Written when I had just turned 15 (1982). I had forgotten about it but someone found a tape of me singing it back then. I then purchased a  MacBook in 2020 and decided to record it as a learning exercise/demofor using GarageBand. Naive and simple, but an innocent song for challenging times.
Lyrics:

John the fisherman 

They call me John the fisherman 
And I can be seen every day
Working and risking my life as a fisherman 
Sailing out on the waves

I live in a cottage on a cliff, 
I never move far from the sea
I live on fish and homegrown peas
And sleep with a bible close to me

The only things I respect in my world
Are god and the sea 
For they both have claimed the lives of many who meant so much to me
(I say) I never fall in love any more
I’ve been hurt too many times
 (I tell them) I know all loves pitfalls 
I’ll leave that game to the fools! 

They call me John the fisherman 
They say that I’m so hard to please
I disagree with war and many policies 
And dislike people who criticise me

All my friends and family have long since gone
And I’m left with memories 
Some say I’m mad because I talk to myself 
It’s only because I’m lonely 

I wish I had someone to love
Someone to share my life
Someone to talk to on the cold winter nights
And cheer me as I grow old
I wish that I had grandchildren 
Who would smile and sit on my knee
I’d tell them stories of my life and would love them dearly 

They call me John the fisherman and I can be seen every day
Working and risking my life as a fisherman 
Sailing out on the waves

(Hymn to the sea) 
The sea provides but takes away 
It’s power demands respect
Our care and love are ours to give
To guard and to protect 

Our thoughts and prayers are offered up
For those at risk each day 
To feed us all, may they be safe
Working on the waves

James Whiteman 1981 Copyright 
 (Hymn to the sea James Whiteman 2020) Copyright

John the Fisherman

Lyrics 

In Exeter

Walking back from St David’s station, having said goodbye to you
Seems we spend our whole lives saying goodbye
Long walk up St davids Hill,
Soft rain on my face
You say you love me but I’m alone in this place

And I’ll tell what really stabs me and tears me up inside 
Is that I know where you’ll be going when you get home tonight
you’ll call him and arrange to meet in some quiet darkened bar
Please say it’s not gone too far

And the grey sky smothers me and I’m choking on my fear

And if you love him say you love him and let me go
But if you love me, stop this game and let him know

Because in Exeter you held my hand 
And said that I was all you wanted 
You held me close, so tenderly, but his face was in your mind when you were kissing me

I don’t know why your’e messing with my heart
Can’t you see how I feel?

The rain is getting harder and I’m cold now
And some old general looks down at this fool
Shamed by my pathetic lack of faith
Students pushing on the pavement now
And leaves fall around me
Make your choice now and set the other one free

And I know what you’re thinking, that Im paranoid and crazy
That I should now accept you’re just good friends
Its just that every time you go home he gets your call
And I’m feeling like a fool

And if you love him say you love him let me go
But if you love me stop this game and let him know

Because in Exeter, you held my hand, and said that I was all you wanted
You held me close, so tenderly
But his face was in your mind when you were kissing me

I don’t know why you’re acting so cruel, cant you see how I feel?

What of him, does he know the role he’s playing?
Does he even care, does he love you too?
He’s never liked me, is this his chance for some revenge
Ive told you now, its up to you!

It’s decision time, you can’t hide from this
It’s decision time, you know it is 

You seem to think I’ll hang on, that I’m dutiful and patient
But I want to stress the risks and the many implications
Of this approach you’re taking, are you saying its all ok, to play a game like this and treat me in this way?
And the grey sky still smothers me

Yes, in Exeter, you held my hand, and said that I was all you wanted

James Whiteman Copyright September 2022

In Exeter

Written in 2012. Some friends had recently divorced and a ‘for sale’ sign was outside their house and they were moving on. Very sad.
Lyrics 

Fading Smiles

When I wake up, I lie still
And wait to hear if you’re there at all
But it’s only me here still and you’re gone
And packing cases stand where our clothes used to lie
Discarded, abandoned by our love in the night
And champagne corks lie on windowsills 
But now they’ll be no more celebration

