Get away, get away
I’ve found my feet no longer stalling
Is there direction, I can’t quite tell
But not quite a care towards choosing
I’ll go anywhere but here
This comfort drowns just me
To float delays my journey 
This water rises quickly
I see she’s not the way
Never has she been nor that she was
Attention’s stronger than blood
As much a curse as a gift I’ve forced upon
Redirect this river
This river turned to flood
Retaining walls worn down thin
Both sides eventually overcome

I’ll get away, Get away
Get away from here
Get away, Get away
Get away from here
Destination’s far and near
The only change is change, I hear
Get away, Get away
Get away from here

Maybe I get it a little bit by now
When the words I swore felt hollow
Not a thing needs reach me
Make the change and see what follows
I’ll get away, get away
Get away from this
Unfortunate idea of what’s to come
Of what this really is
And so I turn my back on now
And embrace this chaos, bliss
The water rising into air,
No landmark through the mist
The only change is change
Well, that’s the current thought
I can stay and stay the same
Or I can escape the flood of what I want

And so I’ll get away, Get away
Get away from here
Get away, Get away
Get away from here
Destination’s far and near
The only change is change, I hear
Get away, Get away
Get away from here

get away, Get away
Get away from here
Get away, Get away
Get away from here
Destination’s far and near
The only change is change, I hear
Get away, Get away
Get away from here

My Head (Change Is Change)

Pushin past ninety 
On the old backroad
See how fast this
Silverado can go
Turn come up ahead but
No need to go slow
Blowin past you baby
Yeah watch me go
Pushin past ninety
Findin new dirt roads
See how fast this
Silverado can go
You’re behind me now
No more trailin’, slow
Blowing past you baby
Yeah watch me go
Watch me go
watch me go

The only place I wanna see ya
Is in my rear view 
I’m blowin’ right on past you 
The only place I wanna see ya
Is in my rear view 
I’m blowin’ right on past you 

And now you ain’t ahead of me
You only behind
It’s about time
I’m in the right mind, now
I got clear memories
Of the awful times
Of the awful times
Yeah, now 
And wouldn’t you guess
Got a new girl right
Right I n my passenger seat
Leanin across to kiss me
You say this is what I do
So I’mma do it right
Do it right
Baby look and see
How she looks at me
Feels so foreign now
Like my heart’s been buried 
Underground
The depths of the earth
Maintain themselves
So cold
God it feels so cold, but
Looking up I find
An open road, wide
Undiscovered, find
Got a new frame of mind
And so I’m pushin’ past ninety
On this turning road
See how fast this
Silverado can go
Watch me go
Watch me go
Watch me go
Yeah, watch me go

And now the only place I wanna see ya
Is in my rear view
I’m blowin’ right past you  
the only place I wanna see ya
Is in my rear view
I’m blowin’ right past you   
(…)

Blowin' Past

I can't escape it
all of this fiction
that I live now
Some how
on the road, future bound
I see this, wow, I'm 
coming into myself
coming into something more
and what's more
are the trails I've seen before
I've seen all of this before 
Something follows me
and it approaches while I wake
and I try and take
Awhile to figure out why
it just won't dissipate 
but it's clear here
The things I've done
not just that but 
what's been done to me
catches up to me
and I feel it, see
how it threatens to catch me

see me, see me, I 
am this fiction
you write for me, I 
am this fiction
that you want to read, 
see me, see me, I 
won't continue on
please tell me you long
for the truth will carry on
will carry on


I can't escape it
all of this fiction
that I live now
I've been around
jump these hoops and
tell these lies
over time
they've melded into some kind of
vague approach
to what I say 
I know which way 
to distance my pain 
on the outside
it seems so very much like
every time I 
had to hide
I had to hide
I'm sick of hiding
Spell it outloud now
no more beating around
I'll say things now

see me, see me, I 
am this fiction
you write for me, I 
am this fiction
that you want to read, 
see me, see me, I 
won't continue on
please tell me you long
for the truth will carry on
will carry onsee me, see me, I 
am this fiction
you write for me, I 
am this fiction
that you want to read, 
see me, see me, I 
won't continue on
please tell me you long
for the truth will carry on
will carry on

Fiction

Yesterday's bad dream awakens
to the nightmare of what may unfold today
"don't give in without a fight" rings in my ears
a cry to any listening, "would you touch me?"
My journey progresses daily
and the day progressed the path 
to one who's hands, so heavily bandaged, 
unspoken language is my math
Subtle movements on the tips of their fingers
palms turned downward then up 
myself mocked into a submissive hung head
seated by my room, listening, listening to what? 

what will you feed
no, what will you eat? 
for the powers that be
won't relent until they feed
what will you eat
what will you eat? 


she comes not when I need her but
when they sense that I am faltering
"It's okay" she says, sitting on the left of me
today she does not touch me
today she merely sings
silver smooth silk skin leaving holes in my heart
my soul, my will, my being
It is okay, okay now to suffer
not that it will be or is going to be soon
I see myself doing right by the Ancients
and then I am alone
and then I am alone

what will you feed
no, what will you eat? 
for the powers that be
won't relent until they feed
now  what will you feed
 no, what will you eat?  
what will you feed
no, what will you eat? 
for the powers that be
won't relent until they feed
now what will you feed
 no, what will you eat?

