After a close friend died... I came back to Kelowna I wrote a song  it was called lost.  I asked my mother to drive me around Kelowna where I grew up to each place I had lived the first verse is three parts of my voice 
,
These three parts of my life who I used to be  who I was becoming and who I currently was and this song is about feeling lost most my life.. but it was also admitting that I needed help and I was not ok for 15 years I just survived and for the first time in my life I had to admit I was lost.. I am in a complete overhaul of my music and sound and I deleted all my music accept this one I am currently reworking all my music and this was the only song I left behind. When we admit we are lost... In that moment we begin to find ourselves.. for everyone of you who feel lost.. you are not.. 

I have a poem I wanna share before the lyrics of this song.. this poem has helped me immensely 

         
 The Riddle of Strider By J.R.R Tolkien 



"All that is gold does not glitter  not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither, 
Deep roots are not reached by the frost. 
From the ashes, a fire shall be woken.
 A light from the shadows shall spring.
 Renewed shall be blade that was not broken 
The crownless again shall be king."



Lost By Jan Sam

I'm up against the wall 
A wall that I have made 
When you learn in circles 
To love a brand new way
Winter weeks got lonely 
With a shadow of your grace

The way we Iost you 
Made every thing else seem fake

And I've been running too 
The places I feel safe 
Running right on through 
To the next excuse I make.

I don't wanna find the silver lining 
In the bittersweet escape
I try and hide the lonely circus
Being the me you wanna see
You never saw what it cost and I got 
Lost in the rest of me 
Trying to feel the love from you I need
Trying just to breathe

Mom drove me to everyplace that we lived.
36 years of re learning how to forgive. 
A part of her fights to feel safe
Invisible to the ones who do not change

A part of me does the same 
Blind in pleasantries
The side you choose to see
The illusion you have of me 
Lost in the cross fires 
Between telephone wire
Between who I became for you 
Lost with fatherless eyes 
That refuse

Lost was the cost of this truth.
Lost was the only thing I knew 
Lost cause I waited here for you

Lost By Jan Sam

I wrote this song in 2018 and it was the begining of a awakening there were people places and things that held the memories and lessons of who I used to be. I  was about to rename and live under a tree. A tree that healed me and transformed me. Jan David was born. I went to the north and I didn't realize it till a dear friend of mine died on Christmas 2018. I guess that old me died with him. Nothing makes sense to people and it doesn't need to. It made perfect sense to me.

By Jan Sam

Artist Bio: Jan Sam
Genre: Indie



Born July 25 1982 