The sale board stands outside announcing
That we’ve failed and we’re moving on
Refugees from our disaster
Bitter, lost and worn
With fading smiles in empty rooms

When you wake up, how are you?
Do you regret this separation
And all this hurt and pain you put us through?
And all our angry words still echo off the walls
And every tear we’ve cried is now a sea beneath these floors
That I can sink down in
That I can drown in

Friends and family take their sides, hiding from the fallout
I’m just staring out of windows disbelieving that it’s over

The sale board stands outside announcing
That we’ve failed and we’re moving on
Refugees from our disaster,  bitter, lost and worn
With fading smiles in empty rooms

(Gotta stop looking back now, I’m moving on!)

James Whiteman - Copyright January 2012

Fading Smiles

Written in 1985, a sad tale of rejection and loss. Recorded in 2021 as an early attempt at using studio software.
Lyrics:

Why did you run

You’re presence still stays
In the room and on the things that you’ve touched
And I’ve tried so hard not to love 

But it’s so hard to expel you from my soul 

So Why, tell me why did you run?
(Why did you run?)
You never told me but you told everyone 
(You told everyone)
Yeah And you told them that you no longer loved me
(You said you don’t love me)
Yeah And I need you so bad so why can’t you see
That I need you so why can’t you need me? 

Have you any idea of the hurt and pain that remains? 
And there must be a release but I will not run away

But it’s so hard to expel you from my soul

So Why, tell me why did you run?
(Why did you run?)
You never told me but you told everyone 
(You told everyone)
Yeah And you told them that you no longer loved me
(You said you don’t love me)
And I need you so bad so why can’t you see
That I need you so why can’t you need me? 

James Whiteman  copyright 1985

WHY DID YOU RUN?

Lyrics

Don’t want to be sat here

Goldfinches on feeders, in the winter sun
You’re sat by the window, watching as more come
I’m sat looking at you, quiet in my chair
Questioning my commitment, wondering if I still care

Have we dragged this deadweight, with no engine and no wheels, for far too long?
My broken back is screaming, my poor heart is just pleading - lets move on

The old dog keeps on scratching, he whines and then he sighs
And you bark questions at me, but never wait for my reply
All patience I may have had, its gone and now I know
We’ll suffocate and fester and our resentment will just grow 

Have we dragged this deadweight, with no engine and no wheels, for far too long?
My  broken back is screaming, my poor heart is just pleading - lets move on

Let’s give it up
Lets give it up
Cos I don’t want to be sat here, mean and bored
Lets give it up, lets give it up
Cos I don’t want to be sat here anymore

Solo

Have we dragged this deadweight, with no engine and no wheels for far too long?
My broken back is screaming, my poor heart is just pleading - lets move on

Lets give it up, please lets give it up
Cos I don’t want to be sat here, mean and  bored
Lets give it up, lets give it up
Cos I don’t want to be sat here anymore

(Come on come on)tell me 
tell me what you want 
Yeah, tell me what you’re thinking 
 (repeat and fade-out) 

James Whiteman Copyright 28 January 2022

Don't want to be sat here

It’s just a love song. Written in June/July 2022 but set in a room in an old house in Exeter in 1985.

Lyrics: 
I must accept its love

My watch strap smells of perfume from a town in Southern France
You wore my watch last weekend at a party where we danced
We were kissing in the pub, our friends were laughing,  they were singing
The band was playing loud, our lips were sore, our ears were ringing

And now, the window to my room is open to the night
Its cold but I can see the stars, and watch the trees sway in the moonlight
The tap drips, floors creak, but I’m safe within these walls
And I miss you so badly, can’t live at all

Its just so strong ,I feel possessed by these thoughts of you
I’ve tried to fight it but there is nothing I can do
I should accept its love

I hear the train announcements from platforms down the hill
And prayers are said for our love in a room that’s light and still
I love this life I live, but now its dull and slow without you
I don’t want that anymore, and now I know what I must do

And now, I’m alone and lying in the deepest bath
My fingers trace the places on my body where you kissed me in the dark
I want the movement of your body, I want the touch, I want the heat
And I miss you so badly, just got to get through this week

