelpsy- I`m a very busy man, 
I lost an aeroplane in transit that they`ll try blame on Iran, 
I guess I plain crashed out and now the full moon`s out, 
Aliens are skyping me scared their secrets out, 
I`m like `whit ya talking bout` nobody truly knows, 
just plant more triangle sandwiches in those pop videos, 
Back to you- aye! aye I do hate fags, 
Not the American slang- I just quit smoking tabs , 
Way back in the day when that Mary Magdeline slag, 
Broke my son`s heart and stole his jetpack, 
The old testament rags were misquoting me as vengeful, 
exaggerated claims came before they even figured out pencils, 
The truth is humanity`s not even on my level, 
They still don`t know the actual holy land is hidden out in Methil,
I shuffle off dishevelled to the multi-verse of infinity, 
I`m omnipotent physically and magical, wizadry, 
my resume stretches the entire planet`s history, 
what consenting adults do never bothers me nor limits me, 
To think to picket funerals would interest me`s a mystery, 
Oh! and the religion that you preached was dead wrong from it`s infancy, 
I hope you revelled in the infamy but sorry it did nothing for me, 
`Cause for the last few decades I`ve been all about that Scientology, 
Why? I like Science Fiction and that should count for something, 
they Cruise with Travolta The Westboro celeb count equaled nothing,
Life`s too short for hatrid and im afraid you truly lost it, 
so I`ll see you in hell! well, least till you come out of the closet, 
So away and repent your bawbaggery but until then, 
I`m away for a pint with Alan Turing and Tony Benn

The Afterlife .... with Fred Phelps (Part 1)

EAT YOUR CEREAL AND WATCH THIS!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUyY51Rfwds&list=UU7ppQyVFm5ZHIm6280cOzrg

`Alistair Darling`s Eyebrows of Mass Distraction ` (Preview)

The Eve of Revolution…. 17/09/14 
Beat by Andy Martin
Recorded by Gordy Duncan JR

The Eve of Revolution

a one take response to Colonel Mustards response to The Girobabies response to Colonel Mustard's outburst. 
Thank you to Rory O'B on guitar and recording. 

Girolands takes place this Saturday 5th March at The Glasgow Barrowlands http://tickets-scotland.com/yell2. Lyrics below.

curtains for the colonel colonel mustard 
that donald custard is about to get murdered 
that last warning shot got the mustard hot and blustered 
offended by the truth of every word that I uttered
So I oughta Busta Rhyme it's nearly Barras time
and leave the disco baw helmet hanging on a washing line
Prima Donna JOhnny wants 1k curtains
but its the Barrowlands man you know longer work in Butlins
coz its yourself that your hurting when you call my name out
Jay beggin way apology any day now
but it's too later to save the macalinden 
the band he's in will abandon him
from the brass section to the mandolin
all 45 of thim will hand their notice in 
he s been known to sing about gays and gingers
with idiots guide book of lyrics for beginners
like junkie breakfast laughed at addiction
it said it featured me but that shit was fiction
sampled me talking at the start with no permission
and he credited me but no credit is given to him
no fucks given and zero merits mate 
are you actually a colonel?
then dont play with the military 

it's a mutiny 

it's a mutiny today on your illuminatti face
your gettinn regulated and get putin in your place
your god complex cant handle this pace
im not out of first gear i could do this shit for days 
because I am the promoter yes im why your doing well 
and I dont even get a cut of any t shirt you sell
well ok mac daddy mac mustard daddio
you know I get more cameos than fuckin cameo
I seen your facebook video were you high or plastered
we all take calls when we re all struggling artists
Jackal Trades got that battle rap shit mastered
No need to be a patronizing middle class bastard
no need to be a diva and see your own neighbour
colin works here aye slave labour 
let my mucker party hearty like a ginger party vortex
for a god complex it is not complex
you did a deep voice and you said it was me 
ok better than your hokey pokey scissors sisters karaoke 
Yellow movement looking like an all out war
bouncy balls bounce across the ballroom floor
my new band is prounounced the dijon four 
backstage should be good should of thought of that before
these are not the curtains you are looking for x 2

