Help me be me

This is a dating toolkit for staying committed to what you want for yourself in a relationship.  There are tools for overcoming extreme want, avoiding bad relationships, and building a path to meet "the one." Tools include several chapters from the "Help Me Be Me" book, including "The Love List" and "The Big Red Hat." 

Episode 6: The Dating Game

This episode is about things that cause us to feel ashamed and what those things have in common.  It's about examining the roots of these acts so that you can let them go, move on with your life and live more happily.  If there's anything that you don't want in your life, you can decide to change it today. 

Episode 9: Shame Shame Shame

What is your "Achilles" type? Know that the bad choices you make are not your fault — it’s likely that you cannot see the patterns in your choices because it's encoded into your chemistry, based on your upbringing. It’s all part of your “love map” – basically the foundation for what you believe around love, commitment and relationships. This is an episode for anyone who has a track record of choosing bad relationships, whether it’s friends or love interests. I will go through the basics of bad relationship matches: how to spot them and why they are the way they are. I'll also offer you insight into what could be drawing you toward these types in the first place so that you can choose be intentional about looking for different types moving forward. Also, I have a special guest with me— the love of my life and my future hubby, Adam. Yay.


Episode 11: Looking For Love in All The Wrong Places

The Good Fight is an episode for anyone suffering and stuck in fights they don't want to be in, whether it's with a friend, spouse or coworker.  I know it can be rough on the soul, but fights give you the potential to grow closer to others.  If you’re fighting, it means you’re both invested in the relationship.  Even if things seem dire, don’t lose hope— sometimes all you need are the right tools to help you get there. x Sarah May B.

Episode 12: The Good Fight: Tools for constructive fighting

This is about when people you love disappoint you. If you're stuck in a loop of bad behavior and find yourself set up again and again, maybe even to the point that a confrontation has come about, this is a podcast for you.

Whether it's a friend, family member, or significant other, the solution lies in setting your expectations to zero. Not in a bad way - in a realistic and self-loving, healthy way. 

When someone you love constantly disappoints you, what is really hurting you is your expectation not being met.  If you want to keep this relationship, you’ve got to be able to accept both outcomes, and be okay with that.  I know that’s easier said than done so I will cover the what, why and how in these types of relationships in hopes that you will better find a solution if you happen to be in a relationship like this. 


Episode 15: Great Expectations - When People You Love Disappoint You

If you’ve recently gotten dumped or you can’t fit in with the crowd you want to hang out with, this is a blog for you.  Firstly, I am sorry you are here because it’s definitely painful and lonely – but know that this is not forever, it’s not because of anything being wrong with you, and it’s actually a gift in disguise. 

Episode 16: Why Don't They Like Me

Often when you grow up with caregivers or relationships with people who are inconsistent, unstable, deceptive and unreliable, as a natural result you end up completing the other half of the Yin-Yang and it becomes inherent to your make-up as a person.  You grow opposite and complimentary strengths – and those strengths actually reward you in lots of ways, not to mention, it feels good to be able to take care of others and make it happen.  However – here’s the kicker – as a result, in the rest of your life, you unconsciously seek out others you can compliment in the exact same way, which means you often end up with partners and friends who are just as incapable or flawed.  It’s not your fault, it’s just the dynamic you’re comfortable with.  It’s also because that’s who is drawn to you: they crave what you can give and once they see you giving it, they cling to you. 

You also have a very specific form of trauma in that you expect and anticipate disappointing behavior from everyone in your life.  Why wouldn't you? Based on your life experience, to trust is to place yourself in harm's way. 

Not to fear! This is not a damning situation in the least.  You have the building blocks for something much greater than if you hadn’t had this upbringing at all.  You can build the muscle to trust others and you can also build the muscle that will allow you to find trustworthy people.  Your solution will take conscious and consistent work, but it’ll be simple and somewhat automatic, so don’t stress.  It will unfold on its own, and it can start right now with 3 very conscious, deliberate steps. I’m going to introduce you to those steps right now.  

For more about me and to read more of my writing, check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com 

If you likee please review me on iTunes! 'Twould help me a lot. xo Sarah May B. 