Its just so strong I feel possessed by these thoughts of you
I’ve tried to fight it but there is nothing I can do
And Its changed my life and now all I want is you
I must accept its love
Yes, I know its love
It’s our love 

(Fade out….)
(Sitting by an open window, cold breeze airs my mind
I’ve been writing words with lonely meaning just to pass the time
And I should be working, or reading or something, just things that have passed me by
But your image haunts, it controls my senses, you have my heart and mind
(So Lost without you)

James Whiteman June 2022 (and fade out James Whiteman, 1985) Copyright

I must accept it's love

This is a story song. I called the two characters Max and Lilly for ease of reference when I was writing it. Best with headphones! 
V1- The smutty comment by Max is an old phrase some retired soldiers used to use in a depot I worked at in the late 1980’s. It made me laugh as a young man so thought I’d use it now. 
V2- my grandparents lived in a village near Stonehenge and I was also born there. Always wanted to include it in a song. 
Lilly’s dream is a recurrent day dream I used to have as a kid in the back of the car on family trips to the West Country. I always imagined the spirits of Ancient Britons watching the cars and the modern world and warning us about change…as you do!! Their world was rocked by the Roman invasion so they would know a lot about change!
V3 - I’m that age where we are losing friends and family. The hospital scene is something I’ve seen a lot of recently and so put Lilly into that setting. 
Hope you enjoy the song. 
James

Lyrics- It was like that then

Her shin had started bleeding, it wasn’t deep but really hurt
She’d tripped on his old cricket bat, his socks and dirty shirt
He was laughing from the bedclothes saying “don’t drip blood on my bed”
He was drinking in her nakedness and said ‘the hungry must be fed!’
She hopped across the bedroom, laughing as she fell
Into his arms and gently kissed him, and soon she could tell
Than another Sunday morning would be spent there in their bed
Loving without end, it was like that then

Jackdaws chatted in sunshine as they walked towards the stones
They saw some tourists in the distance, but in the field they were alone
They laid a blanket by a hedgerow, and lay there holding hands
Listening to the insects, they drank some wine and made their plans
And Air Force jets flew overhead, as she gently held him tight
And they stayed there undetected as the day turned into night
And a barn owl left its hiding place and swooped down on its prey
Loving without end, it was like that then

And she sensed the magic seep
From sarsen stones as sleep wrapped itself around her in the night
And she dreamt she saw a chariot, with warriors, swords and shields
Saying
“Live life to the full, grasp it hard, yes hold it tight
Savour and devour it, because nothing ever lasts
Don’t take things for granted, change comes hard and fast
Remember how it was, remember how it was”

She lay still in the bed, and looked out of the window,
It was too warm in the ward, she watched the falling sleet and snow
The kids had sent a card and it was on the bed beside her
She looked down at herself, at the gown, the tubes and cannula
She thought about the hard years, the arguments and debts
The everyday monotony, the things they said and should forget
And he woke up in the chair, and knew that he was losing her
Now and then, loving without end

“Don’t take things for granted, change comes hard and fast
Remember how it was, remember how it was”

(Loving) Loving without end, it was like that then
(Loving) loving without end, it was like that then
(Build a foundation), loving without end, it was like that then
(Build a foundation) loving without end, it was like that then

James Whiteman, Copyright 2021/22

It was like that then

This version has been mastered by RCD Audio. Love it’s clarity and rich sound whilst maintaining the sensitivity.

James Whiteman - I Must Accept It's Love (RCD MASTER).wav

This is a new song about love and support in very difficult, emotional times. 
Best with headphones. 