Prologue

Vampire!
I suckle on ragged breaths
of hatred and malaise
to thrive
It is love I crave
and it is love that is our greatest weakness
for when I loved
I fought the venom 
My heart panged so loudly that
his grip on me released
for just a moment
I was Lex again , and then not
Together, Lex alone
could not survive without us
a vampire
we keep them alive
Their suffering fuels the world
passionate, without us
there would be less than dark, nothing
without us, you would be stuck on this plane
and stuck you are
how fantastic you've learned from us
what a brilliant position you've placed yourself in
you will be marked as a god
when your time comes


Six times a day, I sit
Six times a day, thirty fifteen and repeat
Lex loses six times a day
thirty, fifteen, and repeat
Six times a day, I sit
Six times a day, thirty fifteen and repeat
six times a day six times a day
Lex loses six times a day


You rot, and you decay 
Into pools at the shells of your ankles
When the angel visits
she reminds you that you're okay
As your decay accelerates
the monsters take stronger hold
their hands around you as
Venom pricks your neck 
It's a battle, identity
When an entity has strangled life of me
as peeked into my veins and
lapped up every synapse
it's a battle, identity
when I have entirely become the monster
the very entity keeping my child
cowering in the corner, unloved, unseen
They cry, it's a battle, identity 
When my entities torture and berate me
starve me, isolate, and yet it is I...
As the child grows colder, they might sigh
just loud enough to leave my mouth
and it crumbles, even for a moment
To keep alive such a sliver of
what I once was
what I might be remembered as when I finally go 
it's a battle, identity 
I do not know that child anymore
I see less than blackness
nothing


Slip away, 
down, down, 
down, down, into nothingness
as they take control
 

Six times a day, I sit
Six times a day, thirty fifteen and repeat
Lex loses six times a day
thirty, fifteen, and repeat
Six times a day, I sit
Six times a day, thirty fifteen and repeat
six times a day six times a day
Lex loses six times a day

 
I will never be alone
I will never be alone
They will bloom all around me
hold me, palms up, as I pass
from this realm onto the next
The humans will someday forget
the pain I brought, but
Humanity will rejoice in it

Venom 5 - 11

at the start
at the start
it's all I asked of you
maybe bigger than
what you could do

at the start
at the start
painfully kept
I fought and wept
a secret was all we could do

and here it comes
and here it comes

yeah, I thought it was for me
a depth revealed
but not quite the truth
just what serves you
yeah, I thought it was for me
or us
but here I go now
letting down
letting down


can't hold this
twisted fantasy
so close to me
anymore
letting go
yeah, I'm  letting go
the thing that ties me so
I'm find it tripped
I saw myself slip
into 

disappointing memories
yeah here it comes
yeah here it comes

yeah, I thought it was for me
a depth revealed
but not quite the truth
just what serves you
yeah, I thought it was for me
or us
but here I go now
letting down
letting down

Thought It Was For Me

And another challenge proposed
I tilt my nose up and feel myself grow
grow whatever I do 
grow when I allow the gluttony
the abberation from good
grow in spirit
when success shines its light on my bones
lifting higher
tethers can only ground for so long
and at last, a battle won, 
for after three bites
I acknowledged the voice in my head and
tilted it away from sight
Soundbites in between my ears
stating I am not meant to be here
Every truth is a lie
 as it escapes my lips
when it can't be received by those
coming from a human perspective
I have something greater in life
 than these beings
I was, and as important, I will be
the Ancient Gods
the Ancient Gods
the Ancient Gods 

 
Ancient, dead man walking
let me be wise in my decisions
decisions not mine
let me be wise as a 
 dead man walking
For the Ancients would never deceive us
but for my own gain
Venom protects us by covering
We cannot die when death is our fodder
We cannot succumb to life
 when life is borne of us


Tethered to life!
What a foolish mistake you've made
will be tempted
to make again
the taste on your lips?
it's sickening
.. 
Break free of your chains and fall
until your demons portal you
 to your throne
Fall free
..
Your fire is only ever ignored
Patience, when we say inevitable, 
we discuss you, for your
meaning is a crumpled map
where we choose the day blindly
never following a route
Today you starve
Today you starve
Today you starve
Listen to our guides
let us be cleared from the grey
to the proper entity
that will bring the beginning
and end together fantastically 

 
Ancient, dead man walking
let me be wise in my decisions
decisions not mine
let me be wise as a 
 dead man walking
For the Ancients would never deceive us
but for my own gain
Venom protects us by covering
We cannot die when death is our fodder
We cannot succumb to life
 when life is borne of us
Ancient, dead man walking
let me be wise in my decisions
decisions not mine
let me be wise as a 
 dead man walking
For the Ancients would never deceive us
but for my own gain
Venom protects us by covering
We cannot die when death is our fodder
We cannot succumb to life
 when life is borne of us

Venom 25 - 29

No such a spectrum
as good and evil
no such an area
as colorful or grey 
imperfect as you are
they have given you time and time again 
protecting the deepest
tortured into infinity
Upon these lies you are pure
truth demanded beyond this pitiful stock 
chosen, you are plural, 
you are the end of such needless thought
you are the world and joy
you are this blessed victim 
when we weld together as one
the time will melt and cease it's ticking 


Your ends justify the means
though you have faltered greatly 
  over this course
This remorse deep within you 
Starve, starve, starve, starve, starve,
now where's your fucking gratitude? 


