Random shit i found

Produced by Forlorn.
FREE DOWNLOAD: https://shinobutherapper.bandcamp.com/track/second-guessing

LYRICS:
I feel insane, or maybe same as I've just always felt
My brain's deranged, detached membrane but failed to ever tell
Maybe today I'll end up dazed or something never dealt
I'll never say what flows throughout my brain and causes hell
Always unchained, my life just burns as all my joy just melts
Always in pain, I have no mouth but I wish I could belt
Out words in blaze, never contained within my awkward gaze
But life's a haze and I just wish that I could simply phase

Up on out of this realm of existence
Phased by nothing but I still feel like rubbish
Whipped by my passing thoughts, it's nothing but torture
Gripped by my lasting thoughts, I can't settle no score
My soul is fading away, I don't know what I could say
To make it last one more day, cause I just don't wanna pay
I thought I found myself but I'm still a lost soul
Tryna find me some purpose with no real large goal

Anticipation killed my ambitions beyond belief
Expectations ruined everything that I ever achieved
And it's a hard pill to swallow
Just move forward is my motto
Because ain't no use getting stuck in my own shell
When all it's done is created my own personal hell
That I wish to escape any time, any date
Let me out to see the sun and what I have done

Second guessing first impressions
Lacking blessing and I'm stressing
Overworking, overthinking
I was floating, now I'm sinking
Where has my mind gone lately?
It's felt like a gun pointed toward me, off safety
Convinced everyone I know hate me
Times slowly ticking as depression's constant kicking
Leaves a mark and doesn't stop till it's finished
Or leaves me feeling diminished
Bleeding out every positive feeling that I've ever kept
Instead of using these emotions, I just gave up and wept

Tears run across as my face as I put the pen to the paper
Put my heart and soul towards all of it but I still gotta cater
To those who'll never care what I deal with, or what's in my favor
To them this life is but a game and I'm simply a player
Playing into they hand, or simply playing myself
Constant reminders of time passed, I think I need some help
But I can't find the energy to ask for assistance with what I done dealt
Or simply speak the words to what I done felt

So instead, I'm just folding like some origami
Cause in the end, I'll just probably
Never find the answers, hardly
Ever expected more, only expected folly
But where should I even go now?
Where do I continue without a how?
Drowning at every moment of overwhelm
So, how could I ascend?
As I'm progressing through life, I feel more like an inkless pen
Moving forward without any real path or passion like I ain't actually

Worth anyone's time or a even moment of talking to
Used to feel bruised and purple, now I feel more and more blue
Used to feel bruised and purple, now I feel more and more blue

Second Guessing [prod. Forlorn]

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Lyrics:

I peck at the perfect Peking duck she cooked just for me
we sit at her table, my thigh’s touching her foot underneath
she sips her wine then asks if I like it with the Hoisin dip
while I pretend I haven’t realized she poisoned it

I lie and deflect with a classic bathroom excuse
and run the tap before I puke the food I had to consume to keep up the ruse
I return to her refilling her glass
as I try to discern if mine was mixed with pills from her batch

but eh, perhaps I’m being overly cautious
also deploying this protective shield is so damn exhausting
it’s just a date, but I can’t this shake this awful feeling
that she’s a siren, deadly black widow, femme fatale in secret/

hold up, wait, what’s the reason she chose me over any other
she’s just feigning interest in me as to not blow her cover
it’s smart, so I take a bite and compliment the meat
‘cause I can feel the eyes of the sniper who’s perched across the street

a perfect date, a perfect murder for tonight
a lovely evening or a planned out homicide
it’s a perfect date, a perfect cover for a crime
the first of many or the first and final time
X2

She washes off the Ginsu blade, I clean the table up and
I silently wish that we had had this lovely date in public
she starts raving ‘bout true crime and then motions towards the couch
throws a documentary on right before I go turn her down

but before I know it my escape hatch slams shut
and we’re midway through exposés on crazed bandits, man hunts
assassins and kidnappers, serial killers, and such
when I spy what looks just like a pistol in her bag, tucked

so I whip out the bathroom excuse, but it comes out jumbled
“I need to bath the room use!” - like full on run and fumble
then I slink through the hallway out of sight and tie up my hi-tops
burst into the night, sprint outside of the sniper’s eye shot

safe and sound, except for those phoney vehicles
unmarked vans and CIA agents disguised as homeless people
under toxic chemtrails, and reptilians with different coloured fangs
at least I left her place unscathed to live another day

Broke(Prod.tep)

pepsparks

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