Lyrics: 

We hideaway to heal you

Flaking paint on our hotel room window is out of step with the rest of the room
But dark green walls and patterned bathroom tiles, and a fire that offsets the winter gloom,
and a bed with soft pillows,  a huge warming quilt, with coffees and biscuits and tea,
all provide refuge, an oasis of calm, against the storms that life has sent with ferocity….

you said your sad goodbye

Inside here, its peaceful and kind, away from the shock and loss and devastation
But flashbacks of the bedside, final sad hours, medicines and medics and sleep deprivation,
final conversations, the snatching of memories in short breathless whispers, and the final release, with a sigh, tears, black dresses and ties and a eulogy by brothers and sister
Are still there, but there’s comfort in this quiet isolation

We hide away to heal you, you can recharge and get some peace
To shield you from the whirlwind, and let the pressure ease
So you can feel stronger, and able to take the strain
Yes we hide away to heal you

In an old English town, deep inside Sussex, with oak doors and old pubs and grey chimney smoke
surrounded by fields and full bloated river where we walked for miles, held hands and got soaked
then back to the hotel for swimming and resting, tv, hot baths and loving,
reading books, watching people, we stretched out and enjoyed the freedom of just doing nothing

Sleep deeply or talk if you want 

We hide away to heal you, you can recharge and get some peace
To shield you from the whirlwind, and let the pressure ease
So you can feel stronger, and able to take the strain
Yes we hide away to heal you
Yes we hide away to heal you
And it’s all because we love you 
And we’re all here for you

James Whiteman Copyright December 2022

We hideaway to heal you

A song about doubt, fears and holding on. 

It has been mastered by Ryan at RCD Audio. 

Lyrics:

This washed out, mid week Morning

This morning you said you loved me
Where the hell did that come from?
I’ve been waiting months for some affection 
Now this just trips off your tongue!
On this washed out, midweek morning, 
There’s hope again! 

My routine has been disrupted 
As I’m thinking about your words
For weeks I thought that it was over
But now it seems a future’s there for us  
on this washed out, midweek morning, 
Confusion grows

And doubts intrude where trusting thoughts reside
I know I can sense it
I’m sure there’s a reason
For you to have this change of mind  
On this washed out, midweek morning 
I Feel so unsure 

And I could dig a little deeper
Yeah I could really shake that tree 
But i don’t want confirmation 
Now you’ve said you love me!
On this washed out, midweek morning 
Let’s move on! 

And doubts intrude where trusting thoughts reside 
I know I can sense it
I’m sure there’s a reason 
For you to have this change of mind
On this washed out, midweek morning, 
I’ll ignore to love 

James Whiteman Copyright May 2023

This washed out, midweek morning (RCD MASTER)

I have incorporated a well used conclusion in this song because I passionately felt it needed saying again. I’d been watching the terrible, sad news over the weekend (and over the last year) and the current World Cup rugby and cricket. The ideas came from all of that whilst also acknowledging the disastrous worldwide environmental situation. 
It’s a simple, naked demo with just vocal and piano, sung to a very small group. 
Best with headphones. 
Take care
James 

Lyrics 

World Unity & love 
I watched them stand in line, their faces so intense
As the microphone picked up their bellowing voices
They sang the anthems with passion, some held a hand to their heart, 
Competitive and proud of their nation
And cameras panned out to the fans in the stands… 
People waving flags, 
High above their heads, 
Or holding them in front of them, 
Or wrapped around their shoulders 
Or pressing them to the emblem on their National team shirts 

I turned off the sound, and just stared at the screen

And then I changed the channel and came to the news
Visions of terror, anger, death and tears
And people waving flags, 
High above their heads, 
Holding them in front of them,
Or wrapped around their shoulders 
Or pressed them to their patriotic hearts 

And meanwhile, our planet trembles, cracks and melts
And well intentioned separate nations just can’t fix it 
And whilst governments talk, they still defend, 
their interests, 
their markets, 
their resources 
their religions 
Their reputations and their borders

We must understand before it’s all too late.. 
Because the key to survival and the key to lasting peace 
Is world unity and love 

James Whiteman Copyright October 2023

World unity and love (live demo)

I wrote this for a songwriting challenge. The theme was ‘Perspectives’. It’s based on the Simon and Garfunkel song ‘Wednesday Morning 3 A.M’. It’s written as the young girl who is sleeping in bed while her young lover is about to run after committing a crime. I’ve imagined her life recovering from the shock of him leaving and abandoning her, and how she lived her life in public service.  It’s a demo and I’ve tried to have that 60’s folk rock feel. It’s good to try different things I think. See what you think!  James.  Best with headphones! 
Lyrics 
At 3 A.M. 