Episode 18: Learning How To Trust Again - Getting Over Bad Experiences

This is for anyone who has been burned and now they are struggling with the idea of revenge.  Maybe you were in a relationship with someone and discovered were betraying you.  Maybe you confronted the person and they acted aloof and then immediately moved on.  This is so you can accept the truth of your situation. so that this never happens to you again. 

If you are reeling from a very recent realization – I know this is all a lot to take in so go easy on yourself and don’t do it all at once. The loss of someone you loved itself is painful. On top of that you are confused by the fact that they seem to care nothing about you or your feelings.  That’s painful.  It’s extremely confusing because you have feelings in all directions: they all don’t make sense. Because this is not how a person who loved you is meant to act.  That is a key piece of information.  THAT IS NOT HOW SOMEONE IS MEANT TO ACT. It’s not normal or average – this is not what your life and future are meant to be.
If this is your situation, I send you my love and know that this time will pass! I will post a blog version of this episode along with some reading material so that you can further investigate your particular situation. Know that you will get through this. I send you my love and vibes of positivity, xoxox Sarah May B. 

This one is for Diane! Hope this helps and thank you for writing me!! Xo 

Links to the blog etc:
http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com



Episode 25: Vengeance of the Heart - When you've been burned and you're all-consumed

OR Building friendships worth growing for a lifetime.


In this podcast I go over the three essential ingredients to good friendship so that you can train yourself to choose great ones. I also cover nine general rules for being a great friend to yourself and others – as well as ways to find friends that are perfect for you. So if you are looking to make new and better friendships that you can invest in for a lifetime, this is a podcast for you.

This is for Catherine – (thanks girl!) She wrote, “Can you talk about what it means to be a good friend – and ways to practice that.” Catherine - I know your question was more general than the topic above. I chose to take this angle because I think it’s a good way to force yourself to choose better relationships, despite your conditioned-in blinders. 

Just like with anything else – a job, a marriage, or anything really, we bring our old rusty eyeballs into a relationship – and often we can’t tell how we are being blinded by those issues and experiences.  Sometimes they can compromise our ability to choose the right people for the right reasons, or give and to receive the fruits of friendship.  In other words, they get in the way of smart and self-loving decision-making.  So I am going to present this to you in a way that hopefully will allow you to approach friendship from an intentional perspective so that you can build mutually beneficial and powerful friendships that bring value to your life and the others who are out there right now, in need of a friend like you.

If you likee, check out the Teaspoon for more of my writing- as well as my books. And if you prefer to read, this will be posted as a blog later on this week. Smile peeps! xox Sarah May b.

http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com


Episode 27: Nine Tools to Build Successful Friendships

When you go through a devastating experience like being left by someone you thought was “yours for life” it can be unearthing of everything in your world. Shaking what you want, how you feel about yourself and the future, what you feel safe with – who you feel safe with. Aside the expected affects, the pain, the mourning, this kind of experience can have some very strange effects – because when you’re taken by surprise by something like a relationship, it’s traumatic.  You have been shocked.  So I will hopefully tackle some of the common ones – so you can see that you’re not crazy, it’s all quite natural, as well as hopefully offer you a timeline for how you might feel.  One you can follow along with – so that you can best care for yourself and allow yourself to heal and grow.

If this was a long-term relationship – or even a short one but one you relied on in immense ways, the loss can make you feel you have nothing to stand on.  In short, it can level you and remove all safety from your life. You might be going through worry over what will come of your life – will you remarry? Will you ever love again, trust again? Are you loveable? Am I too old, am I stupid to have trusted this person? Was I the only one who didn’t know – how didn’t I know? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t see this coming? How do I even move on with love?  Woah. Yeah, that’s a lot. So slow down.  It’s going to be okay. It’s time to put that aside.  Now is not the time you should be thinking about the future. You should simply focus on loving and caring for yourself right now. 

Truly, how could you tackle planning anything other than addressing your immediate needs – you just experienced a traumatic event in your life and you are in a recovery/healing mode – that’s what you need to be aware of most.  All you need to do right now is make yourself feel soothed and healthy and balanced.  

