'Remember Remember' - A poem by James Wordsworth

©2011

Remember Remember

A poem by me:

I never thought it would hit me like this
you saying that we can no longer kiss
that I won't feel your breath brushing my lips
these thoughts lash my heart like nine-tailed whips,
I lurch without warning, my stomach convulsed

I cannot bear this being repulsed,
not by you my most precious sweet.

When I look up at you your eyes retreat,
hiding from the look of pain on my face
the pain I can't hide, nor my distaste for the thought you'd rather have some other man kiss your lips and hold your warm hand

The news hit me slowly
It didn't quite sink in 
till I got round the corner, then I broke within
Winded without touch
bruised by the air
maimed and broke down by not having you there

I turn round to see you after some time
It hurts that the lips you kiss are not mine

I can't hold my gaze, you're too beautiful to bear
I have to run my hands through your beautiful hair
But I can't anymore, my path has been changed
without my permission it was rearranged.

You open your mouth and I know what's to come
My eyes begin to water and I pray you go dumb
for I cannot bear to hear those words I know are coming for me
the nails in the coffin of our duality
The spell has been broken, our cosmic trap
But I was still in it when it was melted for scrap
So I am part of it, itself part of me
and through its strong eyes I only now see

I have to run, far away from this place
I want to hide my now broken face
I cannot stay to hear what I know you will say
I have to turn to run the other way
But I don't, I stand silent and quiveringly still
I won't break the silence I know that you will
Your words will lay with me in my grave when I die
Not your "I love you", much worse, your "Good bye"

Good Bye

A poem, fighting through the crowd:

It's hard to sing your thoughts loud when all the people crowd round
and you have to fight just to get yourself heard
It's a struggle to stay on your feet
Because the people crowd round and don't even hear the sound or move them in time to your music's beat

So all in a rush they stumble and I fall
They blunder and I bruise
They push and I go under
A mass of coats and clothes and fabric
A mess of voices crossing one another
a verbal net, cast wide without aim
and holes strewn in strange places and knots strewn the same

I try to climb up, but my body is too weak
against the tide of so many souls pouring forth 
Crowding my mind with expounded thoughts
and beating my brains with words like teak

I still try to stand, but the crowd pushes, 
from all angles, all corners they mix and mingle
Tightly packed, though separate, they push as one
and in their universal mess I alone and single
In that I stay still and try to speak, to express my thoughts, not just expunge
I need them to listen, I need to speak
so my body makes the plunge

I leap up in an instant, no particulars of when
I spread my arms whilst still in the air and fling my mouth open wide
I start to speak as fall back down under gravity's kind hold I descend
But before my feet can touch the ground I find myself caught in a turbulent tide

Floating on the mass who don't notice me here
surfing on the waves of the people's throng
I wriggle to escape, but there's no hope for me, 
I try to conciliate them with my song

I speak my speech, in sense, and slowed below the pace of theirs
I cast my voice out, but theirs is dense and not one I fear, among them cares.

The crowding more deeply sets in and without consternation they carry me
I shout out loud as I cry within
and above dry land I am washed out to sea.

Getting Heard

A poem by me

Will anyone come for me in this dark place
How will anybody know that this is where I am 
And I am in need of help 
And don’t ask for time to step beyond this threshold of light
To be able to be seen and be heard
And to cry day and night until it is better

Will Anyone Come For Me

A poem by me:

Hold the door tight
Don't let the thought in
don't let the word out
Keep yourself as tightly clamped as the grave
Not a single sound or a whisper
Not an inkling or a breath
keep it all closed
stay calm and relaxed
as if it all will be okay
as if it is already fine

Try to hold on to the moment you have
You know it is gone
but you drag on the vapours as if they'll ignite and start that inferno up again
but you know it is dead

How can the magic disappear
how can something so solid, so real dissipate into invisible mist and drift out of sight, out of grasp, out of mind.

How can it all be over.

I remember it starting. The feeling. That was first.
A wave of feeling, and nothing else. It struck me, grabbed hold of me, I was powerless to resist.
You stood there and I fell into the well your presence made in the fabric of space
unable to escape this ever decreasing orbit
until we were together, spinning in binary,
so close, perfect union
two stars meant to be.
But one day we were flung apart
and there is no amount of hoping will ever bring us back
to that beautiful oneness we shared for a time
The freedom to hear each other's heart beating
The excitement to see one another's eyes widen to drink in the only sight we either of wished to see.
I still cling to the hope we will see each other again,
and when we do, our eyes will do the same.
And when we do, we'll be in love again
and we won't be binary, we won't be a pair
this time we'll make it all the way to point zero
a unique singularity, the pair become one
and our dance will go on, but in the sky they'll see one star
shining dazzling bright
and within its radiant glow our dance will go on
your eyes will meet mine
both yours and mine set so wide
and we'll never feel lost again

Hold The Door Tight

A poem I wrote in May 2010 and recorded in October 2015

Have a wonderful day dear people.

James Wordsworth

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