When I was a child my dreams were terrifying.
Ghosts floating rampant in the halls.
Black hooded figures lurking in the shadows.
Creatures grabbing my arms and pulling me down.
But now that I’m older I don’t have nightmares.
I’ve never been sure of where the horrible dreams went..
But I’m beginning to realize that maybe the nightmares have manifested outside of my mind.
Like growing up and finding no purpose in living.
Or graduating and not knowing what to do with your life.
Disappointing my family in everything that you do..
And you leaving..
See when I grew older. The nightmares didn’t just vanish..
The nightmares became real.
Real living horrors and pains that no one should ever feel.
Some nights I just wish for the nightmares again..
Because in your dreams they go away..
And you’re still with me..
And I don’t have to do life without you..

Nightmares

I became a writer because I wasn’t great at speaking to crowds and I found that when I ponder and collect my emotions and thoughts and jot them down slowly and meticulously, it successfully gets across my feelings.
I became a writer because not many people listen to a child when they try to tell them that they’re wrong for the way they treat them. That their words that they so hastily use to bash and slander people can and more often do leave scars on the heart that take years to heal. Or more often don’t at all.
I became a writer because I couldn’t express myself like the other kids in the class. I was always too shy and I could never buy into the other kids happiness at being so upfront about their personalities. It might have had something to do with the fact that I didn’t really care where I came from.
I became a writer because of a father that was never apparent as a parent. Because of a man that saw me every six months and told me he loved me and then left me alone once more. 
I became a writer because life bestowed circumstances on myself that I could not control. And because I had nowhere else to go with my brain and the sadness that enveloped it.
I am a writer because of all the years that I’ve developed my craft. Because of all the kids that laughed at the glasses wearing, freckled faced child. For being a mild bit internal on the playground.
I am a writer because writing has grounded me. And I am free of a childhood that haunted me. 
I am a writer because writing has transformed me. Into me.


Jason Lyons 8