stick march 5th in your silly little hat 
im lyrically strapped for this military act
walter mitty  fantasist you need the character 
I am true you are amatueur
and if a thousand sixth dijons boo me after ever song
then all it means is a thousand sixth dijons are wrong
I buck the trend and defy the norm
like a high bird flying right into the eye of the storm
I challenge you to match me every line for line
who you gonna call? MIckey 999
Like a shark in the water fi fiy fo fum
i smell the blood of a difficult second album
your like laymen brothers one of them false profits 
you started it i stop it i go pro you novice
Its Giroland Donald Ill call it what I call it
good luck following we re gonna blow you out the water
look over your shoulder like all our SAMA nominations
we ve been overlooked sionce the day the giros been creating
im not hating on your win for best live act
but i vow to take the crown on the 5 of March
we get bad press like cybernats
but the wise ones know its girolands







'Curtains for Colonel'  #giroland

Pre-order the `Need the Character (s)` L.P right now over at: 
http://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com

`The Hills Have No Eyes`- Jackal Trades (Produced by Yoko Pwno)

Produced by Mistah Bohze 
Mastered by Tom S Ray Mastering 
`Need the Character(S)` L.P by Jackal Trades  out now over at : 
Bandcamp https://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com/album/need-the-character-s
1000 Fans https://jackaltrades1.1000.fans/Store

`Character Building Society `(Produced by Mistah Bohze)

Jackal Trades album out now : http://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com

`Celebrity Mourning...` (Steg G Remix)

A traditional Scottish anthem recorded in the year 2038 live and direct from Baron Trump's Golf Planet . Taken from the 'Need the Character(s)' L.P out now for free over at: https://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com/track/rabbie-burns-benefits-produced-by-soundthief 
lyrics below:
Bard from the graveyard they wont let him back in, 
he`s a zombie womaniser and he`s guilty as sin 
want an auld scots poem? just ask him 
want a sensitive soul? just add gin 
he`s struggling to comprehend Twenty Fourteen 
not that that would stop his notorious courting 
to get a fling you need the fame and poetry's obsolete 
so he signed up to a show called Benefits Street 
he recites more scripts than Meryl Streep 
and chooses eccy over leccy cause the price too steep 
cameras always on him one way or another 
big brother is watching him watching big brother 
a poignant moment so succinct and apt and cunning 
he verbally slapped the cunts currently running 
his country being sold out to Amazon and Google 
but they cut away to him munching a Pot Noodle 

They reincarnated Rabbie Burns last night 
with a shovel , a hip flask and a flashlight 
no-one cares what Rabbie thinks about taxing the elite 
they only care what Rabbie 'burns` on Benefits Street 

The Bard is a joke now the viewers are laughing at 
attacked by paparazzi in his own home habitat 
minds too small for concepts they need the characters 
you wont get funding for an idea you less fit the narrative 
we need two dimensional wee shites 
with three stripes , take great dee light whenever he fights 
smokes Barlinnie roll ups to suppress his appetite 
foods rarely on the menu cause moneys too tight 
watches colour TV cause nothings ever black 'n' white 
as he prays for a cracking ride before he`s back inside 
those losing get a doing as the going gets good 
poverty porn Hustlers Razzle with the nedtube 
get lube as the anally attentive get inventive 
and find new ways to fuck you with financial incentive 
Rabbie painted a picture bout it and became quite inventive 
but it started with a spliff 
where the episode ended 

Rabbie's so famous now his name is muddied by broadsheets 
Clarkson and Littlejohn belittle his broad speech 
his regional accent is mocked in Mock the Week 
George Osbourne uses him as an election plea 
from the street young team to the club drug scene 
thinks Rabbie Burns is just another Marvin from The Scheme 
Marvel super T : the anti-hero 
ignorant like roman numeral`s concept of zero 
buy high , sell low , `Hi ! I`m here to fix the deficit` 
deliver deliberate deception to the desperate 
in a desolate square mile renaming whole towns 
dressing the haggis with decaying pass -me - downs 
they are playing the system by refusing to die 
we built this city on ratings and a lie 
squeezed middle ignore what Eric Pickles biscuits cost 
and blame the fictional devil , the fiddler of the north 