30 years have passed, and the hurt still really stings
That feeling of abandonment, and the anxiety it brings 
You running from your crime, the poor decisions that you made
An empty bed, my broken heart, and the rent still to be paid 

I remember scraping ice from the inside of the window 
to see you on the street but it was just the New York snow 
And you were long gone 

At 3 am, as you lay there awake 
You made the wrong choices
And didn’t think of me 
At 3 am, you were weak and unthinking 
When you ran away and deserted me 

Soon I was homeless, I was lost and confused 
my friends all supported me, in a situation I didn’t choose
I left New York, went to night school, became a teacher and spent my time 
Helping kids and their communities to avoid a life of crime 

A few years back I heard that you were in and out of jail
You’d tried to go straight but in the end you always failed
It’s so sad 

At 3 am, as you lay there awake 
You made the wrong choices
And didn’t think of me 
At 3 am, you were weak and unthinking 
When you ran away and deserted me 
When you ran away and deserted me

You broke my heart
You broke it bad 

Better (better) without you 
Driven by what you did
Repeat ….

James Whiteman Copyright November 2023

At 3 A.M.

This is a really personal one. It was written during a very stressful period in 2021. I came home, had a little too much whisky, wrote the lyrics and then wrote and recorded the backing in one night. I then forgot all about it!!I found the file the other morning and decided to finish the melody and record the vocals. It’s not easy listening but I wanted to express how I felt at that time. Some of my songs on here are personal and some are stories etc. I wanted to show one with real, pure emotion. As ever, best with headphones. There is a longish instrumental intro and then the vocals. It’s about the life spark being smothered by stress. 
Life is better now! 

Lyrics 

Unfocused and Gone

I know it’s missing
it feels hollow and spare
It was alive once, eager to act
Urgent and hungry, for attention and contact 
There was surging desire and constant demand
Oh I miss what I was, and what I am I can’t stand!

I’ve no joy in films and tv, all dead to me
Work doubt my skills, love holds no thrills
It’s just complaints and jibes, angry and snide
No sleep, no calm, just fear and alarm

And then here you are, you smile and I know
That hope starts to build, my confidence grows
But I’ve nothing at all, what can I do
I’ve no spark or desire, or excitement for you 

Unfocused and gone

And will a renaissance come?
Or will it go on and on? 
Unfocused and gone 

James Whiteman copyright jan 2021

Unfocused and Gone

This is about how life is constantly presenting challenges. We must learn from each incident/experience and use that learning to try and be more resilient and be able to move forward. 
I wrote it on my 3/4 size Hofner classical guitar. It’s first song! I used open G tuning after being encouraged to try it by Mark Spruce (Original Spruce - great songs- give them a listen!). Thanks Mark! 
Hope you enjoy it. Best with headphones! 
Take care 
James 

Lyrics 
My Uncertain Steps 

As a boy, I was scared of the sea
With my family, on a beach in Normandy, 
a French boy told me the ghosts of drowned sailors grab your legs and dragged you down
I wouldn’t go in! 
Too naive and trusting! 

As a teen, I was all over the place! 
Always confused, just didn’t know which way to face
Too many temptations, suggestions and thrills, distracting and wild
Couldn’t think straight 
Couldn’t concentrate! 

It was always their demands and directions 
Had to meet their dreams and expectations 

My uncertain steps
No confidence 
(Trying to find my own way)
My uncertain steps 
At my own pace
(My way) 

My wreckage of a life, with this chaotic love
Constant demands, you can never do enough 
Mix in the bullies, the twisters and those egos too
It pulls you apart
Breaks your heart 

I’m seasoned, I now know this path
One crisis avoided, another starts 

My uncertain steps
More experienced 
(Trying to find my own way)
My uncertain steps
At my own pace 
(My way) 

And now I expect to see the worst
In everyone and everything I know
Just know how it is, but feel I can somehow 
see it through

(outro) 
I’ve got friends (for my uncertain steps)
I’ve lived and learnt (for my uncertain steps)
I’ve got you (for my uncertain steps) 
I’ll get through this (my uncertain steps) 


James Whiteman copyright  18 January 2024

My Uncertain Steps

This is the second collaboration I’ve worked on with the very talented Mark Spruce (Original Spruce).  

