Deep under the surface of the waves
A vague form takes murky shape
At the edge of the lilting light
Reveals itself in part to me. 
A touch of breathless fear snares me
An awareness of infinity 
The Abyss stares back, yet welcomes me
To trust her guidance beyond safety. 

Distilled in saturation 
Drowned in order to breathe
Immersed into the Unknown 
The taste of what will be. 

Shrouded now, we plunge so deep
Caressed by faith, assuaged by need
For a moment fear subsides in me
Blinded I can now see
Her voice comes in obscure frequencies
The words impossible to hear
The message hauntingly familiar
A glimpse slips in and out of coherency.

The Gaze Of The Abyss

Staring down the intractable
Weighing out the inevitable
How much change is too much to bear?
Eloquent beauty in my hands
The weapon of contrabands
Smug satisfaction and disdain
Result from undervalued pain.

Barely breathing, we transcend
Death in vulnerability,
Mutual, critical, open.
No resolution necessary,
Just an open hand to hold
In place of being certain.
  
The christ we weaponize
The prophets we demonize
The bigots we discard
The broken ones disbarred
Doomed to repeat a death-knell
In corners of respective hell
The cost of defense 
The burden of recompense

Barely breathing, we transcend
Death in vulnerability,
Mutual, critical, open.
No resolution necessary,
Just an open hand to hold
In place of being certain.

Moral Conflict

Disclaimer: this breakup song predates my life with Gwyn, hence the photo.

Lyrics:
I made you a playlist
A list of songs of pain
I’m listing but I’m sailing on
I haven’t played in days
Anger turns to sadness
The cliché plays along
Softened heart by melodies
From that old familiar song.

It’s time to bury this life
You gave me more than I knew before
Compatibility eluded us again
So alone we see what is in store
For us.

Take care of yourself
This two-sided mantra repeats
I tell it to you at the end of this,
Then I have to tell it to me, too.
Change is what we are in life
Yet change is what we fear
Some day we just might embrace
But today we shed our tears.

It’s time to bury this life
You gave me more than I knew before
Compatibility eluded us again
So alone we see what is in store
For us.

My Memos

Incompatibility

Lyrics: 
This Pounding in my head,
No headache, no hangover.
Driving into my psyche
Etching at self-made walls.
The trauma lingers in my heart
Transported back in time
Too fried to think clearly
The drumming to me calls.

One step closer to the end
One step closer to the start
One more prayer to carry on
One more fear strikes my heart.

This pound of flesh drives me on
This spirit drags me under.
You cast a Paul on my mind
When you hint at your new life.
You never seem to leave me
But you never leave me alone.
As the pain mounts up I find
I’m committed to you like a wife.

One step closer to the end
One step closer to the start
One more prayer to carry on
One more fear strikes my heart.

You ask me to die
So I can truly live.
I ask you why
You tell me “to forgive.”
Isn’t that your job?
You tell me, “It’s yours as well.
The rhythm of the drum
That vibrates through your shell
Is the sound of love
That sits inside of hell.”

Nichodemus

Lyrics:

I'm sent subtle distraction
A side glance and I'm taken out
Can't focus on the simple
Directions that lie before me.
I begin to feel worthless,
Like I'm not right unless I'm wrong
The truth is that the standard
I'm using is the flaws despised.

Plastic faces tempting me
They smile at me with a vacancy
That only vanity can make
Insatiably alluring.
Social disillusion's a pacifying drug
Infecting aesthetics deep within the children
Of my generation.

Beautiful wings gashed and torn
By clouds of selfish desire.
Bitter and bruised, we must rise
So clean and selfless, we can shine.

Never thought I'd see the day
When the very things I despised
Could be temptations that I run from,
My covered insecurity.
I cannot clean myself off,
Human potential is lacking,
So painfully obvious
As I see the dying angels sleep.

Will they ever wake up?

Beautiful wings gashed and torn
By clouds of selfish desire.
Bitter and bruised, we must rise
So clean and selfless, we can shine.