If you’re going through a total limbo of character and it’s freaking you out, I will go through a couple of common reactions that happen when one is put through a trauma such as yours. And yes, it’s a “trauma” which means your person is likely having a hard time integrating this new information back into your brain alongside the rest of your experiences. So in short, a big shift is happening. Don’t worry! It’s all for the good. I hope I can help you stay balanced throughout it – hang in there, friend - because I know an event like this can rock you to your core. 

If you want to read more of my writing on a variety of other topics – and to see the blog version of this podcast, visit:

http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com

Smile y’all! Sending you my love… Sarah-May B.


This is for Linda, I hope you like and hang in there girl!


Episode 33: Blindsided with a Broken-heart: When you lose something you thought you had forever.

This is for states of emotional pain - when you are trying to make it through the day-to-day in environments that don't make you feel safe. It's for anyone who has had something take the wind out of them lately and maybe you’re hurting pretty bad, and you feel very fragile as it is – and yet you’re out in the world in places that make you feel even more vulnerable. Maybe you’re working on healing but when you are exposed or raw in particular kinds of environments – it makes it really really hard to keep your head up and your eyes from twinkling. 

The super deep gut pain that makes you want to curl up in a ball in bed. This is for you – to hopefully ground you in those moments. 

When you are raw you will feel only completely aware of your vulnerability in the world – how fragile you feel emotionally, plus the deep bruise of whatever you have recently gone through. 

In short –this is a tough spot to be in. It can induce waves of gut-wrenching agony, causing you to wish there was an invisibility cloak. I will go through 1. Where you are: some perspective from outside of your pain to hopefully ground you. 2. What to expect moving forward 3. Some tools to use in the moment. 

I hope you likee and if you want to read more, check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com xo!

This is for you, Fran! Hope it helps and hang in there. xox

Episode 38: Emotionally Raw and in a State of Pain

Hi friends, This is my personal list of what to look for when choosing a therapist, plus a few basic tactics to attack the task. Take what helps and leave the rest! It’s an amazing and important gift to give yourself and it’s more worth it than anything you will spend money on for the rest of your life – quite simply, because it will change your life – everything about it and everyone in it – for the better. 

I send you my love and positivity – and if you have time, please please leave me a review on iTunes – it’s super important to me and I love to read them. 

And if you haven’t already, please enter the contest to win a year of Headspace! If you are listening to this in the months of April to June 2015. Enter here:

http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com/headspace-contest

For the blog version check out http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com later this week!  xo!


Episode 47: What to Look For in a Therapist

This is for a person who filled out my survey – I don’t know your name, but this is for you! I hope it helps. You asked how to break out of the vicious cycle of a narcissistic relationship. Because it can be extremely terrifying and painful and feel much like a hostage situation. The reason is that if you are in a relationship with a narcissist – you know how ruthless and dark their punishing can be. It also goes deep into your heart strings, puppeting you around like a raw nerve. In other words – they are master controllers and know exactly what to do to make you do what they want. And also they are WILLING to do it, at all costs. 

This episode is 3 parts – the what, they why, the tools. I will also provide a download for you on my site in case you are in a bad place and need to get a map out of this. 

For more check out Teaspoonofhappy.com and enter the headspace contest to win a year of free meditation!! 
Smile lovely friends - and look for the blog version of this post in the next week on Teaspoon.

Episode 50: How To Break Away From A Narcissist Relationship

For when you’re in the break-up zone that causes you to obsess over the person you just broke up with. 

This is for anyone who has just been broken up with or broken up with a person that they felt they loved – and now you’re obsessing and even Facebook stalking this person. Maybe you know this is not helpful but you can’t stop wanting to know what they’re doing, who they’re with, who they’re seeing now and what that person looks like. And that is hurting you even more! But it’s an obsession and you can’t stop.

Firstly – I am so sorry you’re here! This time will end. You are in the hardest part right now – and the more you can do to be self-loving and be nice to yourself, the faster this will end.  I’ve been here myself and it blows. But you can half the time you suffer if you do everything in your power to do what you know is best for yourself. And that includes some healthy tough love when it comes to policing yourself and what you allow your focus to rest on. 