This is a folk song exploring the boundaries between this world and the spiritual world and tells the tale of an encounter with a Robin in a churchyard. 

Lyrics by Mark Spruce
Music & performance by James Whiteman. 

Best with headphones. Hope you enjoy it. 

Take care

James 

Lyrics:

Sky light Grey 

I stood in the church yard
Cold winters day
My back to the beach tree
Sky light grey

On the branch above me
Cock robin perched 
He sang then stared intently 
I returned his gaze

He repeated his song
And looked again
I smiled and nodded
Like we were friends 

I turned so slowly
As he moved to another branch
Eyeball to eyeball 
Repeat performance 

We both stood still
Locked in our game
He moved on once more
To repeat his refrain

I turned one eighty
When he landed behind me
My smile got wider
My heart got lighter
Watching each other
I'm absorbing this experience 

Then he came closer
We had circled the tree
A mystical moment 
This bird and me

You said your father
Would return
In the spirit of a robin
Watching over us one day

As I stood in that churchyard
Lost in that moment
I felt your father 
Came back to say

I'm here, I'm still here
I will always be here


Mark Spruce copyright Feb 2024

Further info:
The first collaboration is on the Original Spruce site called ‘Old Brock’ (music and performance Mark Spruce: lyrics James Whiteman).

Sky Light Grey (Collaboration James Whiteman & Original Spruce)

‘Will we be fools again’ 
Written in September 2023 after standing in a queue in Starbucks, looking out at a wet, dirty and declining High Street.  I had been been watching the people in town, including one particular couple locked into an intense conversation under an umbrella. They prompted the story in the song. 

I wanted the backing to be sparser and more guitar led to give it an edge. I also wanted the instrumental in the middle to have a woozy, emotional feel to it. 

It’s a song about everyday people ‘stuff’ against a backdrop of a slowly deteriorating townscape. It couldn’t be slick (and I couldn’t be no matter how hard I try!) I hope you enjoy the song. Best with headphones! 

Take care

James (lyrics below) 

Will we be fools again? 

The chewing gum looks like leopard spots on the pavements in the rain
And litter blocks the drains again

Recklessly, we agreed to meet, after these silent years
Now there’s excitement and fear!

Behind the wall, by the social club, an old sanctuary for lovers 

We’ll talk, we’ll laugh 
and then I’ll start to think 
will we be fools again?
Will we be fools again? 

Graffiti on the empty shops, can our town survive?
And meanwhile we destabilise our lives! 

What fools we’d be, to lift the lid and let those lies escape 
Just think of all the hearts we’d break 

But we’re in your car, the radio’s on, as we unwrap the past! 

That smile! Those eyes!
Make me start to think
Will we be fools again?
Will we be fools again?

I’m aware, yeah I’m aware, 
I know where my fault lines are
And you’re spread right across them!  
Right across them.. yeah!

Instrumental 

Yes, we’ll talk, we’ll laugh
You know I’ll start to think
Let us be fools again
Please let us be fools again

Yes, we’ll touch, we’ll kiss
And then the path is clear
For us fools again
Let us be fools again….please, please..

James Whiteman September 2023

Will we be fools again?

I’m a singer/songwriter from Guildford, Surrey, England. I started writing songs when I was 12 on a piano but really got into it when I started playing the guitar at 13/14. As with so many of us, career and family became the priority and I stopped writing over a 30 year period. Now I’ve retired, I’ve finally got time to write and record again and I love it! 
I play everything on the songs and record on my MacBook on GarageBand. Still learning! 
I hope you enjoy the songs and thank you in advance for any comments and feedback. 
James

James Whiteman

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