lurking <3

i spit upon the ground
i kick the rocks around
i tease you everyday
that way we can stay...
closer to each other
closer to the wall
i climbed the fence
so i could see
i've waited so long
so we could be...
closer to each other
closer to the wall
closer

Closer

<3

no matter how i try
i'll never be that guy
no matter who i am
you'll never make me
understand the point
whats the point
throw me on a sphere
why am i here
oh...
whats the point
whats the purpose
what is...
the point
there's no purpose
nowadays
nothing seems real
now i know how the dinosaurs feel
constant battle
i'm a selfish meal
whats the point
whats the purpose
what is the point
there's no purpose
i guess it doesnt matter
no matter how i try
i'll live without a purpose
i'll live until i die
so when your lips are sealed
and your walls are square
honey, im right beside you
honey, i'll be right there
(just doesn't matter does it)

The Point

it's okayy <3

don't be
so hard
on yourself
its okay
its okay
inside my head
i can't forget
what you said to me
i want to bleed
i'll turn
black and blue
because of you
i'll tie my neck
just like a shoe

Okayy

rot away, everyday <3

i just missed the train
cuz the pain inside my brain
told me otherwise
how im not living life
am i still alive?
i sit here
on my couch
and rot away
almost everyday now
almost everyday

still alive?

conspiracy theory? i think not <3

watching everyone with the sickness
drop dead later
im a witness
to your foolish games
that you play
know that things
won't be the same
cryptic messages
(in my brain,
down low)

Cryptic Messages

H.E. Double Hockey Stix

thinking to myself
of which place
i wanna go
lying in my room
crying in the snow
feeling kinda sick
melting on the ground
frozen in a puddle
looking six feet down

9/5/23

to my future self

you called me up
I guess I'll go
you called me up
I guess I'm slow
just like the turtle
I'll hide in my shell
away from hell
just like the turtle
taught me well
i'll hide in my shell
my perfect getaway
to hide my face away
I ask you why
you made me hide
away from you
head in the shell
I can't tell
what you want me to do

2/18/24

Turtle

spill the beans <3

my eyes are wide open
facing the ceiling
with the stars
and i wonder...
why i can't sleep anymore
oh whatcha did to me
oh what the others can't see
whatcha did to me
oh what the others can't see
im so sick of thinking
about how to call it quits
and i wonder...
if you even give a shit
oh whatcha did to me
oh what the others can't see
whatcha did to me
oh what the others can't see

6/12/24

TRAUMADUMP

Antarctica

old demo <3

please don't go
and throw away
my heart i said
just leave me alone
don't leave me alone
i find it funny
kinda sad
you had my back
but now you're gone
please tell me
what was up with that
you had my back
but now you're gone

9/14/22

Kinda Sad

this song is table scraps but whatevs <3

oh my darling 
is it so
I have to
let you go
and I don't know
what to do
when i'm stuck
inside with you
our love is like
a board game
stuck inside
the house

9/5/24

Bored Game (demo)

old demo from 2022 <3 (recorded on reel-to-reel)

3/13/22

It's Not Fair

Sludge

Joy Pills

my pain

I H8 Myself

Don't give up on me
there's more to it
than you see
I know there's
nothing left
to say
don't give up on me
<3
5/3/24

Don't Give Up

I'm ruthless
I'm sick 
in my stomach
please don't go
don't leave
if i'm honest
all these things
they won't
even matter
ill be here
waiting 
for the ladder

dedicated to ruth <3
4/4/23

Ruthless (Demo)

i kick rocks.. oh, and sometimes i make things

IG:@jayashtraysucks

Jay Ashtray

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