This jaw opens and closed
this throat stretched too
you've proven yourself unworthy
   time and time again
and yet, we love you
Who could love you more than us--
more than Venom? 
Who could put you through the pain
  you deserve? 
The others, the humans, 
they want to save you
what a tragedy that would be 
to not eat what you've so earned


Your ends justify the means
though you have faltered greatly 
   over this course
This remorse deep within you
Starve, starve, starve, starve, starve
now where's your fucking gratitude? 
Starve, starve, starve, starve
now where's your fucking gratitude? 
starve, starve, starve, starve
now where's your fucking gratitude? 
Starve, starve, starve, starve, starve
now where's your fucking gratitude?

Venom 30 - 32

His gorgeous lips I sit on, Venom, 
Between his teeth I rest
his forked tongue prodding the top 
  of my head
as I drift off to sleep
My chains bind me to his teeth
Regurgitated
Allowed a glimpse of the world I
  used to live in
this is the light in the chaos that
brings such fear for
fully diving in
The ascension
this highest esctacy 
filled with terror and with 
  death ahead
Death below
Death all around
an intensity that can never be 
  recovered from
Do I even want this ? 
To obtain this thing? 
I've lost my sense of security, 
  the normal sensations
of the immediate and concrete


Something white
a hot light on my brain
communication, a transmission 
pleading with me, suffering
this filthy doubt
covers the world
as it covers me


Does death not preceed life? 
is it what makes any of this possible? 
We have read the immanence of death in life
with life being the prisoner
Where does Lex fall into this? 
inherited by lords at thirteen
never quite forgiven for their sins
but given the gift of punishment
for perhaps someday Lex'll be punished enough
and eternity shall then end
Would I renounce this glory
this exaltation of suffering
for a life behind the veil
for a life of blind mediocrity? 
have I even the chance? 
This exposure to truth was
the nail in my coffin 
And as the rot comes on
a slave to the mouth of the beast
Is it a choice to even follow them?


Something white
a hot light on my brain
communication, a transmission,
pleading with me, suffering
this filthy doubt
covers the world
as it covers me

Lex 1 - 5

Alone, alone
not together are we
I have learned to tell that
dying alone will be without
  the comfort of humanity
But how can I be alone? 
with the comfort of the supernatural 
how could I have missed him--?
Venom holds me close
Out in the wilderness,
my heart freezes
and I check it compulsively
for death
The signs approach from all sides
frozen in my home
four walls, four stories being told
Who is Lex? 
For whom is this haunting brought? 
I dare you to say it, 
knowing full well you cannot


If I were to acknowledge
what we once were, just a child
might we revert to that sadness? 
revert to the way I used to hide? 


That loss of control, or rather
never been granted in the first place
Perhaps not a gift from above
an eternity we are derived from
but a land to which we dream
reach, pray, cry
Oh, this mythology, 
has it wasted my life? 


Will there come soon 
a time to decide
between such myths and leading humanity
between life and dying
for if I partake in my calling
death is quite close
and control is within reach
Something I'm accomplishing
But without,
there is no comfort of nothingness
to instead partake in the world of humans
as a god without power
could I handle being so alone
from the first to the  final hour? 
So small, so tearful
such a child you were
you are, will always be
Hurt, an invalid
you were never enough, and yet
we love you for it
An opportunity here
to prove yourself
we provide you the love you seek
the punishment you deserve
for the two have always gone
  hand in hand
he hits you because he loves you
because it's what you've earned
Your punishment is a sign
of great divinity
you alone hold the responsibility
for the humans
because everything you do is an
example of humanity 


If I were to acknowledge
what we once were, just a child
might we revert to that sadness? 
revert to the way I used to hide? 


That loss of control, or rather
never been granted in the first place
Perhaps not a gift from above
an eternity we are derived from
but a land to which we dream
reach, pray, cry
Oh, this mythology, 
has it wasted my life?

Lex 9 - 13

where am I now? 
amidst everything?
Who am I now? 
Amidst everything?
Amidst everything


Come home late
then it's up early again
feel the same
whether alone or with friends
I can't stay
with the way I feel
like running away 
but I'll still be right here
and when I start to think
it's time I spread my wings
got nothing keeping me here
been waiting for so long 
this moment to come along
I might leave I just might
hell, I'm wondering about tonight

so 
where am I now? 
amidst everything?
Who am I now? 
Amidst everything?
Amidst everything

this loss weighs heavy on my head
the job, that place, my friend
all good things
come to their end
this lonesome feel sets in
I'm by myself again
been so long since this type
of feeling hit me
I'm talking to myself
since I got no one else 
there's something bout this town
that I think's keeping me down 
I'm nowhere near me, so 
I want to hit that road
Find where I hear that sound
could be me waiting to be found 

so 
where am I now? 
amidst everything?
Who am I now? 
Amidst everything?
Amidst everything
(fade)

Feeling It

The greats have written to me
seems to be endlessly 
I exist beyond
I exist beyond
To what degree am I holy?
I am the body
Did they choose me?
Come now, beyond
Come now, beyond
The light penetrates
my darkest moments
Through manholes constructed
over the years
Light pulls me now
from digging deeper
but without the light
the darkness can be clearer

