closer to loving you:

the dawn is quiet, I’m too sore to call your name
soaked in silence, as I choose to stay
when you’re a million miles, 3 ocean tides away

5:03, staying in alone
left with longing wider than the coast
but I don’t give in, while you begin to tear our home


daydreams, mundane streets
that know me better than you do
people can’t live without their regrets and mine is you
it cost me all I had
but I’m closer to loving you 
than to let you go now
than to let you go now


a hundred speeches, swallowed down my throat 
and now I’m speechless, to hear you through the phone
so cruel and so firm, so cold that it hurts

it’s been too long, and you’re barely 22
but who in the world is gonna cover for you
when you stick to your stones and all of your ghosts 


daydreams, mundane streets
that know me better than you do
people can’t live without their regrets and mine is you
it cost me all I had
but I’m closer to loving you than to let you go


in my bedroom, and my closet 
I loved you, you didn’t notice 
and it was okay until you paced
and fell for someone 
you fell for someone
you fell for someone new


daydreams, mundane streets
that know me better than you do
people can’t live without their regrets and mine is 
people can’t live without their regrets and mine is you
it cost me all I had
but I’m closer to loving you
why am I closer to loving you?

the dawn is quiet, I’m too sore to call your

closer to loving you (acoustic demo)

could it save me?

the repertoire of all my good deeds’
hanging loose like the cuffs on my sleeves
and to tie it in, I tie a knot
that I’ll later on have to swallow up
when all I ever did
was for the betterment of this
and it never worked, never paid off


and I’m holding on, I just wish holding on was easy
and I’m full of hope, I just hoped it could save me
could it save me?


the whole town was washed in white
streets, lampposts, the lies
and I don’t know what I don’t 
the whole town was washed in white
defeat, the doses, the lies

and cars pass you by
‘til the end of time
no one takes a look, on how it ends, on how it ends
all that you’ve forsook, just to repent, just to repent 

and I’m holding on, I just wish holding on was easy
and I’m full of hope, I just hoped it could save me
could it save me?

when I’m running, I’m running from all I know
I’m running, I’m running from all I don’t 
‘cause all I loved, was all I couldn’t trust
but then there was us

and I’m holding on, I just wish holding on was easy
and I’m full of hope, I just hope you could save me
could you save me? cause it couldn’t, it couldn’t save me
could you save me?

could it save me? (acoustic demo)

all my life

the day I met your face, I might’ve wanted to run your way 
but I couldn’t 
so I draft the thought in my brain

the months after leading up, I swayed back and forth to call you up
but I didn’t

never closer
than a day where you sat beside me on some gloomy corner
and it wasn’t anymore, It took everything to not melt through the cracks of the floor

all my life, I’ll play our first kiss
cinnamon taste, and a dazzling way about your eyes
all my life
I’ll remember when the lights were dimmed 
the way you moved, up 'til two
I wanna love you all my life


9 months of watching you, hoping you’d let me through 
and you did

never closer
than a day where we fall in love in october 
when it isn’t anymore, it takes everything to not melt through the cracks of the floor

all my life, I’ll play our first kiss
cinnamon taste, and a dazzling way about your eyes
all my life
I’ll remember when the lights were dimmed 
the way you moved, up 'til two
I wanna love you all my life


a picture in a frame
that has your face, and maybe mine too
but I wouldn’t know 'cause all I could see is you

brown looks so good on you
it’s why I’d rather drown in your eyes
all my life

all my life (acoustic demo)

all this living

call the night off, shut the windows
I didn’t ever brace myself on how this could go
so I wanna sit still, and sink it all in
and find excuses on why this is 

cause it couldn’t be me, and it shouldn’t be you
I know that saturdays give you the blues


but you were the point of all this living
and now you’re gone, and I keep on living


cut my losses, hang them all dry
I could never frown at your rounded doe eyes
we’re both indecisive, and I know it’s not right if
I keep pretending that ‘time’ would suffice it

cause I keep holding on to the hope that you’d 
call me up on the fourth of june
saying “I couldn’t have it any other way 
I want you and I to the end of my days”


‘cause you were the point of all this living
and now you’re gone, and I keep on living
you were the point of all this living 
but you said the right time kept on slipping


