Feel like my work is never done.
Gotta make more money, gotta pay the man.
Rock 'n' roll don't pay & neither does cooking.
Wish I was rocking a mic, not a frying pan.

There's no easy way out.

Wish I could do it all again
& rethink every bad decision
& pass on everything I failed
& catch these ships before they sailed.

There's no easy way out.

Every time I ran my luck
& every time that I was broke
& every time that I got drunk
all the advice that I ignored
& every time I played the clown.
Well look who's laughing now.
All the girls I never phoned
& every fucker that I owe.

There's no easy way out.

The Jakey Shakes

There's No Easy Way Out

Your laws & tax do not apply to me.
You'd lock me up & throw away the key.
I'll never be your prisoner,
your guest, your slave, or your detainee.
You think you're slick but you're no' fly like me.
I'll do no time for all the crimes I done.
I'll scam the wealth off every working man.
I'll never be a part of no chain gang.
Hey, taxman, try & catch me if you can.

Lower your guns & hold your fire.
Gave you the slip, yeah.
I'm the one that got away.
Privileges, money & power.
Thief in the night, yeah.
I'm the one that got away.

I'll never be your prisoner
becasue there ain't a jury in the land.
You'll never see me running on remand.
I'm Al Capone; see me, I always win
because my mates run the country that you live in.
I'll pay no tax on all the cash I make.
I'll feel no guilt for all the wealth I waste.
They'll say I saved your rank economy.
They'll teach your kids at school all about me.

Lower your guns & hold your fire.
Gave you the slip, yeah.
I'm the one that got away.
Privileges, money & power.
Thief in the night, yeah.
I'm the one that got away.

I'll do no time for all the crimes I done.
I'll scam the wealth off every working man.
I'll never be a part of no chain gang.
Hey, taxman, try & catch me if you can.

(I'll Never Be Your) Prisoner

Once upon a time in Ceres came an angry little man.
He was once a pop star in a jolly famous band:
the Bay City Rollers. You must've heard of them
if you're of their generation. 'Bye Bye, Baby', 'Shangalang'.

Well this is how it happened. He was playing a wee gig
in the pub that I worked in because my boss had got him cheap.
We were all pure buzzing, all the punters up for it.
We were hoping he still had it & would roll out the hits.

But he did not.
He was a cock.
He was a 
walloper.
He had a huff,
he took a strop
& he threatened to walk off.
Some of the punters
they gave him pelters
& he didn't like that a jot.
He is so precious
& so tenacious,
yeah, he's Eric Faulkner.

He's a cock

& he thought that he was Elvis but he's just a little tool.
He didn't like the sound & he didn't like the room.
He was rude to everybody & he couldn't even sing
& at least a dozen people paid a tenner to see him

& he fell out wi' the joiners fae Kirkcaldy at the bar.
He was cunty to the band who had supplied all the gear
& he didn't know the words to his ain stupit songs.
It was nearly fisticuffs, it was going to kick off.

But they did not,
though he's a cock.
& a 
walloper.
He took a huff,
he had a strop
& he threatened to walk off.
Some of the punters
they gave him pelters
& he didn't like that a jot.
He's so tenacious
& bloody precious.
Yeah, he's Eric Faulkner.

He's a cock.
He's a cock.
He's a cock.
He's a total total cock.

He's a cock.

At the end he shuffled off wi' his money & shit craic
& I think it's fair to say that he'll no' be coming back.
How old were you? Do you remember Faulknergate?
Once upon a time in Ceres. Can you say that you were there?

If you were not,
he was a cock.
He was a 
walloper.
He had a huff,
he took a strop.
I wish I'd told him to fuck off.
All of the punters
they gave him pelters
& he didn't like that a jot.
& he's so precious
& so tenacious,
yeah, he's Eric Faulkner.

Cock.

The Ballad of Eric Faulkner

I don't believe you know my name
though I know you've seen my face before.
You were in my class at school.
How much I loved you you will never know
because you were way too cool for me,
strutting your stuff & showing off to everybody.
I think the last time I saw you
I was sick on the last bus home from Kirkcaldy.