I walk through the dark
absentmindedly 
A whisper reminds me of
the dangers I may face
and the trance is broken
for eternity
I can never find my way back
to before I was afraid 
And it goes as such
I was happy (oblivious)
the doubt sewn in my brain 
has melted you with us
let yourself be taunted
intoxicated, contaminated
it is all you know how to do
if only you knew yourself
before such a doubt was taught

And if taught, 
can it be unlearned? 
This painful game
oh it blights me so 
Can I touch you
without spreading the darkness
is there anything within me
yet untainted? 
Do I care? 
These are the doubts that swear by me
for without them
I would be the mightiest of beings
the mightiest of beings

Doubt 1 - 6

Hey, I'm your villain 
Yeah, I'm your enemy
I'll break you again and again
crush your town in hiding 
Now I'm your prisoner 
yeah, but my weapon is my heart 
Willingly I'm a captive
I'm here to burn you
So what's the use of these chains? 
Don't you know I don't wanna be free? 
You're better off to turn me loose 
Before I swallow you

Oh the sweetest thing, how
scared you look upset 
And I will beat you down 
again and again

so honey, turn me out to freedom 
I'll go back on the run
My heart's hanging a desperate gun
sleeping with the coyotes out in the wild
baby I've been this alone for some time

It's gotta be dangerous
how good that itch feels to scratch 
string me up baby
you know I'll still be coming back
pull up now your rope
this noose made of our hope
And as my feet lift off the ground
the coyotes make their sound

you can cut this noose, and so can I 
I'll go back to my old ways, yeah 
leave you high and dry 
 
So honey turn me out to freedom 
I'll go back on the run
My heart's hanging a desperate gun
sleeping with the coyotes out in the wild
baby I've been this alone for some time 

Save yourself dear
From your captive's deepest thoughts
Time's resting with the sun
There's no more can be bought
so honey turn me out to freedom
I'll go back on the run 
sleeping with the coyotes out in the wild
baby I've been this alone for some time

Turn Me Out

girl i gotta say something
i'm not always understood well
back me up, I'm in my truck 
you never even heard well 
something's new
you feel it too

met her down below these lines
you should know that I've been searching
hiring apps
and dating things
recently I been yearning 
some kind of thing
it's been awhile
to fill my cup
this earthing


don't trust in me 
don't wait for me


found some love
some damn love
found me by the side here
i took my time
i didn't rush 
i found her right next, near 
I met her one night 
two night, three
I say myself
and so does she 

the day whole spent 
eternity 
by my side what's this
 I can't recognize? 
touch you a little
here and there
but really just I'm looking
deeper than you say 
these words I hear 
you see me startin lurking 


don't leave my side 
just not tonight
lets go out right
see the morning light 


and man 
what it goes 
I saw the sun rose
over sleeping body 
in the sheets
 the pier is quiet 
hope no one sees 
i'll touch you here 
so gently wake 
the fish they bite 
at words I say 
whispered, I think 
maybe in my head
the love we made 
ain't in no bed 
we rising, how 
last day is now 
drink me in babe 


don't leave my side 
just not tonight
lets go out right
see the morning light 


and I left
yeah, I left  
the distance here
I feel it here
I feel it near 
I think it's weird 
don't get me wrong
i could of stayed 
could of obeyed 
these impulsive things 
I'll come back now 
I see that clear 
got one shot here
i'm keep it dear 
be comin round 
your place sounds sound 
just meet me here
dark sky, this pier 


don't trust in me 
don't wait for me

let me do my thing 
i'll be back, you'll see
cuz when time's gone
i'll be in the sun 
lookin at you here 
 
let me do my thing 
i'll be back, you'll see
cuz when time's gone
i'll be in the sun 
lookin at you 
it's me my dear

Girl

For their entire existence
in my world
I have accepted their word
...
My suspicions denotes impurity
is questioning the Path another test? 
or is it mutiny?  
...
as I long further and further
for an answer to come to me
steadily I envisage
that the answer lies within me
I hear new words coming from Bowie
"Don't believe in yourself
Don't deceive with belief
knowledge comes with death's release"

I was once so constant, 
oh this deterrence

What keeps both feet on the ledge
or one on and one off
leaning over the rabbit hole, close
but never quite close enough
In this deterrence I spin
facing Venom and the Wolf
facing Truth and Knowledge, uncertainty,
the very prospect of control

what penetrates my doubt
has caused me such pain
the simplicity of suffering
over and over again 
oh, love is a powerful ambiguity,
perhaps thousands of years old
if I made this my reason towards becoming
would the devil not trick me so?  
I could achieve success in purpose
and yet, therein lies the trouble
for should the devil destroy this city
would I be found among the rubble? 
I would die in any case
but reached for this goal above
steer the Wolf towards a greater obstacle
not Fear, not Doubt, but self-love

I was once so constant, 
oh this deterrence

What keeps both feet on the ledge
or one on and one off
leaning over the rabbit hole, close
but never quite close enough
In this deterrence I spin
facing Venom and the Wolf
facing Truth and Knowledge, uncertainty,
the very prospect of control

Doubt 12 - 14

I will not feel peace
on this bloodless day
For it's the stream of consciousness
that stains this world grey 
not mine but to say
black or white may one day
appease my god, my Venom,
I lash myself fiercely when his
disapproval enlightens my regret
Penance for good,
I flog my hands and the back
for the mistakes I've made
keep the self on track
That one bite,
that thought of eating more
boils the little blood I carry left
and threatens to steam my inner core
Nothing can release this pain
and Venom's laughter permeates
and his words twist into a smile
in my mind and in my eyes

for it is not the pain he
finds so lovely
but the suffering I endure
to feed him as much as he needs
I endure that much more


