Bahasha Ya Ocampo

Everything

“Tulia” is a Swahili word for “rest /be at peace/be easy”. 
This one was written for you who is in that dark and very lonely place all you need is a deep sense of peace that no man/woman, money, sex, drug can give – because you (may) have tried these and they haven’t worked. Truth is, they don’t. 

Only the creator of the sea knows how to calm the sea when the storm is raging.
Matthew 11:28-30

Tulia

"Don't take your life, if you got no place to take it. Don't wreck your life if your hands are too small to rebuild and remake it."

I was only eleven years old when I found out that I was a “depression patient”. Clinical depression.
I struggled trying to live my life like a real child, trying to pretend that all was well with me. I had this deep longing to be “normal”, a longing to be happy. I was hollow. My heart was hollow, my entire being was hollow. Why was this thing put on me? Where was the manual on how to go about it? I was too young to be dealing with this condition! WHY WAS I SO SAD?  Why? Why me? Why DEPRESSION?

About seven times, in my quest to find the key to unlock the door of this depression prison, I tried to end the pain on my own; to make it all stop - I tried to take my life. I wasn’t thinking about the people I would hurt if I did it. I wasn’t thinking about the fact that I was still so young and that if I conquered this thing, I had my whole life ahead of me. I wasn’t thinking about the fact that I was not the one who gave myself life and therefore had no right to take it away. No. All I could think of was no more pain, no more suffering – suicide was the BEST and ONLY way out for me. But someone somewhere didn’t think it was as cool a solution as I did. Seven times I was saved from my own attempts at death. Seven times I was being told that this depression thing was not stronger than me and that I would conquer it and live to tell the story to encourage others who felt like suicide was there only way out.

It is not the way out. He who gave you life has the manual. Give him your heart, and he will give you peace for your fear.


jayawinjaya

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