& I don't expect that I am anything in your eyes.
Maybe you'll never know cos
people come & people go.
I was not born yesterday so now I've come to realise
that you'll never learn everything
so now I'm looking forward to the 21st century.

I don't believe you know my name
but I think you've seen my face before
becasue you went out with my big mate.
Tell me, babe, what did you do that for?
Because you were way too good for him.
He never took the time to see beneath the make-up
& you never looked at me,
another bawbag praying you should break up.

& I don't expect that I am anything in your eyes.
Maybe you'll never know cos
people come & people go.
I was not born yesterday so now I've come to realise
that you'll never learn everything
so now I'm looking forward to the 21st century.

I look like a wreck
& I've got no money.
You still look like
you did in high school, honey.
I've skinned my jeans
& my trainers are destroyed.
I've been out all night
dancing with rude boys.

I dress like a ned
& my hair is slapping.
You look like you stepped
off of the cover of a magazine.
Stinking of drink -
& my brain is destroyed -
I've been out all night 
dancing with the rude boys.

I don't believe you know my name.
I sat across from you in Geography.
We never hung out much at school.
I'd go to pieces if you spoke to me.
But you were way to cool for us,
strutting your stuff & showing off to everybody.
The last time you saw my pus
I was falling over wi' a bellyful of Bucky.

So I don't expect that I am anything in your eyes.
Maybe you'll never know cos
people come & people go.
I was not born yesterday so now I've come to realise
that you'll never learn everything
so now I'm looking forward to the 21st century.

Dancing with the rude boys.

Skabba

I don't want to hear your stupid politics,
I've had enough of lies & broken promises.
Your ears are burning. 
Paranoid? Well so you should be.
The village queen became the village idiot
You never got things just the way you wanted.
Arrogant & unbelievably deluded.

So don't pretend you understand 
because you'll never know
what goes around comes around.
You'll be the last to know.

Just like the first time.

Your dichotomy of fear & poison,
manipulation, hatred & division
because your looks are fading 
now you're the wrong side of 40.
The village queen, wake up & smell the bacon.
The wheels are falling off your grand creation.
I'm walking away from you 
by far the taller person.

So don't pretend you understand 
because you'll never know
what goes around comes around.
You'll be the last to know.

Just like the first time.

I was made for leaving here, baby.
You were made to stay.
I was born for peace & love, baby.
You were born to hate.

Get a job, get a life,
out of Coupar, out of Fife.
Get out of here, break away.
You'll never know cos you're here to stay.
I was made for leaving here, baby.
You were born to hate.

So don't pretend you understand 
because you'll never know
what goes around comes around.
You'll be the last to know.

Just like the first time.

The Village Idiot

You're a belter like no other,
you're a beauty, a humdinger.
You'd sell out your ain grandmother,
sell my soul for the gold & silver.

Any chance to knock the goalie.
Exploitation. Nothing's holy.
Gie's my pay, that's all I ask for
& never again I'll darken your door.

I'll never trust you,
I'll never trust you again
because you're a snake, yeah,
you're a snake, 
a snake that's dressed in
cunt's clothing.

Deadbeat & downtrodden,
replaced & forgotten.

You're a sleekit little fucker,
a wee bawbag, one sly rascal.
Gie's my cash, you little wanker,
one week's pay for one week's labour.

Ducking, diving, dodging, weaving,
any excuse for not paying. 
I've heard it all now, that's all I'm saying.
I knock my pan in. Gie's my wages.

No, I'll never trust you,
yeah, I'll never trust you again
because you're a wolf, yeah,
you're a wolf, 
a wolf that's dressed in
cunt's clothing.

Deadbeat & downtrodden,
replaced & forgotten.

All of your mates in the city
shrug & laugh & say: "That's business.
Send out our condolences to the little man,
the working man".

No, I'll never trust you,
no, I'll never trust you again
because you're a wolf, yeah,
you're a wolf, 
a wolf that's dressed in
cunt's clothing.

Deadbeat & downtrodden,
replaced & forgotten.
Deadbeat & downtrodden,
replaced & forgotten.

