swaying this pen
it keeps me open
where to start, or begin
will I see you again?
how your voice it replays on a summer day
don't wanna make it a mistake
I hope it's not too late
I'm asking why I'm the loving guy
gave you friendship without desire 
and you still treat me like
you're waiting for me to leave your life

prototype

dear diary...
feeling like I showed her the worst of me
but I still wanna give her the recipe
but I still say nothing cause that's a recipe for disaster
I'll ask her
"what is the perfect time to speak your mind?"
I'm always looking for the perfect time
it seems like every single time that I tried
there was always a contributing factor to change my mind
(but it doesn't matter anyway)cause she's got a good man
(but it doesn't matter anyway)and I understand 
(but it doesn't matter anyway)that closed mouths don't get fed
but it doesn't matter anyway
but it doesn't matter anyway
I still front and act nonchalant, that's by design
she stays on the home front
I'll give her what she wants, that's by design

by design (dear diary)

little green
joni mitchell, but jeir 
you think that I am so nonchalant
you don't think that you are the one that I want
but what's a young man to do with all these expectations?
I try to carry but I don't know where to place them
don't know if I could be the man that she wants
you're so perfect that I can barely think
the only thing that's missing for your life is me, I think
but I can't seem to let myself get out of my own way
see this as honest over insecurity 
but you're so perfect that I think you're a dream 
(a little dream, just a ...)
little dream or a fantasy
I wanna share my love with you
I wanna make you feel so safe
be the man you're coming home to, if that's cool
but the doubt in my mind comes seeping through
I just wanna be enough of a man for you
don't wanna waste your time babe
you, yeah you

little dream (little green interpolation)

should I give up everything
prioritize you and me and make you my main pursuit?
tell me what I got to do
do I sit with you all day?
should I go to God and pray "only your love I pursue"?
show me what I have to do to be true to you
to be true to you
what I have to do to be true to you
to show up for you, to be enough for you(for you)
what I have to do to be true 
why don't you tell me
am I doing enough or have you left me lonely?
you say no
do I make you happy though?
cause the people think I'm wrong
they don't know where I belong
please don't go
I need you here as my home
should I give up everything
prioritize you and me and make you my main pursuit?
tell me what I got to do
do I sit with you all day?
should I go to God and pray "only your love I pursue"?
show me what I have to do to be true to you
to be true to you
what I have to do to be true to you
to show up for you, to be enough for you(for you)
what I have to do to be true

true

Germany got greener in the summer time
that's when you were all mine?
joyride
playing me that brand new song
only you can put me on
but where did we go wrong?
but where did we go wrong?
but where did we go wrong?
every time I'm in the mirror I see a missing piece of you
every time I feel you nearer I wanna run away from you
you abandoned me
up and ran away 
why'd you wait so long?
but where did we go wrong?
you abandoned me
can't look me in my face
why'd you wait so long?
but where did we go wrong?

maybe I should mourn you
maybe I should hold you (hold you close)
are you even good though?
I don't know
maybe I should let you go once and for all
you were good while you lasted
now it's time to get past that
you're inhibiting me from being here today
getting in my way
I wanna believe that it's you that's holding on
but we know that if that were so true then you'd be gone
but you are
huh?
maybe I should mourn you
maybe I should hold you (hold you close)
are you even good though?
I don't know
maybe I should let you go once and for all
I'm cutting cords
I don't know
maybe I should let you go once and for all

21 May

I've got to let this go
I can't hold on anymore
stomach turning
I can't see the screen
the liquid's to the surface
where are you babe?
where are you babe?
do you miss me babe?
where are you babe?
do you think about me?
do you think about me?
do you think about me?
do you, you still love me?
do you think about me?
do you think about me?
do you think about me?
do you still love me anymore?

2 tears

find your wings (cover from IG)

it's been another lonely day
I can't believe I let emotions get all in my way
I hope you understand that I'm still here though I'm distant
you can text me
and I truly hope you're doing well
I'm just calling cause I never got the chance to tell you I love you
like on that Saturday night
when we laid side by side
anime was the vibe
I knew I loved you then but I'd never show
yes I could tell you but I'd never truly let you know
unless, of course, you told me so
but you could pierce everything
or paint your skin with tattoos 
or they could cast you aside
I'll alway see the pure in you (yes I do)
go to war if one ever tried to step to you
let me know, you know I do
learning love but all that I know is "take it slow"
but too slow could leave me alone
it's been another lonely day
I can't believe I let emotions get all in my way
I hope you understand that I'm still here though I'm distant
you can text me
and I truly hope you're doing well
I'm just calling cause I never got the chance to tell you I love you
if you love me, say it
if you say it, mean it
if you mean it, show it
don't waste my time because I'm really tryna grow this

LOVE ME - 9:4:19, 1.11 AM

have you ever found a love?
have you ever found that one for once?
have you ever been jaded?
have you ever felt annoying?
have you ever felt ghosted?
have you ever lived a dream?
have you ever filled your brain with loving fantasies?
tell me were you ever scared to part?
have you ever had a broken heart?
cause I have
it's a process
yes I love it, and I need it
yes I be here craving
I'm just tryna' make it
to make you my baby for an eternity
then I won't have to part
and I won't have to leave
fucking round in the military? hard
liquor to build courage just to speak my piece
do you feel me?
it's hard living again
is this pretend?
you've got me asking questions like
"if I am falling down would you pull me up?"
put me in a bowl, maybe you'd scoop me up
yes I'm waiting to be scooped up
all up in that upper truck
or up in my BMW, pick one it's cool
it's all in what you wanna do

jeirmusic

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