Zdoggmd

We doctors love nurses. And 80's guitar solos. 

Vocals, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar solo by ZDoggMD.
Bass, Drums, Audio Production by Devin Moore.

I Try (To Be A Nurse)

An unplugged anthem...about obstructive sleep apnea.

Guitar and vocals by ZDoggMD. Audio engineering, percussion, bass, and background vocals by Devin Moore. 

Snore

OMG, a PSA on HPV! WTF??

Vocals, lyrics, and guitar byZDoggMD. Backing vocals and audio production by Devin Moore of Rabbit! and Rocksalt Records. 

More Than Warts

It's time to start the conversation about end-of-life care...before it's too late.

Audio production and singing by the amazing Devin Moore. Lyrics by Dr. Harry and ZDoggMD. Rapping by ZDoggMD. A resuscitation of the Eminem/Rihanna joint "Love The Way You Lie."

Ain't The Way To Die

Sinead O'Connor won't sing Nothing Compares 2 U anymore because she "lost her emotional connection to it."

Well, we found it. 

Lyrics:

It’s been 11 hours and 15 codes
Since I took your shift away
Green phelgm streaked with blood -- MRSA
Since I took your shift away
Since I been a doc I can deal with almost every fluid
Stinky pus outta stinkier wounds
I can eat my dinner while probing stage 4 decubs
It ain’t nothing
But then there’s nothing like the smell of a #2
Cause nothing compares
NOTHING compares 2 poo

In urology they love their pee
Urine’s like lemonade to them
Gynecology got secretions that are best unnamed
Sure there’s whiff tests, ok that's just wrong
I could wrap my gloves around emesis and then squeeze
coffee grounds then still sip a latte
I asked another doctor and guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said son you better stay away from yeasty pannus cheese it’ll make ya puke
but he’s a fool
cause nothing compares
NOTHING compares 2 poo

Nothing Compares 2 Poo

Now,um,usually I don’t do this but uh....
Go on head' on d/c em wit a lil' previews of the readmit....

Thanks again to Devin Moore for the amazing audio production. Lyrics and performance by ZDoggMD.

Readmission

The Notorious S.P.F. in effect! Our parody of Taylor Swift's Bad Blood, designed to promote awareness of the dangers of unprotected sun exposure and tanning.

Lyrics: 


Cause baby now we got bad skin
They tell us we should stop tannin’
Quit layin’ out in the sun
‘Cause baby now we got bad skin

I can’t take it back, my skin is jacked
We used to be so baby smooth remember that?
My SPF went MIA, UV attacked
And now my skin’s looking like George Hamilton on crack
Butt naked when I bake it, every inch I radiate it
These dark arts leave dark marks, now my face looks corrugated
Wrinkled and decimated, sunburn gon’ peel fo sho’
My skin don’t heal no mo’, and I bet this mole ain’t supposed to bleed uh oh, owwww!

Oh, it’s so sad to
Think about the good sun-
Screen could do…

But baby now we got bad skin
And Fukushima got nothin’
On how I nuke my own face
So baby now we got bad skin

Now we got problems
Don’t think the doctor can solve ‘em
She made a really deep cut
To test a piece of my bad skin

Remember when that mole began to change
Remember when the borders looked so strange, don’t you remember?
Diameter expanding, doc is demanding a biopsy, but you out there tanning?! 
UV’s the reason for liver spots, coarse wrinkles, fine wrinkles too, actinic keratosis, basal, squamous cancers true, but of all these things, don’t get that melanoma
‘Cause you could just die from that bad skin now

Oh it’s so sad to
Think about the good sun-
Screen could do

Cause baby now we got bad skin
This melanoma keeps spreadin’
Just take a look what you’ve done
Cause this is more than just bad skin!

Now we got cancer
And I don’t think they got answers
They made a really deep cut
But couldn’t get all that bad skin

Band aids don’t fix killer moles
You keep tanning just for show
You bake like that, you’ll be a ghost
(Like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, you'll roast)

SPF-30 when outdoors
Wide brimmed hats and long-sleeved clothes
If you tan in beds, you tan with ghosts
And if you burn like that, your skin is toast

Bad Skin

An "epic" rap anthem about the software we love to hate.

First Verse:

Yeah I’m out that paper, no more chasing med records
Writing so illegible, that I’m HIPAA foreva
Bought the new software, and though we use it here
I can’t use it over there, different systems everywhere
I used to chart on paper, all of my verbals recorded
Mix up with the ward clerk, turned “diluted” to “dilaudid”
Switched me to that EMR, meaningless abuse, G
Now catch me at the nurses station mashin’ that F2 key
Notes used to be our story, narrative, but yo
Replaced with copy paste, now a bloated ransom note
Me, I’m at that bedside, focus like a laser beam
On the patient, naw come on, I’m treatin’ the computer screen
8 dozen warnings, click check boxes
Alarm fatigue, vaseline conflicts with doxy
Nurses they be burned out, we could use some OT
Tell by our wrist guards that we most definitely on

First Chorus: 

EHR, crappy software some vendor made us, there’s nothing you can do, stuck with EHR, best practice pop ups will tire you, complain and they’ll fire you, we need a new chart new chart new chart

(you’re welcome, they built you a turd doc!)







