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Johan Estiven - Draw Me

Valarcy (From the Valarcy Boy EP)

Goodbye

It is a good 20 years ago that the diagnosis "testicular cancer" broke into my life like a thunderbolt. For a long time I have been cured of it. Nevertheless the mental and physical scars remain; and the shock, that lingers in my body memory forever over the horrified cry of the young, compassionate doctor when she discovered the tumor in the ultrasound. Time heals many wounds but by no means all. But the time of 20 years gives me enough distance to find words and sounds for what happened in and with me in the first three days after the cancer diagnosis.  

Lyrics in English:

Could that have been it?

Just came from the ultrasound
Inside of me a dull thud 
Everything different

Wanted to have children 
Must now bow to fate:
Testicular cancer

Standing` totally beside me
I am like death, no feeling

Could that have been it?
I've only lived half a life
Wanted to give so much more

Why me? What sense?
Is there a reason?
That I am afflicted with cancer

Who threw this curse on me?

Just want to be alone
Dig myself in in the dark
Only want to sleep

A part of me screams: "Free!"
The agony of life is over 
I may die now

I'm so confused
I don't know what's going to happen to me

Could that have been it?
I've only lived half a life
Wanted to give so much more

Why me? What sense?
Is there a reason?
That I am afflicted with cancer

Who threw this curse on me?


Deutscher Originaltext:

Kanns´denn das schon gewesen sein?

Komm` grad` vom Ultraschall,
In mir ein dumpfer Knall 
Alles anders

Wollt` doch  noch Kinder zeugen 
Muß mich jetzt dem Schicksal beugen:
Hodenkrebs

Steh` total neben mir
Bin wie tod, kein Gespür

Kanns` denn das schon gewesen sein
Hab` nur halb gelebt
Wollt` noch soviel geben

Warum ich? Welcher Sinn?
Gibt´s nen Grund?
Das ich vom Krebs befallen bin

Wer warf mir diesen Fluch nur hin?

Will nur alleine sein,
Grab` mich im Dunkeln ein
Will nur schlafen

Ein Teil in mir schreit: „Frei!“
Die Lebensqual vorbei 
Ich darf jetzt sterben

Ich bin so verwirrt
Weiß nicht was aus mir wird

Kanns` denn das schon gewesen sein
Hab` nur halb gelebt
Wollt` noch soviel geben

Warum ich? Welcher Sinn?
Gibt´s nen Grund?
Das ich vom Krebs befallen bin

Wer warf mir diesen Fluch nur hin?

Kann`s denn das schon gewesen sein?

Johan Estiven - Draw Me

Johan Vela Prieto

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