lurking <3

i spit upon the ground
i kick the rocks around
i tease you everyday
that way we can stay...
closer to each other
closer to the wall
i climbed the fence
so i could see
i've waited so long
so we could be...
closer to each other
closer to the wall
closer

Closer

<3

no matter how i try
i'll never be that guy
no matter who i am
you'll never make me
understand the point
whats the point
throw me on a sphere
why am i here
oh...
whats the point
whats the purpose
what is...
the point
there's no purpose
nowadays
nothing seems real
now i know how the dinosaurs feel
constant battle
i'm a selfish meal
whats the point
whats the purpose
what is the point
there's no purpose
i guess it doesnt matter
no matter how i try
i'll live without a purpose
i'll live until i die
so when your lips are sealed
and your walls are square
honey, im right beside you
honey, i'll be right there
(just doesn't matter does it)

The Point

it's okayy <3

don't be
so hard
on yourself
its okay
its okay
inside my head
i can't forget
what you said to me
i want to bleed
i'll turn
black and blue
because of you
i'll tie my neck
just like a shoe

Okayy

conspiracy theory? i think not <3

watching everyone with the sickness
drop dead later
im a witness
to your foolish games
that you play
know that things
won't be the same
cryptic messages
(in my brain,
down low)

Cryptic Messages

thinking to myself
of which place
i wanna go
lying in my room
crying in the snow
feeling kinda sick
melting on the ground
frozen in a puddle
looking six feet down

9/5/23

to my future self

you called me up
I guess I'll go
you called me up
I guess I'm slow
just like the turtle
I'll hide in my shell
away from hell
just like the turtle
taught me well
i'll hide in my shell
my perfect getaway
to hide my face away
I ask you why
you made me hide
away from you
head in the shell
I can't tell
what you want me to do

2/18/24

Turtle

spill the beans <3

my eyes are wide open
facing the ceiling
with the stars
and i wonder...
why i can't sleep anymore
oh whatcha did to me
oh what the others can't see
whatcha did to me
oh what the others can't see
im so sick of thinking
about how to call it quits
and i wonder...
if you even give a shit
oh whatcha did to me
oh what the others can't see
whatcha did to me
oh what the others can't see

6/12/24

TRAUMADUMP

old demo <3

please don't go
and throw away
my heart i said
just leave me alone
don't leave me alone
i find it funny
kinda sad
you had my back
but now you're gone
please tell me
what was up with that
you had my back
but now you're gone

9/14/22

Kinda Sad

Sludge

my pain

I H8 Myself

Don't give up on me
there's more to it
than you see
I know there's
nothing left
to say
don't give up on me
<3
5/3/24

Don't Give Up

I'm ruthless
I'm sick 
in my stomach
please don't go
don't leave
if i'm honest
all these things
they won't
even matter
ill be here
waiting 
for the ladder

dedicated to ruth <3
4/4/23

Ruthless (Demo)

i’m failing everything and everyone </3

i’m all stressed out again
i’ll flip this frown
and then…
i turned my back
to when…
my feelings
to condemn
i’m all stressed out again
i think about it
now and then
focus on what
made you yourself
yourself…

guitar solo by Marlee L. <3

Stressed Out

Bloody Mary

Can of Worms

Drag

the truth is
this isnt worth it
to risk my life
another interest
a point of conflict
how deep is the knife
oh, i cant cant pick myself up anyhow
i cant pick myself up anyhow
i cant pick myself up
pick myself up
pick myself up
it all comes down to you
to make me
not sad
i would rather be
not sad
whatever happens, will it?
whatever happened to us
i say its such a shame
that these days
whatevers on my brain
i say it
can i pick it?
can i pick it for you?


stoned age (demo)

today is the day

i kick rocks.. oh, and sometimes i make things

IG:@jayashtraysucks

Jay Ashtray

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