Confide - Juice WRLD 432hz

I sincerely thought you were a person I would know for the rest of my life. I could have sworn on it. I did swear, actually. It was you that fell through on your promise, all of them. All I can say now is that I forgive you. I still get angry, I still laugh at some of our old jokes. I still listen to LOP4 when I'm driving home, and I still don't know all the words. I still miss feeling like a little kid. Losing you reminded me I am only getting older and I've spent so much of my life sad. I loved you so much it nearly killed me, so losing you left me with nothing else to love, so losing you helped me find love in the littlest of things, even the things I'd never noticed before. Because that's what you do when you want to die but you don't want to die you just want to be happy. Like the way Texas smells in the morning after it rains all night. Or the way the sky looks at 6PM from the balcony on an evening in August or the way my favorite plant, who actually just passed away, blooms in the morning and closes her petals when the moon comes out, I think that's really beautiful how life works. Or myself. And Losing you left me hollow. And I chose to fill myself with beautiful things this time. Because I realized I didn't want to die, I wanted real love. As time passed I decided to forgive you, even though you're the last person on Earth that deserves it. Losing you taught me more about myself and my life than anything else ever has, funny enough. It made me realize you were only in the way. You didn't love me at all, and you being there was blocking my heart and my vision of everything I still have to live for. Losing you taught me that love isn't a person. I've found it in all things, I try to at least. I tell myself if I can love a bad omen such as you to the extent that I did, then I can surely find love in literally anything else. It doesn't need to be a person, it doesn't need to be you. And with that in mind I woke up and I decided to forgive you. I often question if I know what love is at all, to have loved someone like you. I tell myself my heart is just so big that I can find love in anything, all things, even the worst things for me. And so I have been, but good things these days. And everyday it gets easier to cope with the notsogood days. and these day's my good days outweigh the bad ones. And in no way at all am I giving you any credit for my efforts in renewing my life. I'm just saying thank you for leaving, because had you not I wouldn't have discovered that love and suffering coincide on occasion, but in no way are they the same force. And I think that some's up our love pretty well. Or whatever you want to call whatever it is you put me through. And loving is not nearly as hard as you made it out to be, I was just loving the wrong things. So yes I forgive you, but these feelings live in my chest still. And I want to make room for more love, so I will sing it out of me until you aren't something I have to feel ever again. And then I will look back and thank you sincerely for killing the old me. I love the strong me a lot better now. She isn't picky she just knows what she wants and that's okay. I will never love anything else in this world the way that I loved you, and that truth brings me aching and both reassurance. I never want to be so in love that I would die for it. I don't want to die for love. I want to be so in love that it makes me want to live. I feel that at this point that is saying a lot more. I want to live again, and now that you're gone it's too easy to ask myself, had I ever even done so before?
(3AM cover. lyrics by Emo folk God Keaton Henson. Love that guy, always got me through hard times.)

