“Bad Balls”

Stuck in the saddle with his spurs so tarnished and warn
Riding all winter cross the lone Texas prairie with britches so torn

He comes from the northern hills of Montana
On his way to the lodge in Santa Ana
Just to see his sweetheart
To plant a little corn

Springtime comes to the dry Arizona plateau
Squats down to relieve himself but not seeing the cactus below

That's just one more hurt to his gonads
That is just the life of the nomads
Generations of cowboys 
From long long ago


They call him Bad Balls, Bad Balls
They've been through so much don't touch they're way too sore
They call him Bad Balls, Bad Balls
They're rough and they're tough but they just can't take any more


Hot summer sun makes crotch ripe over time
Damp evening rain makes his boys so stinky with slime 

Pressed against the saddle horn so rigid
Concerned it could make him barren and frigid 
Don't want to shoot blanks
While still in his prime

Fell off his horse again and on to a tree branch Aye Yai Yai
Smashed in his pants his berries longed for a dude ranch

Used to sing baritone now soprano
He's as dry as a player piano
Seedless and childless
With no tadpoles for Blanche no no

April 19th 2021

Bad Balls (A Cowboy's Lament)

another cover tune in progress...

I hope to have 25 minutes of it done this year

Supper's Ready Lover's Leap Demo

Here's the first mix of a cover song I started working on a week earlier

I'll add more info later about this piece...

I wasn't sure what genre this would go under, so I picked "Rock In Opposition" if that applies

I'm working on buying a license for this and hope to get a better mix to have on a solo album soon

The art is a digital piece I did around the new year, based on the "Rock Bottom" album, which this song was taken from

Listen to this with headphones, I dare you

"Little Red Riding Hood Hit The Road" (Robert Wyatt cover)

Surrealism - 
Another example of what it's like in my head - 

"Spinning on toe on the head of a pin chased by renegade identical twins but at the end..."

Song Of The Machine

Thomas Ray Beetem
1953 - 2017

A song I wrote for my first Partner, from his perspective, about following me to Alaska and taking me back "home" to Kentucky and all the adjustments a 52 year old man had to make when inviting a crazy kid like me into his life

From "Don't let the Moonlight Burn Your Eyes" (c) 2006


Photo taken at the Alyeska resort around Girdwood, Alaska, June 10th, 2006

Don't Let the Moonlight Burn Your Eyes

Flying Over The Ocean (2006) For My TommyBear

From "Crimes Against Classic Rock"

For Adam, who might hate this the most

Judy Blue Eyes (extended club mix) for Gay Pride 2019 (Crosby Stills and Nash cover) @142BPM

"I Talk To the Wind" 1969 from the classic album, In the Court of the Crimson King - with a new twist! King Crimson's serious progressive rock anthem now features a dedication to my beloved cat, Keeska, with a fun look about a single stoner who talks to his pet kitty.


Said the bachelor, to the house cat, are you hungry?
I've got cat treats, I've got tuna, what do you want to eat?

I talk to my cat, all my words she understands
I talk to my cat, my cat is right there, the cat does not care

She's on the outside, looking inside, so I let her in
She's on the inside, looking outside, so I let her out again

I give her dry food, and daly water, but she wears a frown
She cries for wet food, I give her canned food, I water it down

I Talk To My Cat (King Crimson Parody)

"PrEP Whore In Vegas" (Joni Mitchell Parody set to the tune of "Free Man In Paris") Note: EXPLICIT LYRICS!

Sponsored by Gilead Pharmaceuticals, the makers of Truvada for PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis)

Watch the cartoon! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScfsecvoHW8

For those who don't know much about Truvada for PrEP, the stigma of the "Truvada Whore", or in this case, a "PrEP Whore", is that if someone, mostly gay men, is taking a medication that makes them unable to get HIV, that they enjoy bending over for any guy no matter what kinds of sexually transmitted infections he might have. This story is semi-autobiographical. The lyrics were written a day after my house fire. The background music was made for a Joni Mitchell project and edited for time with an annoying verispeed voice. Enjoy.


The way I see it you might as well not hide it
These days it's so normal to be gay and to flirt with dudes
There might be somebody who wants to get laid
I give good head and can do any thickness
There's a lot of guys wanting to bareback, tired of getting head
They're trying to be an F. B. of mine

I was a PrEP-Whore in Vegas, I got lucky all the time
Fucking was better than playing slots, or sniffing nitrous oxide
Truvada keeps me kinda regular, but it might give you the shits
I had to rely on Scruff and Growlr, because Grindr is on the fritz

I deal in creamers, dry cummers and screamers
Lately I wonder what I do it for, five tricks a day
Tough to walk with a sore butt and wander down the Fruit Loop and that Paradise street
Cruising dads at the Blue Men Group
Thinking how I'll feel when I find, some old-tourist-knotty-pine

I was a PrEP-Whore in Vegas, I felt them cumming inside
There were daddies calling me up for favors, and a few young ones on the side
You know I'd go back there tomorrow, but I'm sick with twelve STIs
Stroking the baby-maker machinery, this week it's just me and my wong

PrEP Whore In Vegas (Joni Mitchell Parody) EXPLICIT

Sung to the tune of Peter Gabriel's 1977 epic breakthrough hit, "Solsbury Hill", this parody tells an almost true story of me at a steakhouse ordering ground beef by mistake and thinking it was an actual steak.