Deadbeat & Downtrodden

Been awake all night.
I've no' slept for days.
Coming down is hard
in your 40s.
Another night alone,
just me & my wine,
trying to sober up
one drink at a time.

I've got fever running through my veins,
I've got fever burning in my brain.
I've got fever driving me insane.
I've got fever.
Bucky fever.

Been a friend of mine
for some 20 year.
Looks like, man & boy,
I'm a Bucketeer.
Solid as a rock,
you never let me down.
Friendships came & went
but, Buckfast, you're the one.

I've got fever running through my veins,
I've got fever burning in my brain.
I've got fever driving me insane.
I've got fever.

Bucky fever.

& first you get the sweats
& then you start to itch
& then you feel the chills
& then you start to burn
& then you get the shakes
& then you start to itch
& then you get the chills
& then you start to burn
but then you get the cramps
& then you get the sweats
& then you start to itch
& then you feel the burn
because you've got the fever,
the Bucky fever.

Bucky on my mind
night & fucken day.
No' they daft wee cans,
green bottles all the way.
Life is short & bitter,
Bucky's long & sweet.
Life's a mystery
& Buckfast is the secret.

I've got fever running through my veins,
I've got fever burning in my brain.
I've got fever driving me insane.
I've got fever.

Bucky Fever (JV/DC)

I was so drunk | got banned from the pub & I spent the night in jail.
I was so drunk that I bummed a monkey & I gave the world AIDS.
I was so drunk I lost all of my money. Now I've only got one shoe.
I was so drunk that I forgot my name, where I live & what I do.

I don't remember when I get sober
but then you go & share it on my page.

It's always the same when I'm out of my brain.
Sometimes I can't remember.
But who wants to live forever anyway?

I got so drunk I fell asleep on the train & I woke up in Dundee.
I got so jaked that I pished my breeks on my big sister's settee (I never told her)
I got so drunk that I punched mysel',  now a'b'dy thinks I've lost it.
I was so pished that I ate a kebab out of a jakey's pocket.

I don't remember when I get sober
but then you go & share it on my page.

It's always the same when I'm out of my brain.
Sometimes I can't remember.
But who wants to live forever anyway?

The Monkey Song

Pulled into Prague, we were living the dream.
2 weeks to spare, just my baby & me. 
Looking for action, looking for thrills. 
You know me, yeah, I'm game for anything. 
Found a bar, it was called Zombie Death. 
Behind the bar stood the devil himself. 
I said: "My name's Rodge fae Glenrothes in Fife." 
He said: "I'm auld Nick, now can I get ye anything?"

Hit me one more time.

I always thought I could handle my drink
or at least that I knew my limits
until the day I discovered absinth,
distilled in Hell by the whores of Beelzebub.
It makes you dance like you've cut off your ears,
it makes you sick & then fall down the stairs.
It made me wish I'd stayed home in Glenrothes.
But I'm on my holidays, give me another shot.

"No, no, no!"
That's what I wish I'd said.
"No, daddy no!
That's what I should have said.
"No, no, no!"

Messed up my life like you wouldn't believe,
Makes Jagerbombs taste like lemon tea,
makes a Bucky taste like Ovaltine.
The juice of the devil. Are you looking at me?
Messed up my life like you wouldn't believe,
Makes Jagerbombs taste like lemon tea,
makes a Bucky look like Ovaltine.
The soul of the devil. Are you looking at me?

Hit me one more time.

Hit Me One More Time

El Presidente!

Track 2 from our imminent new EP, JV for President, which'll be available from Spotify, iTunes & all the usual online places as of 31st. October 2018.

JV for President

Every Night Is Halloween

since there seems to be loads of Electro on soundcloud, here's a tune i bunged together in a moment of drunken annoyance a couple of years ago after engineering one of those skinny neon-trouser and hairgel clubs full of nippy, barely self-aware scenesters, couponed on alcopops and acting like cunts,
i was trying to take the piss but i actually quite like it
its named after the hair goo that makes you look like a bit of a fanny

shockwaves

If you like being shouted at by old drunks you'll like this.


Joe Viterbo

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