I hope you’re keeping your head right above water
and I hope what you’re through is getting less harder
and I hope that you manage to have all of your worries haltered
and I hope you miss me, and that you’ll be back
but if you don’t, I’ll be okay with that
I’ll be okay


but you were the point of all this living
and now you’re gone, and I keep on missing you

all this living (acoustic demo)

you don't exist


all my winters have frozen over, I don’t know why I was caught off guard
I’m three months sober, 'cause I’ve been getting high on your charm
through the lights, on your bike
I had bet on you with my whole life
with every single feather on the windowpane
every single time I told you to go but you stayed
I thought you’d stay


sometimes, it feels like you were only here to make me better 
to drive me wild, and keep me sane
to give you a child and give me your name
but sometimes it feels like you don’t exist 


I sat on the bench with you in silence, hiked around all november long
I laid down on your bedroom tiles, memorized your nightlight glow
you crashed into my life, crashed out of it
I thought I knew the love of my life, but you 
were never him


sometimes, it feels like you were only here to make me better 
to drive me wild, and keep me sane
to give you a child and give me your name
but sometimes it feels like you don’t exist


like you’re only living in my head
carved on the leg of the bench
stitched beneath the scar on my chest
'cause you’re always there, but it’s like you don’t exist 


sometimes, it feels like you were only here to make me better 
to drive me wild, and keep me sane
to give you a child and give me your name
but sometimes it feels like you don’t exist


you crashed into my life, crashed out of it
I thought I knew the love of my life, but you were never him.

you don't exist (acoustic demo)

like it did me

how does it feel, being repugnant?
are you ever relieved?
does it chase you down?
out of a million, if I were to talk, could you point me out?
cause It was 5 years in hell
5 years of screaming ‘help’
did I not cry loud enough, in desperation?
was the guilt not strong enough to overpower your temptation?

god, I wish you didn’t see my body as yours
god, I wish all of it was leaving you torn
like it did me

I don’t want revenge 
I just wanna get you out of my head
I was a kid, you know?
it was so hard to construe what you did to me as your fault 
do you ever cry it out?
do your ever find yourself breaking down?
think of explanations, and reasons why?
curse yourself out for using a child?

god, I wish you didn’t see my body as yours
god, I wish all of it was leaving you torn
like it did me

come to think of it
I hope you drown in it
I hope it cuts you so deep that you give up on living
and come to think of it
I’m always just livid
of how easy it was to get yourself out of it

god, I wish you didn’t see my body as yours
god, I wish all of it was leaving you torn
I was a child, you said it’d be fun
then you pinned me down when I wanted to run
I wish you didn’t see my body as yours
I wish all of it was leaving you torn
like it did me

and come to think of it, I do want revenge

like it did me (acoustic demo)

the rest of our lives

does it wither your soul?
how it plants and blooms and runs on and on
you breathe in fours
and I’d do anything to nestle in your palms

stealing kisses by the elevator doors
holding hands and locking eyes in crowd-washed stores
getting coffee 
at 11:50, 
almost midnight 
I think we’ll whisper “I’m yours” for the rest of our lives

does it plague your thoughts
that after all this time, it’s all yet to come?
at the crack of dawn
you can see the glare still burns you young

looking down at cars, and bars
forever doesn’t seem too far, I know
I waved to your family in the parking lot
you smiled at me and said “it’s nice to be home”

swaying your head, my eyes-closed, we’re singing low roar
holding in I-love-you’s tight, until they pour
meeting our friends
almost past ten
parked on waysides
I think we’ll whisper “I’m yours” for the rest of our lives

hopped into your car, hell, I screamed “drive”
and we drove so long I swear I see the rest of our lives 
down that road
every part of you felt so close 
streetlights would melt into your eyes
and I could see the rest of our lives 

stealing kisses by the elevator doors
holding hands and locking eyes in crowd-washed stores
touching your neck
holding my breath
your dulcet sighs
I think we’ll whisper “I’m yours” for the rest of our lives
I wanna whisper “I’m yours” for the rest of our lives

the rest of our lives (acoustic demo)

look i’m just trying to make music and be cool, i don’t know what else to tell you

Joanna Matten

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