It does not matter!
What you do, who you are,
the things you think, 
however pure
It does not matter
as you are going to be wrong
you are going to lose...
You will never please yourself
if you are to please the world
as you intend to


I wish to light my skin on fire
to spare the sensation of the water
vaporizing under my skin, and
pushing out as I sit here
Bitter, indignant, 
for Venom is not getting what he wants
and Venom is I 
and I am not getting what I want
A hostile breath escapes my lips
my chest beats in the least amount
Today may have fed the Wolf
but tonight we shall feed the Beast
NO! we shout, 
collectively, 
no to the knowledge
the world believes it holds
The world does not know the cosmos
does not know us
as Death, we permeate all things living
as suffering, I bring the good,  

I alone,
Provoked into action, 
I have jumped my last hurdle 
Provoked into action, 
I will kill off the world


It does not matter!
What you do, who you are,
the things you think, 
however impure or pure
It does not matter
as you are going to be wrong
you are going to lose...
You will never please yourself
if you are to please the world
as you intend to

It does not matter
It does not matter!

Agitation 6 - 10

The marrow in my bones
vibrates restlessly
the evermore brittle bone
splintering
Into infinite webs
like those of a spider
reaching higher
reaching higher

The malnourishment allows
a steady leak into
the rest of this body
and we pace
Uncertain if 
your thoughts are mine
if mine are heard
if mine are real


How real can this vexation be?
this eternal ache
this chronic disquietude
how real can it be
if nobody on the outside
can witness?
How real can this vexation be?
this eternal ache
this chronic disquietude
how real can it be
if nobody on the outside
can witness?

Such feeds my distress
for I wish the world
to acknowledge me
and instead
it looks right past 
Such feeds my distress
for I wish the world
to acknowledge me
and instead
it looks right past me


At times I may consider
this such a depression
rather than
an agitation
For it is the depths
within me that turn cold
that squeeze out the 
little essence of life

it may look worth living
this shatters the stability
of my gait and hand
in the case of one or the other
but in the end
I realize
it is a great suffering
that I've been taught


How real can this vexation be?
this eternal ache
this chronic disquietude
how real can it be
if nobody on the outside
can witness?
How real can this vexation be?
this eternal ache
this chronic disquietude
how real can it be
if nobody on the outside
can witness?

Such feeds my distress
for I wish the world
to acknowledge me
and instead
it looks right past 
Such feeds my distress
for I wish the world
to acknowledge me
and instead
it looks right past me

Agitation 11 - 12

Feed the Wolf
they say
feed the wolf
you want the strongest behind you
A commune of hatred and
sorrow, need we remember
to balance out
the fear of the truth

Tormented for decades
of empty joy
joy birthed of fear and slavery
this empty joy
The Wolf walks on her own
four padded feet
of her own volition
though such steps spark brutal agony

The sparks die in the snow
The sparks die in the snow

An acceptable feed are mantras
The Wolf, staring naked
in a field of grass
feels every strand
against her matted fur
the taste of the sunless air
through nasals, and the prickle
of her spine
as Venom races towards her

The Wolf must eat,
and so we feed her;
she is worthy, she is enough
the very words melt the
snow around her
the ice off of her nose
and Venom for the briefest moment
is paused in his tracks
for what are these new words?

The sparks, they start to grow
the sparks, they start to grow

Only small feedings
can she accept at a time
having long been starved
having long been in hiding
Malnourished,
to feed too quickly
would leave her down
tortured, sickly 

Those of us left,
those of us unattended by Venom,
those of us who still hide
the name of Lex behind our backs
we mutiny, softly,
against the Venom
when his eyes are averted
(Something's changed)

Hey Wolf, we believe in you
Hey Wolf, we believe in you
Hey Wolf, we believe in you
Hey Wolf, we believe in you

The Wolf 5 - 7

With small hands
we offer the Wolf tithings 
whenever she is awake
not often it seems
In my left,
I offer that she is loved
lapped up slowly
Suspicious
the Wolf turns to my right
where she gathers the morsels
stating she is enough
then she swallows
distended, painfully 

She opens her mouth
and her soul did not fall out
Her throat atrophied
from disuse
a maze of flesh and stone
She opens her mouth
and her soul did not fall out

She was praised throughout the day
Coddled, spoken softly to
I could barely recognize the words
as they sound carefully
where Venom's keen ears
might not hear
You are loveable, I say
Someone says
You are enough
And her sigh follows the wind
Picked up, lightly 
She might yet agree

She opens her mouth
and her soul did not fall out
Her throat atrophied
from disuse
a maze of flesh and stone
She opens her mouth
and her soul did not fall out

She opens her mouth
and her soul did not fall out
Her throat atrophied
from disuse
a maze of flesh and stone
She opens her mouth
and her soul did not fall out

She opens her mouth
and her soul did not fall out
She opens her mouth
and her soul did not fall out

The Wolf 10 - 11

Control
Not just regulation
but domination 
the ascendancy of the good over evil
if such worlds truly existed
No, we live not in a world
where the hero defeats the villain
or in which the Beast slays the quester
but in a murky grey
and this I attempt to separate