Salisbury Steak 

Ordering a Salisbury steak, I can see it's pretty cheap
Compared to all the other steaks, it's a much better deal
I asked for it cooked well done, and ordered me a diet coke
But when he brought me my whole meal, I thought that it was a joke

I looked again at the menu, I double checked round the venue
My heart going boom boom boom
"Waiter," I said, "you can shove this thing, I'm on my way back home"


Looking at my Salisbury steak, I could tell it was a fake
Can you give me some free wine? Or just a lousy slice of cake!?
Can't you see this ain't a steak? Just a patty of ground beef!
Let me argue with your boss, or better yet, the big chief

He tried to explain what the term means, that everyone knows what that stuff is
My head going boom boom boom, "hey, asshole, I'm not that stupid why don't you go home"


Even though I scream and shout, the waiter does not help me out
I am trying everything, puppy dog eyes, I tried to pout
I said, "at least bring me two buns, I can make a hamburger"
He brought me mustered, a big roll, and five packs of fancy ketchup

I took a big bite of the sandwich, fatty but above average
My cholesterol going boom boom boom
"Waiter, get a doggie bag, I'm going to eat the rest of this at home"

(c) 2016 Jason T. Ingram

Salisbury Steak - Peter Gabriel Parody

For more parodies https://fakezappa.com/2019/08/24/stop-talking-im-about-to-sing/

Watch the animated video! https://youtu.be/RZrMle3-fU4

Comfortably Stoned (Pink Floyd Parody of Comfortably Numb)

Hello, hello, hello, are  there any more snacks there?
Just giggle if you can hear me, are there any more scones
Come on now, I hear you're spacing out
Well I can ease your nausea, and maybe help your insomnia 

Relax, I need to change my bong Water first 
Warm Water soothes your throat, but ice makes it feel good

There's some back pain, but you're distracted
You've stared for half and hour at a sleeping cat
Now I’m so enamored at a paper clip
I bend it back and forth it’s so amazing

When I was a kid, I had a math test
My brain froze, cos there was this girl
Now I've got that feeling once again
I'm so damn stupid, can't remember why I needed to go to the kitchen
I don't know where the remote control is
I've have become comfortably stoned

Okey, just a little tok and smoke
There'll be no more "duh", but you'll feel a bit peckish 
Can you listen?
There's also one more side effect, but I can't remember it
Or the next line of this verse

There's some back pain, but you're distracted
You've stared for half and hour at a sleeping cat
Now I’m so enamored at a paper clip
I bend it back and forth it’s so amazing

When I was at the dentist, he gave me a Xanax
Some valium and an adavan
I got out my mouth was numb
I try to put my finger in it now
But it feels weird, that tooth is gone

I've have become comfortably stoned

(c) 2019 Sunday driver Productions

Comfortably Stoned (Pink Floyd Parody)

For the epic music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7vfoSu-YFA

Santa Bear (gay humor)

Zak Hamster is fed up with Earth, and goes to Mars to get wasted and be alone.

https://fakezappa.com/2019/08/24/stop-talking-im-about-to-sing/

FuckIt Man [EXPLICIT] Elton John Parody

Composed entirely from the 2016 "Hamilton Speech"

PENCE! The Musical

That Cat Is An Asshole

He looks so cuddly, he looks so cute, he’s so much fun, he’s such a hoot
But don’t tell me that I didn’t warn ya, don’t tell me that I didn’t warn ya, don’t tell me that I didn’t warn ya
That cat is an asshole
Meow, meow, that cat is an asshole!
Meow, meow, that cat is an asshole!
don’t tell me that I didn’t warn ya
Meow, meow, that cat is an asshole!

He sleeps so peaceful, yes so serene, he’s smiling and purring, not being mean
He’s eating treats, playing with a tissue, but you can not imagine, the harm he could do
But don’t tell me that I didn’t warn ya, don’t tell me that I didn’t warn ya, don’t tell me that I didn’t warn ya
That cat is an asshole

©2019

www.fakezappa.com

That Cat Is An Asshole

As a parody of the former "song of the year" by retired Contemporary Christian artist Ray Boltz, this new version of Thank You ain't no tribute to God, but rather to our beloved President and redneck-army-leader, Donald J. Trump!

This piece was written from the perspective of one of our fur-wearing rioters that stormed the US Capital on January 6th, 2021

Thank You President Donald Trump (Ray Boltz Parody)

I'm a fake, a false prophet, and an aspiring cult leader

Also, check out @dialecticflowers

https://fakezappa.com/
facebook.com/SundayDriverProductions/

FakeZappa

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