Disco You To Death

I was performing in a show late one night
When my tummy kinda felt “not quite right”
A strange gurgling noise started to rise
And then suddenly to my surprise
I took a crap! I took a monster crap
(A monster crap) Can you imagine that?
(I took a crap) Just like a newborn brat
(I took a crap) I took a monster crap

As I limped offstage dripping liquid shit
My lower intestines threw a hissy fit
So I clenched the cheeks of my rear-end
And then suddenly, it happened again
(I took a crap) I took a monster crap
(A monster crap) In like 3 seconds flat
(I took a crap) It came out with a splat
(I took a crap) I took a monster crap

I don’t mind going Number One
But Number Two ain’t that fun
And there’s nothing like being in full drag
Then suddenly having the runs!

I ran to the restroom and I locked the door
A pile of soiled clothing on the tile floor
While rinsing out my panties in the sink
You’ll never guess what happened…
Well, whattaya think?
(I took a crap) I took a monster crap
(A monster crap) Exploding from my crack
(I took a crap) That’s right, I totally shat
(I took a crap) I took a monster crap

It took about an hour but then finally
I got my shit together, quite literally
Yes, I was looking spotless and smelling sweet
And then suddenly, the shit hit my feet!
(I took a crap) I took a monster crap
(A monster crap) Just like a feral cat
(I took a crap) Yes, I went full hazmat
(I took a crap) I took a monster crap

While exiting the restroom I saw this guy
A sexy janitor with a look in his eye
I thought he’d throw up on account of the stink
But major plot twist: Shit was his kink!
(He’s into crap) He really wants my crap
(He wants my crap) His fetish is for scat
(He’s into crap) He said, “I live for that!”
(He’s into crap) He really wants my crap!

The moral of this story is you never know
Don’t keep it deep inside you just, let it go
There’s a lid for every pot, I can guarantee ya’
And even some freaks into diarrhea
(They’re into crap) Even a monster crap
(A monster crap) No matter where they’re at
(They’re into crap) I’m glad we had this chat
(So take a crap) Just take a monster crap!

I Took a Crap (Monster Mash) (Full Vocals) - Mix01

DILLER

It's Halloween night
And just like every other tired fag
You think it’s your right
To go out on the town in sexy drag
But honey please
You’re giving us more Bruce than Caitlyn Jenner
Even she agrees
If you are doing drag for the first time
Take my advice

Do Phyllis Diller, Your first night
Just wear a shapeless smock
And tease your wig into a fright
Cuz Phyllis Diller, Is “Drag Lite”
You know that I am right
So just do Phyllis, Diller tonight

Don’t need much makeup
And thankfully she never wore a heel
Next day you’ll wake up
Surprised at just how good your big feet feel
And for your eyes
Just buy the cheapest makeup at the drugstore, yeah
And the biggest size
Of real-girl fake eyelashes you can find
All this combined

Makes Phyllis Diller, You look like
A trembling wet Chihuahua,
And your bark’s worse than your bite
Your drag’s a form of, Urban blight
You know that I am right
So just do Phyllis, Diller tonight

Thinking you’re pretty
In drag was the first mistake that you made
There's no escaping the truth & u know what they say
Man hands give you away

Been watchin’ Drag Race
You think you look like Violet or like Pearl
But ya gotta bad face
And no one’s gonna think that you’re a girl
Spoiler alert
There ain’t enough cosmetics on the planet, no
I know it hurts
But bitch you’ve got to work with what you have
And when it’s this bad

Be Phyllis Diller, Old & white
And if you’re takin’ selfies or you Periscope that night 
Please use a filter, with a bright light
So bitch just do what’s right and dress like Helen Keller as Phyllis Diller tonight

You look like killer, Trash that’s white
You look like Charlize but in Monster
not on Oscar night
Your lips need filler, Skin’s not tight
So dude give up the fight
And just do Phyllis, Diller tonight

It’s just one night so save your cash
And dig your costume from out the trash
Too old to dress up like a whore
Go buy your wig at a thrift store
Drag looks so fun on TV, right?
But Halloween is amateur night
So walk down the street with tired boozers
Cuz you can’t compete with Drag Race losers

Be Phyllis Diller tonight x 3

Don’t bother shaving your beastly back
Buy Maybelline instead of MAC
Cuz hunty you’re a manly mess
Who looks like Sasquatch in a dress
You think you look like Ben De La Creme
But you’re giving us Ben Stiller
So just phone it in this Halloween
And dress like Phyllis Diller!

DILLER!

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