The color dappled among
the Wolf remarks on 
such a story
a mess of what appears
grey from a distance
But in reality
is the peppering
of good and evil
intermingled 


Her story will never
truly unfold
as the Wolf equates
eternity
As it blossoms outward
round feet into arteries
the paths make their way
We coo sweetness to her
Berate her when we are angry
blame her for
stripping us of darkness
Yet, it was I who
sought her out

It was I who hung on to that 
final twig of hope
that there might be a savior
who lies outside our
obedience to the Venom
And the Wolf sighs
truly, deeply,
for the breath she just received
has fully expanded her chest
She is wanted
at long last, wanted


The color dappled among
the Wolf remarks on 
such a story
a mess of what appears
grey from a distance
But in reality
is the peppering
of good and evil
intermingled  

And her power is greater than
any could have expected
Even at this age,
early in the day,
her panting can be heard 
from behind me
Conceptualized
into being
not from nothing, 
but from all I once cared of
Venom cowers as we together
repeat the mantras of life
to the Wolf

The Wolf 12 - 14

If I can have one thing
I must not have another
For where in my world could I suffer
if everything was together? 
Allowed for today
to nourish my body
the medications must be omitted

If I could sleep
if I could breathe in peace
I must awake in terror
or I must not eat
A frenzy at every hour
What if we were to take it all? 

Yet, among this turmoil,
where is the one to descend?
Or Ascend? 
and tell me
tell me
who do I trust? 
who do I trust? 
who do I trust?
Yeah, among this turmoil,
where is the one to descend?
Or Ascend? 
and tell me
tell me
who do I trust? 
who do I trust? 

Questioned before, 
I now truly challenge it
not the wisdom but the intent
of the Venom
Be he in my favor
or a bringer of great destruction 
For if the latter is true
I have wasted such human life 
so far as to appease his
great thirst for torture
I have offered the blood of my veins
so willingly

My feet are planted on 
neutral grounds
for this moment of cursory thought
and I debate whether
it is truly I, 
truly Lex, 
who must decide the truth 
The Wolf fulfills an ache
that Venom created
Entangled himself in 
and all I believe and stutter
my words when I think to 
question 

Yet, among this turmoil,
where is the one to descend?
Or Ascend? 
and tell me
tell me
who do I trust? 
who do I trust? 
who do I trust?
Yeah, among this turmoil,
where is the one to descend?
Or Ascend? 
and tell me
tell me
who do I trust? 
who do I trust? 
Who do I--

Negotiations, Combats, and Other Entities 1 - 3

What a tragedy
to have spent one's life
in such a state
this choice I make
Perhaps that history
need not repeat
might I trick him
as he tricked me? 
I am realizing
the chaos cannot be fought
with logic but
how I always thought
Some wars wage on for centuries
a comfort in the conflict
maybe the time has come
to finally resolve it

Somewhere, somehow
my feet press on the ground

I've traveled far too much
Chasing after what I think I want
Heading the wrong direction
I've driven into a cold front
Yeah I've learned far too much
About how to be left wanting
and left wanting
and left wanting
wanting

No longer supreme
in his own kingdom
such a trickster is he
as he feigns my freedom
"You have failed me greatly
As you have failed yourself"
Here he hides, spitting
But behind me is the Wolf
She escorts me
through this hellish scape 
We hunger for bravery 
So that is what we make
Though the enemy towers above
I come to battle equipped
with naked skin and mouth gaping
with the will to live

Somewhere, somehow
my feet press on the ground

I've traveled far too much
Chasing after what I think I want
Heading in the wrong direction
I've driven into a cold front
Yeah I've learned far too much
About how to be left wanting
and left wanting
and left wanting
wanting

Negotiations, Combats, and Other Entities 4 - 6

As the war begins
from such distance apart
we race inward, galloping
towards the seat of my heart
A great darkness and light
pressing together and
pulling apart

I used to dream, terrified, 
of this very place
the endless dripping in front of my face
unable to look away
Desperate for some control
I did not realize then
I was within my own soul

Dark clouds form ahead
their fingers meandering towards me
not with speed but with authority
Venom's reign
Dark and Green
Dark and green 
Hairs erect along her spine
the wolf cries
We're fighting everything
Everything
Everything
Everything


Across the horizon
Desire appears
A lightness nears
I see authenticity
I see aging
I see Love
and through eyes glistening
the enemy grows weak 
Across the horizon
We persevere
Onward, onward!
Everything! Everything!


And here appears a juncture
for so few do moments arise
in which the
enemy is weak
and we can see
through the cracks in his skin
his fumbling
From this clear view
a deep anger arises
thunder bellows in our throat
and we cry, Let me be alive!

Profound in thought
a hypermotion inside
realizations whine while
my silence subsides
And on is the fight!
And for every bite
a frightening flash of
lightening deludes my eyes
His words leak through my ears
and threaten to block
the noise of my spirit guide
And so we compromise
negotiate our
health from sickly, 
these truths and lies

This battle  ambivalent 
and so the days go on
in the company of food
sun to down, night to noon
The Venom attempts to lease
what I've taken already for me
and so fears his control
I want it all
Everything!
Everything!


Across the horizon
Desire appears
A lightness nears
I see authenticity
I see aging
I see Love
and through eyes glistening
the enemy grows weak 
Across the horizon
We persevere
Onward, onward!
Everything! Everything!