Second Verse:

Catch me on the phone with IT beggin’ tech support
Shoot, it’s like IT and me be stuck in 1994
Innovation all around, but it ain’t in healthcare
Internet and apps for you, but we get ancient software
Welcome to that EHR, Go Live and it don’t stop
Uncle Sam promoted it, but gone is the intraop
CMS, EMS, PMS, holla back
For doctors it ain’t fair, these vendors act like they all kinda wack
8 million stories, out there docs can’t take it, after this disaster half of y’all won’t make it
How to train your Dragon: “hotmail” isn’t “Hot Male”
If some be saying it’s epic we sayin’ it’s epic fail
Electronic silo, team not talking
Paperless they say, but whole trees we droppin’

Props to case management
Long live the RT
Long live the pharmacist, whole team definitely hates

Second Chorus:

EHR, just a glorified billing platform, with some patient stuff tacked on, give us a new chart, ICD-10’s a disaster, meet your new robot master, we need a new chart, new chart, new chart

(that chart wack, welcome to the apocalypse doc)







Third Verse:

Tech should bind us, connect, not blind us, to the reason why we care,
Patient’s face reminds us
Designs like Epocrates, that tap the app agilely
Then magically the team works, let’s bite the Apple, Steve
Caught up in the in-box, now you’re in-sane
Good docs gone mad, the clinic’s filled with them
Nursing, they the heart of everything
Data entry got ‘em hurtin’, life starts when the shift ends
10 years of school, graduated to the OR
Mommy busts a Whipple she deserves a better damn chart
Autocorrect turning Chantix into Champion
Patient needs a sleeper, 30 clicks for a ambien

Third Chorus:

EHR, crappy software some vendor made us, there’s something you CAN do, give us a new chart, stand up and make our voices heard, let doctors be doctors, we need a new chart new chart new chart

(We deserve better, stand up, the whole team)

EHR State of Mind

Santa's gotten Ho Ho Hospitalized!

Lyrics:

It’s beginning to look a lot like sepsis
When the BP’s low
Heart is racing and brain is dim
Send a lactate on ice and then
Place central lines ‘cause Santas dyin’ without Vanco

It’s beginning to look a lot like sepsis
When the temp is high
CVP is way down again
Give a bolus or maybe 10
Ain't no silent night

A pair of blood cultures then a UA and chest film is the list of tests to begin
Entering them in the EHR can be an hour of clicking and then
The whole thing freezes, Jesus start that order set again

It’s beginning to look a lot like sepsis
Hang the dang Neo
Time is clicking down on the clock
When Santa’s got septic shock
All he wants for Christmas is some urine flow

It’s beginning to look just like malpractice
When you miss the signs
Early management is the key
If Santa is to see 
Another Christmas time.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Sepsis

A tribute to my lab peeps makin' it all run, yo.

Lyrics:
Go go go go go go
Go redraw, there’s no birthdate
You didn’t label it, there’s no birthdate
You sent the wrong tubes, and yo, there’s no birthdate
And you know we don’t run no blood without a birthdate

You can find me in da lab, bottle full of crap
But mommy I got the plates if you into growing that
You gonna have to wait tho you wanna have it STAT
So call talking that smack, I’ll just tell you it ain’t back

You can find me in da lab, bottle full of crap
But homie I checked the plates and they growin’ hella staph
You better ask your date why you broke out in that rash
The RPR is back, treponema in that ass

When I pull out that slide you see the whites in clumps
When the blood’s hemolyzed they all deny they the one
Nurses mad I said redraw, now they never show me love
But when you work in the lab your best pal can be a glove 
But homie ain’t nothing changed, crit down, whites up
I see that micro in the cut, yo homie tee that slide up
If you watch how I move you’ll mistake me for a pipetted pimp
Been splashed with a few vials but I ain’t positive yet
On the ward, e’ry day they saying “Lab is so wack”
They haters, I want ‘em to love us like they love path
But holla in da lab, the techs’ll tell you I’m loco
And the plan is to spin these samples in a circle
I’m fully focused man, crossmatch on my mind
Got a ml out the vial antibodies still bind
Now shorty said, she sending some bile, she sending micro
The cap, she didn’t screw tight now it’s all on my clothes

You can find me in da lab, urine full of casts
But mommy the prep is wet if you into whiffing that
I’m into my Pipettes I ain’t into runnin’ stats
So come with solid stool for c. diff, I’ll send it back

