Faerie

i love me and that's all that matters right?

2 days before i left Charleston

Lonely

i blacked out from 
desire, 
on desire, 
black ink over
a word, 
a black coat mourns the shoulders
worn on an exiled queen
no tenderness like hers
do not admire 
girls.

do not admire 
me back, desire, 
every tongue that burns 
i lack and crack 
no water no wet
i won’t breathe fire 
i won’t swallow my own throat
i won’t burn black i already
have that

but not 
that need that 
walks blisters in my feet
that makes my fingers play piano
on wooden tables
holding breath so 
they don’t know i’m 
panting,
 a dog
an old dog 
sitting on a porch
never had a master
can’t remember must be a past
sir or king i do not
turn to wolf for
girls, 
desire.

i do not howl 
or text or touch for them
i do not write of longing but i write
that black cloak over and over again 
i write it that woman
leaving with all her gold 
and all her magic 
and a head down and a
black out
like she used to need needles
she won’t need the girl
like that blood rises up for me
i go down for the girl
i do not admire
those penniless fools named 
want and desire
and bedroom eyes
and sweeping my hand
a cheek 
talking sword tongues 
talking thirst and panic rooms
a body flashes hot then leaves 
the body for it can’t touch
can’t want 
can’t need the body
but the heart, 
the blacked out one that is no body
and wants no body
and desires not 
a girl.

crying fucking touch me
with a bullet or one moment of 
any part of a body that is a girls
with blue veins like the queen
but no black ink 
over me
i don’t want to be drawn out
into a faded poem or a plastic tube 
i
am not only blood
for a girl i don’t replace 
black 
i don’t replace 
a nod i am 
saying no to desire fuck your 
compartments and your fire
i told u I’m 
a pisces im an ocean
i said be gentle with me
back when my name was 
girl and black ghosts didn’t 
tower me out my 
own castle. 
that’s why my arm says fragile.

a dog will not desire 
god a girl
 does not inspire me

__________________

i’m always beautiful at 5 am 
my eyes are so blue and my name is 
amethyst or aphrodite or venus or calypso 
when i don’t have to tiptoe around loving 
you. 

________________
the moon is my friend
it bleeds on me though
it tells me to remember we’re all 
letting go of something
it’s just not always so red

________________________________________
if the angels are still listening
tell me how to move in feelings
give me ache and sing spin kicks
in the moonlight
i turn into a blue dove
you won’t ever see me there
cause i’m alone at night

if the angels are still listening 
tell me how to fuck in healing
i broke my jaw saying i love you
to a closed fist

lost innocence
hands can act like walls sometimes
refuse to bend and hold me
that’s why i don’t sleep

cause i know the angel’s listening
and she says my heart is tired
but my mind is just waking up
and in that way i know i’m still the same fuck up
that will always try harder
to love, 
to love and listen
still. 
sleep now.

Dog Named Desire

A foreign daydream
Body turns to baby wolf
On the hunt and howling

Hungry and looming
Assuming angels aching
Golden teeth I'm whispering 

Deciphering animal slang
Across the border no 
Father no mother distant 
Smell of your 
Hair

Following

Breath is shaped in cold
Forming like carts seething 
Smoke and vendors inaudible

Selling anything but you
A woman with eyes like me
A wolf carrying loss so heavily her 

Tears stream waterfall, like the rush of the morning subway, like vatos running in the night

San Ángel

A LIST BEFORE YOU BECOME
__________________
1/danger

YOU WILL BE DANGEROUS

YOU WILL MAKE FRIENDS WITH KNIVES

LEARN HOW TO CUT CLEAN,

BE SMART AND QUICK!



NOW YOU CAN BE FAMOUS

BE THE ONE WHO KNOWS

DRINK WATER IN YOUR ROOM

BE CAUTIOUS NOT TO GET SICK



SO MANY GET SICK OF

MEDICINE, TURN IT TO VENOM

YOU MUST BECOME THE

   ANTIDOTE



BE CALM, SAFE, AND KIND

FOR WITH LOVE COMES DANGER

YOU WILL ALWAYS GET TOO CLOSE

YOU WILL ALWAYS TAKE THEM HOME

YOU WILL BEAR PAIN AND BEAR IT AGAIN

YOU WILL SAVE SOME, BUT NOT MANY

TRUST ME

YOUR FRIENDS WILL COME IN HANDY

WHEN YOU LOVE THEN YOU

WILL KNOW





PT 2/age/sage

I GOT OLD QUICK

NOW MY ACCENTS THICK

I WEAR BLACK AND SPEAK MAGIC TRICKS



I FELL IN LOVE WITH SIX

SIMILAR TO MAGIC TRICKS

WHICH ONES ARE REAL?



