why bother reaching out when i keep getting no response? i call—you let it ring. i call—you decline. i call—get sent to voice mail. why bother when there’s no point in trying? why reach out to someone who obviously doesn’t want contact with me fr? only really pays attention to me whenever it involves my pussy. when i express my emotions im left to be ignored. when i say i want dick then all of a sudden it’s “i miss you,” “mamas” this and “mamas” that. common sense tells me to just leave you alone and let you be. my emotions just keep somehow convincing me that you’re just going through things. but if you were really going through something would you treat me the way you do? would you ignore me for days and then text me out the blue? would you only hit me up when you want your hair done? would you only ask to see me when you want to get a nut off? i can’t really remember the last time you asked to be around me just for my presence. i don’t remember the last time you didn’t get the “ick” from me expressing my affection. i feel like a dummy because i keep trying to convince you to love me. i thought that if i just showed you more affection and gave you what you wanted that you would stay, but really i think it just pushes you further away. so here i am with these bottled up emotions. i can’t sleep at night because my mind is always racing wondering why you just won’t love me. you say that you do and it all sounds nice, but let’s really look at the facts. only wanting me around when you feel like it, me having to ask for affection or attention, only reaching out to me when beneficial to you—that’s not love.  but you say that you love me to keep me around because you know it’s what i want to hear. you play on my emotions to get what you want out of me and then you disappear. why bother reaching out to you when i know i most likely wont get a response? you’d rather be on the game or with your homeboys than face the chaos you caused. i keep wondering why the fuck i can’t just leave you alone. it’s not like you’re some special guy that’s irresistible. i mean look at how you treat me and how dumb i am behind you. you say “jump” and i say “how high.” i’ve been down for you for i don’t know how long. i thought the feeling was mutual, but now i don’t really know. i think if you were then i wouldn’t be so confused. i think im confused bc you introduced to a different you. maybe that’s who im holding on to and wishing i could get back. you love the things i do for you which is why you keep me around. you love the way i make you feel, but you don’t actually love me. you always “come back” whenever you’re lonely or see me even slightly moving on. but you never come back for me it’s just because you don’t want anyone else to have me. you don’t actually want me. i think you did, but not anymore. you treat me like an option—like that annoying

why bother?

to my dearest friend:

i didn’t think, 
i would have to move on,
and live my life without you, you. 
and i couldn’t believe, 
that you’re gone. 
your life was taken too soon. 
we were just sitting, 
in math class. 
in the fifth grade,
you saw my ass. 
you smiled at me,
made me feel great.
you made me wanna come and see you every day.
you didn’t show up.
boy you just left.
then you came back.
man what the hell?
now you’re gone.
fading away.
and i really don’t know what to say,
but, 
come back please.
i need you. 
my old friend. 
oh, again. 
come back to me. 
i am hurting. 
old friend.
come home again.
and life sucks without you.
how are things going up there? 
up there? 
bc it’s a roller coaster down here.
are you still in pain? 
do you hurt the same? 
same as i did before ?
before.
you deserve the world and so much more.
come back please.
i need you.
my old friend.
oh again.
i am drowning.
‘cause you’re not here with me.
suffocating.
and i can not breathe.

jayth3plug

Popular tracks