This kind of a break up is way worse because it’s hitting you on multiple fronts – in other words, this is not just about the loss of love. With all break-ups, time is the greatest healer – but in addition to that, I want to empower you with some insight into your “why” so that you can begin to separate from the process you’re victim to, currently: the obsessing and salting the wound. So you can see the difference between the kinds of suffering: and see what is NOT truly coming from love.

As usual there are three parts. The what the why and the how – the tools. 

This is for Chelsea. I heart you girl! Hang in there. X 


Episode 59: Ex-Obsessed: Emotionally Devastated and Driving Yourself Insane

If you’re in a place of constant frustration with your current life – wanting to be somewhere in the future or wishing life was better, like it was in the past. Maybe you are working toward some kind of personal growth and you’re getting mad at the slow speed its happening. Or you’ve been struggling to make something happen for a long time and it’s not happened yet – and you’re getting super bummed out. 

This one is dedicated to my Grandma, Irene May – who recently passed. She was one of my favorite people I ever had the privilege to know. 

This is all about shifting perspective toward openness. Becoming receptive and loosening your need to control. There’s a meditation, plus an acceptance ritual – it’s chocked full of stuff! I hope you enjoy. xox Smile y’all!


Episode 61: Frustration and Dissatisfaction: I’m Not Where I Want to Be and That Sucks.

Just like stress can cause you to get a tight knot in the muscles of your back, so too can other parts of your body hold tight to things like fear or anger or even malform due to a particular belief system.  Things like a pervasive feeling of lack in life can manifest in physical form in the way we digest food. You’ve probably heard things like this a million times and thought to yourself, “Ha - yeah right!” Because it’s a heady concept and not something you could TEST with a beaker tube. The power of the mind over the body comes off as super new-agey and therefore we all to often put it in the bullshit pile. But the affects of how we hold onto emotional pain are quite severe, they manifest in disease and damage your gene code for future generations– so in my opinion, why not lean in favor of, “do something about it, regardless” because there’s nothing to lose, everything to gain.  OR, even just decide to stay open to what I am saying purely for the sake of practicing openness. 

In broad strokes, I will go through some of the connections between emotions we hold onto and where they tend to get stuck in our body- plus a few tools to do something about it. There are several books on the particular topics that I will post at the end of the blog version of this podcast, but in truth – if you suffer from chronic pain go to a doctor! And if you suffer severe emotional pain, see a therapist! This is not a substitute for either of those. 

So you know what you’re getting into – this is an episode all about the body, with a lot of yoga poses to soothe particular negative emotions that get stuck in your body. If that doesn’t appeal to you – you probably won’t like this episode– but I will bet you get something valuable out of it regardless. This is about the body, so I’m going to talk about things like pooping – so if that’s not what you want to listen to right now, then maybe save this for another time. There are three parts – the what, the why and the how. I hope you enjoy lovely peeps. xoxoxo


Episode 62: Where We Hold Pain: How Negative Emotions Get Stuck in Our Bodies

This is for people in a loving relationship and you’re working to give love BETTER to that person. I have a lot of tools in this one – many of them are for being the most effectively supportive if your partner is suffering.  Many of them are for breaking through to an empowered position when the powerful patterns take over – when intimacy is not fun or simple romance, and you are both struggling to find a path to be loving in the midst of life stress and conflicts. Because, relationships are very confusing – they’re personal.  When two people get intimate, another human becomes a very major your focus – you cannot separate yourself completely when you operate as a pair. And that can make you feel frustrated, overwhelmed and powerless - And when someone it comes to one partner’s suffering, it can be very difficult to deal – because it’s your life, too. There are three parts – the what, the why and the how – the tools.

This one is for Katie – I hope this helps!!

For the blog version check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com later this week. Smile lovely friends!! xox

Episode 63: How to Love – Giving to Your Relationship in the Best Way Possible

How good relationships turn into bad relationships, seemingly out of nowhere. Whether that’s with fights that ensue endlessly, or one partner suddenly betrays the other partner – this kind of behavior can make you feel mystified, angry, and stuck. So I want to shed a bit of light on a potential reason behind these changes – if you once had a healthy and mutually rewarding relationship, this might give you a starting place for the work that has to be done. OR at the very least enlighten you as to what happened. My other name for this episode is Family Ties. You’ll know why if you listen to this. Does any of this sound familiar?
“I thought I married someone who loved me and they seem like they hate me now.” “This behavior came out of nowhere – one day she told me she didn’t love me anymore.” “I can’t believe this happened – I want to ask her, was it worth it?” These are the kinds of things I hear often from my One-On-One clients, especially when it comes to break-ups. It’s a very common experience to suddenly see your partner change into someone you don’t know, you didn’t think they’d be. 