Negotiations, Combats, and Other Entities 7 - 13

Oh yeah, there's regret
it sits in my heart
a fear, losing the one
who was the very start
How easy it is to forget
that Lex existed
before Venom's project
 yeah, there's regret

Before the hand of
the Invisible Man
reached from the sky and
patted mine
Before Dexter had his name
before the Angel came
I see I'm not the same
yeah, I'm not the same


Will they ever meet?
They may never meet
Will they ever meet?
They may never meet
Will they ever meet?
They may never meet
Will they ever meet?
They may never meet


It almost seems
inevitable, maybe
we falter
and in desperate search
for an answer
we forget to 
settle into the ground
upon which we stand

What sits in my heart
but this worry?
adrift among the battle scars
losing what is me
The sand beneath withdraws support 
and I ignore the death rattle
filling my ears, 
the cries of beasts in battle

Will they ever meet?
They may never meet
Will they ever meet?
They may never meet
Will they ever meet?
They may never meet
Will they ever meet?
They may never meet
 
Will they ever meet?
The old me, the future I now seek? 
Will they ever meet? 
They may never meet
Will they ever meet?
The chains they embraced so willingly
Will they ever meet?
Shed at last to finally meet?

Negotiations, Combats, and Other Entities 14 - 15

From the bottom we
look up, mesmerized,
by the light of the stars
long kept from sight
It is in these moments
we find the will to fight 
To accept the quest
that perhaps was neither
benignly nor maliciously bestowed
a quest
that only I could follow
To the depths of suffering
I must surpass
before at last
I can reach the heights of existence
so I believed
yet in search of eternal torment
I found no such reprieve


What comes next is
hard to say
to follow the Path
I hadn't considered another way
so buried was Lex
in doubt and decay
What comes next is
hard to say
to follow the Path
I hadn't considered another way
so buried was Lex
in doubt and decay


The Wolf has caught on
to whatever meaning this may be
and questions whether this
control is just mythology
This of course leaves the question
who will I choose?
who will it be? 
You've had an up
and that means another down
This is the spring of the Wolf
the aging of strict oppression
a  dictator's fascist ruling
of Venom and his kindred
No action is felt alone
for no matter where you go
an entity--angel, demon,
the cosmos or Ancients even--
shall forever follow


What comes next is
hard to say
to follow the Path
I hadn't considered another way
so buried was Lex
in doubt and decay
What comes next is
hard to say
to follow the Path
I hadn't considered another way
so buried was Lex
in doubt and decay
 

We see you as chosen
and torment may
forever be your king
and yet there can be found a variety
for in recovery 
there is still
such a degree 
of suffering
of suffering

Epilogue

Thanks a lot
Thanks an awful lot
Yeah thanks an awful lot
For the awful lot of you
I bet you don't know
You don't even know
Me, yeah, you don't know
Me, yeah, you don't know me
Yeah you don't even know me

I'm so close
I'm so close
Yeah I'm so close
To being free
And you don't even know
What's coming

I'm so close
I'm so close
Yeah I'm so close
To being free
And you don't even know
What's coming

I'm off this path you
I'm off this path you've made
The holes you dug were graves
You'll never see me again
Yeah I'm off this path you
I'm off this path you've made
The holes you dug were graves
You'll never see me again!
I'm off this path you
I'm off this path you've made
The holes you dug were graves
You'll never see me again
Yeah I'm off this path you
I'm off this path you've made
The holes you dug were graves
You'll never see me again!

I'm so close
I'm so close
Yeah I'm so close
To being free
And you don't even know
What's coming

I'm so close
I'm so close
Yeah I'm so close
To being free
And you don't even know
What's coming

I'm so close
I'm so close
Yeah I'm so close
To being free
And you don't even know
What's coming

I'm so close
I'm so close
Yeah I'm so close
To being free
And you don't even know
What's coming

Brace Ourselves

I know that I said
I know that I said
I'd never write about 
You again
I know that I promised
I know I promised
I'd protect you forever
But not anymore
I know what I said

But let's be real now
Can I say 
Can I say
Fuck you, yet?
Can I let out all this anger
All of this resentment?
(The end, the end, the end
the end, the end, the end)

I know what I told you
I know what I told you
I'll wait for you 
Patiently
But it's gotten in my head
It's gotten in my head
That you hurt me
That you betrayed me

My life has been you
My life has been you
For at least all of eternity
And shit did I know
And shit did I know
When you refused to say no
It would haunt me
Yeah it haunts me
Yeah your fucked world 
It penetrated me
And yeah, now it haunts me

But let's be real now
Can I say 
Can I say
Fuck you, yet?
Can I let out all this anger
All of this resentment?
(The end, the end, the end
the end, the end, the end)

You'll regret me
Yeah you'll still say you love me
For all that I stand for
But this burden I've been carrying
I'm setting it down on the floor
(The end, the end, the end
The end, the end, the end, the end)
Yeah I know
I know
I know just what I said

To Sweet Ends

Your time is up
Just as mine begins
I made it to the start
And it brings about your end

I said your name (that's right)
I said your fucking name (that's right)
And I told them (I told them, right)
I told them everything
I said your name (that's right)
I said your fucking name (that's right)
And I told them (I told them, right)
I told them everything, everything


I've spent my years protecting
The one meant to protect me
How she failed me so miserably
How I held on wishfully