THE ONE THAT STICKS

THE ONE WHO MAKES YOU

WANNA GET OLD QUICK

KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT WORDS TO USE

WHEN YOUR HEART FEELS SICK



NOW I SEE

MAGIC EVERYWHERE I LICK

MY HAND TO SEE IF I’M DREAMING



MAGIC I SEE IT

EVERYWHERE I

FEEL IT

MAGIC

IT BRINGS ME BACK QUICK



I’M 6 I’M AT THE HOUSE MADE OF BRICK

THERE’S AN ICE CREAM TRUCK

AND A SONG AND A SMELL OF SALT

AND ANGELS SWEAT

I’LL MAKE ANYONE A

BET



            WE COULD BE BETTER PEOPLE





PT. 3/nojokes



AN ACADEMIC AND A SOCIALITE

SIT AT A BAR

NO THEY DON’T







PT/4/grief/media

MY HAIR FELL OUT WHEN MY GRANDMA DIED,

WHEN I HEALED IT WAS LONG AND BLONDE AGAIN



I HAD A FULL PONYTAIL

THEN THE NEWS GOT BAD

THE PEOPLE AREN’T DOING THEIR JOB

THERE ARE STILL CHILDREN DYING EVERYWHERE



I HATE TO BE THE DOWNER BUT

MY HAIR,

IT’S FALLING OUT



IN THE SHOWER I COULD SHOW YOU

THE WAY IT STICKS TO MY FINGERS

I CAN’T FEEL CLEAN,

I FEEL SO DIRTY WITH DISDAIN FOR MY INABILITY

TO CHANGE THINGS



I SUPPOSE IT’S GRIEF

FOR THE POWER I HAVE NOT



WHAT’S HAIR WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE A FAIR COUNTRY?





PT. 5/time



YOU HAVE 5 MINUTES

WRITE DOWN YOUR LOVE

WASH YOUR FACE

STRETCH YOUR LEGS AND ARCH YOUR BACK



FOR THESE MINUTES,

BE A CAT

MAKE A SOFT SPOT TO LAY



YOU HAVE THIS TIME NOW

TO BE LITTLE AND PLAY





  YOU HAVE 5 HOURS

WRITE DOWN YOUR SONG

DON’T TAKE A SELFIE

THAT TAKES TOO LONG

YOU CAN

MAKE

YOUR SELF-IE

INTO YOUR SELF

BRING BACK THE GODDESS, THE MOON AND THE ELF,

NAP WITH YOUR ANGELS,

BLACK CURTAINS HUNG,



IT CAN BE NIGHT NOW HEAR WATER RUN FOR A

BATH YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE IT

YOU CAN LAY HERE NAKED,

REMEMBER MOTHER EARTH GIVES WOMAN A WOMB

A PRECIPICE FOR SPIRIT AND NATURE TO ROOM



IN AND RUMINATE ON GOD AND YOUR BROTHERS AND SEASONS

AND SISTERS AND FREEDOM AND ALL OF THE REASONS



YOU HAVE TIME.

YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME.



MORE THAN THAT,

I’LL GIVE YOU MINE.



IT IS THE ONLY PIECE OF LIFE

THAT DOES NOT HALVE WHEN IT IS SHARED BY TWO,

IT BLOSSOMS INTO MORE.

WHAT TIME IS IT WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE?

THOSE MOMENTS LAST CENTURIES,

THIS IS WHY THE PUNISHMENT IS SOLITUDE IN PENITENTIARIES.

THIS IS WHY YOUR PHONE KNOWS ALL OF YOUR MEMORIES.

WE

EXPAND IN



LOVE

                   MAKE TIME.

jacks broken heart

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