You can find me in da lab, bottle full of crap
But mommy I got the plates if you into growing that
You gonna have to wait tho you wanna have it STAT
So come gimme a hug if you ever want it back



My flow cyto, my microscopes
They diagnose those nasty things
My hood, PCR, my tools, lab rulez
Look homie, when you call better say my name

And you should love us, way more than you hate us
Doc, you mad? We bled him dry, just cuz you made us
I’m that tech by the hood tryin’ to run these damn lytes
You that whiny intern tryin’ to order more, right?
Think twice when you clicking on them labs come on
These daily crits are the reason why his blood be gone
If yo’ crew overtesting, let them muthastickazs learn
If you talking point of care, homie, I ain’t concerned
Imma tell you Liz Holmes told me “drop o’ blood, ditch the vial stuff”
If haters hate then let em hate but watch the lawyers pile up
Or we could stick just to what works and that’s a bottle of blood
So you know where we frickin’ be

You can find me in da lab, sputum thick as sap
But mommy I got the plates if you into growin’ that
It’s gotta incubate, ‘fore them MICs are back
So come looking for paps, and I’ll transfer you to path

You can find me in da lab, bottle full of crap
But homie I checked the plates and they growin’ hella staph
You gonna have to wait, though you wanna have it STAT
So come gimme a hug if you ever want it back

In Da Lab (50 Cent Parody)

A "viral" hit.

Lyrics: 
My name is Zika
They say I’m mosquito borne
I live down south from you
But I’ll be in your ‘hood before long

If you hear something late at night
Some kind of buzzing, some kind of bite
Just don’t ask me what it was
Go have sex and donate blood
Who needs a condom? It’s Zika Love...

They say I spread like Dengue
The CDC is freaking out
They say I cause Guillain-Barre
Which means you won’t be walkin’ out

Although you’re bit, you shouldn’t die
Fever, rash, joint pain, red eyes
But pregnant moms, I must admit
Could well be harmed with birth defects
The latest fashion: mosquito nets

My name is Zika
I chill in a warming world
I’m down with Aedes aegypti
Yes, I guess she’s kinda my girl
If you hear shouting late at night
Some kind of rally, some kinda fight
Ask the news guy what it was
10 foot walls are all the buzz
But even Trump can’t deport us


Zika

A message from your friends at Big Pharma...inspired by the musical Hamilton.

You'll Be Back (A Hamilton Pharma Love Song)

A love letter, a la Tupac, to our frontline nurses everywhere!

Dear Nurses

Shorty got them apple bottom scrubs, crocs with the furrrr...

Low (An Outpatient Clinic Jam)

It's not a job, it's not a profession...it's a calling.

7 Years (A Life in Medicine)

If you had one shot, one opportunity, to #unbreakhealthcare, in this moment...would you capture it, or just let it slip?

Lose Yourself (An #unbreakhealthcare Anthem)

All my friends are hippies, they say "Ommmmmm"

Hippies (A Heathens Alt-Med Parody)

Now the party's just lit with my real skin...

Just Stop (A Tanning Parody)

An ode to health care peeps workin' them nights. Want us to make a video? Help fund it! patreon.com/zdoggmd

Track by the legendary Devin Moore.

Lyrics (written and performed by ZDoggMD with assist from Tom Hinueber):

I packed my bag last night pre-call
Zero sleep till 9am
And I’ll probably be fiiired or sued by then
I miss my bed so much, I miss my life
It’s lonely working nights
On such a thankless shift
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till JCAHO swings around again to find
I’m not compliant with their shit at all
Oh no no no, cuz I’m a doctor, man
Doctor, man, working every night to pay my loans
 
And I think it’s gonna be a long long night
Till day shift takes report again to find
Bed 5 ain’t stable like they said at all
Oh no no no, I’m a doctor, man
Doctor, man, missing every single game of thrones
 
Nights ain’t a quiet place when the moon is full
In fact it’s total hell
But there’s no administrators...in your grill
And those leaf blowers, I don’t understand
They wake me up 5 days a week
A doctor, man...a doctor, man
 
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till my circadian rhythm aligns
Can’t toss my pager out or smash my phone
Oh no no no, cuz I’m a doctor man
Doctor, man, clicking every night to bill my codes
 
And I think it’s gonna be a long long life
Till all this pays off and I can retire
I lease a C class and I rent my home
Oh no no no, cuz I’m a doctor, man
Doctor man, working every night to pay my loans

And I think it’s gonna take a long long time…
(Repeat)

Doctor, Man

It's time to stop violence against health care professionals. It's time to say something.

Duet featuring Dr. Michele LaGrone.

Lyrics and video at: http://zdoggmd.com/say-something

Zdoggmd

Jen Leinweber