On benefits and proud of the hunger and the struggle, 
the 8% price hike and the keep warm huddle, 
On benefits and proud of the pre pay meter beeping 
The cheap and nasty noodles , Bad eating, lack of heating 
Proud of inflation holding my family to ransom 
Proud of being sick, hated, jaded and sanctioned 
On benefits and proud of the overcrowded tenements, 
Suicide attempt rent debt letter sentiments 
On benefits and proud of the MP`s expenses 
The queen gets a wage rise to buy higher fences, 
Proud of where I live becoming such a dive 
On benefits and proud of never watching Channel Five

credits
from Need the Character (s), released November 5, 2016 
Produced by Soundthief 
Additional recording by Gordy Duncan JR
http://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com

'Rabbie Burns Benefits' - Jackal Trades(Produced By Soundthief)

Produced by Sun Dogs , Featuring Jo D'arc (The Twistettes) 
taken from the 'Need the Character(S) ' L.P out now over at: 
http://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com 
lyrics:
we shine our torch 
at the moon 
mask removed 

round here we welcome the era of a new weather 
the way Ocean Colour Scene welcome a blether way Weller 
I'm a shell of my former self a storm dweller 
mumbling in the rain like um... brella 
well rumbled by the same, lame miss fortune teller 
who cost a fortune and then claimed only spirits could help her 
embezzled bedazzled frazzled and dishevelled 
made medallions outta molehills that bike could pedal 
but when you meddle with my metal you will never settle 
coz my ghost will fill your conscious and I wants the medal back 
curse that fellow jack magic yellow turns black 
turn sunny oil painting into dark artefact 
but bitterness in death can spawn a birthday mess 
and literally you become the wicked wetch you detest 
at a push at a guess weakness is a test 
severed hearts 7 daze 
play your card, be my guest 

we shine our torch at the moon but want no trouble 
wondering if we share an algorithmic bubble 
no purpose so worthless on the surface with the others 
I wonder who recovers there`s not enough buffers 
bludgeoned to a pulp by murderous thundercunts 
ridiculous sycophants blubbering money shots 
I never felt I fit in I was flirting on the margins 
bumbling in abundance abandoned in the jargon 
moonlight flitting in and out not listening just drifting 
deleted my space coz the planet was shifting 
ruffled feathers run ragged on egg shells and tinder hooks 
scrabbling for scraps over trap doors and dirty looks 
shoulda looked at books but got seduced (ram shackles in rum shacks) 
where card games turn to darts in the click of a gun pact 
traded place with a face and removed the mask 
played a spade then an ace then we fade to black

Need the Character (s)

We Shine Our Torch at the Moon and Remove Our Masks (Produced by Sun Dogs)

Laigo (formerly Flori$t) remixes `Charlie Brooker Sketch` taken from the `Besides Yer Face` L.P that dropped this week over at: https://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com/album/besides-yer-face-the-remixes

Besides Yer Face : The Remixes

Charlie Brooker Sketch by Jackal Trades (Laigo Remix, R .I.P Flori$t )

taken from the forthcoming Jackal Trades album 'Trip Hazard Advisor' which will be launched at the Glasgow Barrowlands Ballroom this Saturday (29th September) . You can grab a CD there or pre-order CD/ Digital over here: https://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com/album/trip-hazard-advisor
The beat is by the incredible Daryl Donald. 
Recorded by Steg G in his famous kitchen. 
Last wee weird bits recorded by Gordy Duncan JR.

Jack To The Future (Prod By Daryl Donald)by Jackal Trades

'Trio Hazard Advisor' L.P out now over here: http://jackaltrades.bandcamp.com

Trip Hazard Advisor

Death of the Centre (Produced by Laigo)

Jackal Trades : giving you Hip Hop, Electronica and acapella , all with interpretive dance and Scottish subtitles . 
`Need the Characters` LP Coming soon 

jackaltrades@outlook.com

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