It can make you feel stupid like you should have known better. It can make you feel assaulted – like you just got a hard slap for no reason whatsoever. It can make you feel you can’t tell up from down and the world is not what you thought it was. There’s a reason why this is happening, just like there’s a solution – if you want one. Before I get started I want to tell you that this is much more abbreviated than it should be, because this is such an intricate and amazing topic. If you’re interested in learning more about it I will post a link to my reading material on my website in the blog version. It’s worth a read – called Intimate Partners by Maggie Scarf. A blow your mind amazing book. 

There are three parts: the what why and how – the tools.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/SarahMayB  Thanks!

If you like what you hear, check out my other podcast called Love is like a plant with Ellen Huerta of Mend! xo


Ep 75: WTF Happened? When Great Relationships Suddenly Turn Bad

It’s really hard to stop yourself from helping someone out, doing it for them, giving your time and energy, saying what you said you wouldn’t do again, or diving in head first to a partner – especially when chemicals take over. Because that’s who you are! A giving and loving person! It can feel almost like a commitment to being true to yourself, because when you have all the understanding of someone’s voids – you feel compassion. And even if you didn’t want to try to make them happy or fix something, you feel obligated – mostly by yourself you’re your own inner voice. It’s also because you like them so much and you want to make them happy. 

To fight against this habit will feel wrong, unnatural. And super uncomfortable – and it makes others so happy. It’s a confusing dilemma – to NOT follow your instincts will make you might feel like you’re not being yourself. You want to be loving and give your best for someone you love. It’s a catch-22. And so the flip side of this is you end up doing it all: you’re the saver who comes to the rescue and others will continue to disappoint you on a loop. Like you’re surrounded by children. You end up feeling resentful toward others for not giving you the love and care and THANKS you deserve, but you can’t stop yourself from being there for them and helping them live better lives. It feels good to be helpful.

This end result leaves you and whoever else you are stuck to in life, fighting or empty – battling for love and care and attention. And you’re not asking so much at all – just for a tiny bit of love and support at SOME time in life. Or just for them to not be so destructive. 

This one’s for Ty – great topic! Thank you!

If this helps you in any way, consider making a monthly donation at HelpMeBeMe.com thanks! 


Ep 78: Codependency: I Need to Find Someone Who Will Make Me Whole

Hi peeps, this is a cheat of an episode in that it’s about how to get closest to getting your ex back via supporting yourself. There are no cheats that will make your ex spontaneously love you if things fell apart, so think of this as a best-practices-for-best-conditions kind of thing.  

That feeling of pain and longing and even obsession over the loss of your relationship. Maybe it wasn’t something you were expecting, or you both kind of “decided” it was right but now you’re realizing it’s not at all what you wanted and you can’t stop thinking about getting back together. Maybe you’re internet stalking your ex, maybe you’re just super depressed and texting them when you get drunk. Or maybe you’re actively trying to convince them you should get back together – as respectfully as you possibly can, and you can’t for the life of you, figure out how to do this right. So this is for anyone who is trying to get their ex back or is holding their head up high and not admitting they want that, but still wishing they were magically back together– either because you broke their heart and you know now you screwed up, or because you were dumped and you were not ready or willing to have this outcome. If this is where you are – you’re likely in a split personality state that can be sometimes a belligerent puking of tears, sometimes a banal but painful loneliness, sometimes annoyingly obsessed, sometimes scary-obsessed, or sometimes feeling like complete and utter worthless shit – and ONLY your ex can make you feel stable and “yourself” again. 

If you are helped by this podcast, consider a small donation. Visit https://www.yaywithme.com/support-help-me-be-me or visit www.Patreon.com/sarahmayb

Help me be me

Jess Witcher