Alright voice memo

i miss feeling like a little kid. i hate your voice. you hate mine just as much. i don't miss you anymore i just wish it wasn't so hard to trust again but i'm doing the best i can everyday and i know i'll never see you again so be that as it's probably for the best. i got so lost in you i forgot who i was before you tried to ruin me. i have so many different things i could say to you. i'll never get to say them to you. but they need to come out so i can love myself again. and i'll never give up on myself the way you all gave up on me. i'll always believe in me even if it's the last thing i get to do. i'm not scared anymore but lately i'm wonderful of what the world holds for me. i have to figure out who i am now that i've decided you don't get to tell me who to be. and it gets so scary, but more lonely than anything. i wasn't lying when i told you i'll never love you again but that doesn't mean i don't still long for all the emotion i invested in you. i miss what the wind felt like last november. on this day a year ago at this time i was probably on my way to pick you up from work. it's 7:26pm. i wonder i'll be exactly a year from today at this time. it's 7:27pm now. i hope i have more clarity on why my life has been playing out the way it has been. i want to love again one day, i still believe in it, i want and believe in a lot of things. i'm turning 20 next month. i still don't know who i am. but lately i've been receiving a lot of reassurance that that's just fine and most people, even older&more experienced than me, also feel how i feel and also don't know. maybe we're not here to know and we are here to create. i try not to be angry. i do know that i'm here for a reason. i know that much. i didn't live for nothing, so i won't die for nothing either. i want to love again i love having one close to me and knowing people. i value connection so deeply and experiencing different perspectives through knowing another's mind. it's like a whole different world each person with a brain has such a story to tell. i like scary movies too, a lot, so maybe that's why i tend to fall even for the people that have no love in their bodies. i have so much love to give but i want to know how it feels to give it to me now. it's hard trying to love everyone else while simultaneously not properly loving yourself, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. i believe it just means it's more possible to end for worse than for better. i'm still hopeful that even in my mess and on my worst days when i'm hardest to love someone will love me the way i am. and i won't have to change or hide myself for anyone else because i know already that even when people treat me as though i am unloveable the way i am now, a work in progress, and i want that person to be me. i'm tired of living for other people. i really want to be my own favorite person. i wish and i'm hopeful there's someone in the world that will be as eager to understand me as i am them. actually, i just want to know there's one person on the planet that loves me and won't leave me when i need love the most. i'm trying and choosing to stop abandoning myself for other people. i'm enough i know i am. i miss feeling close to someone. but i'd rather work toward being happy than settle in unpleasant places just for the sake of having someone there. i feel lonely when i'm surrounded by those i feel i can't be my honest self with. i'm not sure i mind being alone, just don't like feeling lonely. and i feel lonely lately as i search for myself. and i think that's just fine. and i think that what other people think of me doesn't matter anymore, i'm not trying to hurt anyone just trying to be happy. everyone tells me to just be happy. i've really been trying, excuse me if i snap and bite, the ones that were supposed to love me the most looked kind too. i struggle with saying how i feel lately but i see good days ahead. OCD is contagious. love is too. i hope you have a good day. thank you for believing in me.

Scrub

@krispyypreme
Lyrics:
girl youre all i
girl girl youre all i
girl youre all i

girl youre all i need aaahhh
and youre looking so sweet in your croptop
i be smoking gasolinaaaa
and youre playing all my songs on your ipod

skrtt with the roof gone
i pop out and she pop out i thought i told her move on
shes playing with her food except my heart isnt a crouton
look at me im too gone
when i play i lose ahh
pulling up that nightclub everytime i make a new song
look at that, look at that ho
i get racks yeah watch me blow
look at that, look at that, look at that ho
every time i look at you i know that you will never find me
and i could probably hold back but you know that im lying
and i dont really give a fuck
i dont really do drugs i just sip it up
got tris poured up in a double cup
i pour up yeah i sip mud
i cry sometimes i give hugs
im like the sun cuz i swear that i shine yeah
phone to the stars yeah, hands up to the sky yeah

girl youre all i need aaahhh
and youre looking so sweet in your croptop
i be smoking gasolinaaaa
and youre playing all my songs on your ipod

ay i pop out like my name jack
run up the guap and i blow me a stack
30 up on me you better relax cuz ill get it bussin whereever im at
i look the cleanest whereever im at
paper keep coming cuz im spitting facts
shawty got cake and im drumming on that
gotta fuck with precaution cuz bitches be rats
better get a move on
im moving too strong
i got designer shoes on
my money too long
walk around with uzis right
she wanna make a movie right
this bitch still shop at zumies right
imma do her too wrong
walk walk walk around all through the, walk walk walk around all through the night
21 shots got me energized
i want this for the rest of my life
and i know you see me on your phone
you wanna be with me
but im better on my own
ay rolling off molly she energized
im in love with the bunnies sike
shawty youre the one that i fantasize
all up on me let me live my life
i be so clean wanna picture right
we got chemistry like its bill and nye
i be feeling like the science guy
ride it like a rental no enterprise

girl youre all i need aaahhh
and youre looking so sweet in your croptop
i be smoking gasolinaaaa
and youre playing all my songs on your ipod

iPod

iPod w/ Jayce (prod. Nightclub20xx)

Get Down

F*ck *t

R0ck3t$h1p

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Alright voice memo

JENURAH

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