Bullshit! What do you know? What the hell do you actually know about me huh? Nothing! I’ll tell you what kind of man I really am. I have no strength, but I want it all. I have no knowledge but all I do is dream. There’s nothing I can do, but I struggle in vain like an idiot.

I… I hate… I hate myself!

All I do is talk a big game and make myself sound like a big shot when I can’t do anything. I never do anything, yet I complain with the best of them like it’s my job or something. Who the hell do I think I am? I’m a fraud, it’s amazing I can live like this and not feel ashamed. You know I’m right! I’m an empty shell. There’s nothing inside me at all. I know there isn’t. Guess that’s obvious. Anybody could see that. Before I came to this place, before I got into the situation that led me to all of you. Do you have any idea what I did with my life? I did nothing, that’s what. I’ve never done a single thing worth mentioning. I had all that time and freedom and squandered it away on nothing. I could’ve done anything with my life, but I never did a damn thing and what you’re looking at now is the result. This cowardly weak worthless crybaby. All of my powerlessness, all of my incompetence, is the product of my rotten empathetic character. Wanting to accomplish something important when I’ve never done anything it earn it, goes way beyond the limitations of arrogance. The cost of my lifetime of laziness and all the wasteful habits I forged along the way, just ends up killing me.

That’s right, I have no character. Even when I thought I could go on living here, nothing changed about who I really am.

I wasn’t trying to get stronger, or trying to make things better. That was a lie. I was just striking an obvious pose to justify myself. To say that I was trying my best. That it wasn’t like I wasn’t doing anything. To be able to appear to be doing everything I could. I wanted to say I couldn’t help it. To be told that it couldn’t be helped. I was only pretending to push my body to the limit so that all those excuses would be possible. Even when I had you help me study, I was just posing to cover up how embarrassed I felt to be such an incompetent idiot. Deep down inside, at the core of my heart I’m just a small cowardly filthy piece of trash who’s always worried about how they’ll see me, about how they’ll accept or judge me and nothing… nothing about me has changed!

I’ve known it since the very beginning, everything that was happening was my fault. I’m the lowest of the low.

I absolutely hate myself

𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐔 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