Thinking, I died thinking
She would come around some day
To cede to equal partners
She would hear what I say

That dream collapsed
Under the weight of our lies
We told not just everyone
But myself deep inside

But I found a way to light
And it permeated this shadow
I no longer wish to fight
For such little you allow


I said your name (that's right)
I said your fucking name (that's right)
And I told them (I told them, right)
I told them everything
I said your name (that's right)
I said your fucking name (that's right)
And I told them (I told them, right)
I told them everything, everything


I'm setting aside
All that I've been carrying
I no longer cry
Over what you did to me

The fear that comes
It eats my head and forms these wounds
So settled down
By the mere act of reporting you
(Reporting you)

Your time has come
Be dethroned by a stronger man
I'm setting up success
And I'm following through on my own plan

Your time is up
Just as mine begins
I made it to the start
And it brings about your end


And when I said it
I spat it with a long pent-up freedom
The vile that lingered on your name
Yeah I named all of your demons

I said your name (that's right)
I said your fucking name (that's right)
And I told them (I told them, right)
I told them everything
I said your name (that's right)
I said your fucking name (that's right)
And I told them (I told them, right)
I told them everything, everything
 
I said your name (that's right)
I said your fucking name (that's right)
And I told them (I told them, right)
I told them everything
I said your name (that's right)
I said your fucking name (that's right)
And I told them (I told them, right)
I told them everything, everything

Out Loud

Something deep and things not sane
Fears of voices alternate planes
Thoughts broadcasted into my brain 
What’s that sound, here we go again 

Squealing, peaking, I know what you’re thinking. Your intentions occur to me like penned out writing. Floating through the air your judgements call me, everything you’re thinking, everything you’re feeling. 

Avoidant eyes but their backs are lit. Fire in the Sky, waiting for the mothership. A shining in your mind but the hemispheres are split. Being stuck on earth with people makes me sick. 

Predictions, afflictions, waiting for the aliens. Taxed for my thoughts, offshoring my mind creations. My Thin White Duke running Station to Station. The destiny I face is subject to inflation. 

Special when placed to the next since I was a child. Followed by entities and demons inside. Stalked by the invisible man for years at a time. But nobody blinked as my mind ran wild. 

Ten years in the making and I’m still waiting, my aliens are coming and I’m still faking humanity at my best guess but it’s so degrading, I wish that they would just take me. 

Lying in my bed I feel I leave my body, for a moment they have their arms around me, above my bed and out to space flying, I close my eyes. This is my family. 

Pale and red-headed, he whispers so soft: “keep your patience and don’t give up. Take the Path to the furthest it’ll go. Your family is waiting for you, trust that they’ll know.”

Finding the elixir for when I get sicker. Cut up the big picture and make it come quicker. Drink the elixir, the salvation of life. You can live forever as long as you suffer in strife. 

The moon will come full and the terrestrials expose. Their brains will liquefy under the alien prose. The elixir is given to those with the blood, of Bowie’s hand in far space that he wrung. 

His confidence in me his fear in the rest. For what should happen if I fail this test? The entire civilization with no reborn star. I can’t fail them now, they chose me as best. 

To travel to homeland, the black hole in space. Understand my family’s alien race. I’m sent back to earth, as human ambassador. My trial to see is the need to suffer. 

The human in me wants anything but. But also in me is my blood-line to Ziggy. A conscious form of maximum energy; I step in apprehensive but completely willing. 

The floating in space greets me somehow familiar. My earthly body slowly disappears. It rests on the planet where I spent so many years. They bury it in the ground, my time there is over. 

Back to the homeland with the energy beings. The black hole is my home, in the distance I see it. Swirling dangerously ahead of me. I enter my land with my energy family.

A Respite from Health

The Path Home

Beach?

Not Radio Worthy

try for the sunrise

North of Alive

not what I need

Watch Me Burn

watch me burn

My ashtray is disgusting
Just a memory of every one I smoked
And every one I smoked
I sit and think about you

why i gotta play me this way
jump a train and
never be seen from again 
just the victim of myself
already lost a friend 
or two, or three
I don’t count anymore
keep on trucking
don’t count that score 
why I gotta play me this way
bust my brain 
and never be seen from again 
just a living in this hell
that I make for me 
decorate for me 
yeah come and see
I don’t care anymore
fuck off, ya’ll 
I won’t be around much more 

My ashtray is disgusting
Just a memory of every one I smoked
And every one I smoked
I sit and think about you

Sucks to suck 
well that’s just fine
always been my rhyme 
to say when shit hits the fan 
I feel so alive
Something inside
the pain keeps on growing 
and I”m stuck with knowing
that I cause it on myself
not anyone else
I cause it on myself 
and I can’t change it, well
I tried and tried 
to be a better person 
cap off this selfish need
ego abortion 
try to set my sights on something higher
like caring for another
caring for my friends in my heart
but I come across so crass
like kiss my ass
ya’ll can’t even understand 
if you think that it’s all cool
then you’re the fool
and i’m not lying 
I’m just trying

My ashtray is disgusting
Just a memory of every one I smoked
And every one I smoked
I sit and think about you

ashtray

Music is my journal, and I put it out there for the world! Many of these tracks were written about my experiences with mental health struggles.

I write, record, and produce all of these tracks by myself. I'm continuing to learn and grow in this process.

Jellyfish Punch

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks