Each one of us is gifted
With a speck of the divine
Our better nature cried
When that speck, it up and died
And now we're told to take a number
To take our place in line
As the list of the affected
It’s growing all the time
I'm just a shell of what I was 
Now I'm just a fraction
It started in my head 
I think it's causing a reaction
I can't feel a thing
I've been head to toes impacted
They say we're desensitized 
That we're all chasing distraction
What are we waiting on?
Some great revolution?
 
So I ask the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
Which of your children do you love the most?

So now I sit here waiting 
I'm just waiting all the time 
But at least there's a connection 
The first and last just met in line
You see it stretched around the world 
And if we reach our arms out wide
I could touch you where you're standing
Even on the other side
 
And no I haven't got the answer
God must not have had the time 
Or maybe he's just up there crying 
And he hasn't heard the line 
But God I'm calling calling calling
And if you ever find
You're at home, pick up the phone
Because I have got to ask you why

And what are you waiting on?
Some great transformation? 

So I ask you Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
Which of your children do you love the most?

Speck

Say A Little Prayer For Me
Don’t you dare with me

Just got the news
Grandaddy passed (past)
Like the best of my days
Those dreams never seem to last, no
I call you
To fall through
And talk to
When out blue
I remember that you’re gone too
The sun is setting on our best days
Regret pains and sets stained
Like kids rolling in the grass now
So I kicked the habit
But I’m still an addict
And it’s days like this
That make me want to get back at it

So say a little prayer for me
No don’t you dare with me

So why try?
When I lie
Awake nights
And I cry
The tears are filling up their glasses
You know I’m hopeless
Do you think they notice?
Can you keep it on the low?
No nobody has to know this
So say a little prayer
“There, there..."
Take care
I laid bare
Not for the fanfare
But out of habit
Because I’m still an addict
And it’s days like this
That make me want to get back at it 

So say a little prayer for me

Say A Little Prayer For Me

Motorcycle

Quality

I woke from a dream I had with purpose
Asking God if I could be of service
Told me that I'd only touched the surface
"Go deep,
Tell them all about it
When you couldn't sleep
You were sweating through the sheets
I remember when you couldn't eat
Baby boy you were wild like a lion off the leash
But you can't...
But you can't keep
A bird in a cage
You can tell me things, baby"
Heaven knows I was on one
I don't think I'm fine
Body aching all the time, baby

But this is just the demo
Baby are you mental?
All I need is you, an instrumental 
Four chords, one microphone
Then I could drive it home
With one headlight
Trouble, my type
What if one song could save a life?
Angel overhead, you see the light?
She’s the only reason I'm alive
The motorcycle crashed
But the divine
Chose to give me one more night
Now I know why
(Second wave, crystallized)

Crystallization (Second Wave)

I remember when we used to sit
And share regrets over cigarette
Here’s another
I didn’t tell you that I loved you
When I saw you for the last time
We were right outside of River Oaks
Known you since we put cards in the spokes
But it’s different
I know I’ve been keeping distance
The truth is I pushed you away
I was terrified to lose you
Addictions of my own
Now I’m singing at the funeral
Can you hear me?
You know that I’m still singing for you
Always

Back when I was on the road
You were playing all the angles
The needle and the vein
Now you’re singing with the angels
I can hear you
You sound so beautiful
I’m right here, I’m in the same spot
The same number that you used to call
If I could, I would trade it all 
In a minute
Just to have another minute
But you’re never coming back
You were always on the move
I can’t be there with you yet
But you know I’m coming soon
And you know I’m gonna make it
And I’m still singing for you
Always


But John...
I can see the gymnasts on the lawn

Now you’re waving
As I play you out
You were beautiful
You take a bow
And say goodnight
To a perfect crowd
They stand, applaud
They love you now
I miss you so
But heaven sounds
As gorgeous now, as ever

Gymnasts on the lawn
They don’t mean you any harm
You step into loving arms

Gymnasts On The Lawn

I don’t want to be the
Be the one who’s sleeping
Through the weekend 
No, I don’t
I don’t want 
I don’t want to do that
No I don’t want to be the
Be the one who’s deep end
Keeping secrets
Do you mean it?
Would you read them to me?
And oh
What did you say to me?
Oh to me
You’ve been on my mind
Weighing heavy on my mind
On the weekend

Withdrawal

If I had to wait then I was standing in line
And if I held you in my arms
Then everything was alright
If my baby wind up missing
Then I’m searching by the light of the moon
No there ain’t no mountain
Ain’t no valley
Ain’t no river so wide
That I would not be with you now 
If you’d have me by your side
Though truthfully you’re killing me
But there ain’t nothing 
That could keep me from you
No there ain’t no distance

No there’s nothing I wouldn’t do
There’s no length I wouldn’t go to just to show you
How hopeless, my devotion
For you
But you were my cross to bear
My loss to wear
A crown of disappointment

If I had to wait then I was standing in line
And if I held you in my arms
Then everything was alright
If my baby wind up missing
Then I’m searching by the light of the moon
No there ain’t no mountain
Ain’t no valley
Ain’t no river so wide
That I would not be with you now 
If you’d have me by your side
Though truthfully you’re killing me
But there ain’t nothing 
That could keep me from you
No there ain’t no distance

Addiction

I’ve been lying to myself but my talent is God gifted 
This is that truth
That lived in
I remember back when I was calling in prescriptions
I would take two then two more just to stop the withdrawal
And with all of that
Slowly came all of this
A vision of slit wrists
The tub where a vein split
But that day never came
And I can’t truly say
Whether or not there is redemption
But I woke up to the light through the pane
An answered prayer
Glory to God
Whatever name
You can call it what you may
But it’s at her feet I lay 
As I place down this humble offering
A lyric and a song to sing
But it’s not really me
More of a channeling
A love supreme 
Coltrane, Coltrane
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?

You don’t want to let me catch my tempo
I could keep it
I could keep it simple

Coltrane, Coltrane Or A Love Supreme

How could I forget? 
I see the whole thing
You hand me the brush
I paint the whole scene
I’m in the middle of the street
I’m lying broken
But let me just rewind
Because it took me 12 years just to give up the high
And then it took another one to come to terms with the lies
I remember when I’d shut my eyes on the drive
I was daring God but he never replied
Until the motorcycle buckled
Woke up inside
Ambulance was roaring, red and blue lights
Calling on an angel
Ringing two times
Devil not far behind

Bonneville, a beauty, kept it so clean
Never thought it’d turn me to a dope fiend
But you stay on my mind
I have to tell them now

Just like any other day, I woke up withdrawn
Stumble as I try to boot my boots on 
Now I’m running out the door
To get them, who from?
With shame not far behind
I flirted with death before 
Once when I blew her a kiss
On the table I was sleeping
Stitched together a bit
And it was there on the drip
With the IV and them
I was waxing poetic, I’m on some “man, what a trip”
Then the motorcycle buckled
Woke up inside
The hospital was cold
My skin was sheet white
I couldn’t stop from shaking
Walking the line
Between this world and the next
Without a thought in my mind
But who am I?

Honestly I got no idea what gave me that idea
That I was some kind of hard body, tougher than nails
If they’re asking questions I got nothing to tell
But I got something to sell
Baby what you want?
'Cause we got options
Come around here
We do this often
You already know that I’m a problem
Solve it
Or if you like, I can take you back before the breakdown
When they had me face down
Before the felony, before I poured the gasoline 
The BMW was never on a lease
Your parents bought the car and tossed the keys
Back before we took the ride
Before your tail lights faded in the night
Before I took the rag and struck the light
Alright
Heaven knows I was on one
Ok no I was on five so I lied
We were swerving in the lane
Bottle in my lap
Black bandana around my face, I had it wrapped
I was stepping out the car and then I couldn’t take it back
So I threw the cocktail up the middle of the path
 
But honestly I got no idea what gave me that idea
That I was some kind of hard body, tougher than nails
If they’re asking questions I got nothing to tell
But I got something to sell
Baby what you want?
'Cause we got options
Come around here
We do this often
You already know that I’m a problem
You already know...

Why you acting like you know everything?
There you go acting like you know everything
Living like you’ve been read your last rites
Even in my past life
I was in that fast lane
I can’t seem to act right
You know that it’s on sight
There ain't nothing you could tell me
I’m not buying what you’re selling
If you take it there
There ain’t no telling
It you take it there
There ain’t no telling
I can’t get the molotov to crack 
Flames slowly spreading to the grass
Like that and I can never take it back

But honestly
I got no idea
What gave me that idea
That I was some kind of hard body
Tougher than nails
If they’re asking questions
I got nothing to tell
But I got something to sell
Baby what you want?
'Cause we got options
Come around here
We do this often
You already know that I’m a problem 
You already know

Honestly, you know what’s on my mind
You already know what’s on my mind

Honest
Promise
Haunted

Molotov

Johnny, can you hear me?
Is that you out there?
Are you with somebody else?
‘Cause I don’t know if I could take it
And I can feel you near me
Swaying there to the beat
Singing me a lullaby
Still I can’t get no relief
So where is my peace?
If not whole, why not a piece?

I am the son of Sylvia on Sycamore Springs
Born 9 days late, February ‘88
I threw the flaming flask
Molotov, no cracks
Just spinning lying there as flames spread to the grass
Brought out the Bonneville
Bound for better weather
I never made it
And everyday I see the scars and feel the grief of the blow
I took the pills
Killed whatever pain there remained and sat dazed
Burying all the trouble that way
Until the trouble at bay found its way out the grave
And haunted me just like a phantom that was hungry, enraged
But who am I?
Who am I?

Phaedrus (An Introduction)

John Allen Stephens is an artist and music producer from Houston, TX. Blending elements of pop, r&b and electronic music, he explores themes of addiction, self loathing, apathy, love, life and death against maximalist modern pop productions. His debut album, radioclub.lp is due out August 3, 2018.

John Allen Stephens

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