Suraci Nellaf

Lyrics:

A mellow song plays along in the atmosphere
I forget my past long enough to listen
Knots in my gut begin to unravel the fear
My upbringing had to hasten

I wrote my farewell to southern arms
I struck out and headed north
I’m home again for the first time
In the state of gold from whence goes forth
A tremulous new me. 

I am now free to embrace the disorder
Not needing to worry so for my sense of safety 
That chased me from the border
My heart desires called openness

I wrote my farewell to southern arms
I struck out and headed north
I’m home again for the first time
In the state of gold from whence goes forth
A tremulous new me.

Who knew that joy could bring anxiety
A well rehearsed refrain of tension
Thought change could happen instantly
I’m still fighting in suspension

A New Farewell

Lyrics:

Tiny scratching bird feet
Wind-chimes singing the harmony
To the roman choirs
Florence and the Nightingale
An organic machine
Desert mountains and espresso
A new Testament to life
An open pandora’s box

The rhetoric dried up to poetry
Deserted on its abundance
A more-than-sacred profanity
In a visitation of love
I dance!

Jesus speaks to me again
Past the persuasive words
Of angry apostles
Apostatic, apophatic
The sun sets on mountains
Familial rebirth at points of breadth
As Love is that Mystery
Revealed in winks of death

Oracle

Lyrics:

You floated for hours
The cold not biting, but enticing
In waves along the edge
Of shores that ancient fire was sculpting 
The ebbing, the seducing
Still hold my heart to this day. 
Confluence and virulence
Stillness in the violence
Oh paradox of paradise 
Aching beyond words to return. 
This birthplace of awakening
In which our love found its spark. 

The bargain of infatuation 
Exchanged for wholly more
Darkest night has made its turn
Dawning on me by this shore. 

The sweetest pain that can’t be sated
In your arms is now abated
In deepest darkness I know your light
Without the most obscure of sight
Your heart beats the time to me
As do the waves of the sea
I found in solitude and peace
The key my heart to release
Sharing room to join we two
Imperfection complete with you. 

The bargain of infatuation 
Exchanged for wholly more
Darkest night has made its turn
Dawning on me by this shore.

To Morro

Inspired on an Autumn night in San Ramon, weathering the annual wave of anxiety that comes with the shortening of days, the crisper air, and the ancient instinctual dread of winter. Fortunately, I live in California, so that dread will never be realized, and this is what came of it.

Autumn

Open Road

Lyrics:

I am falling into the arms of
My first true home.
I’m sorry I hated you so,
But you made me feel so alone.
Let’s forgive each other now
I no longer need you
Need you to be wrong.
I will always have a lilting love
For you my life long.

I’ll never close myself away
Again to anyone, thank you
Just wish you’d’ve given me
A little more to believe in you.

Didn’t think I could ever leave you
Thought I wasn’t allowed
Triangulating doesn’t get you much
But it finally got me out.
This departing keeps despair at Bay
And harbors me from the ground;
I’ve always been drawn to the Sea
From which you’re always bound.

I’ll never close myself away
Again to anyone, thank you
Just wish you’d’ve given me
A little more to believe in you.

Goodbye.

Nashville II

Lyrics:
The sound returns upon my soul
The notes ring out tried and true
A worn-out song of tragedy
A new sense to me, a nuisance to you.
Listen to this tired refrain
Refrain from turning away
Reframe our love, picture this
And pick your battles wisely.

While you pick at your restrictions
You picket the protest of life
Staying in a loveless marriage
Mirrors the remainder of love
In hopes deferred.

Sit here now, in this blackness
Eclipse your blindness now
The shadow of naming black
As a source of evil confounds
The light of dark truths
Whitewashed in black loss
Pledging alleigance to broken vows
Is never an acceptable cost. 

While you pick at your restrictions
You picket the protest of life
Staying in a loveless marriage
Mirrors the remainder of love
In hopes deferred.

Social Contract

Picking up where the 90's left off. I hope to take you on a journey with beautiful passionate music and thought-provoking lyrics.

Jeff Dodge-Hogarth

Pinned to spotlight